What's YOUR Focus?

You get what you expect. What you focus on is what you get. Jim Rohn and others talk about this all the time.

You’ve heard the expression, “Go looking for trouble and that’s what you’ll find.” It’s true not only about trouble but about everything. “Go looking for conflict, and you’ll find it. Go looking for people to take advantage of you, and they generally will.” On the other hand, “Go looking for the best in people, and you’ll be amazed at how much talent, ingenuity, empathy and goodwill you’ll find. Ultimately, the world treats you the way you expect to be treated.”

People won’t take advantage of you because you won’t expect them to. It’s what you focus on! Look for the positive and focus on all that is right instead of what is wrong. It’s easier to get caught up in all the negative, go along with the complaining, listen to and accept the fears others are throwing out. Yet, where will that lead you? How will you be able to move forward with that negativity?

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself. Are you going to offer your friends, family, colleagues etc. words of encouragement and hope? Are you willing to find your own truth and facts OR are you going to go along with the crowd? Are you willing to learn, grow, and find gratitude in all that you have OR are you going to fall into the easy trap of fear, negativity, and complaining?

Motivational leaders such as Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, and even Robert Kiyosaki will tell you that you are who you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with negative, glass half empty and critical of everything and everyone then that’s who you will become. On the other hand, if you surround yourself with people who are about giving to others, who are about adding value to others, who are grateful even for the little things then that’s what you become.

What do you choose? What will you focus on? After all, it is a choice and it is in your control.

Book Suggestion: The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann

Quote: “Sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right. We do not always need an intelligent mind that speaks, just a patient heart that listens.”

Is Your Environment Holding You Back?

Last week I wished you a week of challenging yourself to do two things (1) begin a new reading regiment with the focus on expanding your world through personal development and (2) put the words of wisdom from Coach Mac on a card and read it each day for the next week. How did you do?

John Maxwell is one of my favorite authors and speakers. I recently read something of his that caught my attention. “Is your environment holding you back?” Hmmm…that’s an interesting question. Are you living or working in an environment that’s conducive to growth? Or are you living/working in an environment where growth is not only ignored but is discouraged?

One of John’s many talents is his ability to put together lists which support the point he is making and translates easily to the learner. The question here is whether or not the environment we live and/or work in is conducive to growth and what does a growth environment look like.

Maxwell’s list of characteristics are: (1) Others are ahead of you, (2) You’re continually challenged, (3) Your focus is forward, (4) The atmosphere is affirming, (5) You’re often out of your comfort zone, (6) You wake up excited, (7) Failure is not your enemy, (8) Others are growing, (9) People desire change, and (10) Growth is modeled and expected.

Others are ahead of you. Maxwell contends that we grow faster with others versus being isolated. “At least some people in your working environment are ahead of you on your journey and can be your encourager, challenger, or mentor to do more than you think you can do.” 

I know I definitely was better and stronger as a teacher when I was working on a positive team versus by myself. The key is we need to have those mentors who are there to help and support us in our growth. I was also, in unhealthy team situations where my team partner was all about being the “top dog” and competing versus working together. It was definitely an environment that was holding me back. I grew to understand more about healthy teams and navigated to those vs. the competitive ones.

Are you continually challenged? Are you growing and changing as you get older in both your home life and in your professional life? Continual growth is when we are at our best. When was the last time a boring relationship or a boring job made you want to grow? Isn’t that a part of Being the Best You that You Can Be? After 40 years of marriage there’s been a tremendous amount of growth and that growth was also true in my 30 years of teaching.

Looking back I realize I was always looking for more current information, or information on a topic I needed to learn more about.

When I was out of the classroom for three years I was part of a Professional Development team. We were constantly learning, growing, and preparing classes for not only teachers but administrators, School Board Members, secretaries etc. Those three years were years of continuous growth, continuous learning from many more “seasoned” teachers and administrators.

According to Maxwell, being out of your comfort zone is part of that environment. “Stay in your strength zone but be out of your comfort zone. The skills you focus on growing should be in areas of your natural abilities versus shoring up your weaknesses. You get out of your comfort zone when you take on a challenge that’s bigger than you. Bigger challenges yield bigger rewards.” Strengths versus comfort. That’s an interesting concept. Do you agree or not? Every time I moved to a new school or I was in the staff development job I was definitely out of my comfort zone but still doing what I loved.

Think about your personal life. There needs to be learning and growing there as well. Relationships in a marriage or a living situation involves people and people mean differences and a need for continual communication. One of my favorite books that I give to most newlyweds is the book The Five Love Languages. If you haven’t read it, add it to your book list. If you are a parent you probably bought every book you could find on pregnancy and raising healthy children. As they get older you find other material to learn about a particular age group such as toddlers, pre-teens, teens etc. 

I look over John’s list and I totally believe in the fact that waking up excited is a key component to a healthy environment and a healthy attitude. Yes, there were days of frustration and sometimes even feeling as though I was on a plateau and stuck. But, those are all signs to pay attention to and make something happen to achieve change and more growth.

Failure is not your enemy nor mine. When something happens either in your personal life or business life, it’s really a time to focus on solutions NOT blame. A growth environment gives us permission to make mistakes and admit those mistakes. Failure is a big part of growth. It is NOT something we need to fear. 

For our math classes, I taught those that had a harder time with math, probably because I did too. We actually had celebrations when the students made mistakes and then learned from that mistake. There are a lot of examples of people who are successful today but had failure after failure in order to reach that success.

Change is encouraged and celebrated in growth environments. If you’re a parent, do you remember that first time when you brought your baby home? Life definitely changed and you adjusted. You were much better at parenting and knowing what to expect if you had a second child. At work, I was fortunate enough to work for a principal, my last 15 years, who celebrated teachers who tried new things, who were willing to get out of their comfort zone to be a better teacher. That was a school and an environment that definitely celebrated a growth environment.

So the question is, “What kind of environment are you in?” Are you in a relationship that nurtures and encourages personal growth? Are both of you pushing forward to be a better person, a better spouse, a better friend? Check out the list of 10 and compare how many of these are true in your relationship. What do you want to continue and where is there need for improvement?

If you’re a parent, do you nurture and encourage personal growth and learning in your children? This list of 10 can be applied to parenting too. You will give your children a gift that they’ll use the rest of their lives.

Personal growth is challenging and involves making mistakes and having failures. A good environment makes it easier to grow. Whether you’re in a good environment or not, you can learn and improve where you are. That IS in your control. Use Maxwells’ list to guide you.

I wish you a week of reflection on whether or not your personal and/or work environment is holding you back. If the answer is yes, check the list of 10 and see which areas are in your control to make the environment a positive one.

TODAY Matters

Last week, I wished you a week of taking stock of your own “movie” so far. I also wished you a week to begin to learn how to listen carefully to all the clues around you. How did that go and what did you learn about yourself? I hope these weekly questions at least give you pause and reflection as life get so busy that we often don’t take time for personal analysis.

It’s been an interesting week. What I mean by that is I am hearing frustration from some people when their clientele only want things handed to them despite an easy way to show their personal commitment and buy in. It’s listening to the “poor pitiful me” reasons why something didn’t work out yet that same person only complained and had no action to move forward. It’s hearing the constant stream of blame, complain, and defending one’s own actions but seldom a single gratitude statement of something that did go right.

In reading John Maxwell’s book, Today Matters, he referenced the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Do you remember that one? Poor Alexander. His day seemed to be filled with obstacles, challenges, and setbacks. How often do you feel like that describes your day(s) exactly?

The question is, how often do you have great days? “Is it the norm or the rare exception for you? Take today, for example. How would you rate it? Up to this point, has it been a great day? Or has it been less than fantastic? Maybe that’s a question you haven’t even thought about until now. How would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being perfect), would you even know how to score it? Upon what would you base your rating? Would it depend on how you feel? Would it be determined by how many items you’ve checked off your to-do list? Would you score your day according to how much time you’ve spent with someone you love? How do you define success for today?”

Isn’t it true that everyone wants to have a good day, a successful day? However, would you also agree that not many people know what a good day looks like? I know I’m a list maker and I like to plan-ahead - I’m proactive vs. reactive. If I were to only judge the success of my day with what was checked off, that would only be a small portion of what a “good day” might look like for me. Would my score be different if I didn’t get done what was on my list but instead I helped-out a friend or had a long conversation encouraging someone who was feeling defeated? For me that would also be a good or successful day despite the lack of things checked off the to-do list. Isn’t what we’re talking about really what we’ve decided is our own personal definition of success?

According to John Maxwell, “People create success in their lives by focusing on today. It may sound trite, but today is the only time you have. It’s too late for yesterday. And you can’t depend on tomorrow. That’s why today matters. Most of the time we miss that.

Think about past successes and failures. Would you say that often times things look bigger in hindsight than they actually were? Think about the high school basketball or football star or class president. Are they the ones at the high school reunion that continually relive those “best-ever high school days?” They’re the ones that you realize have lived their entire life, since high school, looking back. What about the athlete that was Athlete of the Week because of a great performance on the field and the following week played awful. Instead of spending time reflecting on why the week went so well and duplicating those actions and efforts, they focus on all the positive attention. Then you have the 40 year old business person lamenting about all that he/she could have accomplished if it weren’t for the recession, or a bad boss, or living in the wrong area?

John has a sign on his desk that says, “Yesterday ended last night.” He states that it’s a reminder “that no matter how badly I failed in the past, it’s done, and today is a new day. Conversely, no matter what goals I may have accomplished or awards I may have received, they have little direct impact on what I do today. I can’t celebrate my way to success either.”

Let’s go back to God as the director of our movie, that he already knows the ending for each of us. Isn’t it then our job to figure out how everything relates to today. It’s my humble opinion, that like a movie script, we need an overall plan for our “story.” There may be some flashbacks but those times are to be used for reflection, learning, and adjusting, NOT to stay in the past. If we continue to hold grudges or not let go of something that a family member did to us, or not move forward after falling flat on our face with a project, or not take care of our health because “I can’t ever lose weight,” or thinking that you’ll never find the love of your life because you’re too old to find someone now, are all ways we are living in the past NOT today.

“One today, is worth two tomorrows; what I am to be, I am now becoming,” Benjamin Franklin. Everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his or her life. How? FOCUS ON TODAY!  Ok, that sounds trite and definitely easier said than done; however, NOTHING will change in your life until you change something you do on a DAILY basis. “Every day of your life is merely preparation for the next. What you become is the result of what you do today.”

It’s like those New Year’s Resolutions that most people have long forgotten by now. Just because you had one good week in the gym doesn’t mean that you can stop now. Just because you had one good week of sales doesn’t mean you can stop now. Just because you had one good game doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in the gym or watching film again the next week. Just because you haven’t met anyone new for the past week doesn’t mean that you should quit trying to meet new people.

What you become is what you do today. The way you live your life today is preparing you for your tomorrow. So, what is it that you’re preparing for? “Are you grooming yourself for success or failure?” John Maxwell heard wise words from his father, “You can pay now and play later, or you can play now and pay later. Either way, you are going to pay. The idea was that you can play and take it easy and do what you want today, but if you do, your life will be harder later. However, if you work hard now, on the front end, then you will reap rewards in the future.”

“Most people don’t lead their own lives- they accept their lives.” John Kotter.  Many people approach their life passively. They take a reactive approach to living instead of a proactive one. If you’re reactive you end up focusing on repairing, but if you’re proactive, you focus on preparing. Which one are you? How do YOU approach each day?

According to John, there are two ingredients necessary to make every day a masterpiece: decisions and discipline. You could also all them “goal setting” and “goal getting.” They can’t be separated because one is worthless without the other.

TODAY is all you have. “The greatest gap in life is the one between knowing and doing.” Dick Briggs.

I wish you a week of making the most of each day and taking time at the end of each day to rate yourself on how well you were able to live in the moment – not living in the past or dreading the future.

Do You Participate in Groupthink?

Last week I wished you a continued week of THINKING and asking yourself the key question of WHY YOU stand for, believe in, and support something no matter what it is. How did that work for you? Did you take time and reflect on why you believe what you believe? I hope so.

I’m continually amazed at the number of people who are either too lazy or who are just not invested in their personal philosophy and what they stand for - in other words their own character. There are a number of people I come in contact with when asked WHY they feel a certain way, they’re either noncommittal or “regurgitate” something that someone else has said or something they read or something they heard on the news without questioning at all. Part of asking that WHY question is for each of us to think through what we individually stand for and believe in as a part of our personal philosophy.

It’s frustrating to realize that many people just seem to be unwilling to question let alone challenge much of anything in their life. It’s definitely easier to just keep doing the same old same old and never dig deeper. What’s easier is to just go along with the crowd. What that does is allow us to live a life “below the line”, as Urban Meyer says, when we are quick to use BCD – blame, complain, and defend (our actions.) John Maxwell in his book Today Matters says, “I believe that many people take thinking for granted. They see it as a natural function of life. But the truth is that intentional thinking isn’t commonplace. What you do every day in the area of thinking really matters because it sets the stage for all your actions, and it will bring either adversity or advantage.”

Part of the challenge we have from the very young to the elderly, is groupthink. According to Wikipedia, “Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative viewpoints by actively suppressing dissenting viewpoints, and by isolating themselves from outside influences. YIKES!

This is exactly what happens to our young people especially in middle and high school. They are just formulating who they are and what they believe in so this is a particularly challenging time. They want to fit in, they want to be accepted for who they are, and they definitely don’t want to stand out or be different. Those that are not fitting the “mold” are often times the ones who are being bullied.

Many of our young people do not have a positive role model in their life to help ask questions, help them know their own why, to help guide them and learn to stand up for their own beliefs, and to know WHY they feel the way they do. As I wrote last week, the black educator who asked a student to know WHY he wanted to kneel during the National Anthem is exactly what we all should be doing…asking others to THINK and know their own personal WHY.

I hope each of us will pay attention to the power of intentional thinking but also the power of groupthink. I believe that groupthink is causing far more harm to individuals at any age. I see many women, personal opinion, that function out of a need for acceptance and are unwilling to rock the boat. Some of you will bristle with this statement and that’s ok. WHY are you bristling? Even with my fifth grade girls, we had discussions about groupthink. If two girls were angry with one another, the pattern was to see how many others one could get on one girl’s side to be against the other girl. It’s that “gang” mentality. We had to actively work on conflict resolution skills and draw attention to who owned the problem and who was just along for the ride. With a now adult daughter, this behavior continued in both middle school and high school, and I have seen it in adult women as well.

Boys and men have some of the same issues with groupthink but it manifests itself in a different way. The bottom line is that, “Groupthink requires individuals to avoid raising controversial issues or alternative solutions, and there is loss of individual creativity, uniqueness and independent thinking. The dysfunctional group dynamics of the "ingroup" produces an "illusion of invulnerability" (an inflated certainty that the right decision has been made). Thus the "ingroup" significantly overrates its own abilities in decision-making and significantly underrates the abilities of its opponents (the "outgroup"). Furthermore, groupthink can produce dehumanizing actions against the "outgroup", according to Wikipedia continued description of groupthink.

I spent a good portion of my life not feeling that my thoughts and beliefs were worth much since I wasn’t a fact oriented person. I am a person who operates on feelings and gut instincts. I know, at times, I was part of the crowd not wanting to stand out, but I also know I never went along with groupthink when it hurt someone else. I also know I can now celebrate who I am with pride. Do I sometimes “worry” what others think? Of course, that’s human nature. We either want control or we want to be accepted and often times we want to be accepted. Do I not do something because I worry what others will think? Sometimes, but not if it’s a passion or a moral conflict with who I am as a person.

I want to encourage each of you to invest the time to THINK, know WHY you have certain thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc., and to identify groupthink when you see it. That’s the time to ask questions, that’s the time to help guide others to understand their personal beliefs, and that’s the time for us to help our young people develop a true sense of themselves with pride! That’s also the time to support our friends, family, co-workers, fellow students, children and grandchildren to develop a healthy sense of THINKING. Urban Meyer states, “Make THINKING a priority. Leaders THINK deeply, ORIGINALLY, and often bravely.”

I wish you a week of finding opportunities to ask questions, finding opportunities to teach people HOW to think versus telling people what to think – too totally different approaches. I also wish you a week of identifying whether you are part of groupthink in some area of your life.

Do You Take Time to THINK?

This past week did you take the time to reflect on what you stand for as you live your daily life? What is your “body of work” as you create your own pedigree?

There’s so much going on in all of our lives between work, raising our children, demands on our time with commitments, the basics of keeping up a house, and the yard. Oh yes, and then there are our relationships with our spouse/significant other, our family, friends etc., keeping up with our personal health, our spiritual lives, etc. etc. etc. There’s a continuous feeling of being on a treadmill, a feeling of being pulled in so many different directions, and never feeling like we’re in control of anything. Sound familiar?

I remember those days of having so many demands on my time and feeling overwhelmed. I also wasn’t the most patient, and I felt inadequate at home and at school. I wish I had known more about the idea of prioritizing versus trying to be all things to everyone. Everyone that is except me. I knew I was better when I had some alone time to gather my thoughts, but I wasn’t very good about actually doing that. Of course, what do they tell all of us on the airplane? “Put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST and then on your child.” What a concept.

We have more of a tendency to think we’re being selfish if we do take time for ourselves, yet that’s exactly what we need to do. Take more advice from Urban Meyer and his Above the Line book. “When you’re feeling out of control, things aren’t going right, and you’re feeling overwhelmed… (1) SLOW DOWN (2) Go deep, and (3) Figure out why. Remember it’s all about prioritizing our time since we all have 24 hours in a day.

“It’s very easy in this world we live in to get so caught up in the tyranny of the urgent that we don’t make time to THINK.” We all have distractions that pull us away from reflecting on the issues and challenges in our lives. Interestingly enough Dan Gilbert, founder of Quicken Loans and owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers says, “THINKING about problems, challenges, new ways of doing things, and creativity is one of the hardest things we will ever do yet it brings the best results. Most people prefer to play it safe, not rock the boat, and never stray far from the status quo.”

How many people do you know who went to good schools and got good grades yet had a difficult time THINKING outside the box, couldn’t THINK on their feet, and had difficulty adjusting to change? We have such a focus, in our schools, on testing and grades. I’m not opposed to testing, but what we’re forcing teachers to do is to teach facts that can be regurgitated on a test. In today’s internet world, our students can Google the facts. What we need to be doing is teaching problem solving skills, applying the facts to a real life situation or problem, teaching alternative ways to view a problem, teaching communication skills to deal with conflicts and teaching how to reach a common goal. We need to be teaching our children to THINK!

“As it says in Proverbs, iron sharpens iron. Out of the sharpening process come better ideas and more committed performance. I don’t want yes-men around me I want people who’ve thought stuff through and are bringing it to me to make things better,” according to Meyer. It’s amazing to me the number of people in this country who are clueless as to how to talk with different generations, how to communicate thoughts and feelings that are different than what they’ve read on Twitter or Facebook. It’s amazing to hear people only have someone else’s thoughts versus any original ideas. They don’t know how to THINK on their own. When challenged they don't know how to respond because the answer wasn't truly their own. Have we gotten to a point of graduating a generation of people who are of the “group think” mentality? They’re wanting more to look like everyone else, sound like everyone else, and not rock the boat.

I remember people like John Maxwell and Jim Rohn stating that it’s one thing to teach people what to THINK, but teaching people HOW to THINK is altogether different. If we want to be able to be the best we can be as an individual living life “above the line,” it’s critical we have a quiet time to THINK.  According to William Deresiewicz, an author and essayist who gave a lecture at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point titled “Solitude and Leadership” pointed out that true leadership comes from within. “It comes from a deep introspection into your beliefs. But if you can’t put aside distractions long enough to be alone in reflection, formulate your own ideas and opinions, then you are handicapping your ability to THINK, make decisions, and lead.”

I would contend that each of us is a leader in all areas of our lives. We can either be a positive leader or a negative leader in our own home, with our spouse and our children, in our jobs, in our extracurricular activities etc. We can be a leader by learning, growing, and being a positive role model or we can be a leader of what NOT to do.  

Whatever it is you’re working on professionally or personally, there’s no doubt that being effective requires each of us to THINK independently. In order to THINK, there needs to be clarity of purpose, and we need to be clear on our priorities. How can we do that if we’re not giving ourselves time to THINK and have a “deep introspection into our beliefs?”

INVEST  time to THINK. Make this a priority. THINK deeply, originally, creatively. Challenge yourself to THINK outside the box. Don’t settle for just getting by because you don’t put energy into the time it takes to THINK! “When things aren’t going right, the most important thing you can do is to (1) SLOW DOWN, (2) Go deep within yourself, and (3) figure out why.”

To take time to THINK, you must be willing to prioritize the time you need for QUIET, no distractions with your phone beeping with every new message, no checking Facebook or Twitter, no interruptions from ANYONE. That means committing time to YOU, time to reflect, time to THINK.”

“Most people don’t lead their own lives…they accept their lives,” says John Kotter, professor of leadership at Harvard Business School. Don’t be the one living a passive life. It’s your choice as to how you approach your life at ANY age. If you focus on preparing and being better each and every day you’re being proactive. If you THINK about your life you are being proactive.

I wish you a time to THINK this week. Set aside time to THINK about what is going well in your life, what do you want to change?  THINK outside the box, THINK creatively, and THINK originally.

  

Are You a Positive Influencer?

Did you take time this week to evaluate how you’re using your time and how you can consistently focus on taking one step forward to reach your dreams and goals? I hope so!

Once again listening to the comments about our Olympic athletes, another common theme is how they are positively influencing another generation to “go for the gold” in their own lives. What a great and much needed message!

What about you? Do you realize how much you are an influencer of many? I’m not talking about how many likes you have on Facebook, or the number of followers on Twitter, or even the number of people who may work for you. According to John Maxwell, “there are dozens and maybe even hundreds that we influence without even knowing it.” It may be the cashier at the grocery store that you always ask how they’re doing, it may be your hair stylist who you always give a big tip to because she does such a great job. What about the mail lady who brings you a package to your door, and you ask about her children?

John Maxwell used the following quote in the first chapter of his book, Developing the Leader Within You: “There have been meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one can understand the mysterious thing we call influence…yet…every one of us continually exerts influence, either to heal, to bless, to leave marks of beauty; or to wound to hurt, to poison, to stain other lives.”

Have you ever thought about your life in that way? The way you choose to live your life is impacting the people you come in contact with each and every day. WOW!  That’s pretty powerful. As Maxwell references in the quote above, that influence can either be positive or negative.

“Anyone can have a bad day. It happens to all of us. But how many bad days might you cut out of a year if you recognized that you have the ability to make a difference to everyone you meet?” 

Do you believe that you really can “make someone’s day” even in the most brief moments just by giving them eye contact and saying hi? Do you believe you impact someone else’s life when you take time to listen without judging? Do you believe you can impact someone’s life just by giving a smile? After all, it really is a choice of how we decide to live our lives. Do you believe you can choose compliments versus criticism?

John Maxwell says, “When you make it your mission to value people and add value to them, you are planting the seeds for a harvest of positive change.” I would totally agree with him, do you?

If you set the tone with your spouse, your children, and other family members first, you will set the tone for them to influence others in a positive way as well. It’s the ripple effect. I think you will truly be amazed at what will begin to happen.

The next step is to expand that positive influence in other parts of your life. What if you actually let someone in ahead of you during rush hour? What if you were grateful to your server even if the food was just marginal? What if you held a door open for someone or looked behind you before the door closed making sure it wouldn’t slam in someone’s face? It really is the little things that have the biggest influence.

Remember…”There are meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity.”

I wish you a week of reflection on who you have influence on each and every day and how you can be sure it’s a positive influence.

Do Your Actions reflect Your Priorities?

Did you take time to reflect on your intentions? Did you focus on being intentional in all that you did this past week? It takes a change in your mindset and your actions to reach a level of significance.

Before I begin, I want to qualify this week’s blog. Timing is everything. I am quite aware that May is a very hectic month especially if you have children in school. However, now that I think about it further, when is our life NOT busy? Summer brings its own challenges with different routines and schedules, vacations, sports etc. Then there’s the fall with a new school year starting and football has begun. I mention football since our lives revolved around Jon’s schedule at CU and now Jason’s schedule at MBU. But wait, then there are other sports beginning, AND the holidays which takes us through October, November, December and January. Of course basketball is in full swing now and oh, don’t forget March Madness, Easter and spring break. Throughout the year, college students are working around their projects, papers, midterms, finals, and the list goes on and on. In other words, life is busy for each of us (even those of us retired) no matter what time of year it is.

Can we agree that everyone has a busy life? Everyone has a long list of what they’d like to get accomplished, everyone has people in their lives who are important to them, everyone has a job/school goals and desires, everyone wants free time, and everyone wants to be healthy in mind and body? With that said, is it important to YOU to lead a life of significance? Are your actions reflecting what’s truly important in your life? Do the people in your life whether it be family, friends, colleagues, employees, team members etc. know that they are important to you and you want to add value to their lives?

I think we all take for granted, on some level, that we will wake up and have another day on this earth. We all “put off until tomorrow” things that we think we can do later. I think we all know “on some level” that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed yet that’s not a comfortable topic for many. I’m not talking about having a will, nor am I referring to planning for financial security when you’re older although both ARE important.

What I want to discuss are whether your actions consistently reflect what you value.

No matter your age; male or female, your marital status, whether you have children or not, whether you’re a college student, beginning a new career or you’ve been in your career for a length of time, we all must focus on what we value and what we want to be remembered for once we leave this world. I, for one, believe that we CAN have it all. We CAN have a successful career AND have a close knit, healthy family. We CAN be healthy in both our mind and body. I’m of the belief that we can use AND vs. either/or. What it takes is BALANCE, and it takes PRIORITIZING! 

As a teacher, throughout my 30 years, it was very important to me to do the very best job I could to give value to my students in order to prepare them for middle school and life in general. However, the most important part of my day was to be sure each student felt valued, respected, and had a “can do” mindset even through struggles and failures. In addition, it was important to me to balance my life of being a mom of two wonderful children who had many interests and commitments, as well as a husband who had an extremely demanding and time consuming job himself. It was important for me to have meal times together, to prepare a healthy meal, to have time for all of us to talk and stay in touch with what was going on in everyone’s lives.  Being healthy both physically and mentally have always been important, however, I have had to continuously work on these areas more when I was working than now.

In addition, it has always been important to me to send my family and friends cards with a hand written note on their birthdays and anniversaries. It’s always been important for me to hand write thank you notes even today which now include my grandchildren. It’s always been important to me to read and learn more about my craft, learn more about being a better parent and now grandparent, learn new ideas about organizing my schedule, our family’s schedule etc. Those were MY values. What are yours?

The first part is to know what you value. Next is the question of how are you going to accomplish those things? My values are not necessarily yours, but I give you my perspective to give you some ideas. I will say, no matter your circumstances, the keys are PLANNING, CONSISTENCY, and ORGANIZATION. I realize some of you are going to stop reading right now as that is something you don't want to hear, but at least get through the following questions…

How would you answer these questions for yourself?

*Are you more organized in your job than you are in your personal life?

*Do you find your job takes precedence the majority of the time over your family?

*Do you remember, after the fact, that it was a family member’s birthday or it was either Mother or Father’s Day and you call to apologize?

*Are you constantly wondering what you should fix for dinner at 5:00 in the evening?

*Do you find with things at home you are doing most things last minute and many things fall through the cracks, but you’re in control at work?

*Do you find you and your spouse/significant other have little time to talk and find out what’s happening at each other’s work, what’s been on their mind etc.?

*Do you find the only conversation you have with your spouse/significant other is about the kids?

*Do you find that you’re tired at the end of every day and seldom feel satisfied with what was accomplished?

*Do you find yourself not eating breakfast and/or eating more fast food meals than home cooked meals?

*Do you say thank you, you’re welcome, and please occasionally or are they a habit no matter if it’s your children, your spouse/significant other, your colleagues your team members etc?

*Do you find your clothes not fitting as comfortably as you would like, yet you chalk it up to just getting older?

*If you value your health and overall wellness, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself on: eating nutritional meals, avoiding sugar, drinking a lot of water, and getting in some kind of cardio at least 3-5 days a week?

These are only a few questions to get you to think about whether your actions reflect your priorities. So how did you do? Are there areas of your life you can make a small change that will have huge rewards in the long run? Keep in mind we’re talking about overall habits knowing that we all slip once in a while. What’s usually the norm for you? Is it important to you to get better and lead that life of significance? 

Remember John Maxwell’s quote, “No one stumbles upon significance. We have to be intentional about making our lives matter. That calls for action ---and not excuses. It’s easier to go from failure to success than from excuses to success. Action is what converts human dreams into significance.”

PLANNING! CONSISTENCY! ORGANIZATION!

Think about some of these suggestions and pick ONE that you’re willing to commit to for the next 30 days – the time it takes for a habit to begin:

1   1.  Take 15 minutes to plan the meals for the week and make up your grocery list. Take into consideration the nights the kids have softball etc. Can that night be a crock pot dinner?

2   2. Set aside 15 minutes at least twice a week, if not more, to sit down with your spouse/significant other without interruptions. Go over what’s happening at work, other things on your mind, or just enjoy some down time with a beer or glass of wine. (Establish an expectation with the kids that this is a mommy and daddy time without interruptions.)

3   3.  Plan ahead to be sure you have what you need for a healthy breakfast. PROTEIN! All it takes is a shake with fruit in a shaker, and you’re out the door.

4   4. Sit down for 15 minutes once a week with your spouse/significant other with your calendars (on your phone or a planner). Go over ALL activities happening in that week which will affect the other person eg. an evening commitment which will bring you home later than usual, any school activities, a game/sporting event for you and/or the kids. Include things you will need help with eg pick up the kids, help with getting ready for something, help with…(This is a focused time NOT a reminder as you’re going out the door that you’ll be home late, for example.)

5   5. Take 30 minutes and put all birthdays, anniversaries in your phone calendar so it’ll come up yearly. Do this once and you’re done! I know this is “my thing” but I can tell you, as a recipient of cards and written words, these are cherished.

6   6.  I learned this from my beautiful mother-in-law: once a month pick out cards for all birthdays, anniversaries, gradations, baby or wedding showers, weddings etc. Address the cards, put a stamp on, and have it ready to go. In addition, put into your phone calendar the day you will need to send the card in order for it to get there on time. This usually will take you 15 minutes once a month!

     7.   Organize ONE area of your home that needs attention. Plan on taking ONE hour and focus on three piles: one is for anything that can be recycled, another is for anything that can be given away to Goodwill, the church a nonprofit etc., and a third is for trash. You CAN do one hour. Then plan another day for ONE hour.

8   8.  Go through your clothes first. Make four piles: one is for those clothes that fit or are slightly tight but you love them, another is for anything that you haven’t worn for at least a year, another pile is for those clothes you must keep for sentimental value although be careful with this category, and then any clothes that are so worn and old that they can’t even be used for rags. GIVE away what you can. We all can let others benefit rather than have our drawers and closets stuffed with clothes that we really don’t ever wear

    9.    For 30 days, write ONE hand written thank you note (text messages do not count) to someone for something they did for you, or for a gift they gave you, or they took the time to go out of their way to help you. That will take you 5-10 minutes! Saying thank you is always great BUT a written note means you took extra time just for them. 

1   10. Routines are built into consistency. When do you have meals, for example? This is even more important when you have kids. They need to know when they’re going to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That time may vary 30 minutes one way or the other, but we all need to establish times for eating. That’s HUGE for our digestive health!

1   11.  Set aside 30 minutes 2-3 times a week to go for a run or do some cardio workout. Involve the kids with your exercising, or take them with you when you go for a walk, bike ride, etc.

If we strive to be the very best we can be there MUST be planning, consistency, and organization to whatever we do. If we can improve in at least ONE area of our life then it’s easier to do the same in another area and another etc. Notice that time can’t be an excuse if you follow any of the 11 suggestions listed above. Most things are going to be 15 minutes and only one is an hour. If you can’t find 15 minutes to plan and organize to make a difference in not only your life but in the lives of your family and the people you work with then life will continue to be stressful and frustrating. If living a life of significance is important something has to change.

Remember:

“Success is winning

Significance is helping others win

Success leaves a fingerprint

Significance leaves a footprint

On the hearts and minds of others.”

Remember:

We all have 24 hours in a day. It's NOT that we don't have the time...It's that something is NOT a priority.

I wish you a week of looking at the list above and deciding ONE of the questions which “spoke to you.” What do you want to change in order to bring more significance to your life and therefore, the lives of those around you? Second choose ONE of the 11 suggestions, or something else, that you will commit to doing for the next 30 days.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Living a Life of Significance

Did you take time to reflect on your habits, your routines, and how you can get back to having an increased level of energy each day? Which ONE of the suggestions did you decide to focus on for the next 30 days?  I hope you don’t settle and accept the “no energy” as the norm.  We ARE in control and there ARE things we can do.

It’s been a very special time taking in all the beautiful thoughts and reflections from the kids this past Mother’s Day. Each of us tries to do the best we can at the time, but it’s nice to hear that I did have an impact, on some level, as to who they are today as young adults and parents themselves. I am so very proud to be their mother.

The heartfelt words and celebrations on Facebook about all the mothers were so uplifting and heartfelt. It was not taken for granted that I was able to call my mom once again this year. At 88, she is doing very well, and I feel blessed to still have her in my life, my children’s lives, and my grandchildren’s lives!

This brings me to the topic for this week’s blog. My latest reading is John Maxwell’s book Intentional Living; Choosing a Life That Matters. We each have our own story whatever that is, and deep down don’t we all want our life to matter? Don’t we each want to make a difference while we’re on this earth? John references one of my favorite movies It’s a Wonderful Life. Remember George Bailey? He was always choosing to do what he believed was right for others. There comes a point in the movie where George experiences a crisis and begins to believe that everyone would be better off without him. Unlike the rest of us, George is able to view his town and others’ lives as though he never existed. During this time, he began to realize that he had made a positive impact each time he took action to do what he knew was right and each time he helped others. His life did matter.

Living a life that matters, living a life of significance is what I hope we all strive to accomplish. I know during the time when I was a new mother I didn’t know very much, I didn’t have my mom around to help guide me, and I often times was going purely on doing what I thought was going to help this young baby grow up to be healthy and happy. Fortunately, I did have a wonderful neighbor and colleague who was there as a support system and encourager. In addition, being a teacher, I was learning things about discipline in the classroom that could transfer to being a parent. Thank you, Foster Cline and Jim Fey with your Discipline with Love and Logic philosophy.

Yes, it did help to be a teacher, but when it’s your own children it’s not quite as easy. I did know, early on, that my role was to be a parent NOT a friend. My role was to have boundaries, give opportunities to make choices, encourage, support, and give chances to try new things etc. I told many parents that their job was not to be their child’s friend that if they did their job as a parent when their children were growing up then they would be their child’s best friend when they were grown.

In the book, John Maxwell says “Don’t let the word significance intimidate you. Don’t let it stop you from pursuing a life that matters. When I talk about significance, I’m not talking about being famous. I’m not talking about getting rich. I’m not talking about being a huge celebrity or winning a Nobel Prize or becoming president of the United States….To be significant, all you have to do is make a difference with others wherever you are, with whatever you have, day by day.

What’s the key to a life that matters? It’s living each day with intentionality. When you intentionally use your everyday life to bring positive change in the lives of others, you begin to live a life that matters.” One of the many things I love about John Maxwell’s books and his messages is that each of us can change. “If your story isn’t as meaningful or significant or compelling as you want it to be you can change it.”

The best stories are those that come from experiences. Those are the stories that are told from the heart; sometimes with tears, sometimes through mistakes and failures, sometimes with pure joy, sometimes through laughter etc. When you think about it, isn’t intentional living about living your very best story?

“If you want to live a life that matters, don’t start when you get good; start now so you become good.” We all start something new doing things wrong, making many mistakes but as long as we learn what’s wrong, make changes and try again we’re on the road to getting better. When baby #2 came along, I at least had a little better idea of what to expect. This time the learning came with the fact that raising baby girls is different than baby boys and each child is unique, special and with their own skills and talents. I knew that in the classroom, now I was learning it as a mother. As a parent, I was learning through actions. There were many decisions made on a daily basis from the time the kids were babies to their entry into elementary school. Of course, then there were those middle school years and before I knew it they were graduating from high school heading off to college. Looking back, they weren’t always the right things to do, but I was doing my best based on love.

In my 64 years, I didn’t have the term intentional living, but instinctively I knew that I did want to make a difference in my husband’s life, in my children’s lives, in the lives of my students, and in the people that I met. Being authentic, walking my talk, loving my husband and children through the fun times, the times of celebration but also loving them through the tough times, through the times of crisis those were even more important. This is my continuous journey of being the best me that I can be.

Over this Mother’s Day celebration, I hear words from my children that bring me to tears, things that I didn’t know they felt, and things they remember that I didn’t know mattered to them. PRICELESS. I know Amanda shared some of the things her daughter, Sophia, said about her that she didn’t know about herself. Sophia’s words reaffirmed she was a good mom despite her own uncertainty. The beautiful accolades people shared on FB about their precious mothers both living and those that have passed away confirm the fact that living an intentional life is possible and is a key to why we are on this earth.

Throughout our lives, we strive to be successful as a person, as a spouse/significant other, as a parent, in our careers, with our health, etc. etc. “Intentional living is the bridge between success and significance.”

“No one stumbles upon significance. We have to be intentional about making our lives matter. That calls for action ---and not excuses. It’s easier to go from failure to success than from excuses to success. Action is what converts human dreams into significance.”

According to John Maxwell, “When I die I cannot take with me what I have but I can live in others by what I gave.” That is what I want in my life. My husband, my children, and now my grandchildren are my reasons for doing all that I do. Living a life of significance!

I wish you a week to reflect on your intentions and your focus on being intentional in all that you do. This will begin to change your mindset and your actions reaching a level of significance.

Life List - Inspiration - Wisdom

Did you decide on your focus for February? 2016 IS going to be THE best year for you to work on being the Best You that YOU can Be!  In order for that to happen, however, action needs to be behind your hopes and dreams.

I was “taking in” some interesting perspectives this past week. First, I was listening to John Maxwell on the latest Success magazine CD. He referenced having a Bucket List but most important having a Life List. Second, also on that same CD, I listened to an interview with Tom Izzo interview where he talked about the difference between inspiration and motivation.  Finally, I reread John Wooden’s book, The Wisdom of Wooden – Mr. Century On and Off the Court. 

It struck me that the common theme coming from three very different individual perspectives was much the same. Jon Maxwell is a well-known author, motivational speaker, teacher, and mentor of adults around the world.Tom Izzo is a successful men’s basketball coach, teacher, mentor, and motivator of young men at Michigan State University. Finally, John Wooden, who passed away at age 100 in 2010, has “been hailed by many as the greatest coach in the history of American sports, but also as famous for his personal philosophy. If you have had children playing basketball, or other sports, you have probably seen the Pyramid of Success which is from John Wooden.

What are the common themes? I would suggest there are three: (1) be true to yourself, (2) inspiration comes from within, and (3) make each day count.

John Maxwell talks about a Bucket List which are all the things we want to do before we die. A Life List, however, guides our focus on what we do each and every day of our lives. John Wooden received a 3 X 5 note card from his father entitled, “7 Suggestions to Follow” which Wooden later came to call this gift the “7 Point Creed.” These guide his focus on a daily basis. Tom Izzo referenced needing daily inspiration – something that is personal, comes from within, and will last far longer.

We’ve all gone to a sporting event, a conference, taken a class, heard something on the radio/TV, read an article – all are motivational. For a period of time, we’re “in the moment,” excited, ready to “conquer the world,”  we’re ready to play the game of our lives, we’re anxious to get to the gym for that new body, we have a goal to cut out sugary drinks etc. etc. Motivation is exactly what we need to take the first step.

What happens, however, when the opposing team is bigger and stronger? Do we rely on the coach’s pregame motivational speech? Yes, to some extent, but we also have to rely on our own personal inspiration. Intrinsically, you begin to talk to yourself, “I know I had a great week of practice, I know what to do. I believe all my off season training will make a difference, I have been in watching film, taking the suggestions from my coaches etc. so YES, I CAN do this. INSPIRATION has now taken hold.

I was motivated to start saying 10 gratitudes each day by something I read from Jim Rohn, and now it’s a daily habit. It’s one of my Life List necessities; it’s one of the things on my list that help me make each day a masterpiece. INSPIRATION has now taken hold.

What motivated you in January to set a goal? Did it become a habit and now you’re excited by your results insuring that you’ll continue for another month? INSPIRATION has now taken hold.

What about that class on leadership? It was motivational to hear new ideas of how to handle conflicts at work. Now you find yourself in a challenging situation with a colleague and you pull on the resources and strategies you just learned. WOW! You experienced a positive result from the way you handled the conflict, and it worked for other situations as well.  INSPIRATION has now taken hold.

When you personalize your learning in the form of a Life List as John Maxwell suggests, or you experience learning turning from motivation to being internally inspired as suggested by Tom Izzo, or you have a 7 Point Creed as John Wooden describes, the key is YOU! YOU are taking control, YOU are taking action, and first and foremost YOU are making a difference in your own life.

“Greatness can be attained by each of us when we make our finest effort to become the best we are capable of becoming,” according to John Wooden. He continues, “God didn’t make us all equal in ability; we’re not equal as far as size or appearance. We don’t all have the same advantages as others, BUT we are all equal as far as having the same opportunity to make the most of what we have – whatever that may be. When you give yourself fully to that effort whatever your circumstances or situation – good bad, or otherwise – you have done all you can do.”

Jesse Owens said, “We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline and effort.” Now frame this with a Life List or a personal creed to guide you in creating your daily masterpiece. Inspiration comes from within!

I wish you a week filled with inspiration, and a time to create your own Life List in order to make each day a masterpiece.