What's YOUR Focus?

You get what you expect. What you focus on is what you get. Jim Rohn and others talk about this all the time.

You’ve heard the expression, “Go looking for trouble and that’s what you’ll find.” It’s true not only about trouble but about everything. “Go looking for conflict, and you’ll find it. Go looking for people to take advantage of you, and they generally will.” On the other hand, “Go looking for the best in people, and you’ll be amazed at how much talent, ingenuity, empathy and goodwill you’ll find. Ultimately, the world treats you the way you expect to be treated.”

People won’t take advantage of you because you won’t expect them to. It’s what you focus on! Look for the positive and focus on all that is right instead of what is wrong. It’s easier to get caught up in all the negative, go along with the complaining, listen to and accept the fears others are throwing out. Yet, where will that lead you? How will you be able to move forward with that negativity?

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself. Are you going to offer your friends, family, colleagues etc. words of encouragement and hope? Are you willing to find your own truth and facts OR are you going to go along with the crowd? Are you willing to learn, grow, and find gratitude in all that you have OR are you going to fall into the easy trap of fear, negativity, and complaining?

Motivational leaders such as Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, and even Robert Kiyosaki will tell you that you are who you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with negative, glass half empty and critical of everything and everyone then that’s who you will become. On the other hand, if you surround yourself with people who are about giving to others, who are about adding value to others, who are grateful even for the little things then that’s what you become.

What do you choose? What will you focus on? After all, it is a choice and it is in your control.

Book Suggestion: The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann

Quote: “Sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right. We do not always need an intelligent mind that speaks, just a patient heart that listens.”

READING is KEY

Last week I wished you a week of reflection around your own work history and experiences. As always, I enjoy hearing your thoughts.

One of my very favorite books is Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener. In the preface, Jim Rohn writes, “The lessons of life and leadership are timeless truths rather than vogue content. I believe there are core principles of success, universal and timeless truths that men and women of every generation can apply to their lives that will help them succeed in every area of their lives.”

I’m constantly talking about our need to continually learn and grow in order to live life to the fullest. As with the past few blogs there’s the need to know WHY we do what we do, and there’s the need to continually WORK to make our dreams and goals come to fruition. 12 Pillars is one more reminder that reading can be life-changing.

Self-development books can give a vision of who you can be, what you can become, a life you can design and dreams you can accomplish. We don’t know what we don’t know, yet reading is a window which can open your world to accomplish anything you set your mind to.

We’ve all heard the quote, “The only way things are going to change is if YOU change.” That’s scary for most people. We are very comfortable in our “box.” It’s scary to live outside that “box” yet that is where true growth and development happens. The easy way out is to blame or complain or defend our actions or lack of actions on someone else, our environment or our boss/coach/teacher/spouse. (“Below the Line” behavior according to Urban Meyer.) The “above the line” action is to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions.

“You can’t change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight. You are where you are in your life, but you don’t have to stay there.” We each need to be able to say we’re the one designing our life plan. Otherwise we end up falling into someone else’s plan. (Last week’s blog referred to the negative effects welfare has on our young people and their lack of being in control of their own life plan.)

We know we need to surround ourselves with the best people. These are winners, successful people who exhibit the values and skills we want to acquire and develop, and those people who inspire us to be our very best. We should be looking for relationships with other successful people who will push us, challenge us, and encourage us to be our best. As Jim Rohn says, “Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.”

One thing in common with successful people are those who are working hard on being the best they can be. These are people who are lifelong learners. “Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune. Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality.”

My question to you is, “How much are you reading? What new books have you added to your reading list this past year? How much are you listening to audios that bring you new information to make you stronger in a particular area of your life?” Have you taken classes or attended seminars?

My January blog suggested setting up monthly goals for 2017 to be different than 2016. We are now almost finished with 10 months of 2017, and we’re heading into the holidays. How would you “rate” yourself in the area of learning and growing this year? What’s different? Anything?

It’s easy to say we don’t have time to read or “I’m not a reader.” Once again that’s what 95% of people say as their excuse why they can’t change. My challenge to you is to find a way to read one book in the next four weeks. That might mean listening to a book on tape as you travel to and from work. That might mean setting a goal of how many pages you will read each day. Take the total number of pages in the book and divide it by 30 days to know what that number will be. Choose a book in the area you feel you need the most help with in your personal development journey.

If you’re really serious about Being the Best YOU that YOU can be, reading will become a habit and a part of your growth.

If you take the challenge to read a book in the next four weeks, make it even stronger that you will be successful by sharing your goal with someone. When we voice our goal to someone else who will hold us accountable, we are far more likely to accomplish that goal.

I wish you a week of getting started on your book and taking your personal development to another level.  

INFLUENCERS

Last week I wished you a week of self-reflection. I also hope you took the time to watch Larry Elder in this video. There’s a lot to think about when it comes to labeling people which affects our perceptions of them as a person.

Recently, I have been aware of how many of us are more worried about what others will think of us when we say or do something. Unfortunately, that just takes away our focus on what our true self is all about.

This past weekend, we were in Illinois and attended a fantastic get together that was kicked off with a mini skit with a Mash theme. (Remember the TV show Mash that took place during the Korean War?) The hostess welcomed everyone, had a personal tribute to all the Veterans in the audience, of which there were many, and gave a special tribute to her father who was the only Korean War vet present. It was beautiful. Later, however, she was worried that singling out her dad was offensive to some.

My question was how did her dad feel about the tribute? Answer… He was very pleased. Then yes, this was the right thing to do. My next question is… if others had said, before hand, that they would be offended would she still have said what she said or not?

We all went through MANY years of being “politically correct” and yet in certain “circles” we knew we could say what was true to our heart. We are now being bombarded by opposing views on social media, on TV, in many newspapers and magazines. For me when I went to college, I began to formulate my own beliefs and opinions because I was exposed to a variety of belief structures. Yet, today, in my opinion, our young people are getting only one side, some have been penalized by professors for differing views, and there have been attacks both verbally and physically to others.

At my age now, I know I have changed some of my positions on various topics and others are nonnegotiable. I also know that in the past I was more worried about what people would think of me, and yes, I kept quiet at times but I knew I also was not being true to who I was as a person.

I remember Jim Britt, talking about control and acceptance. The question came down to… did I want control, did I want acceptance or did I want both? Hmmm…that’s a good one to contemplate. By quietly asking myself what I was truly looking for, it allowed me a brief moment to step back and reflect on my motive. When I was younger, it was definitely wanting acceptance. When I was out of school and in my teaching career, often it was both wanting to be in control AND wanting to be accepted.

I look around at the young athletes on Jason’s football team, I talk with the young people on our WV team, I talk with other adults in a variety of settings and the topic of toxic people seems to come up again and again. These are the people who have no desire to listen nor have a dialog with differing views. These are the people who are critical of anything different from what they think and are also the same ones who will never be your cheerleader for your dreams and goals. In fact, they are the opposite. They will be the dream stealers. They live their lives “below the line” with constantly blaming, complaining, and defending their actions. There is no personal development to learn and grow.

I was recently rereading a wonderful book, 12 Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener. In chapter 6, there was another reminder that people in our lives have an amazing power to influence us. For me it doesn’t matter whether you are still in high school, college, early in your career, or in retirement. It doesn’t matter whether you are single, married, divorced, in a relationship whether you are with or without children, my question to you is are you being true to yourself with your thoughts and actions or are you more concerned about having control and/or being accepted? How much influence do others really have in your life?

Ask yourself the following questions:

Who am I around?

What effect are they having on me?

What have they got me reading? Listening to? Watching?

What do they have me thinking? Saying?

Where do they have me going?

Most important, what do they have me becoming?

Then ask yourself….Is that ok?

Our attitudes are greatly shaped by who influences us and who we associate with.

If you join an easy crowd, you won’t grow. Are you looking for something easy or are you going to go where the expectations and demands to perform are high? Don’t you really want to surround yourself with successful people who exhibit and live consistently to the values and skills that you want to acquire and develop?

If you reflect on your life at whatever age you are right now; haven’t you had opportunities where you could have developed new relationships? YOU STILL CAN! “Successful people look for relationships with other successful people who will push them, challenge them, and encourage them to become better.” Mentors and coaches are the people who are there to support you, to push you, because they know what it takes. They have lived it and continue to live it. They have experience. An open mind will absorb all the words of wisdom whether they totally understand it at the time or not.

Of course, when you are trying to be the best that you can be, you will be a threat to those who are comfortable to only blame, complain, and defend their actions. They will be the toxic voices trying to get you to join them in their B,C,D mentality. The more they push, the more you know they are threatened by your focus and desire to move ahead in your life.

“Leaving people behind is hard. Life is a long journey, and we meet people all along the way. Some of those people will go the whole journey with us. Some will only take potions of the journey with us. Some will join us for a long time. Others will come and go. Now, imagine if you were on a trip and someone started out with you, but wasn’t much help. Would you want them to continue the journey with you? Of course not. We have the freedom-and the responsibility-to determine who we associate with, and that will have a big impact on how well our journey goes.”

“We will all suffer from two pains; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The pain of discipline weighs ounces. The pain of regret weighs tons.”

I wish you a week of reflecting on who you are associating with, and therefore who is also influencing you? Take the time to reflect on whether your words and actions are truly coming from your heart OR are they because you are wanting control, acceptance, or both?

Inspiration or Desperation?

Last week, I wished you a week of reflecting on your WHY’s especially in your career and in your relationships or marriage. What did you learn about yourself? If you did or didn’t examine this question, in more detail, the real question is whether or not you want to do something different in your life.

This is the time of year when parents are going crazy with all the end of the school year concerts, projects, award assemblies, graduation and graduation parties etc. etc. That’s on top of their job and juggling all the other daily stuff. Despite being retired for quite a while now, I still remember that time of year. I get the time thing.

Let’s look then at setting a day that you WILL look at your why’s, and you WILL put into place a reflection time for yourself. After all, it is now almost a full five months into 2017. Summer will bring its own challenges especially if you have children who need activities and things to do. Yes, it’s a slower time on one hand and yet it has its own demands as well.

Let’s be clear. Unless you want something to change or you want to take time for reflection or you don’t want to be in the same place as you were at the end of 2016 in a specific area of your life then STOP with the excuses NOW! Remember, it’s not about how much time you have it’s truly whether or not something is a priority.

If you aren’t sure WHY you are doing what you are doing, or WHY you don’t have a special someone in your life, or WHY you are always playing catch up with your finances etc. etc. then that’s exactly WHY you should stop and take stock on what is going on.

Nothing will change if you’re not willing to change.

Jim Rohn says that “we generally change ourselves for two reasons: inspiration or desperation.” You will always read in his books or hear on his tapes that it’s important to work hard on your own personal growth. Not an easy task, I will admit, however, it’s probably also one of the most rewarding tasks that leads to true growth. If you are truly on a learning and growing life path, you realize that personal development lasts a lifetime.

I am a true believer of “what you become is far more important than what you get.” I’ve learned the question is NOT “what am I getting” but instead it’s “what am I becoming?” They’re really both intertwined because I am learning that what someone becomes directly influences what they get.”

In reading books like Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and others, they will always say that “income rarely exceeds personal development.” Look around at all the professional athletes who have made 10’s of millions of dollars who are now bankrupt or the lottery winner that is now totally broke. “Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities and the mindset that come with it, it will always shrink back to the amount you can handle.”

Let's look at others words than just income. Marriages rarely exceeds personal development. Relationships rarely exceeds personal development. Spiritual life rarely exceeds personal development. Health rarely exceeds personal development. Parenting rarely exceeds personal development. Job (fill in the blank) rarely exceeds personal development.  

“It’s hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development. So here’s the great axiom of life:

       To have more than you’ve got, become more than you are!”  

This is the reason why a lifelong mindset of personal development is essential to success and that is true in ALL areas of your life. Otherwise the axiom of not changing is; 

“Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you got.” Are you really ok with accepting that axiom?

 Life will only change when you do. You can blame and/or complain about your teacher, your coach, your parents, your boss, your ex, your financial planner, your age, your size, your looks etc. all you want but where does that lead you? NO WHERE!

“None of us can completely control external events, but we can always control and adapt our responses.” Think about that. What’s in your control? YOUR responses to the situations and the circumstances that make up your life are ALL in your control. 

We may not be able to control those external events/circumstances, however, we CAN control and adapt our responses. “None of us can know which cards fate is going to deal out, but we can always control how we play them.”

Life always involves opportunity mixed with difficulty. That has been the case since the beginning of time. With that said let’s be clear…my life, your life, anyone’s life will only change when we change. The only way things get better is when you get better. Better is not based on wishes; better is something you become.

Jim Rohn explains, “Personal development is a push. It’s a struggle. It’s a challenge.” It takes a mindset that is willing to accept change. AND it takes consistency. Think about when you’re learning something new whether it be a new skill, a new sport, a new technique, or you’re in a new relationship, or you have a new position coach, or a new boss. You’re being challenged to get out of your comfort zone which is familiar and safe.

Keep in mind that when you’re learning and growing you’re going to feel uncomfortable. That’s the attribute to pay attention to, and it’s ok to be uncomfortable. Unfortunately, what we often times do is tell ourselves that because something is new and different we begin to think that because we are uncomfortable then whatever it is isn’t right. The new relationship isn’t right, the new technique that the coach is teaching me is not the same as the other coach so it’s not right etc.

Are there times when something doesn't seem right? Of course, but I would suggest that until you take the time to find your purpose, your WHY how do you truly evaluate things that come across your path? For example, if you don’t know your own personal value and love yourself, how do you expect to know if a relationship is right for you or not? If you don’t know WHY you’re playing a sport or why you’re in the job you’re in, how do you expect to know if something is right or not?

Often times we confuse our uncomfortable feelings with right and wrong only. Yet if we’ve taken the time to truly know our own personal value, then we can look at other reasons for that uncomfortable feeling. Maybe it’s just because something is new, it’s a different approach, we’ve had more experience now and we’re ready to move on, or maybe we’re realizing that we have more to offer and therefore need a change.

I would encourage you to aim for inspiration when you look at all areas of your life. That means to take personal development seriously and know who you are. That IS in your control! Books, CD’s, seminars, meditation, exercise, face to face conversations…

In addition, as social beings we also need support.  Who do you surround yourself with? Who inspires you to be better? Who guides you to go to the next level? Who encourages you to take risks? Who supports you when you’re down but is not an enabler? Who will be there for you no matter what?

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What we think, we become.” – Buddha

I wish you a week of reflection to truly know and accept where you are in your life and where you want to be. This is YOUR journey of a lifetime so make the most of each and every day.

What Do Warren Buffet and Tony Robbins Have in Common?

Last week, I wished you a week of consistently living your “just for today” list. The point was that if you live each day without regret then in the tough times, you can embrace the sorrow and move on. How did you do and how are you doing? Remember, this is a process not just a onetime exercise.

What do you think Tony Robbins and Warren Buffet would say was THE best investment they ever made? “Tony Robbins went from working as a janitor to being a multi-millionaire who sells inspiration for a living. Warren Buffet, one of the most successful investors of all time, is currently worth almost $75 billion.

Both of these legendary businessmen say THE best investment they ever made was not a stock or financial asset. It was a class.”

Did you guess this? Through a class taught by Jim Rohn; one of the greatest motivators, speakers and authors of his time, taught Robbins that the most important work he could do in his life was working on himself.”

Instead of focusing on all the things out of his control, Rohn’s message was to focus on what WAS in his control. AND as Urban Meyer talks about in his book Above the Line, taking responsibility for your actions is what is in our control. The blaming, complaining, and defending our actions is below the line and does not move us forward.

“I could improve myself; I could find a way to serve, a way to do more, a way to become better, a way to add value,” writes Robbins in his book Money: Master the Game. Notice that his learning helped him realize that by himself learning and growing and becoming better; he could, in turn, impact so many others. He was taking total control over what was in his control. He didn’t spend a lot of time blaming his upbringing, or all his struggles. He focused on learning new skills, learning what successful people do and duplicating those actions rather than listening to the naysayers trying to hold him back. He learned to surround himself with positive people.

“Buffet learned a similar lesson. He was terrified of public speaking when he was young. To force himself to face his fears, at age 20, Buffet signed up for a public speaking course with the Dale Carnegie Institute.” He didn’t stop there. “After graduating from the course, Buffet went to the University of Omaha and, to fully overcome his phobia, he asked to teach a class.” You can find more information in Tim Ferriss’s book Tools of the Titans which is about the habits and processes of successful people.

According to Buffet, “there’s no financial investment that’ll ever match investing in yourself. If you develop more skills more abilities, more insight, more capacity, that’s what’s going to really provide economic freedom…It’s those skill sets that really make that happen.”

So what can we all learn from these two giants who are yes, exceedingly wealthy in the financial arena? First and foremost, their success did not happen overnight, it did not happen in a couple weeks or a couple months. Their success DID come because of hard work, learning, failing and learning more, focus, and consistently persevering despite what others were saying. They did NOT stop learning and growing despite their financial achievements. 

In fact, they both continue to be voracious readers and learners even today.

Buffet is now 86 and Robbins is 57. Wouldn’t’ it be easier to kick back and enjoy life because “you’ve made it?”   These are men who have impacted the lives of so many others through their mentoring, through their philanthropic focus, through their abilities to reach a wide variety of people in their speaking engagements etc.

Both of these men have had an attitude of doing “whatever it takes.” They saw advantages not obstacles. They didn’t use excuses when there was failure, they used those failures to learn and adjust. They found mentors, coaches, successful people as role models as they understood that what they focused on was what expanded.

If the greatest investment, according to Warren Buffet and Tony Robbins, is to invest in yourself, how much are YOU investing in YOURSELF? Are you where you want to be financially? Are you where you want to be being able to give to nonprofits or other organizations that are important to you? Are you where you want to be in your relationships with your spouse/significant other, your children, your parents, your colleagues etc? 

Are you finding that you use your age, your difficult situations, your struggles with relationships, your lack of money etc. as excuses? Do you find yourself focusing on lack and obstacles OR do you focus on pushing through those obstacle to move forward without excuses?

My personal opinion is your focus to be The Best You that You Can Be will be a direct reflection on the actions you take toward investing in yourself.

What are you reading? Who are the people you’re surrounding yourself with? What are you listening to? Are you dedicated to listening to personal development CD’s etc. while you’re driving? Do you have an educational fund which would allow you to take a class or attend a seminar?

If you believe that Buffet and Robbins are correct that the greatest investment is investing in yourself then how do you rate yourself in investing in yourself?

The first step is to decide whether investing in yourself is important to you. If it is important then take the time to rate where you stand TODAY with a focus on investing in yourself. Be honest. If you say it’s important, then your true focus will be to take action.

That action might be to read or listen to a book from Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, or others. It might be to change what you’re listening to in the car, it might be to look for a class or a seminar, etc.

Each week, as I write these blogs, I wonder how many people are truly wanting to take action in making the most of each day and improving themselves. It’s the 80/20 rule. 80% of the people reading these will possibly make a slight change for a short time. 20% of the people will actually take action and make that action a habit. Which one are you? 80% or 20%?

I wish you a week of deciding if investing in yourself is THE best investment you can make in yourself and what action you are willing to commit to on a consistent basis until it becomes a habit. I look forward to hearing from you.

This past week I hope you took time to THINK. Did you set aside time to THINK about what is going well in your life? What do you want to change, or make better, or do more of? Do you find you are willing to THINK outside the box? Do you allow yourself time to THINK creatively, and THINK originally?

Especially in this time of protests about standing or sitting while the National Anthem is being sung, “celebrities” weighing in on their opinions, the news media having their “opinions” versus reporting in a neutral manner, our Facebook “friends” expressing their opinions etc. etc., are you THINKING about YOUR views based on YOUR core beliefs? Or are you going along with a particular viewpoint, but you don’t know WHY? Are you taking a particular stand because that’s what everyone else around you is thinking and you don’t want to rock the boat or “look” different?

In Terrence Woods’ radio show; Before You Go Pro, a couple weeks ago, he had three speakers on to give their reactions to Colin Kaepernick sitting during the National Anthem. It was a great discussion with various viewpoints and ethnic backgrounds of the speakers. Two things stood out to me; one was that each person had an opinion based on their own reality, there was a discussion, and it was a civil discussion. Secondly, the most poignant point that stood out to me was the position of the black educator at a high school when confronted with a student who came into his office who wanted to sit during the National Anthem at one of the upcoming sporting events. This true leader did not take a personal stand, however, asked questions and had a discussion with the student. His key question was to know the student’s WHY. What was the reason for this young man to sit? Did he truly have a reason or was he just following what he saw on TV?

Just by asking the question WHY to someone, no matter what the situation or issue, is the key point to true THINKING! So many of us, especially our iY generation young people, are listening to friends which now has become a “group think” rather than a true examination of a personal belief system, a true core of who we are as an individual.

I ask that everyone who is in a position as a coach, teacher, civic, employer, pastor etc. to take the time to help our young people develop their own core values and to know WHY they believe what they believe. When possible let’s have a dialog with our students, our athletes, and especially our children about their thoughts and learn WHY they feel the way they do. This takes TIME, it takes asking a lot of questions, and it means guiding from a position of neutrality without the interference of our own opinions and judgments. We may not always agree with what they end up with, however, isn’t that part of developing as a person?

We all have people in our sphere of influence who contribute to what we are thinking both positively and negatively. I ask that you THINK about who these people are and what kind of influence you are allowing them to have in your life. 

And just to be clear, it’s NOT just our iY generation! There are an abundance of adults who continue to want to please others which is their main WHY. That, in my personal opinion, is VERY sad and definitely NOT productive. I am a believer that we can all learn and grow starting with our mindset!! THINK! Ask yourself WHY!

The following is from October 14, 2014, “Forging Your Character,” by Jim Rohn,

Personal success is built on the foundation of character, and character is the result of hundreds and hundreds of choices you might make that gradually turn who you are at any given moment into who you want to be. If that decision-making process is not present, you'll still be somebody—you'll still be alive—but you may have a personality rather than a character, and to me that's something very different. Character isn't something you were born with and can't change, like your fingerprints. It's something you must take responsibility for forming. You build character by how you respond to what happens in your life, whether it's winning every game, losing every game, getting rich or dealing with hard times.

Building your character is vital to becoming all you can be.

I encourage you to THINK! I encourage you to know YOUR WHY in all that you do. After all, as Jim Rohn says, “You must take responsibility for forming your character.”

I wish you a continued week of THINKING and asking yourself the key question of WHY YOU stand for, believe in, and support something no matter what it is.

Do You Take Time to THINK?

This past week did you take the time to reflect on what you stand for as you live your daily life? What is your “body of work” as you create your own pedigree?

There’s so much going on in all of our lives between work, raising our children, demands on our time with commitments, the basics of keeping up a house, and the yard. Oh yes, and then there are our relationships with our spouse/significant other, our family, friends etc., keeping up with our personal health, our spiritual lives, etc. etc. etc. There’s a continuous feeling of being on a treadmill, a feeling of being pulled in so many different directions, and never feeling like we’re in control of anything. Sound familiar?

I remember those days of having so many demands on my time and feeling overwhelmed. I also wasn’t the most patient, and I felt inadequate at home and at school. I wish I had known more about the idea of prioritizing versus trying to be all things to everyone. Everyone that is except me. I knew I was better when I had some alone time to gather my thoughts, but I wasn’t very good about actually doing that. Of course, what do they tell all of us on the airplane? “Put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST and then on your child.” What a concept.

We have more of a tendency to think we’re being selfish if we do take time for ourselves, yet that’s exactly what we need to do. Take more advice from Urban Meyer and his Above the Line book. “When you’re feeling out of control, things aren’t going right, and you’re feeling overwhelmed… (1) SLOW DOWN (2) Go deep, and (3) Figure out why. Remember it’s all about prioritizing our time since we all have 24 hours in a day.

“It’s very easy in this world we live in to get so caught up in the tyranny of the urgent that we don’t make time to THINK.” We all have distractions that pull us away from reflecting on the issues and challenges in our lives. Interestingly enough Dan Gilbert, founder of Quicken Loans and owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers says, “THINKING about problems, challenges, new ways of doing things, and creativity is one of the hardest things we will ever do yet it brings the best results. Most people prefer to play it safe, not rock the boat, and never stray far from the status quo.”

How many people do you know who went to good schools and got good grades yet had a difficult time THINKING outside the box, couldn’t THINK on their feet, and had difficulty adjusting to change? We have such a focus, in our schools, on testing and grades. I’m not opposed to testing, but what we’re forcing teachers to do is to teach facts that can be regurgitated on a test. In today’s internet world, our students can Google the facts. What we need to be doing is teaching problem solving skills, applying the facts to a real life situation or problem, teaching alternative ways to view a problem, teaching communication skills to deal with conflicts and teaching how to reach a common goal. We need to be teaching our children to THINK!

“As it says in Proverbs, iron sharpens iron. Out of the sharpening process come better ideas and more committed performance. I don’t want yes-men around me I want people who’ve thought stuff through and are bringing it to me to make things better,” according to Meyer. It’s amazing to me the number of people in this country who are clueless as to how to talk with different generations, how to communicate thoughts and feelings that are different than what they’ve read on Twitter or Facebook. It’s amazing to hear people only have someone else’s thoughts versus any original ideas. They don’t know how to THINK on their own. When challenged they don't know how to respond because the answer wasn't truly their own. Have we gotten to a point of graduating a generation of people who are of the “group think” mentality? They’re wanting more to look like everyone else, sound like everyone else, and not rock the boat.

I remember people like John Maxwell and Jim Rohn stating that it’s one thing to teach people what to THINK, but teaching people HOW to THINK is altogether different. If we want to be able to be the best we can be as an individual living life “above the line,” it’s critical we have a quiet time to THINK.  According to William Deresiewicz, an author and essayist who gave a lecture at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point titled “Solitude and Leadership” pointed out that true leadership comes from within. “It comes from a deep introspection into your beliefs. But if you can’t put aside distractions long enough to be alone in reflection, formulate your own ideas and opinions, then you are handicapping your ability to THINK, make decisions, and lead.”

I would contend that each of us is a leader in all areas of our lives. We can either be a positive leader or a negative leader in our own home, with our spouse and our children, in our jobs, in our extracurricular activities etc. We can be a leader by learning, growing, and being a positive role model or we can be a leader of what NOT to do.  

Whatever it is you’re working on professionally or personally, there’s no doubt that being effective requires each of us to THINK independently. In order to THINK, there needs to be clarity of purpose, and we need to be clear on our priorities. How can we do that if we’re not giving ourselves time to THINK and have a “deep introspection into our beliefs?”

INVEST  time to THINK. Make this a priority. THINK deeply, originally, creatively. Challenge yourself to THINK outside the box. Don’t settle for just getting by because you don’t put energy into the time it takes to THINK! “When things aren’t going right, the most important thing you can do is to (1) SLOW DOWN, (2) Go deep within yourself, and (3) figure out why.”

To take time to THINK, you must be willing to prioritize the time you need for QUIET, no distractions with your phone beeping with every new message, no checking Facebook or Twitter, no interruptions from ANYONE. That means committing time to YOU, time to reflect, time to THINK.”

“Most people don’t lead their own lives…they accept their lives,” says John Kotter, professor of leadership at Harvard Business School. Don’t be the one living a passive life. It’s your choice as to how you approach your life at ANY age. If you focus on preparing and being better each and every day you’re being proactive. If you THINK about your life you are being proactive.

I wish you a time to THINK this week. Set aside time to THINK about what is going well in your life, what do you want to change?  THINK outside the box, THINK creatively, and THINK originally.

  

Live Your Life Above the Line

In your reflection last week, who did you decide you can have a positive influence on each and every day?

There has been a letdown in our house after watching a lot of the Olympic action over the past two weeks. I am continually amazed at the talent, the skills, and the sense of pride to be an American which came out time and time again throughout the games. God Bless America!

My latest read is once again from a book that Jason read and even had all his coaches read before this new season. It’s called Above the Line by Urban Meyer. It’s a book on “lessons of leadership and life from a championship season.” The take away is far more than just a football book. It’s a book about life and creating a culture of leadership that is above anything else I’ve ever read.

Meyer is extremely candid about his struggles of balancing football and life in general. The key ingredient for him to change, even after all his successes, was because he was coachable himself and willing to learn and grow.  Leaders are learners.

“Leadership is based on trust that has been earned.” Successful leaders earn trust, set clear standards, and then equip and inspire people to meet those standards. With this definition in mind, who would you say are the leaders you surround yourself with on a regular basis? I know I was fortunate enough to have a principal, my last 15 years of teaching, who was a true leader and was a role model for learning, growing, and inspiring others to meet the clear standards he set.

On the other hand, I have also experienced those who want to be a leader solely on their title. It was because of that title, position, etc. that others were to respect that person, follow their lead, never challenge what the “leader” said. They were usually ones that were not open to learning and growing. These are usually the same people who fight change, fear those that bring on a different mindset, and do their best to squelch anything that wasn’t his/her idea.

I celebrated when I saw that in Urban’s book he stated, “Honesty is one of our core values at Ohio State. Honesty and its first cousin, accountability, are the heart of what we do, and that goes for everybody, staff, and players alike.” Hmmm…I’m not sure we have our politicians and other “leaders” who would be able to state that honesty and accountability is their core value, however, isn’t that why we are struggling as a nation? Isn’t getting back to our basic core values what people are wanting in today’s world?

Purpose is what should be driving all that we do. According to Meyer, “without it, you can work hard and do all sorts of things right and still not get the results you want.” We saw an example of purpose with every event we watched on the Olympics. These athletes worked hard for 4+ years in order to reach the goal of being at the Olympics in the first place. Their focus and purpose was to win a gold medal. Did each person win a gold medal? Of course not, but that purpose was a driving factor.

I was very proud of athletes like Carrie Walsh-Jennings and April Ross, the sand volleyball duo. Despite the loss to Brazil and the chance to go for the gold medal, they never lost their drive to do their very best despite the circumstances. If you watched that match, it was an unbelievable display of talent, grit, and a never give up attitude. They stood on the podium receiving a bronze medal with pride and excitement. Did they want the gold medal? Of course, but they understood they were still true to their core values and were proud to represent the United States of America that day.

Meyer makes sure that everything that is done both on and off the field has a purpose – NOTHING is accidental. How many of us can say that about our lives? Think about yesterday and your actions. Did you have a purpose with everything you did or did you find there was much done out of habit without any purpose? If you find you’re not purpose oriented, now’s the time to be willing to change and grow since that is truly the essence of life and leadership. After all, if we’re not growing we’re dying, according to Jim Rohn.

Meyer’s leadership consultant, Tim Knight’s teaching point states that it all begins with “Above the line” behavior. This behavior is intentional, on purpose, and skillful. To the contrary, “Below the line” behavior is impulsive, on autopilot, and resistant. This is dangerous because we become comfortable and it’s convenient.”  Eventually, this Below the Line thinking produces failure. How many times do we settle, or we’re used to doing something the same old way as it’s much harder to change and do something different.

As Urban states and I would agree, “Above the Line or Below the Line” is the most important choice we all make every day. Above the Line behavior is conscious and thoughtful – a choice made in alignment with our larger vision of where we want to go.”

Also according to Urban in his book,” It isn’t hard to find people who are caught up in Below the Line Behavior. All we have to do is look for those whose first reaction is to Blame (others), Complain (about circumstances), and Defend (yourself) or BCD.”

Knowing these three words of actions representing Below the Line behavior is a great way for each of us to check our own actions. It’s also a great way to teach our children and grandchildren that when we blame others, complain about circumstances, and defend our actions we are acting Below the Line. How powerful would this simple piece of advice help guide each of us in our own actions and be a role model for others?

“BCD has never solved a problem, achieved a goal, or improved a relationship. Stop wasting your time and energy on something that will never help you. ELIMINATE BCD from your life!”

“Getting and staying Above the Line is the foundation for success in anything we do. It does not come naturally. It must be taught and learned.” For us to achieve exceptional results in our personal lives, our health, our emotional and spiritual health, our jobs, our relationships we must learn to consistently live Above the Line to act purposefully, intentionally, and skillfully when it matters most.

I wish you a week of reflection on your Above the Line behavior and consciously avoiding BCD.

Lessons from the Golden State Warriors

How are you coming with committing to a healthy mindset to build a strong foundation for your character? I hope you continue to remember these words from Jim Rohn, “Personal success is built on the foundation of character, and character is the result of hundreds and hundreds of choices you might make that gradually turn who you are at any given moment into who you want to be.”

I prefer watching college basketball although with the NBA basketball championship games going on now, I will watch these. I am a big fan of talented athletes who are also strong, ethical people with character. I happened to be reading a Parent magazine recently and there was an article about Stephen Curry, his wife, and their children. Not only is he an incredible athlete, but his actions off the court show he is a man of integrity, he values his wife and his children, and they both seem to have their heads on straight when it comes to parenting. In my opinion, we need to see more of this in our society!

I was recently reading an article in Success about the Golden State Warriors. For a little background, the Warriors basketball team has had a record-setting season with 73 regular season wins, breaking the NBA record previously held by the Chicago Bulls. Their success, however, didn’t happen overnight. Seeds were planted for this incredible achievement and in a time when the franchise was considered mediocre. It took a coach, Don Nelson, willing to rock the boat and do something different than the norm. Most NBA rosters were anchored around a 7-foot center surrounded by traditional positions. Nelson, on the other hand, took a different approach. He traded big-name players for a “band of journeymen and ‘misfits’ to play ‘small ball.’ “He created a fun, fast-paced style of play designed so that players were interchangeable parts.” The end result was an entire team pulling together, highlighting each other’s strengths while also having fun playing a game they loved. This change began to pay dividends.”

The revitalized franchise has transformed their failure into success. “Fans love cheering for a team that plays with joy, passion and celebrates each other’s successes each and every game.” If you watch any of their games, you can actually see this joy, passion, and celebration through their actions. In the article, it took this success on the court one step further.

On a deeper level, the Warriors success is not only about what happens on the court but is applicable to other sports. It’s also applicable to your business, your relationships, and in your personal life.” There are FIVE Lessons that we can all take to heart and learn how to apply in our own lives:

Create Your Starting Lineup. None of us reach our goals by ourselves. Jim Rohn always says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Think about that for a minute. Who would you say are the five people you spend the most time with? Are these five people going to help you move toward your goals? Are they supportive of you even when you’re struggling? For the Warriors, each player had his own unique set of skills and talents, they worked together to best use their specific contributions with the same goal in mind – work toward the overall good of the team. Egos had to be checked at the door. This leads into the second lesson.

Celebrate Other People’s Successes. Stephen Curry was the regular season MVP, however, he wasn’t named the Finals MVP. Instead, one of his teammates was given that honor. “Curry was seen jumping for joy, celebrating his teammate’s accomplishment.” The lesson here is that “your inner game will improve exponentially when you shift toward abundance and celebrating other people’s wins.” Too often we see athletes, colleagues, friends sulk, point the finger, rationalize, or give excuses as to why they didn’t get an award, make the first team, get the promotion, or their attitude is such a fraud that we all know the “joy” wasn’t real. Can you think of a situation where you didn’t receive an award, or you didn’t get the recognition that you may have thought you deserved or you didn’t get something that you really wanted? What did YOU do? Unlike what we might initially think, someone else’s success doesn’t negate all that we did and our contributions. What if we could all follow Stephen’s example of being excited for someone else’s success?

Focus on Your Strengths. So often we are told we need to work on our weaknesses. There is some truth to that especially when we are part of a team, or we have others depending on us such as colleagues and family members. We always have something to work on to get better. However, if we only focus on our weaknesses we can only become mediocre. If we develop our strengths, perfect our own style based on those strengths then we can get better for ourselves as well as for the team (a team can also be your family or your colleagues). That’s when we can truly become great. In order for this to happen each of us needs to identify one or two strengths that we know we have, then we decide, we TAKE ACTION, and we continue to move forward to make ourselves even better.

Make it Fun. I love watching the Warriors high-five one another on the court, the bench is standing up cheering and sometimes waving towels, they are IN the game emotionally even if they’re not on the court at the time. The atmosphere is high-spirited. On a personal note, I have been watching several Rockies baseball games lately. There definitely is not that same high-spirited atmosphere. Even the sportscasters and announcers will talk about their low energy and the fact it didn’t look like anyone was having any fun. I understand that it’s easier to be “up” when the game is in your favor. However, we’ve all watched games when the momentum switches quickly. It may only be one play, one caught pass close to the TD line, or in the classroom you get back an A paper after several C papers. Things will turn around! It’s a mindset, and it’s usually something small or one event which can begin to make things fun again. Keep moving forward and never quit!

Be the Best Version of You. In the Success article, the author noted that not only was Curry the year’s regular season MVP by a unanimous vote, but he was also the hardest worker. He did what many are not willing to do. He did what he did when there wasn’t any press around, no one was watching. He did it to be able to be the best version of him. He didn’t take one great game for granted. Instead, he stayed after games to work on his jump shot or came an hour early before a game to get a competitive edge. His focus continues to be on consistently getting better himself. He wasn’t looking at everyone else, he didn’t expect others to do what he did, but you can imagine what his teammates did. Of course. They were also energized, they worked on getting better, and they worked hard on their craft as well. That’s called leadership, that’s called being a positive role model, and that means YOU being in control of being the best version of YOU.

How can you take these five lessons and apply them to your life? Choose one area that you want to focus on for the next week. What is it you want to be able to do to begin setting a new habit? What is it you can do to move toward a new goal or a goal that you want to strengthen with more action behind it?

I wish you a week of reflection on what these five winning lessons from the Golden State Warriors means to you.