INFLUENCERS

Last week I wished you a week of self-reflection. I also hope you took the time to watch Larry Elder in this video. There’s a lot to think about when it comes to labeling people which affects our perceptions of them as a person.

Recently, I have been aware of how many of us are more worried about what others will think of us when we say or do something. Unfortunately, that just takes away our focus on what our true self is all about.

This past weekend, we were in Illinois and attended a fantastic get together that was kicked off with a mini skit with a Mash theme. (Remember the TV show Mash that took place during the Korean War?) The hostess welcomed everyone, had a personal tribute to all the Veterans in the audience, of which there were many, and gave a special tribute to her father who was the only Korean War vet present. It was beautiful. Later, however, she was worried that singling out her dad was offensive to some.

My question was how did her dad feel about the tribute? Answer… He was very pleased. Then yes, this was the right thing to do. My next question is… if others had said, before hand, that they would be offended would she still have said what she said or not?

We all went through MANY years of being “politically correct” and yet in certain “circles” we knew we could say what was true to our heart. We are now being bombarded by opposing views on social media, on TV, in many newspapers and magazines. For me when I went to college, I began to formulate my own beliefs and opinions because I was exposed to a variety of belief structures. Yet, today, in my opinion, our young people are getting only one side, some have been penalized by professors for differing views, and there have been attacks both verbally and physically to others.

At my age now, I know I have changed some of my positions on various topics and others are nonnegotiable. I also know that in the past I was more worried about what people would think of me, and yes, I kept quiet at times but I knew I also was not being true to who I was as a person.

I remember Jim Britt, talking about control and acceptance. The question came down to… did I want control, did I want acceptance or did I want both? Hmmm…that’s a good one to contemplate. By quietly asking myself what I was truly looking for, it allowed me a brief moment to step back and reflect on my motive. When I was younger, it was definitely wanting acceptance. When I was out of school and in my teaching career, often it was both wanting to be in control AND wanting to be accepted.

I look around at the young athletes on Jason’s football team, I talk with the young people on our WV team, I talk with other adults in a variety of settings and the topic of toxic people seems to come up again and again. These are the people who have no desire to listen nor have a dialog with differing views. These are the people who are critical of anything different from what they think and are also the same ones who will never be your cheerleader for your dreams and goals. In fact, they are the opposite. They will be the dream stealers. They live their lives “below the line” with constantly blaming, complaining, and defending their actions. There is no personal development to learn and grow.

I was recently rereading a wonderful book, 12 Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener. In chapter 6, there was another reminder that people in our lives have an amazing power to influence us. For me it doesn’t matter whether you are still in high school, college, early in your career, or in retirement. It doesn’t matter whether you are single, married, divorced, in a relationship whether you are with or without children, my question to you is are you being true to yourself with your thoughts and actions or are you more concerned about having control and/or being accepted? How much influence do others really have in your life?

Ask yourself the following questions:

Who am I around?

What effect are they having on me?

What have they got me reading? Listening to? Watching?

What do they have me thinking? Saying?

Where do they have me going?

Most important, what do they have me becoming?

Then ask yourself….Is that ok?

Our attitudes are greatly shaped by who influences us and who we associate with.

If you join an easy crowd, you won’t grow. Are you looking for something easy or are you going to go where the expectations and demands to perform are high? Don’t you really want to surround yourself with successful people who exhibit and live consistently to the values and skills that you want to acquire and develop?

If you reflect on your life at whatever age you are right now; haven’t you had opportunities where you could have developed new relationships? YOU STILL CAN! “Successful people look for relationships with other successful people who will push them, challenge them, and encourage them to become better.” Mentors and coaches are the people who are there to support you, to push you, because they know what it takes. They have lived it and continue to live it. They have experience. An open mind will absorb all the words of wisdom whether they totally understand it at the time or not.

Of course, when you are trying to be the best that you can be, you will be a threat to those who are comfortable to only blame, complain, and defend their actions. They will be the toxic voices trying to get you to join them in their B,C,D mentality. The more they push, the more you know they are threatened by your focus and desire to move ahead in your life.

“Leaving people behind is hard. Life is a long journey, and we meet people all along the way. Some of those people will go the whole journey with us. Some will only take potions of the journey with us. Some will join us for a long time. Others will come and go. Now, imagine if you were on a trip and someone started out with you, but wasn’t much help. Would you want them to continue the journey with you? Of course not. We have the freedom-and the responsibility-to determine who we associate with, and that will have a big impact on how well our journey goes.”

“We will all suffer from two pains; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The pain of discipline weighs ounces. The pain of regret weighs tons.”

I wish you a week of reflecting on who you are associating with, and therefore who is also influencing you? Take the time to reflect on whether your words and actions are truly coming from your heart OR are they because you are wanting control, acceptance, or both?