Do Your Actions reflect Your Priorities?

Did you take time to reflect on your intentions? Did you focus on being intentional in all that you did this past week? It takes a change in your mindset and your actions to reach a level of significance.

Before I begin, I want to qualify this week’s blog. Timing is everything. I am quite aware that May is a very hectic month especially if you have children in school. However, now that I think about it further, when is our life NOT busy? Summer brings its own challenges with different routines and schedules, vacations, sports etc. Then there’s the fall with a new school year starting and football has begun. I mention football since our lives revolved around Jon’s schedule at CU and now Jason’s schedule at MBU. But wait, then there are other sports beginning, AND the holidays which takes us through October, November, December and January. Of course basketball is in full swing now and oh, don’t forget March Madness, Easter and spring break. Throughout the year, college students are working around their projects, papers, midterms, finals, and the list goes on and on. In other words, life is busy for each of us (even those of us retired) no matter what time of year it is.

Can we agree that everyone has a busy life? Everyone has a long list of what they’d like to get accomplished, everyone has people in their lives who are important to them, everyone has a job/school goals and desires, everyone wants free time, and everyone wants to be healthy in mind and body? With that said, is it important to YOU to lead a life of significance? Are your actions reflecting what’s truly important in your life? Do the people in your life whether it be family, friends, colleagues, employees, team members etc. know that they are important to you and you want to add value to their lives?

I think we all take for granted, on some level, that we will wake up and have another day on this earth. We all “put off until tomorrow” things that we think we can do later. I think we all know “on some level” that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed yet that’s not a comfortable topic for many. I’m not talking about having a will, nor am I referring to planning for financial security when you’re older although both ARE important.

What I want to discuss are whether your actions consistently reflect what you value.

No matter your age; male or female, your marital status, whether you have children or not, whether you’re a college student, beginning a new career or you’ve been in your career for a length of time, we all must focus on what we value and what we want to be remembered for once we leave this world. I, for one, believe that we CAN have it all. We CAN have a successful career AND have a close knit, healthy family. We CAN be healthy in both our mind and body. I’m of the belief that we can use AND vs. either/or. What it takes is BALANCE, and it takes PRIORITIZING! 

As a teacher, throughout my 30 years, it was very important to me to do the very best job I could to give value to my students in order to prepare them for middle school and life in general. However, the most important part of my day was to be sure each student felt valued, respected, and had a “can do” mindset even through struggles and failures. In addition, it was important to me to balance my life of being a mom of two wonderful children who had many interests and commitments, as well as a husband who had an extremely demanding and time consuming job himself. It was important for me to have meal times together, to prepare a healthy meal, to have time for all of us to talk and stay in touch with what was going on in everyone’s lives.  Being healthy both physically and mentally have always been important, however, I have had to continuously work on these areas more when I was working than now.

In addition, it has always been important to me to send my family and friends cards with a hand written note on their birthdays and anniversaries. It’s always been important for me to hand write thank you notes even today which now include my grandchildren. It’s always been important to me to read and learn more about my craft, learn more about being a better parent and now grandparent, learn new ideas about organizing my schedule, our family’s schedule etc. Those were MY values. What are yours?

The first part is to know what you value. Next is the question of how are you going to accomplish those things? My values are not necessarily yours, but I give you my perspective to give you some ideas. I will say, no matter your circumstances, the keys are PLANNING, CONSISTENCY, and ORGANIZATION. I realize some of you are going to stop reading right now as that is something you don't want to hear, but at least get through the following questions…

How would you answer these questions for yourself?

*Are you more organized in your job than you are in your personal life?

*Do you find your job takes precedence the majority of the time over your family?

*Do you remember, after the fact, that it was a family member’s birthday or it was either Mother or Father’s Day and you call to apologize?

*Are you constantly wondering what you should fix for dinner at 5:00 in the evening?

*Do you find with things at home you are doing most things last minute and many things fall through the cracks, but you’re in control at work?

*Do you find you and your spouse/significant other have little time to talk and find out what’s happening at each other’s work, what’s been on their mind etc.?

*Do you find the only conversation you have with your spouse/significant other is about the kids?

*Do you find that you’re tired at the end of every day and seldom feel satisfied with what was accomplished?

*Do you find yourself not eating breakfast and/or eating more fast food meals than home cooked meals?

*Do you say thank you, you’re welcome, and please occasionally or are they a habit no matter if it’s your children, your spouse/significant other, your colleagues your team members etc?

*Do you find your clothes not fitting as comfortably as you would like, yet you chalk it up to just getting older?

*If you value your health and overall wellness, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself on: eating nutritional meals, avoiding sugar, drinking a lot of water, and getting in some kind of cardio at least 3-5 days a week?

These are only a few questions to get you to think about whether your actions reflect your priorities. So how did you do? Are there areas of your life you can make a small change that will have huge rewards in the long run? Keep in mind we’re talking about overall habits knowing that we all slip once in a while. What’s usually the norm for you? Is it important to you to get better and lead that life of significance? 

Remember John Maxwell’s quote, “No one stumbles upon significance. We have to be intentional about making our lives matter. That calls for action ---and not excuses. It’s easier to go from failure to success than from excuses to success. Action is what converts human dreams into significance.”

PLANNING! CONSISTENCY! ORGANIZATION!

Think about some of these suggestions and pick ONE that you’re willing to commit to for the next 30 days – the time it takes for a habit to begin:

1   1.  Take 15 minutes to plan the meals for the week and make up your grocery list. Take into consideration the nights the kids have softball etc. Can that night be a crock pot dinner?

2   2. Set aside 15 minutes at least twice a week, if not more, to sit down with your spouse/significant other without interruptions. Go over what’s happening at work, other things on your mind, or just enjoy some down time with a beer or glass of wine. (Establish an expectation with the kids that this is a mommy and daddy time without interruptions.)

3   3.  Plan ahead to be sure you have what you need for a healthy breakfast. PROTEIN! All it takes is a shake with fruit in a shaker, and you’re out the door.

4   4. Sit down for 15 minutes once a week with your spouse/significant other with your calendars (on your phone or a planner). Go over ALL activities happening in that week which will affect the other person eg. an evening commitment which will bring you home later than usual, any school activities, a game/sporting event for you and/or the kids. Include things you will need help with eg pick up the kids, help with getting ready for something, help with…(This is a focused time NOT a reminder as you’re going out the door that you’ll be home late, for example.)

5   5. Take 30 minutes and put all birthdays, anniversaries in your phone calendar so it’ll come up yearly. Do this once and you’re done! I know this is “my thing” but I can tell you, as a recipient of cards and written words, these are cherished.

6   6.  I learned this from my beautiful mother-in-law: once a month pick out cards for all birthdays, anniversaries, gradations, baby or wedding showers, weddings etc. Address the cards, put a stamp on, and have it ready to go. In addition, put into your phone calendar the day you will need to send the card in order for it to get there on time. This usually will take you 15 minutes once a month!

     7.   Organize ONE area of your home that needs attention. Plan on taking ONE hour and focus on three piles: one is for anything that can be recycled, another is for anything that can be given away to Goodwill, the church a nonprofit etc., and a third is for trash. You CAN do one hour. Then plan another day for ONE hour.

8   8.  Go through your clothes first. Make four piles: one is for those clothes that fit or are slightly tight but you love them, another is for anything that you haven’t worn for at least a year, another pile is for those clothes you must keep for sentimental value although be careful with this category, and then any clothes that are so worn and old that they can’t even be used for rags. GIVE away what you can. We all can let others benefit rather than have our drawers and closets stuffed with clothes that we really don’t ever wear

    9.    For 30 days, write ONE hand written thank you note (text messages do not count) to someone for something they did for you, or for a gift they gave you, or they took the time to go out of their way to help you. That will take you 5-10 minutes! Saying thank you is always great BUT a written note means you took extra time just for them. 

1   10. Routines are built into consistency. When do you have meals, for example? This is even more important when you have kids. They need to know when they’re going to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That time may vary 30 minutes one way or the other, but we all need to establish times for eating. That’s HUGE for our digestive health!

1   11.  Set aside 30 minutes 2-3 times a week to go for a run or do some cardio workout. Involve the kids with your exercising, or take them with you when you go for a walk, bike ride, etc.

If we strive to be the very best we can be there MUST be planning, consistency, and organization to whatever we do. If we can improve in at least ONE area of our life then it’s easier to do the same in another area and another etc. Notice that time can’t be an excuse if you follow any of the 11 suggestions listed above. Most things are going to be 15 minutes and only one is an hour. If you can’t find 15 minutes to plan and organize to make a difference in not only your life but in the lives of your family and the people you work with then life will continue to be stressful and frustrating. If living a life of significance is important something has to change.

Remember:

“Success is winning

Significance is helping others win

Success leaves a fingerprint

Significance leaves a footprint

On the hearts and minds of others.”

Remember:

We all have 24 hours in a day. It's NOT that we don't have the time...It's that something is NOT a priority.

I wish you a week of looking at the list above and deciding ONE of the questions which “spoke to you.” What do you want to change in order to bring more significance to your life and therefore, the lives of those around you? Second choose ONE of the 11 suggestions, or something else, that you will commit to doing for the next 30 days.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

What Part Does Social Media Play in Your Life?

I have written several blogs about judgment.  My point has been that we each have our own thoughts, experiences, beliefs etc. that form who we are and the judgments we hold.  My goal is to understand that our judgments are just that – ours.  It’s not to try to persuade someone else to our way of thinking, but rather to have a discussion, listen, and maybe see another view point.  That’s called conversation NOT argument or persuasion.  What has gotten me riled this morning is definitely MY judgment so I admit that from the very beginning.  I do welcome anyone commenting, agreeing or not, so that I can learn too.

SNL’s skit about ISIS, Tweets surrounding William Shatner not attending the funeral of his friend Leonard Nimoy, hateful tweets surrounding various events at the Oscars, Facebook entrees using foul language about another person’s activities etc. etc.  My first thought is, “What has this world come to?”  Yes, I’m 63 but that doesn't mean I'm not up-to-date on technology, or I have my head in the sand.  I do have my own opinions about being respectful to EVERYONE and teaching our children and grandchildren to do the same.  I’m also of the opinion/judgment that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it especially if you hide behind anonymity. I am a firm believer in the First Amendment which is freedom of speech, yet have we sometimes crossed the line and used our freedom well beyond what was originally intended?  (That’s for another blog.)  

These blogs are my thoughts.  I don't expect everyone to agree, I'm not here to persuade you to my way of thinking, and I definitely am NOT going to respond to tweets that have nothing to do with me.  My hope is I give you some food for thought. 

Social media sites, in my judgment, have taken over our lives.  Do you realize ten years ago, there was no Facebook, there was no Twitter?  Like most things in our lives there is the good, the bad and sometimes even the ugly.  To begin, using many of the social media sites have been a fun, personal, and easy way to stay in touch with my family and friends.  The other day, Jon and I were able to Skype with our former neighbors who are now living in Perth, Australia.  To see them, hear their voices, see their smiles, and chat was a very special part of our day.  Skyping with our children and grandchildren who are so many miles away helps us feel closer, see how much they've grown, we are not strangers when the grandchildren can see us, and we can watch as they are just learning to crawl or walk or shoot a basket.  The best part of communicating this way is it’s free, unlike the high costs we use to pay for long distance phone calls.  We feel we're right there with them not worrying about the time and the cost.  I totally enjoy seeing pictures posted on FB of our Australian friends who are out boating on the ocean as it’s summer there, or the pictures of our grandchildren building igloos in their front yard, or the new grandchild of a friend.  Even though I’m far away, I still feel connected. 

Social media has also been a way for me to communicate with my business company on the latest product information, videos, or testimonials.  I can communicate with and send information to my customers with a link to YouTube or a website.  It’s definitely an efficient way to pass on information.  In addition, there are incredible causes, nonprofits, communication that needs to get out to a lot of people quickly where there’s a need for financial support, prayers, updates on someone’s health condition and so much more.  It’s been documented that young people are more involved than ever in their country’s politics – around the world!  Nonprofits are seeing the benefits of using social media for their awareness campaigns.  Using Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other social media venues are more cost effective spreading their mission, their vision for the future, and gathering support financially.  I’m only touching on a few of the MANY benefits and reasons to love social media.

So what’s the downside?  In my judgment, social media can also be a way to “hide behind the screen” especially when we can remain anonymous.  In the past, I never would acknowledge a letter or any other form of communication without knowing who I was dealing with.  That also included conversations where someone would say, “I’m not the only one who feels this way.”  I was very direct by saying I would listen to the person in front of me and if “the others who feel the same way” want to come and talk to me, I would be happy to listen.  However, I would not acknowledge “others” unless they were present.  That doesn't seem to be the method of communicating these days, however.

I am appalled at the number of people in the social media world today who feel a need to express their opinion/judgment about someone else’s actions. I find that it seems primarily to be done in a condescending manner AND anonymously.  Sorry…first of all, much of what is being said is none of their business, and what a chicken way out by not stating your name.  Twitter seems to be one of the worst.  Everyone has an opinion about everything.  Today, William Shatner has been attacked both on Twitter and in the news media for not attending Leonard Nemoy’s funeral.  Shatner, a close friend, was attending a Red Cross charity fundraiser and missed the actual funeral though arrived later.  He’s now being called “Captain Jerk.”  What?  Since when is what William Shatner does anyone else’s business and why should he have to justify what he does to ANYONE?  We were not there, we don’t know all the details, yet the opinions and hateful comments fly through the media.  My question is, “Why do you care?  It doesn't involve you, it doesn't affect you.  Do you really have that much free time on your hands?  Are you so bored that you have nothing else to do but to say negative things about people you don’t even know?  Do you feel that much out of control in your own life that you feel a need to have a say in someone else’s life?  Does it make you feel better about yourself?”  This is NOT news!

Since this is not a blog meant to cover all the issues of social media, I want to acknowledge that I have a concern that social media is taking over our lives – some people more than others, obviously.  My frustration comes when people are impolite talking on their phones in public and especially in confined spaces e.g. the line in the grocery store, on the bus to the airport, in an elevator, while out to dinner, and even in a movie theater.  What about the work environment?  How much time do you take during the week day to check your email, post a message on FB or Twitter?  (It would be an interesting experiment to put a tally mark on a piece of paper every time you're distracted by a social media site then, at the end of the day, count how many tally marks you made.) Can you guess how much of your work day you spent on social media versus working your full time, paying job?  How does your family approach checking emails or texting during meal time?  Do you have family time where everyone has to have their phones turned off and that means Mom and Dad too?!!  There’s been a discussion, on the morning shows, about the interference of bosses contacting employees at home and the stress that causes.  Does that happen to you?  What’s in your control to resolve that problem?  If it happens occasionally, that’s one thing, but if it is happening on a regular basis isn't it something that must be dealt with to come to a resolution?  In the evenings, are you busy on your IPad doing other things while your children are playing by themselves?  Do you find yourself so attached to the phone that you check it every time it beeps even to the point of stopping a conversation with someone?  Like most things, if we are becoming “addicted,” the balance of using social media is at an unhealthy level and is controlling our lives then it's time to stop and re-evaluate.  And I haven't even touched on the topic of texting! 

In the end, there are pluses and minuses to ALL that we do: nutrition, exercise, work, personal development, and yes, our approach to using social media.  If you find yourself out of balance, I hope you take time to rethink what that balance should be for you.  My hope is you keep your own life centered in reality. Don’t miss those moments with your spouse or significant other, the conversations with your children, the together time with family and friends, conversations over the phone versus texting, and definitely face-to-face conversations.  Balance!

Here’s to a healthy mindset when it comes to you, your life, and social media.