What is Your Pedigree?

For us to achieve exceptional results in our personal lives, our health, our emotional and spiritual health, our jobs, our relationships we must learn to consistently live Above the Line to act purposefully, intentionally, and skillfully when it matters most.

Were you able to reflect this past week on your Above the Line behavior and consciously avoid BCD?  I hope so as this is a huge part of helping ourselves, our families, and all those around us to be the best they can be.

Many years ago, I remember Eddie Crowder; former Oklahoma qb standout, CU head coach, and also CU athletic director told our son, who was going into coaching, to pay attention to someone’s pedigree. Pedigree? What was Eddie talking about? He was referring to looking at the people we surround ourselves with and what they stand for. Were they people of honor and integrity? Were they role models for others? Did they learn something on a daily basis, and did they own up to their mistakes?

Looking at someone’s “pedigree” isn’t just in the coaching field. Haven’t we all established some sort of “pedigree” of our own throughout our lives? Our pedigree includes our words, actions, and the path we have followed in all areas of our lives. We have all put together a “body of work” throughout our lifetime whether we’re 16, 26, 46, 66+ to create our own pedigree.

I can definitely say that my “body of work” has changed over the years as experience, maturity, and life lessons have been a part of my learning and growing. In my younger years, I was far more interested in pleasing others and not paying attention to my inner voices.  I know some of my actions were “Below the Line,” and I did spend much more time blaming, complaining, or defending my actions (BCD). I definitely didn’t embrace my intuitive strengths until later in life. I was surrounded by people who only thought facts were important, feelings didn’t count, and therefore, I perceived myself as “less.”

When we’re young we are trying to establish ourselves whether it’s as a student, as an athlete, in our jobs, as a professional, as a parent etc. etc. I think, at a younger age, we’re far more interested in what others think of us. We are far more vulnerable to the bullying, the “competition,” and to fit a certain image. Many of us are not comfortable in our own skin and are therefore, much more susceptible to the “trying to fit in” mind set.  

On top of a natural sense of learning about who we are at our core, add to that the additional stress brought on by all the social media challenges. People are very quick to judge, comment on things that have no relevance to their life but they have to make a statement, and MANY are done anonymously. People hide behind that anonymity and have some sort of a need to make a derogatory comment about someone or something. Really? Is that the only thing they can do with their time?

I’m not talking about stating your own opinion about something you believe in such as standing when we hear the national anthem. Much was posted on FB and Twitter about Colin Kaepernick’s choice to sit during the national anthem before a pre-season game. Social media definitely took off with that and people weighed in with their opinions. That part, I have no problems with. What I do have a problem with is the name calling, the horrible comments layered with expletives, and so much more. Now that everything goes viral things are given attention that never would have a few years ago.

I am definitely very proud to be an American. I don’t agree with Collin but I feel he has the right to do and say what he wants as long as it isn’t harmful to someone else. Unfortunately, he’s getting a lot of attention because of the internet and social media. What I would ask of all of us is to take our frustrations and criticisms and take action that will be solution oriented. We have the freedom to do something that will make a difference.

The challenges our children have in raising our grandchildren is far more complex because of this viral world. Can’t part of our pedigree be modeling and teaching others about community service, donating our money and/or time to a cause, and giving back to others less fortunate? Isn’t that far more effective than posting hateful words and threats on the internet? Isn't teaching our children to be proactive and solution oriented more effective than criticism and hurtful comments?

So how do we help our children, grandchildren, and even ourselves establish a “pedigree” that will establish a strong, healthy mindset and a strong, healthy “body of work” which will create a world we all want to live in and be a part of?

First and foremost, we must take action, on a daily basis, to live a set of core values that are important to each of us. For me, those core values are focused on living a life “Above the Line.” That means stepping up and taking action with a specific intent, a specific purpose, and without any BCD. Something that Urban Meyer wrote in his book, Above the Line, really spoke to me,

“Relentless effort (not talent or intelligence) is the key to achieving great things in life. Struggle is a part of the process. It is hard and painful. But it’s also necessary, because it’s in the struggle that great things are achieved. Do you decide what to do based on what is comfortable and convenient, or based on what is productive and necessary? Following your passion isn’t always 100% pleasurable. Sometimes it means doing things you don’t want to do for the sake of achieving your goals.”

I would challenge you to think about the “body of work” you have put together over the years to create your own pedigree. Do you have a set of core values that are Above the Line? Do you use social media to benefit others? Do you never do something anonymously? Do you have opinions that you’re comfortable “voicing” yet also understand that it’s ok for others to disagree with you? Do you stand up for someone who’s being bullied, harassed, or being targeted? Do you live your life with a purpose? Do you stop yourself every time you find yourself falling into the blaming, complaining, or defending your actions instead of taking ownership for something you said or did?

Once again, I wish you a week of reflection on what you stand for as you live your daily life. What is your “body of work” as you create your own pedigree?

What Part Does Social Media Play in Your Life?

I have written several blogs about judgment.  My point has been that we each have our own thoughts, experiences, beliefs etc. that form who we are and the judgments we hold.  My goal is to understand that our judgments are just that – ours.  It’s not to try to persuade someone else to our way of thinking, but rather to have a discussion, listen, and maybe see another view point.  That’s called conversation NOT argument or persuasion.  What has gotten me riled this morning is definitely MY judgment so I admit that from the very beginning.  I do welcome anyone commenting, agreeing or not, so that I can learn too.

SNL’s skit about ISIS, Tweets surrounding William Shatner not attending the funeral of his friend Leonard Nimoy, hateful tweets surrounding various events at the Oscars, Facebook entrees using foul language about another person’s activities etc. etc.  My first thought is, “What has this world come to?”  Yes, I’m 63 but that doesn't mean I'm not up-to-date on technology, or I have my head in the sand.  I do have my own opinions about being respectful to EVERYONE and teaching our children and grandchildren to do the same.  I’m also of the opinion/judgment that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it especially if you hide behind anonymity. I am a firm believer in the First Amendment which is freedom of speech, yet have we sometimes crossed the line and used our freedom well beyond what was originally intended?  (That’s for another blog.)  

These blogs are my thoughts.  I don't expect everyone to agree, I'm not here to persuade you to my way of thinking, and I definitely am NOT going to respond to tweets that have nothing to do with me.  My hope is I give you some food for thought. 

Social media sites, in my judgment, have taken over our lives.  Do you realize ten years ago, there was no Facebook, there was no Twitter?  Like most things in our lives there is the good, the bad and sometimes even the ugly.  To begin, using many of the social media sites have been a fun, personal, and easy way to stay in touch with my family and friends.  The other day, Jon and I were able to Skype with our former neighbors who are now living in Perth, Australia.  To see them, hear their voices, see their smiles, and chat was a very special part of our day.  Skyping with our children and grandchildren who are so many miles away helps us feel closer, see how much they've grown, we are not strangers when the grandchildren can see us, and we can watch as they are just learning to crawl or walk or shoot a basket.  The best part of communicating this way is it’s free, unlike the high costs we use to pay for long distance phone calls.  We feel we're right there with them not worrying about the time and the cost.  I totally enjoy seeing pictures posted on FB of our Australian friends who are out boating on the ocean as it’s summer there, or the pictures of our grandchildren building igloos in their front yard, or the new grandchild of a friend.  Even though I’m far away, I still feel connected. 

Social media has also been a way for me to communicate with my business company on the latest product information, videos, or testimonials.  I can communicate with and send information to my customers with a link to YouTube or a website.  It’s definitely an efficient way to pass on information.  In addition, there are incredible causes, nonprofits, communication that needs to get out to a lot of people quickly where there’s a need for financial support, prayers, updates on someone’s health condition and so much more.  It’s been documented that young people are more involved than ever in their country’s politics – around the world!  Nonprofits are seeing the benefits of using social media for their awareness campaigns.  Using Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other social media venues are more cost effective spreading their mission, their vision for the future, and gathering support financially.  I’m only touching on a few of the MANY benefits and reasons to love social media.

So what’s the downside?  In my judgment, social media can also be a way to “hide behind the screen” especially when we can remain anonymous.  In the past, I never would acknowledge a letter or any other form of communication without knowing who I was dealing with.  That also included conversations where someone would say, “I’m not the only one who feels this way.”  I was very direct by saying I would listen to the person in front of me and if “the others who feel the same way” want to come and talk to me, I would be happy to listen.  However, I would not acknowledge “others” unless they were present.  That doesn't seem to be the method of communicating these days, however.

I am appalled at the number of people in the social media world today who feel a need to express their opinion/judgment about someone else’s actions. I find that it seems primarily to be done in a condescending manner AND anonymously.  Sorry…first of all, much of what is being said is none of their business, and what a chicken way out by not stating your name.  Twitter seems to be one of the worst.  Everyone has an opinion about everything.  Today, William Shatner has been attacked both on Twitter and in the news media for not attending Leonard Nemoy’s funeral.  Shatner, a close friend, was attending a Red Cross charity fundraiser and missed the actual funeral though arrived later.  He’s now being called “Captain Jerk.”  What?  Since when is what William Shatner does anyone else’s business and why should he have to justify what he does to ANYONE?  We were not there, we don’t know all the details, yet the opinions and hateful comments fly through the media.  My question is, “Why do you care?  It doesn't involve you, it doesn't affect you.  Do you really have that much free time on your hands?  Are you so bored that you have nothing else to do but to say negative things about people you don’t even know?  Do you feel that much out of control in your own life that you feel a need to have a say in someone else’s life?  Does it make you feel better about yourself?”  This is NOT news!

Since this is not a blog meant to cover all the issues of social media, I want to acknowledge that I have a concern that social media is taking over our lives – some people more than others, obviously.  My frustration comes when people are impolite talking on their phones in public and especially in confined spaces e.g. the line in the grocery store, on the bus to the airport, in an elevator, while out to dinner, and even in a movie theater.  What about the work environment?  How much time do you take during the week day to check your email, post a message on FB or Twitter?  (It would be an interesting experiment to put a tally mark on a piece of paper every time you're distracted by a social media site then, at the end of the day, count how many tally marks you made.) Can you guess how much of your work day you spent on social media versus working your full time, paying job?  How does your family approach checking emails or texting during meal time?  Do you have family time where everyone has to have their phones turned off and that means Mom and Dad too?!!  There’s been a discussion, on the morning shows, about the interference of bosses contacting employees at home and the stress that causes.  Does that happen to you?  What’s in your control to resolve that problem?  If it happens occasionally, that’s one thing, but if it is happening on a regular basis isn't it something that must be dealt with to come to a resolution?  In the evenings, are you busy on your IPad doing other things while your children are playing by themselves?  Do you find yourself so attached to the phone that you check it every time it beeps even to the point of stopping a conversation with someone?  Like most things, if we are becoming “addicted,” the balance of using social media is at an unhealthy level and is controlling our lives then it's time to stop and re-evaluate.  And I haven't even touched on the topic of texting! 

In the end, there are pluses and minuses to ALL that we do: nutrition, exercise, work, personal development, and yes, our approach to using social media.  If you find yourself out of balance, I hope you take time to rethink what that balance should be for you.  My hope is you keep your own life centered in reality. Don’t miss those moments with your spouse or significant other, the conversations with your children, the together time with family and friends, conversations over the phone versus texting, and definitely face-to-face conversations.  Balance!

Here’s to a healthy mindset when it comes to you, your life, and social media.