2015 a New Year

Welcome to 2015!  I hope you had a very special Christmas/Hanukkah season and a Happy New Year.  It was a special time for Jon and me as we were able to have individual time with each family and the grandkids.  Despite some traveling challenges getting to Elsa’s on the 23^rd, it all worked out. We cherished each visit, celebrated the holidays, and most important we enjoyed the memorable time with family.  We are truly blessed.

I've chosen to start 2015 reflecting on this past holiday season.  Before being able to move on to make plans for a new year, I hope you will take time to “analyze” how things went for you.  Now that the holidays are behind us, how are you feeling?  Are you looking at the past two weeks with a smile, a sigh that thankfully it’s now all behind you, or somewhere in between?  Take a few moments to think about what went well, where did you have fun, what events/activities were the most comfortable, time-wise how did your preparation go?  Did you stay within your budget or did you even have a budget?  How did family time go?  This also includes extended family.  Can you pick out at least four or five of your favorite moments or are you only thinking about the conflicts and turmoil?  Can you identify the relaxing times or are you thinking more about the times you had to walk on eggshells for fear someone would be upset?  Did you ever find yourself thinking, “next year I'm going to…?”  That might be a positive…something you want to be sure you do again, or it could be something you don't want to repeat.  The point here is to take time to reflect and then make plans for next year.  It’s not to have everything go perfectly.  The goal is to be able to enjoy the holidays, have positive memories, and to have as little stress as possible. 

Planning/organization, money, and expectations seem to be the areas that give us the most angst.  How do you do in these areas?  How much do you plan ahead and feel ready once the holidays arrive?  Do you have a Christmas fund so you have the money for the holiday expenses ahead of time?  Do you have realistic expectations when family gets together? Now is the time to take a few moments to make some decisions about how you can make things different in the future.  When you think about it, these really aren't problems exclusive to the holidays.  Planning ahead, having money first then spending is a basic economic principle, and having realistic expectations anytime family is together are true on an everyday basis.  If you would analyze these three areas for yourself, they may also be the areas you want to focus on for 2015.

I will deal with each of these areas in the next three blogs, so your job now is to identify how things went for you over the past holiday season.  Do this now while it’s still fresh in your mind before life “gets in the way” which if it hasn't already, it will soon enough.  People are back to work, the kids are back to school, and the demands for your time are escalating.

In addition, I have one more thing to add to your “to do” list.  If you have not already, I hope you write thank you notes! This is a personal bias of mine, but I feel strongly that we thank people, in a written note, for gifts etc.  That does NOT mean an email!  First and foremost, the people receiving the thank you know you received the gift and even if you were present when the gift was opened that thank you can express gratitude one more time.  It doesn't have to be a book, but take the time to thank people for the gift, the thoughtfulness etc.  No excuses.  And if you're a parent, help your children write their thank you’s.  The young ones can draw a picture or have them add their own special addition.  This is teaching them a life skill that means a lot to people and sends the message of appreciation.  My bias extends to actually handwriting the thank you’s, or at least use a service such as Send Out Cards to send the card for you – they even have a way to use your own handwriting.  That personal touch will mean a great deal to the recipient.  AND the thank you’s include your grown children and parents! 

I wish you a reflective week and a positive mindset!

What Are Your Expectations During the Holidays?

How is going "Making Your Holidays More Enjoyable? “  Have you made a conscious effort to first and foremost take the time to be present and enjoy your spouse, your children, and friends?  As I talked about last week, it's so easy to get caught up with the "hoop la" and forget what this season is really all about whether you celebrate Hanukkah or Christmas.  We could focus on all the tragedies in our world today, or we can focus on what we do have control over and that's only ourselves.  What can I do each and every day to make a difference in my own life and to make a difference in others' lives?

What are your expectations for this holiday time?  It seems we hear about so many more issues of domestic violence, assaults, suicides, drunk-driving etc. taking place during this time of year. Why is that?  Yes, there are people who aren't happy, are taking out their feelings of frustration and inadequacy on family members or on themselves and this time of year seems to exacerbate those stressors and challenges.  I would speculate that finances trigger many of these feelings both now and again when it comes time to pay off all the credit card bills.  But what else?  Is it the reflection over the past year, and the realization that once again another year has passed and nothing is really any different?  Is it a focus on all the things that didn't happen and a poor pitiful me attitude?  Is it “looking around” comparing yourself to others that seem to “have it all together?”  They don't have any of the struggles that you have.  Or is it something else?  Does any of this ring true for you?  What about those people, family and friends, who you surround yourself with regularly?

I would suggest a couple ideas to think about.  One is that EVERYONE has struggles and challenges of some kind.  EVERYONE is dealing with some challenge whether it be physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual.  Even those that look like they have THE perfect life have some kind of struggle, but we each deal with those challenges and struggles in our own personal way.  The choice might be to ignore, or deny, or we choose not to focus on the challenge itself but the lessons being learned along the way.  Some “suffer” in silence while others “wear their struggle on their sleeve” and let everyone around them know they're suffering.  A second thought is if the same feelings are constantly reoccurring then why haven’t you done anything about them?  Is it easier to wallow in misery and discomfort blaming everyone but ourselves, than it is to take action and make changes? 

Make this holiday season different than ever before.  Give gifts from your heart that you can afford, make a conscious effort to let go of a nit picking, exasperated mindset when with a difficult relative, even if it’s your own spouse, parent, in-law, or sibling.  Let go of the judgment, criticism, and perfect expectations.   Come away, this season, with a feeling of resolve.  Maybe it’s watching the behavior of someone else and making the commitment  to never be that way yourself, maybe it’s looking at being grateful for whatever little things you can find, maybe it’s realizing that if you can be loving and compassionate, you get far more of the same in return.  Maybe the difference is to let go of that perfect Christmas card picture, sit back and just enjoy.

We will be spending Christmas with our daughter and her family, and New Years with our son and his family.   I plan to take in each moment fully. So that I take my own advice, I will be sharing new thoughts and a plan for 2015 in my next blog which will be January 6^th. 

I wish for you a special holiday time that includes: reflection, quiet moments, and gratitude.

Making the Holidays More Enjoyable

Hanukkah is December 16^th, eight days away, and Christmas is 17 days away.  There’s a flurry of parties, shopping, meal planning, travel plans, cards to send, baking to do, and the list goes on and on.  However, what does that list look like for our military families who will be without a loved one?  What does that list look like for a family barely getting by or someone who has recently lost a loved one?  There are so many different scenarios that get lost in that flurry, yet even when things are going well, what are our expectations for this holiday time?

Are you someone that needs to have everything perfect?  Maybe you feel all family members need to be present or it isn't a complete celebration.  Do you get stressed out with all that’s on your “to do” list, or maybe you’re already anticipating difficulty with a particular family member or members? With married children, you may need to “share” time with the in-laws or take turns with the various holidays.  That becomes another challenge when grandchildren are involved.  Any of this ringing true for you?  We all have our own ways to deal with the holidays and the various circumstances we face.  So what do we do?

The perfect scenario actually seems to only exist in one place:  a picture on a greeting card.  According to Dr. Phil, “In the real world, with our fast-paced lives, the holidays usually mean stress.  We’re scrambling to make that shopping list, fretting about our budget,” spending time with family members who are negative and always complaining.  “During the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, we pile expectations on ourselves and everyone around us.”  And because we’re feeling overwhelmed with all the things that “must get done" on that seemingly endless list,” we end up taking out our stress on those we love the most – our spouse, our small children, our adult children, parents, co-workers, clients etc. etc.  And we justify our behavior, to ourselves, because we’re trying to make this whole “holiday event” special for everyone.  Sounding a little contradictory?

“You can’t have a holiday with meaning until you decide what means the most to you, so ask yourself where your true priorities lie.  If you value time with your small children, or your kids who will be home from college, or your parents will be with you etc. why add more people to your list?  If you want to enjoy your day off, don’t sign up for a shift as a cook and maid; make a reservation at an affordable restaurant instead.”  Maybe by taking a couple things off your list, you will actually decrease your stress level.  Maybe you want to focus on gratitude; if so, you might step out of the commercial frenzy by feeding homeless families at a community center.”  If your actions reflect what means the most to you then you’re “walking your talk.” 

After the holidays are over, are you looking back on the events with a smile?  Or are you slumped on the couch, exhausted, and just glad it’s all over?  You will be the one to determine that final feeling.“It doesn't matter if you've celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you and throw traditions that aren't working for you out the door,” according to Dr. Phil.

“Making the Holidays More Enjoyable” according to Dr. Phil:  (1) The first question he asks is whether or not the expectations we have are realistic.  People have a tendency to get upset with not what actually happens but that the expectations weren’t met.  So, are the expectations realistic?  Is this new or does the same stress and discomfort happen year after year?  You may need to re-examine your expectations and check to see they match your priorities.  (2) He also suggests lightening up and go with the flow.  Take a step back and relax.  (3) Remember that Christmas, or any holiday, is NOT the time for a problem-solving session.  Deal with family issues at another time.  (Make 2015 the year to get closure on unresolved issues with family.)  (4) Limit the time you spend with family.  It may be special for everyone to be together, but there’s no need to overdo it.  (Getting back to family routines is important for everyone especially our little ones.)  (5) If a meal is stressful, try making changes.  Simplify the menu, or serve buffet style, or make it a potluck.  (6) Give yourself permission to let go of the things that in the big picture don’t really matter and people won’t even remember.  That may mean all the vacuuming isn’t done, the piles are still there (hide the stuff) etc.  Would your children rather have your attention or see you focusing more on those other things?  If they’re old enough, let them be a part of the preparations – who cares if it isn’t just perfect or that you could do it much faster without their “help.”  It’s the time together that’s important.  (That is obviously one of my priorities – time together.)  (7) If the holidays make you feel empty and/or alone, give to others.  The best way to get is to give – even if you’re not feeling empty and alone. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want that meshes with your priorities surrounding this time of year.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you or allowing others’ expectations control your actions.  Throw out, keep, or change traditions that either are or are not working for you.  Remember what the holidays are really about.  Family togetherness, spiritual enlightenment and camaraderie with friends are far more important than the details that we often focus on. 

I wish for you a quiet reflection time of all that you’re grateful for.  Here’s to this time before the holiday be days of less stress and more memory creating!  It’s in your control and it is a mindset.

It’s now December 2014, the last month of this calendar year.  Where did this year go?  What were you able to accomplish?  How are you different than 12 months ago?  What have you done to contribute to your own personal development?  Specifically, what books did you read? 

Here are a few of my favorites that are either new reads or ones that I re-read on a regular basis:

1.    The Secrets of a Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker

2.    Breakout by Joel Osteen

3.    Angel Inside by Chris Widener

4.    The Image by Chris Widener

5.    The Doctor’s Diet by Travis Stork, M.D

6.    Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener

7.    Above All Else by Chris Widener

8.    Live the Life You have Always Dreamed Of by Chris Widener

9.    Success magazine – monthly

I’m using this opportunity to get new book titles from you.  In your comments or email me directly with your suggestions.  This way we can share great titles for others to add to their Christmas list or for their 2015 reading list.  I will pass the list along in future logs. 

Personal growth is the foundation for making changes in all areas of our lives so whether it be audio CD’s, Kindle reading, hard back books etc. a focus to learn and grow is a must to make changes in our lives.  I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Happy Thanksgiving

I feel a need to add to my blog this week after the Ferguson Grand Jury decision came down last night.  Whether you agree or disagree with the decision and/or the process, we can choose to either focus on all that is wrong or use our efforts to make change. Some of you may say that this is easier for me to say as I’m white. I haven't had to experience the prejudice, the racial profiling etc.  True.  I don't pretend to know what it’s like to walk in the shoes of anyone of color.  What I do know and believe is each and every one of us no matter color, ethnicity, religious belief etc. are blessings, add to the beauty of this world, and have contributions to make.  Polly Anna thinking?  I don't care if that’s the perception.  I know that if I spend my time listening to the news and everyone else’s opinions and “take” on the events that have occurred these past months; I feel down, discouraged, and it’s easier to focus on all the negative.  When I listen to talk around solutions, moving forward, we don't have to accept “the norm,” and what actions we can take to make a difference, I feel empowered and ready to move forward. Those choices are my choices.  I choose to make a difference one day, one friend, one situation at a time.

 

“Each year on the fourth Thursday in November, Americans gather for a day of feasting, football and family. While today’s Thanksgiving celebrations would likely be unrecognizable to attendees of the original 1621 harvest meal, it continues to be a day for Americans to come together around the table,” according to History.com. 

How do you celebrate Thanksgiving?  Do you have specific traditions that you follow each year?  What about those special recipes?  Do you have special memories of that day?

In 1976, our family and friends were all gathered at my parents’ home not only to celebrate Thanksgiving, but the next day Jon and I were getting married.  We wanted the wedding to be exactly one year to the day we met on our blind date, however, in 1976, that meant it would be on Thanksgiving Day.  Guess what…that doesn't work.  So Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, one year and one day later, became our wedding day.  To also “set the stage” for how we would celebrate Thanksgiving in the future, the Friday after Thanksgiving was always the day Oklahoma and Nebraska went head to head on the football field.  Because of that, the time of our wedding was held at 11:30 in the morning so our reception would be winding down by the time the two teams played.  With Jon working in the CU athletic department, we wanted Oklahoma to win which would mean CU would play in the Orange Bowl.  The end of our reception had moved in front of a TV set to watch Oklahoma win, so now we were also celebrating CU playing in the Orange Bowl for New Years. 

Fast forward to 1994 when CU moved from the Big 8 to the Big 12.  That now meant a CU vs. Nebraska match up on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Over these many years, football has meant we were either celebrating Thanksgiving in our home when the game was in Boulder, or we celebrated on Wednesday as Jon would be in Lincoln with the team.  As Jason and Elsa were older, we traveled to Lincoln, and we all ate our Thanksgiving dinner at the Cornhusker Hotel with other Buff fans.  And, yes, there were also times our anniversary did fall on Thanksgiving Day, so we had a double reason to celebrate.

There were five years, when Jason was a player at CU, that our Thanksgivings took on a whole new “look.”  If the game was here in Boulder, we had many football players and parents filling our home.  It was such a fun time with great food, great fellowship, much laughter, and many wonderful memories. 

Now our Thanksgiving plans vary from year to year.  Our children are married, and they have their own demands to juggle.  Jobs, basketball games, and needing to balance sharing time with in-laws come into play.  I must admit, that that was hard for me at first.  I love being surrounded by my children, grandchildren, family and friends.  Yet, I also had to remember… I was not available to spend time with either my family or Jon’s.  We were having to work around Jon’s job and rarely were available to have a Thanksgiving together with other family members. So now, I relish each time we get together no matter when that may be. 

Whatever your memories, traditions, and circumstances are this year; I am grateful for your friendship, the blessings you bring to my life, and all the memories we have shared.  Happy Thanksgiving to you and to your family this November 27^th, 2014!

What Does Your Paradise Look Like?

Darren Hardy, publisher and founding editor of Success magazine in the December 2014 issue titles his Publisher’s Letter “Dissatisfied?  How to Find Paradise.”  It’s an interesting question as I assume, no matter whether you’re 16 or 60+, at some time or another in your life, you questioned the life you were leading.  Maybe you envied the life your best friend had or you thought you’d be further ahead in your job, your finances, your relationships.  Maybe it appeared others had a “better life,” a more loving marriage, or you wished you didn't have to worry about money.  The “grass looked  greener on the other side.”  According to Hardy, “Every one of us desires Paradise.  The confusion of where to find Paradise is the problem.  The desire for Paradise is not itself a crime. Paradise is a choice.  It is a state of mind.  It comes from within.  Paradise doesn’t exist unless you create it and unless you choose it every day."

Are you spending your time looking at everyone else and comparing yourself?  Are you finding you spend a lot of time “wishing” you were back in time at a younger age, wishing you were doing something else, wishing you were with someone else? Etc. etc.  Or are you living in the present and focusing on all your blessings and gratitude?  Remember Jim Rohn’s words, “What you focus on expands.”  If you’re using other people’s lives as your definition of success or your paradise, chances are you are focusing on lack.  If you’re focusing on you, your successes, your gratitude’s then chances are you're focusing on abundance.

“Negative noise is everywhere in our society, but even more so it’s inside our heads,” according to Shawn Achor, a Harvard-trained researcher. “By emitting positive energy and canceling out that internal noise, you can get back the signal that leads to meaning, success, sustained happiness, and even a longer healthier life." Just like a few week’s ago, I asked you to come up with and write down your personal philosophy – what you want to stand for in all areas of your life.  If your personal philosophy is in place then your picture of paradise has already started to formulate.  It’s not comparing yourself to others, it’s all about YOU.  Zig Ziglar author of Born to Win: Find Your Success Code suggests more areas to consider for your paradise, your successful life.  How do these fit for you?

·       * At the end of the day, do you know and focus on that you did a great job?  The successes?

·        *Are there people in your life who love you and you love them in return?

·        *Financial security is often an area of worry and concern.  If your financial affairs are not in order, what actions are you taking to change it?  Are you moving forward and focusing on abundance or using excuses with no action and focusing on lack?

·        *Do you have the kind of faith that lets you know where to turn when there seems to be no place to turn?

·        *Work is only part of your day.  What brings you joy and peace?  An interest?  A hobby?

·        *Do you really know who YOU are?  It’s back to your personal philosophy once again.

·        *Are you making your health a priority, actively taking care of yourself, and waking up each day with a healthy mindset? 

·        *Do you end the day with a list of gratitude’s?

Are you actively creating and living your paradise?  Are you focusing on how unique and special you are?  Are you changing, learning, and growing daily so your paradise can change and grow too?  Amy Van Dyken Rouen could spend her days lamenting on the “if onlys” or “wishing” things were different.  My sister-in-law has every reason to “wish” things were different after her life threatening stroke.  We all know people who could spend time wishing, hoping, comparing themselves to others who seem to “have it all.”  We also know or know about those people who have every reason to live in the wishing mode or “if only” mode.  After all, we are human.  Yet, they choose to focus on moving forward.   The key question…what do you focus on?  Lack and self-pity or abundance and developing a paradise life for yourself?

Remember Darren Hardy’s words, “Paradise is a choice.  It is a state of mind.  It comes from within.  Paradise doesn’t exist unless you create it and unless you choose it every day.”  YOU are the only one who is control of YOU.  

Veterans' Day!

Today is Veterans’ Day.  We all have a little understanding of what this day represents, but as we are dealing more and more with the world in such turmoil, I wanted to know more about our country’s history and this day in particular.

First of all, there is a difference between Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day.  According to History.com, “Memorial Day (fourth Monday in May) honors American service members who died in service to our country or as a result of injuries incurred during battle.  Veterans’ Day, on the other hand, pays tribute to all American veterans-living or dead-but especially giving thanks to living veterans who have served our country honorably during war or peacetime.”

The origin of this holiday dates back to U.S. President Woodrow Wilson who proclaimed Armistice Day on November 11, 1919 marking the end of WWI. Armistice between Germany and the Allied nations ended WWI although the war didn’t have an official end until seven months later when the Treaty of Versailles was signed. Initially we “celebrated” with a two minute work stoppage at 11:00 am on November 11^th.  On June 4, 1926, Congress passed their own resolution asking then President Calvin Coolidge to issue a proclamation to observe November 11^th as a holiday designed to celebrate world peace and the end of WWI.  “In 1945, Birmingham veteran Raymond Weeks, a veteran of WWII, led a delegation to then Army Chief of Staff General Dwight Eisenhower to convince him to turn Armistice Day into a time to honor all those who served in the armed forces. Weeks led the first national celebration in Alabama in 1947 which he continued to do until his death in 1985.”   

The history of this day continued when Eisenhower, by then president, signed a bill into law in 1954.  Congress voted to change the name from Armistice Day to Veterans’ Day.  With the name change the date was also changed to the fourth Monday of October in 1971, however, in 1978, the date was changed back to its original November 11^th.  “Veterans’ Day is now observed on November 11^th, regardless of which day of the week the date falls.  Federal and state offices are closed on the day, as are most schools.”

As we observe yet another Veterans’ Day with many of our men and women continuing their service around the world, continuing to put themselves in harms way to serve our country and protect our freedoms, there are also many who are back here in the States recovering from both physical and emotional wounds.  Let us not forget to say thank you to those veterans but in addition to the spouses and children who have also had to make a sacrifice.  

Take time to express a voice of gratitude for all our men and women who continue to fight for the freedoms which we, often times, take for granted. What a wonderful opportunity to find a chance to give out random acts of kindness to these special members of the military and to their families.

Though this video speaks primarily about men, we all know there are a tremendous number of women who are also on active duty or are veterans.  The message is…let’s say Thank You, in some way, today!!

http://www.history.com/topics/holidays/history-of-veterans-day/videos/history-says-thanks