WINNING in Life

Last week, I wished you a week of starting each day with a grateful heart. I hope you either used the list I posted or you came up with your own action list. Did you agree you’d commit to a 21-day action plan to change your occasional actions into life time habits beginning with Gratitude?

I addition, I hope you’ve been able to dedicate some of your time to reading a new book each month. That’s a wonderful way to continuously learn and grow!

Recently, I came across an article by Chris Widener “Insights to Influence.” There were many points which resonated with me, and I want to share, in my blogs, for the next two weeks.

I think we’d all agree that we’d like to be considered a winner rather than a loser in life. That begs the question, “What does it mean to win in life?” Going to sporting events it’s easy to define a winner or loser just by the score. Even playing Old Maid, there’s a winner or a loser. Deciding what it means to win in life is much more challenging!

Defining what it means to win in life isn’t quite as easy. Would you agree? For some, winning may be the accumulation of money and possessions. Others it might be longevity or their health or even what they consider a happy family. For my own thinking, I can’t focus on just one area. It seems to me that to succeed or win in life includes several areas.

According to Widener, “To truly win, to be a success, is not to overachieve in one area, but to maintain balanced achievement in all areas of life.” We’ve all seen the mega stars making multiple millions yet have addiction issues. Or we see those with a title in a large corporation making lots of money yet have no time for their family.

Where are you in your life? Do you feel you have things in balance or are you more focused in one area?

Obviously, we can’t answer the question if we haven’t taken time to DEFINE what our definition of “winning in life” means to us personally. As you begin, Chris Widener recommends we focus on three main areas: Body, Soul, and Spirit.

For this “assignment,” consider Body as the connection with the physical world; physical health, financial health, family, work, and relationships. How would you define winning in these areas?

Consider Soul which deals with emotions, will, and intellect. In other words, it’s our thoughts, ideas, and attitudes.

Consider Spirit as the part of us that transcends life – the part that communes with God. Inner peace. Zig Ziglar said, “Money will buy me a house, but not a home; a bed, but not a good night’s sleep.”

“What does winning in life mean to you?” is a deep question and one that takes a committed time of quiet and reflection to really determine your beliefs. Before we go into the second step, I’m stopping here for this week. Yes, we have the holidays coming up and lots of things going on yet, this is also one of the best times for this reflection. It’s time we spend with family, it usually involves our finances, and we are continually challenged with our priorities. In addition, we are only about 7 weeks away from the end of 2017. Now is a great time to reflect over the past 10 months and reflection on whether or not we’ve been able to make 2017 different than 2018.

Happy Thanksgiving, and I wish you a week of reflection on the question,

“What does winning in life mean to you?”

Are You Mentally Strong?

Last week I wished I wished you a week to examine something you’ve done in your life and what lessons you learned from that experience. What did you learn for yourself?

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson

I recently read an article by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, entitled, “Mental Strength Can Make You Unstoppable.” Why is it that some people are able to overcome THE most horrific events in their life, a tough upbringing, and other hardships yet others are unable to move on? In this article, Amy has some interesting insights which I’m sharing this week.

Who beats the odds? Those that maintain a positive outlook on life seem to be the ones that can stand back up each time they’re knocked down. There are also those you “succumb to their environments. They feel sorry for themselves, considering their situation to be worse than others. They spend time and mental energy stressing about things they can’t control. They’re resistant to change, often believing nothing will improve, their situation. As a result, they often stay exactly where they are.”

Amy found, in her experiences as a psychotherapist, that it’s the tenacious individuals who all had one thing in common: “an insatiable desire to build mental muscle. They were determined to reach their potential despite whatever challenges life threw at them.”

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s easy to feel mentally strong when all is going well? It’s those tough times that sooner or later will happen and that’s when you truly need all the mental strength you can come up with. It might be a health crisis, a financial problem, a relationship challenge, divorce, or a challenging child.

Sometimes it’s just the everyday stressors like traffic jams, disagreements with co-workers, long lines at the grocery store when you’re already running late etc. that can wear you down if you aren’t taking care of yourself and feeling strong mentally. It’s not just the big problems that keep us from being our best, it can be the everyday challenges. Our job is to ACTIVELY and CONSISTENTLY build ourselves up!

According to Amy, how you respond to challenges is what is going to make a difference in your overall well-being. Can you turn your struggles into strength? OR will the problems be roadblocks?

“The hurdle that keeps someone from crossing over the space between a mediocre life and an extraordinary life is a lack of mental strength. Your mind can be your best asset or your biggest weakness. If you don’t train it well, your negative thoughts will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

You can’t create positive change until you take back control of your thoughts, and you can’t perform at your peak without a strong mindset. “When you’re mentally strong, you become the best possible version of yourself.”

Take time to reflect on your own mental strength. Are you challenging yourself to grow or maybe you’ve grown complacent and comfortable. There’s always room for improvement no matter who you are.

You might be mentally strong in one area of your life and not in another. You might be able to handle the challenges when it comes to the inconveniences such as long lines but you’re a “mess” when it comes to paying the bills after Christmas and your financial situation isn’t strong.

“We’ve all seen elite athletes resort to using performance-enhancing drugs that ultimately tarnish their legacies, and successful people who fall prey to get-rich-quick schemes.” Amy suggests “we all stay vigilant to avoid the common traps that drain our mental strength. Becoming mentally strong won’t guarantee success. But it will help you learn from your mistakes and rebound from failure. The more mental muscle you build, the easier life’s inevitable challenges become.”

In the article there’s a chart which distinguishes between “acting tough” and “being strong.” The difference in this article is “acting tough is about surviving” whereas “being strong is about thriving.”

For example:

Acting tough…	Being strong…
Masks your insecurities	Addresses weaknesses
Denies pain	Recognizes shortcomings
Makes you believe you’re indestructible	Strives for self-control
Suppresses emotions	Acknowledges emotions
Turns you into a controlling person	Learns from pain
Focuses on your reputation	Focuses on character
Pretends failure isn’t an option	Believes failure is part of success

We all have a choice. Every day, you make choices from the moment you wake up to when you lay your head down to sleep. Are you going to let your emotions decide whether you’re going to work out or stick to your goal to lose weight? Are you going to blame, complain or defend your actions or take ownership that you are where you are in your life because of your choices or lack thereof?

OR you can choose to be better than you were yesterday, even when it’s uncomfortable and maybe even painful. I celebrate my niece, Kelly, who started with 100 days of happiness finding the little things that made her happy. She posted these on FB. Her original 100 days turned into 200 and then daily for one full year. Now she has continued with her posts with the day followed by happy 2.0. Despite some relationship challenges, Kelly, continues finding happiness each day. She has been building her mental strength.

The 100 days of happy started with one day, then two, then three etc. etc. It took a decision. Then it took consistent action. Now it has become a habit. Mental strength. ”Despite the advantages mental strength can offer in your personal and professional life, most people don’t pay much attention to their mental muscle.”

Reread the chart above and see where you fit. Be honest with yourself and then decide what area or areas you want to focus on. Eventually, your mind will begin to strengthen and see the difficult choices as opportunities for growth.

“It takes energy, mental toughness and spiritual reinforcement to successfully deal with life’s opportunities, and to reach your objectives.” Zig Ziglar

 I wish you a week to look, in depth, at your mental strength.
  

What Does Your Paradise Look Like?

Darren Hardy, publisher and founding editor of Success magazine in the December 2014 issue titles his Publisher’s Letter “Dissatisfied?  How to Find Paradise.”  It’s an interesting question as I assume, no matter whether you’re 16 or 60+, at some time or another in your life, you questioned the life you were leading.  Maybe you envied the life your best friend had or you thought you’d be further ahead in your job, your finances, your relationships.  Maybe it appeared others had a “better life,” a more loving marriage, or you wished you didn't have to worry about money.  The “grass looked  greener on the other side.”  According to Hardy, “Every one of us desires Paradise.  The confusion of where to find Paradise is the problem.  The desire for Paradise is not itself a crime. Paradise is a choice.  It is a state of mind.  It comes from within.  Paradise doesn’t exist unless you create it and unless you choose it every day."

Are you spending your time looking at everyone else and comparing yourself?  Are you finding you spend a lot of time “wishing” you were back in time at a younger age, wishing you were doing something else, wishing you were with someone else? Etc. etc.  Or are you living in the present and focusing on all your blessings and gratitude?  Remember Jim Rohn’s words, “What you focus on expands.”  If you’re using other people’s lives as your definition of success or your paradise, chances are you are focusing on lack.  If you’re focusing on you, your successes, your gratitude’s then chances are you're focusing on abundance.

“Negative noise is everywhere in our society, but even more so it’s inside our heads,” according to Shawn Achor, a Harvard-trained researcher. “By emitting positive energy and canceling out that internal noise, you can get back the signal that leads to meaning, success, sustained happiness, and even a longer healthier life." Just like a few week’s ago, I asked you to come up with and write down your personal philosophy – what you want to stand for in all areas of your life.  If your personal philosophy is in place then your picture of paradise has already started to formulate.  It’s not comparing yourself to others, it’s all about YOU.  Zig Ziglar author of Born to Win: Find Your Success Code suggests more areas to consider for your paradise, your successful life.  How do these fit for you?

·       * At the end of the day, do you know and focus on that you did a great job?  The successes?

·        *Are there people in your life who love you and you love them in return?

·        *Financial security is often an area of worry and concern.  If your financial affairs are not in order, what actions are you taking to change it?  Are you moving forward and focusing on abundance or using excuses with no action and focusing on lack?

·        *Do you have the kind of faith that lets you know where to turn when there seems to be no place to turn?

·        *Work is only part of your day.  What brings you joy and peace?  An interest?  A hobby?

·        *Do you really know who YOU are?  It’s back to your personal philosophy once again.

·        *Are you making your health a priority, actively taking care of yourself, and waking up each day with a healthy mindset? 

·        *Do you end the day with a list of gratitude’s?

Are you actively creating and living your paradise?  Are you focusing on how unique and special you are?  Are you changing, learning, and growing daily so your paradise can change and grow too?  Amy Van Dyken Rouen could spend her days lamenting on the “if onlys” or “wishing” things were different.  My sister-in-law has every reason to “wish” things were different after her life threatening stroke.  We all know people who could spend time wishing, hoping, comparing themselves to others who seem to “have it all.”  We also know or know about those people who have every reason to live in the wishing mode or “if only” mode.  After all, we are human.  Yet, they choose to focus on moving forward.   The key question…what do you focus on?  Lack and self-pity or abundance and developing a paradise life for yourself?

Remember Darren Hardy’s words, “Paradise is a choice.  It is a state of mind.  It comes from within.  Paradise doesn’t exist unless you create it and unless you choose it every day.”  YOU are the only one who is control of YOU.