You Create What You Expect

How did you do recognizing and acknowledging those people who are helping you pack YOUR parachute? I was not only recognizing the positive contributions people added to my parachute, I also realized people and situations which could have had a negative effect and those were the ones I was quick to avoid.

Have you ever heard of the Expectant Theory?  Darren Hardy, in one of his Daily thought emails, mentioned this concept. “Expectations that the brain creates can be as real as those created by events in the real world.” There was an interesting study done in Japan where students were blind folded and a harmless shrub was rubbed on one arm. The students were told, however, that what was rubbed on their arm was poison ivy. All the students exhibited classic symptoms associated with poison ivy such as itching, boils, and redness.  The other arm was rubbed with poison ivy and the students were told it was a harmless shrub.  Only 2 out of the 13 broke out with symptoms. Despite the fact this was a very small study, there have been others to support the ideas of expectancy. Psychologists explain this theory with the fact that what the brain creates can be as real as those created by events in the real world.

“You get in life what you create. We are creative and productive beings and our life is the result of all the things we have created. So what are YOU creating? What you expect to happen is what your creative capacity goes to work on producing.”  Jim Rohn says, “What you focus on expands,” which is essentially the same concept. Hmmm…that takes away the usual excuses. Our tendency is to blame others for the results, or we rationalize what happened. If I had had the time, I could have passed that test but I was so busy and I have to work too. I’m not in a job where I can meet other people my age, and I can’t find someone I really care about. I’m a working mom with two kids, my husband is very busy in his job, so I don’t have time to exercise to lose these extra 20 pounds. I come from a divorced family so I’ve never had a good feeling about myself and can’t seem to get ahead in my career. Not to minimize these challenges because they are real, I would also challenge the desire and the expectations.

We’ve all heard the stories of people who have overcome extremely difficult situations and environments. What is it about those that are able to break out and “do something” with their lives versus those who are stuck and never make a move to change their situation? Isn’t that the million dollar question? Many movies have been made about overcoming. One of my favorites is Blind Side.  If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s a MUST. For me, there were several messages on a variety of levels. (1) People were willing to step up and make a difference in the life of someone less fortunate. (2) The young man had a special talent but without the help in the classrsoom he wouldn’t have succeeded. (3) It takes a desire and hard work to change. (4) There was a goal of not only getting an education but also to be able to play football. (5) There are people “out there” that don’t want you succeed and will do what they can to bring you down to their level. If you succeed then what does that say about them? (6) The commitment on the part of both the young man and the family supporting him was a journey full of setbacks and challenges. (7) Though there were times to regroup and re-evaluate, no one quit. No “wall” was too big to get over. Expectations of abundance.

What are those voices in your head?  Is that voice one of limitations or a voice of doing whatever it takes? How do you react when you have done everything you can do, but something you really want(ed) doesn’t happen or at least hasn’t happened yet?  You didn’t make the team, you haven’t found that special person, you didn’t get in to the school you had your heart set on, you didn’t get that promotion etc. etc.  Is that voice one of moving forward to learn and grow with each experience or is that voice always reminding you what you didn’t get when you were 18, 28, 50? Is that voice one of gratitude of what you DO have or is that voice resurfacing the negatives and things that haven’t happened for you?  Is that voice in your head one of positive and acknowledging those precious moments or does that voice only remember the negatives the person has said or done?  After all, we have a choice.  We have a choice of what we expect.  We have a choice of which voice we listen to. We have a choice of making a change if we don’t like the way something is going.  We have a choice of action or staying stagnant.

 I acknowledge that this is MY life. With that ownership, I can move forward controlling my attitude and my expectations. I wasn’t in control being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, my sister-in-law wasn’t in control when she had an almost fatal stroke, divorce happens, tough things happen to good people. Those are things that happen…now it’s time to face the fears, the anger, the frustration and all those negative reactions to whatever happened, and it’s time to move forward.  I choose to expect that there will be people who are cheering me on, who want me to succeed. I choose to expect that I will learn from my mistakes and success will be in my future. Lynn is amazing as she is now reaching out to others who are not only stroke victims but also to the medical community. She is giving them “another set of eyes” to learn how to work with stroke victims. Lynn focuses on her life and how she can impact all those around her rather than focusing on her limitations.  For me, Lynn is creating a life of significance, positive influence, and positive expectations.

Remember that I started out by saying that psychologists define the Expectant Theory as the expectations our brain creates. This is a reality proven by science. If our brain has learned to have limited expectations we can also train our brain to have a life open to abundant expectations.

Expectations are a mindset; however, you can’t just sit back and expect something to happen. It does take work, it does take focus, it does take desire and determination, and it takes getting out of your normal routine and comfort zone. It does take ACTION.  It does take CHANGE. Maybe that means getting to practice earlier than anyone else and shooting extra free throws or having your quarterback throw you more passes before practice starts. Maybe that means setting up a coffee date with someone you just met, and you’d like to find out more about that person. Maybe that means letting go of limiting beliefs about yourself because someone once told you that you would never get a college education or that you’d never amount to anything.

Maria Shriver once said, “Life is messy and rarely goes the way we plan.  We often allow it to knock us down, depress us, make us feel that we’re not worthy which none of that is true.”  I would challenge you to think about your expectations when you go into any situation. Expect limitations and the negative and that it surely what you will get. OR expect abundance that ignites your heart and makes you better. Then follow up with the actions that will make that abundance happen. 

I wish you a week of thinking about what you are creating.  You create what you expect.  What do you expect?  

What Does Your Paradise Look Like?

Darren Hardy, publisher and founding editor of Success magazine in the December 2014 issue titles his Publisher’s Letter “Dissatisfied?  How to Find Paradise.”  It’s an interesting question as I assume, no matter whether you’re 16 or 60+, at some time or another in your life, you questioned the life you were leading.  Maybe you envied the life your best friend had or you thought you’d be further ahead in your job, your finances, your relationships.  Maybe it appeared others had a “better life,” a more loving marriage, or you wished you didn't have to worry about money.  The “grass looked  greener on the other side.”  According to Hardy, “Every one of us desires Paradise.  The confusion of where to find Paradise is the problem.  The desire for Paradise is not itself a crime. Paradise is a choice.  It is a state of mind.  It comes from within.  Paradise doesn’t exist unless you create it and unless you choose it every day."

Are you spending your time looking at everyone else and comparing yourself?  Are you finding you spend a lot of time “wishing” you were back in time at a younger age, wishing you were doing something else, wishing you were with someone else? Etc. etc.  Or are you living in the present and focusing on all your blessings and gratitude?  Remember Jim Rohn’s words, “What you focus on expands.”  If you’re using other people’s lives as your definition of success or your paradise, chances are you are focusing on lack.  If you’re focusing on you, your successes, your gratitude’s then chances are you're focusing on abundance.

“Negative noise is everywhere in our society, but even more so it’s inside our heads,” according to Shawn Achor, a Harvard-trained researcher. “By emitting positive energy and canceling out that internal noise, you can get back the signal that leads to meaning, success, sustained happiness, and even a longer healthier life." Just like a few week’s ago, I asked you to come up with and write down your personal philosophy – what you want to stand for in all areas of your life.  If your personal philosophy is in place then your picture of paradise has already started to formulate.  It’s not comparing yourself to others, it’s all about YOU.  Zig Ziglar author of Born to Win: Find Your Success Code suggests more areas to consider for your paradise, your successful life.  How do these fit for you?

·       * At the end of the day, do you know and focus on that you did a great job?  The successes?

·        *Are there people in your life who love you and you love them in return?

·        *Financial security is often an area of worry and concern.  If your financial affairs are not in order, what actions are you taking to change it?  Are you moving forward and focusing on abundance or using excuses with no action and focusing on lack?

·        *Do you have the kind of faith that lets you know where to turn when there seems to be no place to turn?

·        *Work is only part of your day.  What brings you joy and peace?  An interest?  A hobby?

·        *Do you really know who YOU are?  It’s back to your personal philosophy once again.

·        *Are you making your health a priority, actively taking care of yourself, and waking up each day with a healthy mindset? 

·        *Do you end the day with a list of gratitude’s?

Are you actively creating and living your paradise?  Are you focusing on how unique and special you are?  Are you changing, learning, and growing daily so your paradise can change and grow too?  Amy Van Dyken Rouen could spend her days lamenting on the “if onlys” or “wishing” things were different.  My sister-in-law has every reason to “wish” things were different after her life threatening stroke.  We all know people who could spend time wishing, hoping, comparing themselves to others who seem to “have it all.”  We also know or know about those people who have every reason to live in the wishing mode or “if only” mode.  After all, we are human.  Yet, they choose to focus on moving forward.   The key question…what do you focus on?  Lack and self-pity or abundance and developing a paradise life for yourself?

Remember Darren Hardy’s words, “Paradise is a choice.  It is a state of mind.  It comes from within.  Paradise doesn’t exist unless you create it and unless you choose it every day.”  YOU are the only one who is control of YOU.