How did you do
recognizing and acknowledging those people who are helping you pack YOUR
parachute? I was not only recognizing the positive contributions people added to
my parachute, I also realized people and situations which could have had a
negative effect and those were the ones I was quick to avoid.
Have you ever heard of
the Expectant Theory? Darren Hardy, in
one of his Daily thought emails, mentioned this concept. “Expectations that the
brain creates can be as real as those created by events in the real world.” There
was an interesting study done in Japan where students were blind folded and a
harmless shrub was rubbed on one arm. The students were told, however, that
what was rubbed on their arm was poison ivy. All the students exhibited classic
symptoms associated with poison ivy such as itching, boils, and redness. The other arm was rubbed with poison ivy and
the students were told it was a harmless shrub.
Only 2 out of the 13 broke out with symptoms. Despite the fact this was
a very small study, there have been others to support the ideas of expectancy. Psychologists
explain this theory with the fact that what the brain creates can be as real as
those created by events in the real world.
“You get in life what you
create. We are creative and productive beings and our life is the result of all
the things we have created. So what are YOU creating? What you expect to happen
is what your creative capacity goes to work on producing.” Jim Rohn says, “What you focus on expands,”
which is essentially the same concept. Hmmm…that takes away the usual excuses. Our
tendency is to blame others for the results, or we rationalize what happened.
If I had had the time, I could have passed that test but I was so busy and I
have to work too. I’m not in a job where I can meet other people my age, and I
can’t find someone I really care about. I’m a working mom with two kids, my
husband is very busy in his job, so I don’t have time to exercise to lose these
extra 20 pounds. I come from a divorced family so I’ve never had a good feeling
about myself and can’t seem to get ahead in my career. Not to minimize these
challenges because they are real, I would also challenge the desire and the
expectations.
We’ve all heard the
stories of people who have overcome extremely difficult situations and
environments. What is it about those that are able to break out and “do
something” with their lives versus those who are stuck and never make a move to
change their situation? Isn’t that the million dollar question? Many movies
have been made about overcoming. One of my favorites is Blind Side. If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s a MUST.
For me, there were several messages on a variety of levels. (1) People were
willing to step up and make a difference in the life of someone less fortunate.
(2) The young man had a special talent but without the help in the classrsoom
he wouldn’t have succeeded. (3) It takes a desire and hard work to change. (4)
There was a goal of not only getting an education but also to be able to play
football. (5) There are people “out there” that don’t want you succeed and will
do what they can to bring you down to their level. If you succeed then what
does that say about them? (6) The commitment on the part of both the young man
and the family supporting him was a journey full of setbacks and challenges. (7)
Though there were times to regroup and re-evaluate, no one quit. No “wall” was
too big to get over. Expectations of abundance.
What are those voices in
your head? Is that voice one of
limitations or a voice of doing whatever it takes? How do you react when you
have done everything you can do, but something you really want(ed) doesn’t
happen or at least hasn’t happened yet?
You didn’t make the team, you haven’t found that special person, you
didn’t get in to the school you had your heart set on, you didn’t get that
promotion etc. etc. Is that voice one of
moving forward to learn and grow with each experience or is that voice always
reminding you what you didn’t get when you were 18, 28, 50? Is that voice one
of gratitude of what you DO have or is that voice resurfacing the negatives and
things that haven’t happened for you?
Is that voice in your head one of positive and acknowledging those
precious moments or does that voice only remember the negatives the person has said
or done? After all, we have a choice. We have a choice of what we expect. We have a choice of which voice we listen to.
We have a choice of making a change if we don’t like the way something is
going. We have a choice of action or
staying stagnant.
I acknowledge that this is MY life. With that
ownership, I can move forward controlling my attitude and my expectations. I
wasn’t in control being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, my sister-in-law
wasn’t in control when she had an almost fatal stroke, divorce happens, tough
things happen to good people. Those are things that happen…now it’s time to
face the fears, the anger, the frustration and all those negative reactions to whatever
happened, and it’s time to move forward.
I choose to expect that there will be people who are cheering me on, who
want me to succeed. I choose to expect that I will learn from my mistakes and
success will be in my future. Lynn is amazing as she is now reaching out to
others who are not only stroke victims but also to the medical community. She
is giving them “another set of eyes” to learn how to work with stroke victims. Lynn
focuses on her life and how she can impact all those around her rather than focusing
on her limitations. For me, Lynn is creating a life of significance, positive influence, and
positive expectations.
Remember that I started
out by saying that psychologists define the Expectant Theory as the
expectations our brain creates. This is a reality proven by science. If our
brain has learned to have limited expectations we can also train our brain to
have a life open to abundant expectations.
Expectations are a mindset;
however, you can’t just sit back and expect something to happen. It does take
work, it does take focus, it does take desire and determination, and it takes
getting out of your normal routine and comfort zone. It does take ACTION. It does take CHANGE. Maybe that means getting
to practice earlier than anyone else and shooting extra free throws or having
your quarterback throw you more passes before practice starts. Maybe that means
setting up a coffee date with someone you just met, and you’d like to find out
more about that person. Maybe that means letting go of limiting beliefs about
yourself because someone once told you that you would never get a college
education or that you’d never amount to anything.
Maria Shriver once said, “Life
is messy and rarely goes the way we plan.
We often allow it to knock us down, depress us, make us feel that we’re
not worthy which none of that is true.”
I would challenge you to think about your expectations when you go into
any situation. Expect limitations and the negative and that it surely what you will get. OR expect abundance that ignites your heart and makes you better. Then
follow up with the actions that will make that abundance happen.
I wish you a week of
thinking about what you are creating.
You create what you expect. What
do you expect?
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