Making the Holidays More Enjoyable

Hanukkah is December 16^th, eight days away, and Christmas is 17 days away.  There’s a flurry of parties, shopping, meal planning, travel plans, cards to send, baking to do, and the list goes on and on.  However, what does that list look like for our military families who will be without a loved one?  What does that list look like for a family barely getting by or someone who has recently lost a loved one?  There are so many different scenarios that get lost in that flurry, yet even when things are going well, what are our expectations for this holiday time?

Are you someone that needs to have everything perfect?  Maybe you feel all family members need to be present or it isn't a complete celebration.  Do you get stressed out with all that’s on your “to do” list, or maybe you’re already anticipating difficulty with a particular family member or members? With married children, you may need to “share” time with the in-laws or take turns with the various holidays.  That becomes another challenge when grandchildren are involved.  Any of this ringing true for you?  We all have our own ways to deal with the holidays and the various circumstances we face.  So what do we do?

The perfect scenario actually seems to only exist in one place:  a picture on a greeting card.  According to Dr. Phil, “In the real world, with our fast-paced lives, the holidays usually mean stress.  We’re scrambling to make that shopping list, fretting about our budget,” spending time with family members who are negative and always complaining.  “During the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, we pile expectations on ourselves and everyone around us.”  And because we’re feeling overwhelmed with all the things that “must get done" on that seemingly endless list,” we end up taking out our stress on those we love the most – our spouse, our small children, our adult children, parents, co-workers, clients etc. etc.  And we justify our behavior, to ourselves, because we’re trying to make this whole “holiday event” special for everyone.  Sounding a little contradictory?

“You can’t have a holiday with meaning until you decide what means the most to you, so ask yourself where your true priorities lie.  If you value time with your small children, or your kids who will be home from college, or your parents will be with you etc. why add more people to your list?  If you want to enjoy your day off, don’t sign up for a shift as a cook and maid; make a reservation at an affordable restaurant instead.”  Maybe by taking a couple things off your list, you will actually decrease your stress level.  Maybe you want to focus on gratitude; if so, you might step out of the commercial frenzy by feeding homeless families at a community center.”  If your actions reflect what means the most to you then you’re “walking your talk.” 

After the holidays are over, are you looking back on the events with a smile?  Or are you slumped on the couch, exhausted, and just glad it’s all over?  You will be the one to determine that final feeling.“It doesn't matter if you've celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you and throw traditions that aren't working for you out the door,” according to Dr. Phil.

“Making the Holidays More Enjoyable” according to Dr. Phil:  (1) The first question he asks is whether or not the expectations we have are realistic.  People have a tendency to get upset with not what actually happens but that the expectations weren’t met.  So, are the expectations realistic?  Is this new or does the same stress and discomfort happen year after year?  You may need to re-examine your expectations and check to see they match your priorities.  (2) He also suggests lightening up and go with the flow.  Take a step back and relax.  (3) Remember that Christmas, or any holiday, is NOT the time for a problem-solving session.  Deal with family issues at another time.  (Make 2015 the year to get closure on unresolved issues with family.)  (4) Limit the time you spend with family.  It may be special for everyone to be together, but there’s no need to overdo it.  (Getting back to family routines is important for everyone especially our little ones.)  (5) If a meal is stressful, try making changes.  Simplify the menu, or serve buffet style, or make it a potluck.  (6) Give yourself permission to let go of the things that in the big picture don’t really matter and people won’t even remember.  That may mean all the vacuuming isn’t done, the piles are still there (hide the stuff) etc.  Would your children rather have your attention or see you focusing more on those other things?  If they’re old enough, let them be a part of the preparations – who cares if it isn’t just perfect or that you could do it much faster without their “help.”  It’s the time together that’s important.  (That is obviously one of my priorities – time together.)  (7) If the holidays make you feel empty and/or alone, give to others.  The best way to get is to give – even if you’re not feeling empty and alone. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want that meshes with your priorities surrounding this time of year.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you or allowing others’ expectations control your actions.  Throw out, keep, or change traditions that either are or are not working for you.  Remember what the holidays are really about.  Family togetherness, spiritual enlightenment and camaraderie with friends are far more important than the details that we often focus on. 

I wish for you a quiet reflection time of all that you’re grateful for.  Here’s to this time before the holiday be days of less stress and more memory creating!  It’s in your control and it is a mindset.