Making the Holidays More Enjoyable

Hanukkah is December 16^th, eight days away, and Christmas is 17 days away.  There’s a flurry of parties, shopping, meal planning, travel plans, cards to send, baking to do, and the list goes on and on.  However, what does that list look like for our military families who will be without a loved one?  What does that list look like for a family barely getting by or someone who has recently lost a loved one?  There are so many different scenarios that get lost in that flurry, yet even when things are going well, what are our expectations for this holiday time?

Are you someone that needs to have everything perfect?  Maybe you feel all family members need to be present or it isn't a complete celebration.  Do you get stressed out with all that’s on your “to do” list, or maybe you’re already anticipating difficulty with a particular family member or members? With married children, you may need to “share” time with the in-laws or take turns with the various holidays.  That becomes another challenge when grandchildren are involved.  Any of this ringing true for you?  We all have our own ways to deal with the holidays and the various circumstances we face.  So what do we do?

The perfect scenario actually seems to only exist in one place:  a picture on a greeting card.  According to Dr. Phil, “In the real world, with our fast-paced lives, the holidays usually mean stress.  We’re scrambling to make that shopping list, fretting about our budget,” spending time with family members who are negative and always complaining.  “During the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, we pile expectations on ourselves and everyone around us.”  And because we’re feeling overwhelmed with all the things that “must get done" on that seemingly endless list,” we end up taking out our stress on those we love the most – our spouse, our small children, our adult children, parents, co-workers, clients etc. etc.  And we justify our behavior, to ourselves, because we’re trying to make this whole “holiday event” special for everyone.  Sounding a little contradictory?

“You can’t have a holiday with meaning until you decide what means the most to you, so ask yourself where your true priorities lie.  If you value time with your small children, or your kids who will be home from college, or your parents will be with you etc. why add more people to your list?  If you want to enjoy your day off, don’t sign up for a shift as a cook and maid; make a reservation at an affordable restaurant instead.”  Maybe by taking a couple things off your list, you will actually decrease your stress level.  Maybe you want to focus on gratitude; if so, you might step out of the commercial frenzy by feeding homeless families at a community center.”  If your actions reflect what means the most to you then you’re “walking your talk.” 

After the holidays are over, are you looking back on the events with a smile?  Or are you slumped on the couch, exhausted, and just glad it’s all over?  You will be the one to determine that final feeling.“It doesn't matter if you've celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you and throw traditions that aren't working for you out the door,” according to Dr. Phil.

“Making the Holidays More Enjoyable” according to Dr. Phil:  (1) The first question he asks is whether or not the expectations we have are realistic.  People have a tendency to get upset with not what actually happens but that the expectations weren’t met.  So, are the expectations realistic?  Is this new or does the same stress and discomfort happen year after year?  You may need to re-examine your expectations and check to see they match your priorities.  (2) He also suggests lightening up and go with the flow.  Take a step back and relax.  (3) Remember that Christmas, or any holiday, is NOT the time for a problem-solving session.  Deal with family issues at another time.  (Make 2015 the year to get closure on unresolved issues with family.)  (4) Limit the time you spend with family.  It may be special for everyone to be together, but there’s no need to overdo it.  (Getting back to family routines is important for everyone especially our little ones.)  (5) If a meal is stressful, try making changes.  Simplify the menu, or serve buffet style, or make it a potluck.  (6) Give yourself permission to let go of the things that in the big picture don’t really matter and people won’t even remember.  That may mean all the vacuuming isn’t done, the piles are still there (hide the stuff) etc.  Would your children rather have your attention or see you focusing more on those other things?  If they’re old enough, let them be a part of the preparations – who cares if it isn’t just perfect or that you could do it much faster without their “help.”  It’s the time together that’s important.  (That is obviously one of my priorities – time together.)  (7) If the holidays make you feel empty and/or alone, give to others.  The best way to get is to give – even if you’re not feeling empty and alone. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want that meshes with your priorities surrounding this time of year.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you or allowing others’ expectations control your actions.  Throw out, keep, or change traditions that either are or are not working for you.  Remember what the holidays are really about.  Family togetherness, spiritual enlightenment and camaraderie with friends are far more important than the details that we often focus on. 

I wish for you a quiet reflection time of all that you’re grateful for.  Here’s to this time before the holiday be days of less stress and more memory creating!  It’s in your control and it is a mindset.

Do you have a personal philosophy?

Do you have a personal philosophy?  You probably do, however, until we can put words to what that is exactly, how can we proceed with purpose in our lives?  What generally happens is we think we know what we want, we set our goals and hopefully even write them down, and then we take action.  If we get a roadblock, or we sway from the original path, how will we find our way unless we understand our personal philosophy?  For me, I had an intrinsic feeling of what I was meant to do; however, it wasn't concrete in my mind.  After reading an excerpt from Dr. Phil last week, I began to think about my own personal philosophy.  What exactly is that philosophy?  What do I, as an individual, stand for?

“’The way you do anything is the way you do everything’ and how it applies to life,” became Dr. Phil’s personal philosophy.   Whether or not this resonates with you, take the premise that a personal philosophy is necessary, read these thoughts, and come up with a philosophy that fits YOU.  I recognize many of you will respond with such thoughts as:  Here we go, one more thing I'm supposed to do when I already don’t have time.  Is this really that important? I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.  I already know my personal philosophy; I know it but it’s hard to explain.”  Etc. etc.  I would suggest this may be one of THE most important activities you put on your “to do” list for this week.

“For many of us, the way we do anything is the way we do everything.”  Dr. Phil suggests taking a look at the areas of our lives that could use some improvement.  “Is your credit score the pits because you don't pay your bills on time?  Think about how that neglect could be showing up in your relationships.  Are you just going through the motions at work?  If so, chances are you're just going through the motions, period.  As I have learned, the good news is – it’s never too late to change no matter how small the change.  If anything is going to change it’s definitely up to me, and no one else.  As Darren Hardy repeatedly speaks to in his book, The Compound Effect, it’s the “principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices.”  It’s interesting to me that what both Darren Hardy and Dr. Phil are speaking to is that the individual steps along the way, don’t “feel” very significant but may have massive results.  It may be as simple as wanting to take better care of your health and lose a few pounds, but you realize you're snacking throughout the day.   “Once you pay attention to the things in your life that need tending, you'll make it a priority to tend to yourself.”

So how do I get started?  First of all, building on a personal philosophy to guide all areas of my life must be a priority.  That’s the foundation I now build everything on, and that foundation needs to be strong.  Next, I must come up with what’s really important to me.  I have to say that at age 62 it would be easy to “blow this self-development stuff” out the window.  I've “already lived my life” so why should I spend time on developing a personal philosophy now? According to Dr. Phil, “You have a philosophy, even if you're not conscious of it; everybody does….you need to be able to clearly articulate your own guiding principle.”  Hmmm, if that’s the case, I need to examine what it is that I stand for at this point in my life.  I still have a lot of living to do.  :)

In reflecting over my life, I have begun to see some patterns. With this nudge to articulate the things I have unconsciously based my life on to this point, I am now focusing on articulating those things on a conscious level.  After taking some time to think, reflect, and examine my actions, my feelings, my choices, etc. I am beginning to create a true path of focused awareness.  My personal philosophy has begun now on a conscious level.  Again from Dr. Phil, “The next step is to live by it with every choice you make.  After all, you don't become a champion by winning the Super Bowl; you become a champion by practicing.  And remember: If you don’t live your life as if everything matters, you’ll never become everything you’re meant to be.” 

You may be in your 20’s, 30’s or older.  You may be male or female; formally educated or not, single or married, parent or not…it doesn’t matter.  If you take the attitude that God has given you this life then I would propose that He is waiting for you to actively and consciously participate in your life.  No excuses.

These blogs have been my personal journey of learning and growing on a daily basis.  I come away with an even truer sense of who I am as a person and feel much more content with myself and my life.  I only hope that in reading these, YOU will gain YOUR own sense of who YOU are, that YOU will create YOUR own personal philosophy for YOUR journey in this beautiful life.

I wish you an awesome week of joy, reflection, and FUN!