What Are Your Expectations During the Holidays?

How is going "Making Your Holidays More Enjoyable? “  Have you made a conscious effort to first and foremost take the time to be present and enjoy your spouse, your children, and friends?  As I talked about last week, it's so easy to get caught up with the "hoop la" and forget what this season is really all about whether you celebrate Hanukkah or Christmas.  We could focus on all the tragedies in our world today, or we can focus on what we do have control over and that's only ourselves.  What can I do each and every day to make a difference in my own life and to make a difference in others' lives?

What are your expectations for this holiday time?  It seems we hear about so many more issues of domestic violence, assaults, suicides, drunk-driving etc. taking place during this time of year. Why is that?  Yes, there are people who aren't happy, are taking out their feelings of frustration and inadequacy on family members or on themselves and this time of year seems to exacerbate those stressors and challenges.  I would speculate that finances trigger many of these feelings both now and again when it comes time to pay off all the credit card bills.  But what else?  Is it the reflection over the past year, and the realization that once again another year has passed and nothing is really any different?  Is it a focus on all the things that didn't happen and a poor pitiful me attitude?  Is it “looking around” comparing yourself to others that seem to “have it all together?”  They don't have any of the struggles that you have.  Or is it something else?  Does any of this ring true for you?  What about those people, family and friends, who you surround yourself with regularly?

I would suggest a couple ideas to think about.  One is that EVERYONE has struggles and challenges of some kind.  EVERYONE is dealing with some challenge whether it be physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual.  Even those that look like they have THE perfect life have some kind of struggle, but we each deal with those challenges and struggles in our own personal way.  The choice might be to ignore, or deny, or we choose not to focus on the challenge itself but the lessons being learned along the way.  Some “suffer” in silence while others “wear their struggle on their sleeve” and let everyone around them know they're suffering.  A second thought is if the same feelings are constantly reoccurring then why haven’t you done anything about them?  Is it easier to wallow in misery and discomfort blaming everyone but ourselves, than it is to take action and make changes? 

Make this holiday season different than ever before.  Give gifts from your heart that you can afford, make a conscious effort to let go of a nit picking, exasperated mindset when with a difficult relative, even if it’s your own spouse, parent, in-law, or sibling.  Let go of the judgment, criticism, and perfect expectations.   Come away, this season, with a feeling of resolve.  Maybe it’s watching the behavior of someone else and making the commitment  to never be that way yourself, maybe it’s looking at being grateful for whatever little things you can find, maybe it’s realizing that if you can be loving and compassionate, you get far more of the same in return.  Maybe the difference is to let go of that perfect Christmas card picture, sit back and just enjoy.

We will be spending Christmas with our daughter and her family, and New Years with our son and his family.   I plan to take in each moment fully. So that I take my own advice, I will be sharing new thoughts and a plan for 2015 in my next blog which will be January 6^th. 

I wish for you a special holiday time that includes: reflection, quiet moments, and gratitude.

Who Do You Listen To When Making Choices?

Judgment and Influence

What is your definition of the words judgment and influence?  How do these words impact your world?  Think about these two words when you think about people, events, and various situations. 

For discussion purposes, my definition of judgment is, “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions; act or process of forming an opinion.”  Influence is, “the power to change or affect someone or something.” I spent one morning recently keeping track of all the times I had a judgment or an opinion about something and also where I may or may not have influence.  I kept track of everything whether it was something I read, heard on the TV or radio, what someone wrote on Facebook, emails, phone conversations, etc.  In other words, basically all activities for that time period.  I came to an interesting yet not surprising realization…we are all judging ALL the time!! In addition, our influence can be negative, positive, or may not even be evident at the time.

So what or who influences or may influence our judgment?  I’d like to suggest a few: how we were raised, where we were raised, our experiences growing up, the people we surround ourselves with, our spouse, our children, the media, the types of books we read, colleagues, employers and the list goes on and on.  In other words:  EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. 

Last evening, we had a three hour dinner with a young couple we met a few years ago.  Since we hadn't seen them for quite some time, there was a lot of catching up to do.  In fact, since I hadn't heard from them for a few months, I was worried as the last time we had talked, they were experiencing many challenges with their business idea.  Despite all the disappointments, promises that were made that weren't fulfilled, people who said they would do something but didn't follow through, and others who could only be termed “dream stealers,” their focus, determination, and a business coach guided them towards their dream.   They DID NOT QUIT!  Their business coach encouraged and supported them – a positive influence. The positive influence they had with each other was encouraging and supportive – even during the days eating only tuna and Ramon noodles.

So who were these two listening to?  They had family members, close friends, and business people they thought they could trust and yet these people were making judgments based on their own set of values and experiences.  Our family loves and cares about us but what they believe is “in our best interest” may or may not be what is true for us.  So does that mean we shouldn't say what we think, give our opinions, be honest with our family and friends.  Absolutely not. 

There are two sides to keep in mind.  On one side, if I am giving my opinion, I need to recognize that it is just that – my opinion.  It comes from my experiences, background, values etc.  It is my judgment – not good, bad, right, or wrong – it’s mine.  Where I think we “cross the line” is when we continue to push our judgment on others, and our focus now becomes convincing them that we are right and they are wrong.  On the other side, when we are on the receiving end we have a choice.  Who are we listening to and why?  How many times have you (me included) given up on a dream, goal, or desire because you gave up?  You didn't put value on what was true in your own heart?  We let others judge and influence us in a negative way and so we quit.  Or maybe, you are like Matt and Amy who listened to their business coach and each other over the naysayers.  And because of that, they are moving at a fast pace towards dreams and goals that will impact a HUGE number of people’s health and wellness!

I would encourage you to do three things this week.  One, take time to reflect on who is a positive influencer for you and why.  Second, who are YOU a positive influencer for and what it is that you doing – what are your words and actions?  And third, remember that your judgment is just that – yours.

I appreciate you reading my thoughts and always look forward to your comments.

Nancy