Judgment
and Influence
What is your definition of the words judgment and
influence? How do these words impact
your world? Think about these two words
when you think about people, events, and various situations.
For discussion purposes, my definition of judgment is, “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible
conclusions; act or process of forming an opinion.” Influence
is, “the power to change or affect someone or something.” I spent one morning
recently keeping track of all the times I had a judgment or an opinion about something
and also where I may or may not have influence.
I kept track of everything whether it was something I read, heard on the
TV or radio, what someone wrote on Facebook, emails, phone conversations,
etc. In other words, basically all
activities for that time period. I came
to an interesting yet not surprising realization…we are all judging ALL the time!! In addition,
our influence can be negative,
positive, or may not even be evident at the time.
So what or who influences or may influence our
judgment? I’d like to suggest a few: how
we were raised, where we were raised, our experiences growing up, the people we
surround ourselves with, our spouse, our children, the media, the types of
books we read, colleagues, employers and the list goes on and on. In other words: EVERYTHING
and EVERYONE.
Last evening, we had a three hour dinner with a young
couple we met a few years ago. Since we hadn't seen them for quite some time, there was a lot of catching up to
do. In fact, since I hadn't heard from
them for a few months, I was worried as the last time we had talked, they were
experiencing many challenges with their business idea. Despite all the disappointments, promises
that were made that weren't fulfilled, people who said they would do something
but didn't follow through, and others who could only be termed “dream stealers,”
their focus, determination, and a business coach guided them towards
their dream. They DID NOT QUIT! Their business
coach encouraged and supported them – a positive influence. The positive
influence they had with each other was encouraging and supportive – even during
the days eating only tuna and Ramon noodles.
So who were these two
listening to? They had family members,
close friends, and business people they thought they could trust and yet these
people were making judgments based on their own set of values and
experiences. Our family loves and cares
about us but what they believe is “in our best interest” may or may not be what
is true for us. So does that mean we shouldn't say what we think, give our opinions, be honest with our family and
friends. Absolutely not.
There are two sides to keep
in mind. On one side, if I am giving my
opinion, I need to recognize that it is just that – my opinion. It comes from my experiences, background,
values etc. It is my judgment – not
good, bad, right, or wrong – it’s mine.
Where I think we “cross the line” is when we continue to push our
judgment on others, and our focus now becomes convincing them that we are right
and they are wrong. On the other side,
when we are on the receiving end we have a choice. Who are we listening to and why? How many times have you (me included) given
up on a dream, goal, or desire because you gave up? You didn't put value on what was true in your
own heart? We let others judge and
influence us in a negative way and so we quit.
Or maybe, you are like Matt and Amy who listened to their business coach
and each other over the naysayers. And
because of that, they are moving at a fast pace towards dreams and goals that
will impact a HUGE number of people’s health and wellness!
I would encourage you to do
three things this week. One, take time
to reflect on who is a positive influencer for you and why. Second, who are YOU a positive influencer for
and what it is that you doing – what are your words and actions? And third, remember that your judgment is just
that – yours.
I appreciate you reading my
thoughts and always look forward to your comments.
Nancy
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