Your Life Follows Your Thoughts

Last week I challenged you to start your own 30 day challenge. Did you decide  WHAT you wanted to focus on AND did you START? I shared my goal to reduce my sugar intake with a detoxing for the first week and then reducing that amount for the rest of the 30 days. I will say, the first three days were much harder than I anticipated but the fourth, fifth, and now the full week got easier and easier. Even in that amount of time, I have found a difference in my belly and I lost a pound. That was the only change I made for these results so I have seen some slight results and ready to go the rest of the 30 days. 

Remember Kelly and her 365 days of happiness? She left a comment on the blog, “Oh yeah! The day of happy is a habit, and I am going to keep going. Not even going to set a limit on myself this time around! :)” WOW!!  Thanks, Kelly!  You’re a great testimonial to following through with a goal AND not only is it a habit, but you have even expanded it.  Congratulations!!

In tandem with your 30 day goal, this week I want to focus on how you talk to yourself. In this week’s Success magazine, Joel Osteen is on the cover. He is the pastor for the Lakewood Church in Houston, a motivational speaker, and an author of countless books. On the audio CD, included in the magazine, Joel’s comments had me continuously starting and stopping the interview so I could write down his message.  The gist… “Your Life Follows Your Thoughts.” What a powerful statement!

Interestingly enough it’s natural for some people to be negative. That’s what they heard when they were growing up so they often don’t even see themselves as negative. Turning around your self-talk is critical in order for your life to not only change but for your life to get better.

What is YOUR inner dialog? How do you talk to yourself? Are the negative “voices” trying to put you down, questioning your actions/decisions, telling you that you can’t do something? “If you don’t talk to yourself the right way then “your self” will talk to you. The negative thoughts will push you down,” according to Joel. Your MINDSET is the key!

 

How often do you find yourself listening to those negative voices? How often do you find yourself comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate? How often do you find yourself trying to please others to avoid a conflict or hope that this time they will see your true value?  I must say that when I was younger, I fit into the more negative mindset category. On one hand I knew I did some things well and that I was good at some things, but then my thoughts would turn to...I should have done something better or everyone else is more talented. When I was younger, my sister use to call me “Miss Perfect.” Little did others know, I felt far from being perfect, I just wanted to do the right thing. (First born syndrome, I guess.) I had a colleague once tell me I was too organized. When I asked if I was imposing my system on him; he told me no, but it made him look bad.  I didn’t change and needless to say, he and I didn’t team teach together for very long.

The naysayers are out there! We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Your focus needs to be on what YOU believe in, what you’re “called” to do. I always wanted everyone to like me, I avoided conflicts, and earlier, I would try to do things so that others would feel more comfortable or that it would avoid problems. However, I knew in my heart of hearts, in my gut, that I was not being true to myself. I finally accepted, many years ago, that not everyone was going to like me, understand me etc. and that was ok. Many who are negative and critical are never going to be our supporters no matter what we do. Does any of that ring true for you? The key is to be true to yourself. It’s time to learn to tune out the naysayers. “We can’t let the naysayers, the haters, the critical people get into our inside “voice.” That will only keep us from being the best we can be.

Tuning out those naysayers is easier said than done, I totally get that. That is why Joel’s words hit home; “We need to shift our thinking and NOT take in the negative and the criticism if we don’t have to!”  If that battle isn’t between you and your destiny, your dreams, your goals, your values, then it’s not a battle worth fighting. There are always detractors and criticizers. Constructive criticism is one thing, but we’re talking about people who are never going to like us or be for us no matter what we do or say. Often times, these distractions are meant to get us off course. Ignore them!  Don’t waste your time. Retaliation may “feel” better for an instant, but it definitely doesn’t solve the problem, and we’ve now lowered ourselves to their level. If it’s not between you and your destiny then it’s just a distraction.

Acknowledge that ignoring the negative and not allowing it inside you is one thing, but what can you do to really make a change? First of all, look to surround yourself with people who do have a positive mindset, people who are moving forward, people that are accomplishing their dreams and desires, and people that walk their talk. These are people who are able to tune out the negative. YOU can be the one to stay respectful, YOU can be the one to take the high road, and YOU will be the one that will go further.  YOU must be true to who you are using your entire God given skills, talents, and heart. Personally, I’ve learned I would rather be criticized for who I am than criticized for who I’m not.

The transformation of my mindset was due to a focus and specific actions. First of all, I begin and end each day with gratitude. I am grateful for Jon, our children, and grandchildren, I’m grateful for my health, I’m excited about another new day on this earth etc. My focus is on what is going right not what is wrong. I continually listen to positive CD’s whenever I’m in the car, and I’m regularly reading things that will help me learn and grow. These small steps have had more of an influence in my daily mindset than I ever would have realized. When I focus on all that is right versus wrong then my days go much better.

I’m of the belief that we won’t ever reach our true potential if we aren’t being true to who we are on the inside. Our true blessings come when we are true to ourselves. More than just a positive mindset, we need to be listening to that inner “voice.” Joel Osteen states, “Your Life Follows Your Thoughts.” So much of life is about perspective (judgment). We each have our own perspective, our own judgement. We can either focus on what’s wrong, what we don’t have, how impossible something appears to be, or we can turn around our thinking. We can focus on what we do have, our creativity to solve the problems, and we can let go of what doesn’t “fit” with who we really are deep down in our core.

As you continue this next week with your 30 day goal, what is your mindset? Are you now finding the change is a little bit easier each day? It’s a journey, a process, and like Kelly found out, it is a habit worth establishing with very little effort.

Here’s an important question…Are you better off with your finances, are you wiser, are you further along in your career, are your relationships stronger, are you improving your health? We shouldn’t be at the same place we were a year ago. Now is a time for a new beginning.

Start the New Year off with your 30 day goal and follow through with that goal for the ENTIRE 30 days. Pay attention to your mindset.  Are you focusing on why this is a good thing for you to do for yourself? Are you focusing on the fact your goal will pay many dividends in your life? Are you focusing on the fact you WILL be successful for the 30 days? Or are you listening to those negative “voices” telling you this is hard, it’s not worth it, I don’t need to do this, I have other things that need to get done etc.?

Unless you want things to be exactly the same one year from now, something has to change. Now is the time. We all realize how quickly this year went by. DON’T let another year go by without making a change to improve yourself! One goal - 30 days!

I wish you a week of reflection, a week of continuing your 30 day goal, and a healthy, positive inner voice. Whatever is healthy is growing!

Do You Have Intestinal Fortitude?

First of all, how did you do this past week with setting more specific expectations but this time with clear examples?  What did you learn by doing things a little different?  Could you see a difference in the outcome?  I’d love to hear your discoveries.

Here’s a quick recap of our weekend in Illinois for Jon’s birthday and the first football game of season two for Jason.  We had a wonderful time with the grandchildren playing, playing, and more playing.  That meant climbing up the rock wall to the top of the play set in order to go down the spiral slide. If you’re on Facebook, there is evidence of our two year old grandson pushing Poppa down, and Jon coming out at the end. Driving a mini gator was a definite hit, and the kids were all great about taking turns driving around the yard. I love football and the atmosphere of game day!  The Spartans kicked off at 6:00 Saturday night for the first home game. This is only the second season EVER for the program Jason is building and though it was a loss they did score a TD (it wasn’t until the second or third game before that happened last year) in the first half. There were many positives, many glitches and things to work on, but that’s all to be expected.  The key is to learn, make adjustments, and keep moving forward. So though it was a loss, we were extremely proud of Jason, his coaching staff, the players, the support staff, the athletes’ parents who made the trip, and the fans. Now it’s time to move forward for game 2.

I had a sign on the wall in the front of my classroom for 15+ years that read, “You are not finished when you lose, You are finished when you quit.”  In my classroom, that applied to reading, math, getting along with one another and all aspects of our classroom team.  Doesn’t that apply to anything, really?  In fact, I would have celebrations when kids struggled because that meant mistakes happen, but they needed to learn from those mistakes to move forward. They had the mindset that quitting/giving up was not an option just because something was difficult. Their mindset was, “What do I need to do to learn, to get better?”

We never learn and grow when we’re comfortable!  When we get comfortable playing tennis, for example, we need to take it up a notch and learn new skills or play a different partner who will challenge us. When reading has now gotten easy, it’s time to find a harder book to get to the next skill level.  When our exercise routine is becoming routine, it’s time to change things up.  That may mean sore muscles again, but that’s a small price to pay to get better.  Of course, we can’t be challenging ourselves in all areas of our life all the time, there have to be some areas of comfort, but if we truly want to Be the Best we can be, staying comfortable is not moving us forward.  As I said last week, that’s one of the many things I admire about Jon.  He is not willing to always stay comfortable.

Jason’s football athletes or any athlete in ­any sport on any level will be challenged to push themselves, change bad habits, learn a different way to do something, handle different expectations with new coaches etc. etc. It’s different going from high school into college.  That mindset is totally different as are the expectations and level of competition.  The classroom from high school to college is another huge leap.  It takes a period of time to adjust, however, those with a mindset of learning and growing and increasing their skills with the focus on continually getting better will NEVER quit.

Have you ever heard the word “intestinal fortitude?”  That word seems to definitely apply to what I’m blogging about this week. The dictionary definition is “courage and endurance to go on.”  Rosa Parks had intestinal fortitude when she refused to give up her seat on the bus.  The three Americans on the train in France who brought down the terrorist had intestinal fortitude. Each day you hear of someone fighting back a cancer diagnosis, a stroke victim pushing forward to gain speech or movement in their arms and legs, it’s a parent with a disabled child making life special, our service men and women who are daily fighting for our freedom, the middle school students who stand up for a fellow student that’s being bullied.  Each of these situations are people who have intestinal fortitude.  They are people with courage, they are people who continue on with what’s right and will not quit no matter what.

So what about needing courage and endurance to handle criticism, gossip, and others trying to pull us down because we’re a threat to their comfort level? What about the people who are jealous that we are losing weight and getting fit? What about the people who are threatened by our success in the classroom and that we will have a degree at the end of the four years?  What about those “wanna be” athletes who aren’t willing to put in the time and effort to be successful, so they try to pull the rest of us down with them? Don’t each of these situations, and more, take intestinal fortitude?

I admire these people who are focused on doing what’s right and yes, they have intestinal fortitude.  They are not listening to those who are trying to pull them down.  From a piece Maria Shriver wrote earlier, “These people who have intestinal fortitude go through life with a steady, strong integrity.  They don’t rage at people or call them names, bully or belittle them.  They walk through life with a strength that is captivating.”

What if we each made the decision to focus on our own intestinal fortitude? What might that look like?  It could mean strengthening our personal faith.  It could mean staying strong, centered, and focused on what we want in life. It could mean not listening to jealous relatives who secretly want to see us fail.  It could mean ignoring the naysayers and not even giving them the time of day. It could mean focusing more time on what’s right than what’s wrong, what’s a blessing rich in gratitude, and it definitely means not getting caught up in the drama that seems to get attention.  Can we learn, as Maria says, to “respond, not with anger or weakness, but from a place of intestinal fortitude? After all, that is where the strength is, that’s where true power lives.”

Here’s to your week of strengthening your own person intestinal fortitude.  Will you move forward, never short change yourself, and NEVER QUIT?

Who Do You Listen To When Making Choices?

Judgment and Influence

What is your definition of the words judgment and influence?  How do these words impact your world?  Think about these two words when you think about people, events, and various situations. 

For discussion purposes, my definition of judgment is, “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions; act or process of forming an opinion.”  Influence is, “the power to change or affect someone or something.” I spent one morning recently keeping track of all the times I had a judgment or an opinion about something and also where I may or may not have influence.  I kept track of everything whether it was something I read, heard on the TV or radio, what someone wrote on Facebook, emails, phone conversations, etc.  In other words, basically all activities for that time period.  I came to an interesting yet not surprising realization…we are all judging ALL the time!! In addition, our influence can be negative, positive, or may not even be evident at the time.

So what or who influences or may influence our judgment?  I’d like to suggest a few: how we were raised, where we were raised, our experiences growing up, the people we surround ourselves with, our spouse, our children, the media, the types of books we read, colleagues, employers and the list goes on and on.  In other words:  EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. 

Last evening, we had a three hour dinner with a young couple we met a few years ago.  Since we hadn't seen them for quite some time, there was a lot of catching up to do.  In fact, since I hadn't heard from them for a few months, I was worried as the last time we had talked, they were experiencing many challenges with their business idea.  Despite all the disappointments, promises that were made that weren't fulfilled, people who said they would do something but didn't follow through, and others who could only be termed “dream stealers,” their focus, determination, and a business coach guided them towards their dream.   They DID NOT QUIT!  Their business coach encouraged and supported them – a positive influence. The positive influence they had with each other was encouraging and supportive – even during the days eating only tuna and Ramon noodles.

So who were these two listening to?  They had family members, close friends, and business people they thought they could trust and yet these people were making judgments based on their own set of values and experiences.  Our family loves and cares about us but what they believe is “in our best interest” may or may not be what is true for us.  So does that mean we shouldn't say what we think, give our opinions, be honest with our family and friends.  Absolutely not. 

There are two sides to keep in mind.  On one side, if I am giving my opinion, I need to recognize that it is just that – my opinion.  It comes from my experiences, background, values etc.  It is my judgment – not good, bad, right, or wrong – it’s mine.  Where I think we “cross the line” is when we continue to push our judgment on others, and our focus now becomes convincing them that we are right and they are wrong.  On the other side, when we are on the receiving end we have a choice.  Who are we listening to and why?  How many times have you (me included) given up on a dream, goal, or desire because you gave up?  You didn't put value on what was true in your own heart?  We let others judge and influence us in a negative way and so we quit.  Or maybe, you are like Matt and Amy who listened to their business coach and each other over the naysayers.  And because of that, they are moving at a fast pace towards dreams and goals that will impact a HUGE number of people’s health and wellness!

I would encourage you to do three things this week.  One, take time to reflect on who is a positive influencer for you and why.  Second, who are YOU a positive influencer for and what it is that you doing – what are your words and actions?  And third, remember that your judgment is just that – yours.

I appreciate you reading my thoughts and always look forward to your comments.

Nancy