Living In Regrets Isn't Productive

Last week I encouraged you to continue with your 30 day goal, and to pay attention to your inner voice. For me, I am very happy with my goal of cutting down on the amount of extra sugar. There is a lot of information about having only 12 grams of sugar in a day, and one can of Coke has 14-16 grams alone! ("Energy” drinks are even worse!) I’m seeing results with how my clothes fit, and I’m definitely not needing a “fix” in the afternoons.  Hope you’re finding positive results as well.

This is the third week in January. Typically, this is the time people are starting to “get down in the dumps.” Some of it is the weather with the lack of sunshine and cold temperatures. It’s the time when those holiday bills are coming due, and you realize your spending was beyond your budget – that is if you even had a budget. It’s also the time when colds, flu, etc. seem to hit us since we’re back to a normal routine and our body is tired. Exercising is more of a challenge and easier to let go of, hence the decline in attendance at the gym.

For many reasons, then, it’s important to pay attention to our inner voice. Are you listening to that voice that says, “I’ll exercise tomorrow, I’m too tired today,” then you realize you’ve gone a whole week without exercising? Or have you truly decided that you’re going to stick to your 30 day goal no matter what? Are you back into those old habits OR are you willing to do something different in your life in 2016? Remember how fast 2015 flew by? Are you going to be in the same place a year from now or are you going to CHANGE?

This past Sunday I listened to Joel Osteen’s message about living in regrets. The bottom line was that regrets are not productive. Regrets are the past. Whatever you did, whatever you said it is no longer happening. Not only are you missing all the beauty in being present, but you also are not moving forward with these added burdens holding you back. As Joel stated, “You may be a product of your past, but you don’t have to be a prisoner of your past.” He continued with advising that we step out of WAS and step into IS. Personally, I find these incredibly powerful statements that make up a part of our inner voice. When you read about people who have grown up in horrible situations but have gone on to lead productive, successful lives, aren’t they examples of NOT allowing that negative inner voice to take over? These are people who are taking control and moving forward without excuses!

“You can’t move forward if you’re looking in the rear view mirror.” It takes more energy holding on to your mistakes, your guilt, your unhappiness then it does to let go of not understanding situations and trusting that things will get better.  That means you must stop talking about the negative, stop thinking about the negative and stop thinking of all that “they” did or said. That means you need to “bury” it. Put it all to rest, it’s the past. 

What we have a tendency to do is dig up those old offenses, the guilt, the hurt, and our unforgiving attitude. I love what Joel says about this. He states that when you bring up the past, it stinks. No one will want to be around you because of the negativity. You will begin to push people away as they don’t want to listen to the “same old – same old” and the “poor pitiful me” scenarios. Either you want something to change so you must take action OR you drop it. (And that DOES NOT mean you bury it and just don't talk about it any longer!That is definitely NOT dropping it.) People will only listen and support you for so long because if they hear the same thing over and over and see no action being taken to make a change, then they will eventually tune you out.

If you decide something isn’t worth your time and effort and you drop it, GREAT. That doesn’t mean you’re weak or that someone has gotten their way. What it means is you’re putting trust in God that new doors will open, and that you don’t want to spend your energy complaining and being negative. You’re finally willing to DROP IT and LET IT GO! I will tell you from personal experience, there is feeling of lightness and relief. It’s much easier to move ahead. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, and part of that change is creating a positive inner voice.

Life is too short and your time is too valuable to live your life in the negative or with an “I should have…” second guessing mentality all the time. When you live with a lack of self- esteem, when you continuously bring back up all the things “done to you,” when year after year your frustration with a certain family member or friend increases, when someone is rude to you in the morning and you’re still angry about it at lunch time etc. STOP! When you carry your negative baggage, your anger, your fears, and your lack of self-esteem year after year, I would suggest that you’re only poisoning yourself and it’s only holding YOU back.

Drop it! Leave it behind! Let it go! Jim Britt shared his technique of letting go that has served me well on many occasions. Our emotions are energy in motion and when we don’t deal with the nonresourceful/negative emotions, we “stuff them.” Each time we bring them back up without any resolution, they become stronger. Picture an ice cube. It’s either sitting in your throat, your heart area, or your gut. When you’re willing to let go, state the emotion eg. anger, frustration, close your eyes and picture the ice cube melting away, slowly breathing in and out. You may have to do this several times but each time, picture the ice cube becoming smaller and smaller. This may sound a little “out there” but I can assure you it’s the only technique that has ever helped me get past some deep conflicts. It’s worth trying.

Letting go of the deeper conflicts and issues is like peeling an onion. You may think you have let go of something and yet it comes up in a different form. That’s ok. Go through the “letting go” process once again. You will know when you have put something behind you when you remember the situation, the experience, the conflict etc. and you no longer have any emotion attached. 

If you’re always trying to find the “why” that’s another toxic form of thinking, and you can’t move forward. Joel Osteen suggests having an “I don’t understand it file." Then trust that a higher power is in control of what you don’t understand and your job is to trust and let it go.

You can’t move forward and have a resourceful inner voice until you’re willing to realize you’ve been looking in the rear view mirror too long. You’ve been seeking an answer to why someone or something happened, or you haven’t been willing to make a change in your life, or the negative voices have had control.

Living in regrets isn’t productive. Are you willing to let go of things in the past and step into the present? You are a valuable person with many gifts to share with others. Turn your inner voice into “high fives,” “way to go,” “great job,” “I’ve learned something new and it’s working,” “I’m proud of myself,” etc. etc. Learn to let things go. Train your mind to move forward.

Here’s to a week of continuing your 30 day goals and to celebrating a new level of understanding the power of letting go and a resourceful inner voice.

Your Life Follows Your Thoughts

Last week I challenged you to start your own 30 day challenge. Did you decide  WHAT you wanted to focus on AND did you START? I shared my goal to reduce my sugar intake with a detoxing for the first week and then reducing that amount for the rest of the 30 days. I will say, the first three days were much harder than I anticipated but the fourth, fifth, and now the full week got easier and easier. Even in that amount of time, I have found a difference in my belly and I lost a pound. That was the only change I made for these results so I have seen some slight results and ready to go the rest of the 30 days. 

Remember Kelly and her 365 days of happiness? She left a comment on the blog, “Oh yeah! The day of happy is a habit, and I am going to keep going. Not even going to set a limit on myself this time around! :)” WOW!!  Thanks, Kelly!  You’re a great testimonial to following through with a goal AND not only is it a habit, but you have even expanded it.  Congratulations!!

In tandem with your 30 day goal, this week I want to focus on how you talk to yourself. In this week’s Success magazine, Joel Osteen is on the cover. He is the pastor for the Lakewood Church in Houston, a motivational speaker, and an author of countless books. On the audio CD, included in the magazine, Joel’s comments had me continuously starting and stopping the interview so I could write down his message.  The gist… “Your Life Follows Your Thoughts.” What a powerful statement!

Interestingly enough it’s natural for some people to be negative. That’s what they heard when they were growing up so they often don’t even see themselves as negative. Turning around your self-talk is critical in order for your life to not only change but for your life to get better.

What is YOUR inner dialog? How do you talk to yourself? Are the negative “voices” trying to put you down, questioning your actions/decisions, telling you that you can’t do something? “If you don’t talk to yourself the right way then “your self” will talk to you. The negative thoughts will push you down,” according to Joel. Your MINDSET is the key!

 

How often do you find yourself listening to those negative voices? How often do you find yourself comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate? How often do you find yourself trying to please others to avoid a conflict or hope that this time they will see your true value?  I must say that when I was younger, I fit into the more negative mindset category. On one hand I knew I did some things well and that I was good at some things, but then my thoughts would turn to...I should have done something better or everyone else is more talented. When I was younger, my sister use to call me “Miss Perfect.” Little did others know, I felt far from being perfect, I just wanted to do the right thing. (First born syndrome, I guess.) I had a colleague once tell me I was too organized. When I asked if I was imposing my system on him; he told me no, but it made him look bad.  I didn’t change and needless to say, he and I didn’t team teach together for very long.

The naysayers are out there! We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Your focus needs to be on what YOU believe in, what you’re “called” to do. I always wanted everyone to like me, I avoided conflicts, and earlier, I would try to do things so that others would feel more comfortable or that it would avoid problems. However, I knew in my heart of hearts, in my gut, that I was not being true to myself. I finally accepted, many years ago, that not everyone was going to like me, understand me etc. and that was ok. Many who are negative and critical are never going to be our supporters no matter what we do. Does any of that ring true for you? The key is to be true to yourself. It’s time to learn to tune out the naysayers. “We can’t let the naysayers, the haters, the critical people get into our inside “voice.” That will only keep us from being the best we can be.

Tuning out those naysayers is easier said than done, I totally get that. That is why Joel’s words hit home; “We need to shift our thinking and NOT take in the negative and the criticism if we don’t have to!”  If that battle isn’t between you and your destiny, your dreams, your goals, your values, then it’s not a battle worth fighting. There are always detractors and criticizers. Constructive criticism is one thing, but we’re talking about people who are never going to like us or be for us no matter what we do or say. Often times, these distractions are meant to get us off course. Ignore them!  Don’t waste your time. Retaliation may “feel” better for an instant, but it definitely doesn’t solve the problem, and we’ve now lowered ourselves to their level. If it’s not between you and your destiny then it’s just a distraction.

Acknowledge that ignoring the negative and not allowing it inside you is one thing, but what can you do to really make a change? First of all, look to surround yourself with people who do have a positive mindset, people who are moving forward, people that are accomplishing their dreams and desires, and people that walk their talk. These are people who are able to tune out the negative. YOU can be the one to stay respectful, YOU can be the one to take the high road, and YOU will be the one that will go further.  YOU must be true to who you are using your entire God given skills, talents, and heart. Personally, I’ve learned I would rather be criticized for who I am than criticized for who I’m not.

The transformation of my mindset was due to a focus and specific actions. First of all, I begin and end each day with gratitude. I am grateful for Jon, our children, and grandchildren, I’m grateful for my health, I’m excited about another new day on this earth etc. My focus is on what is going right not what is wrong. I continually listen to positive CD’s whenever I’m in the car, and I’m regularly reading things that will help me learn and grow. These small steps have had more of an influence in my daily mindset than I ever would have realized. When I focus on all that is right versus wrong then my days go much better.

I’m of the belief that we won’t ever reach our true potential if we aren’t being true to who we are on the inside. Our true blessings come when we are true to ourselves. More than just a positive mindset, we need to be listening to that inner “voice.” Joel Osteen states, “Your Life Follows Your Thoughts.” So much of life is about perspective (judgment). We each have our own perspective, our own judgement. We can either focus on what’s wrong, what we don’t have, how impossible something appears to be, or we can turn around our thinking. We can focus on what we do have, our creativity to solve the problems, and we can let go of what doesn’t “fit” with who we really are deep down in our core.

As you continue this next week with your 30 day goal, what is your mindset? Are you now finding the change is a little bit easier each day? It’s a journey, a process, and like Kelly found out, it is a habit worth establishing with very little effort.

Here’s an important question…Are you better off with your finances, are you wiser, are you further along in your career, are your relationships stronger, are you improving your health? We shouldn’t be at the same place we were a year ago. Now is a time for a new beginning.

Start the New Year off with your 30 day goal and follow through with that goal for the ENTIRE 30 days. Pay attention to your mindset.  Are you focusing on why this is a good thing for you to do for yourself? Are you focusing on the fact your goal will pay many dividends in your life? Are you focusing on the fact you WILL be successful for the 30 days? Or are you listening to those negative “voices” telling you this is hard, it’s not worth it, I don’t need to do this, I have other things that need to get done etc.?

Unless you want things to be exactly the same one year from now, something has to change. Now is the time. We all realize how quickly this year went by. DON’T let another year go by without making a change to improve yourself! One goal - 30 days!

I wish you a week of reflection, a week of continuing your 30 day goal, and a healthy, positive inner voice. Whatever is healthy is growing!

Are you running the race that’s “designed’ for you?

That’s an interesting question.  I hadn't thought about this until I heard a message from Joel Osteen Sunday morning.  He referenced an SUV and a race car each designed for a specific “race.”  The SUV has the capacity to hold 8 people, lots of luggage, is high above others to see the traffic better, and is a comfortable ride.  The race car, on the other hand, holds only one person, definitely no room for luggage, is low to the ground, and isn't built for comfort and luxury.  How would that SUV do on a race track?  Obviously, not good at all.  What about the race car driving through traffic or on a long trip across the country? 

The SUV has its own purpose and is successful in the right environment.  The same is true for the race car.  It has its own purpose and is successful in the right environment. Either vehicle is going to be frustrated and won’t “fit in” in the other’s environment. 

What’s my point?  Are you going through life using your talents and skills that make you who you are and why you are special, or are you watching others and focusing on the life you wish you had?  Have you ever found yourself comparing your size and shape with others?  Why can’t you lose that extra 10 pounds?  You work out and watch what you eat, but your best friend seems to be able to eat anything and doesn't exercise.  Maybe it’s comparing your home or car and wishing you had something different.  Have you ever had thoughts that you are the one that works hard, you’ll help others when they need it, however, that same support isn't there from others?  So do you change and not help because you feel like you’re being taken for granted?  We are not really free to totally run that race we’re designed to run, until we are comfortable and happy with who we are. It’s not about competing with others.  That only brings frustration and disappointment.

So, how do we know if we’re running the race that we’re designed to run?  Personally, I think it’s part of life’s journey which means it takes time, and  it takes working more on ourselves in order to be the best we can be, That’s the key.  For us to “win that race” comparing ourselves to others isn't the focus nor will it ever make us happy. It's identifying what really makes us feel that passion and doing what it is we love.

Age, health, interests, and priorities are different at different times in our lives.  So where ever you are in your life, take time to celebrate YOU and love the race that is designed for you and YOU alone.

Thank you for reading.  Have a fantastic week focusing on the race that is designed for you.