Get on the Energy Bus!

Were you able to reflect on your life and pay attention to opportunities that needed another’s voice? I hope you were able to take action to make life better for someone in your life.

Don’t forget these words of Martin Luther King, “The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”

The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon has been my latest read and seems to fit into everything I’m thinking and feeling these days. He writes in a story format about the “10 Rules to Fuel your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy.” The book is an international best seller that reads easily and takes you on an “inspiring ride” which reveals 10 secrets to fuel your life. You cannot help but shake your head affirming his points, laugh at some of the craziness we experience in life, and smile with the sage advice from, Joy, the bus driver.

“Everyone faces challenges. And every person, organization, company, and team has to overcome negativity and adversity to define themselves and create their own success.” No one goes through life untested and the answer to these tests is positive energy – the kind of positive energy that consists of the vision, trust, optimism, enthusiasm, purpose, and spirit that we can all possess. 

This past week has been another troubling time in all of our lives. The one positive from all of this is that people are finally beginning to really talk. That talk has been more on a personal, face-to-face basis, hearts are being shared, and people truly want to make a difference. I have found myself floundering a little lately as to what I should be doing, how can I make a difference, how can I impact people’s lives in my own way? I will say, these blogs have been cathartic for me as I can share my thoughts. Writing gives me an opportunity to get out some of my own fears, frustrations, worry etc. What can YOU do to handle all this craziness in our world?

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason. From every person we meet, every event in our life, to the timing of an opportunity etc. it’s all supposed to happen the way it happens. As Jon Gordon references in his book, “Always remember that you are the driver of your bus.  It’s the most important of the rules because if you don’t take responsibility for your life and control of your bus then you can’t take it where you want to go. If you’re not the driver, then you’ll always be at the whim of everyone else’s plans.”

When we are feeling out of control, things appear to be happening TO us, the world seems to be “falling apart,” our country seems to be “out of control”, we seem to have a huge division between whites and blacks, between police and blacks, we don’t feel safe even in our own towns etc. etc. All these feelings are legitimate, they are real, and they seem overwhelming at times. I have found I needed to sit down in my own quiet moments to figure out how I can get my own “bus” back in alignment with what I believe. I believe there is far more good than evil in this world, I believe that all people, in their hearts, no matter the color of someone’s skin, their religious beliefs, etc. they all want the same basic things in life.

“Our thoughts are energy therefore they are powerful! Thoughts are magnetic. What we think about we attract. What we think about expands and grows. What we put our energy and attention on starts to show up more in our life. And the energy we project through our thoughts is the energy we receive.”  It’s important then that we spend our time thinking about what we DO want rather than what we don’t. Do you want to resolve that conflict with your spouse, your team at work, your child, your parent? If you can only think about what someone has done to “hurt” you, then you will only get more hurt back. If you spend your time focusing on what has gone well, what YOU can do to change the communication then things will begin to change.

Recently, I was sharing with my niece, Jessica, a few of these concepts; “what you focus on expands,” living a daily life of gratitude etc. as she was studying for the MCAT’s and feeling overwhelmed.  In The Energy Bus, Gordon had an equation:  E + P = O.

 Events + perception = outcome. “We can’t control the events in our life but we CAN control how we perceive them and our perception and response to the events determine our outcome. The P can also stand for positive energy.”

Keep in mind when I refer to positive energy and what Gordon writes in his book, we’re NOT talking about the fake kind that masks negativity and is super annoying to others. “We’re referring to real positive energy that helps you overcome obstacles and challenges to be able to create success. It’s about trust, faith, enthusiasm, purpose, joy, and happiness.” This type of positive energy inspires and leads others!

We can’t control waking up to one more tragedy half way across the world or events right here in our own country. We can be present with our fears, sadness, anger etc. but that should only be temporary. It is not a solution nor does it get us moving forward. It only puts us in a negative place. Where there is a void, negativity will fill it. That means we MUST get ourselves back on track with positive energy that will FUEL our positive energy. “We must fuel up with positive thoughts, cultivate positive feelings, and take positive actions.”

Did you know that it’s physically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time? Being grateful “floods the body and brain with positive endorphins and emotions!” That IS in our control. “There will always be negativity everywhere and in everything we do. We will always be surrounded by negative people. It’s not these people so to speak. It’s the negativity they represent. They are just one of many we each will come across.”

As Gordon explains, “Life is a test. Every adversity helps us grow. Negative events and people teach us what we don’t want so we can focus our energy on what we DO want.”

There are questions we all can ask ourselves when we encounter tragedy, life’s challenges, and negativity etc.:

·       What can I learn from this challenge?

·       What is it teaching me?

·       What can I do to make a difference from a negative to a positive?

The lessons we learn will make us stronger, wiser, and better.

I wish you a week of reflecting on your emotional IQ. Feed the positive mindset even in the face of all the negativity that seems to be inundating us from all around. You CAN “feed the positive!”

STRONG!

I hope you had a week of making a difference in your life by putting these four words to use: LEARN, ACTION, STAY, AND CARE.

Other than watching sports, my two favorite TV shows are “The Voice” and “Strong.” Both of these shows have an upbeat message, personal learning and growing takes place, and mentors are there for support, encouragement, and teaching. The four words from last week apply to each of the contestants: LEARN, ACTION, STAY, AND CARE.

NBC's "STRONG" is a competition show like no other, in my opinion. Contestants embark on a transformative journey in order to reach their full potential. As they are learning, it's not necessarily about losing weight, but rather about finding the balance between mind and body. It's about getting strong physically AND mentally. Each woman chooses her own trainer and they become a team.

“The two-time Emmy Award-winning "The Voice" is the blockbuster vocal competition show that’s in its 10th season. Grammy Award-winning artist Christina Aguilera, Pharrell Williams, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton are the celebrity musician coaches. The show's innovative format features five stages of competition.” The teams are originally chosen through a blind audition. The coaches are only listening to the contestant’s voice with their chairs facing away. There are no distractions, there are no predetermined biases. They are solely listening for the vocal ability of the singer.

For me, there are numerous messages in both of these shows. When you hear the stories of each individual you realize, to a person, he or she has had challenges in their life. Those challenges may be the loss of a parent, not being able to “break through” in a career, addiction, bullying, or not having a positive support system. To a person, these life situations have left an imprint of lack, an imprint of “I’m not good enough,” an imprint of fear, and an imprint of a lack of self-esteem.

The job of the trainer in “Strong” begins with getting his team member in shape in order to do the challenges. However, it becomes evident that there is more to the problem of gaining weight and not being able to lose the weight. Each woman had a story and each story left the woman with a low level of self-esteem. The lack of self-confidence is also apparent as the competition ramps up in “The Voice.”

What about you? Are you finding a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is keeping you from being the Best You that You can be? Do you find your intentions are good in the beginning? Do you find you have the desire, you know you need to make changes, you know you aren’t happy? So why is it that each time you start something it’s difficult to finish? Why is it that even when you know you need to do to be healthier, or you need to change your relationships or you need to change your financial status you just don’t do it? What’s that wall, that block that is stopping you?

When you hear the stories of the people on these two shows, they share their attempts to change but they’ve continually met with failure, criticism, and an even deeper sense of lacking self-esteem. What about you? Have you had those times as well? Have you found that you have tried but failed many times so you have the mindset of why try again? Have you used the old standbys of procrastination and excuses especially the excuse of being too busy and you just don’t have the time? If so, just know you aren’t alone.

So why are lives changing on “Strong” and “The Voice” even if they don’t win the challenge or the competition and end up going home? In both shows, the focus is on getting their mindset right. The coach/trainer is the one encouraging, supporting each effort, each risk. The coach/trainer is the one holding the competitor accountable and not letting them do a task half way. They are the ones who are there to give a hug with a job well done. These mentors are holding up a mirror for each contestant to see their self-worth, to see their true self. No one is alone it’s the power of TEAM. The power of encouragement, the power of working hard without excuses any longer, the power of digging deep to find one’s true skills and abilities, one’s true passion and desires.

As Jim Rohn says, “It is how we feel about ourselves that provides the greatest reward from any activity. It is not what we get that makes us valuable; it is what we become in the process of doing that brings value into our lies. It is activity that converts human dreams into human reality, and that conversion from idea into actuality gives us a personal value that can come from no other source.”

As each show progresses, there are competitions which eventually lead to someone going home. Despite the disappointment, each person tells a new story as they say their goodbyes. That new story is about resiliency, about realizing their personal self-worth, thanking their coach/trainer for believing in them, pushing them, and celebrating the little things with them. They each are looking into a new mirror.

These competitors are a part of a team. Each is surrounded by words and actions of encouragement. Each is surrounded by someone who believes in them and wants them to succeed. The contestant is given tools and new skills but EACH person is the one who has to do the work. A part of their road to a different mindset also lies in consistency, pushing themselves to the utmost, and never giving up even once they are done with the show.

Look around you. Who is on your team that is ready to cheer you on? Who is giving you words of encouragement to move forward with that health plan, that plan to be a better you, that plan to be fiscally sound, that plan to improve your relationships? What are you reading, listening to etc. to gain new skills? Are you still in the thinking stage or are you finally taking ACTION? We’ve all been knocked down at some point in our lives. The difference is a mindset of getting up one more time to fight another day, or quitting. Which fork in the road do you choose?

Today is a new day. As a very wise 9 year old boy with gifted piano skills told the “Little Big Shot” audience, “Everybody has their own instrument/gift they just haven’t always taken the time to find it.” Profound statement from a 9 year old. What's that God given gift that is YOU?

I wish you a week of surrounding yourself with a “coach” who is willing to support and encourage you on your quest to Being the Best You that You can be in whatever area of your life you are wanting to change.

  

Your Life Follows Your Thoughts

Last week I challenged you to start your own 30 day challenge. Did you decide  WHAT you wanted to focus on AND did you START? I shared my goal to reduce my sugar intake with a detoxing for the first week and then reducing that amount for the rest of the 30 days. I will say, the first three days were much harder than I anticipated but the fourth, fifth, and now the full week got easier and easier. Even in that amount of time, I have found a difference in my belly and I lost a pound. That was the only change I made for these results so I have seen some slight results and ready to go the rest of the 30 days. 

Remember Kelly and her 365 days of happiness? She left a comment on the blog, “Oh yeah! The day of happy is a habit, and I am going to keep going. Not even going to set a limit on myself this time around! :)” WOW!!  Thanks, Kelly!  You’re a great testimonial to following through with a goal AND not only is it a habit, but you have even expanded it.  Congratulations!!

In tandem with your 30 day goal, this week I want to focus on how you talk to yourself. In this week’s Success magazine, Joel Osteen is on the cover. He is the pastor for the Lakewood Church in Houston, a motivational speaker, and an author of countless books. On the audio CD, included in the magazine, Joel’s comments had me continuously starting and stopping the interview so I could write down his message.  The gist… “Your Life Follows Your Thoughts.” What a powerful statement!

Interestingly enough it’s natural for some people to be negative. That’s what they heard when they were growing up so they often don’t even see themselves as negative. Turning around your self-talk is critical in order for your life to not only change but for your life to get better.

What is YOUR inner dialog? How do you talk to yourself? Are the negative “voices” trying to put you down, questioning your actions/decisions, telling you that you can’t do something? “If you don’t talk to yourself the right way then “your self” will talk to you. The negative thoughts will push you down,” according to Joel. Your MINDSET is the key!

 

How often do you find yourself listening to those negative voices? How often do you find yourself comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate? How often do you find yourself trying to please others to avoid a conflict or hope that this time they will see your true value?  I must say that when I was younger, I fit into the more negative mindset category. On one hand I knew I did some things well and that I was good at some things, but then my thoughts would turn to...I should have done something better or everyone else is more talented. When I was younger, my sister use to call me “Miss Perfect.” Little did others know, I felt far from being perfect, I just wanted to do the right thing. (First born syndrome, I guess.) I had a colleague once tell me I was too organized. When I asked if I was imposing my system on him; he told me no, but it made him look bad.  I didn’t change and needless to say, he and I didn’t team teach together for very long.

The naysayers are out there! We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Your focus needs to be on what YOU believe in, what you’re “called” to do. I always wanted everyone to like me, I avoided conflicts, and earlier, I would try to do things so that others would feel more comfortable or that it would avoid problems. However, I knew in my heart of hearts, in my gut, that I was not being true to myself. I finally accepted, many years ago, that not everyone was going to like me, understand me etc. and that was ok. Many who are negative and critical are never going to be our supporters no matter what we do. Does any of that ring true for you? The key is to be true to yourself. It’s time to learn to tune out the naysayers. “We can’t let the naysayers, the haters, the critical people get into our inside “voice.” That will only keep us from being the best we can be.

Tuning out those naysayers is easier said than done, I totally get that. That is why Joel’s words hit home; “We need to shift our thinking and NOT take in the negative and the criticism if we don’t have to!”  If that battle isn’t between you and your destiny, your dreams, your goals, your values, then it’s not a battle worth fighting. There are always detractors and criticizers. Constructive criticism is one thing, but we’re talking about people who are never going to like us or be for us no matter what we do or say. Often times, these distractions are meant to get us off course. Ignore them!  Don’t waste your time. Retaliation may “feel” better for an instant, but it definitely doesn’t solve the problem, and we’ve now lowered ourselves to their level. If it’s not between you and your destiny then it’s just a distraction.

Acknowledge that ignoring the negative and not allowing it inside you is one thing, but what can you do to really make a change? First of all, look to surround yourself with people who do have a positive mindset, people who are moving forward, people that are accomplishing their dreams and desires, and people that walk their talk. These are people who are able to tune out the negative. YOU can be the one to stay respectful, YOU can be the one to take the high road, and YOU will be the one that will go further.  YOU must be true to who you are using your entire God given skills, talents, and heart. Personally, I’ve learned I would rather be criticized for who I am than criticized for who I’m not.

The transformation of my mindset was due to a focus and specific actions. First of all, I begin and end each day with gratitude. I am grateful for Jon, our children, and grandchildren, I’m grateful for my health, I’m excited about another new day on this earth etc. My focus is on what is going right not what is wrong. I continually listen to positive CD’s whenever I’m in the car, and I’m regularly reading things that will help me learn and grow. These small steps have had more of an influence in my daily mindset than I ever would have realized. When I focus on all that is right versus wrong then my days go much better.

I’m of the belief that we won’t ever reach our true potential if we aren’t being true to who we are on the inside. Our true blessings come when we are true to ourselves. More than just a positive mindset, we need to be listening to that inner “voice.” Joel Osteen states, “Your Life Follows Your Thoughts.” So much of life is about perspective (judgment). We each have our own perspective, our own judgement. We can either focus on what’s wrong, what we don’t have, how impossible something appears to be, or we can turn around our thinking. We can focus on what we do have, our creativity to solve the problems, and we can let go of what doesn’t “fit” with who we really are deep down in our core.

As you continue this next week with your 30 day goal, what is your mindset? Are you now finding the change is a little bit easier each day? It’s a journey, a process, and like Kelly found out, it is a habit worth establishing with very little effort.

Here’s an important question…Are you better off with your finances, are you wiser, are you further along in your career, are your relationships stronger, are you improving your health? We shouldn’t be at the same place we were a year ago. Now is a time for a new beginning.

Start the New Year off with your 30 day goal and follow through with that goal for the ENTIRE 30 days. Pay attention to your mindset.  Are you focusing on why this is a good thing for you to do for yourself? Are you focusing on the fact your goal will pay many dividends in your life? Are you focusing on the fact you WILL be successful for the 30 days? Or are you listening to those negative “voices” telling you this is hard, it’s not worth it, I don’t need to do this, I have other things that need to get done etc.?

Unless you want things to be exactly the same one year from now, something has to change. Now is the time. We all realize how quickly this year went by. DON’T let another year go by without making a change to improve yourself! One goal - 30 days!

I wish you a week of reflection, a week of continuing your 30 day goal, and a healthy, positive inner voice. Whatever is healthy is growing!

Happiness Is Our Natural State

Did you spend time thinking about what you are creating? You create what you expect.  What did you learn about yourself and your expectations?  Were you moving forward or were you finding yourself holding back?  It’s amazing to realize how much our thinking is scientifically connected to our actions.

John Wooden is quoted to have said, “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” Tony Dungy said, “When you are in a situation, you can complain about it, you can feel sorry for yourself, you can do a lot of things.  But how are you going to make the situation better?”

According to Jim Britt, “Happiness is our natural state, unhappiness is a learned behavior.” Aren’t a positive mindset and an abundant expectancy what each of these leaders is saying in the above quotes? “Most of the pain and suffering we experience is of our own making.”  YIKES! How can that be true? If that is true then that means I really am in control of how I look at and handle various challenges in my life.  Jim Britt explains in his Power of Letting Go CD’s, that this pain and suffering develops from our own hearts and minds.  It comes out of our own misconceptions and confusion about the cause of the pain and suffering. Our tendency is to look outward for the cause rather than inward.

As many professionals will tell us, “If we want something different, we must DO something different.”  The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Even the young football player in the movie Blindside, took control over his situation and was willing to do something different to get different results.

We all have problems in our lives!  That’s a given. However, HOW we handle those problems is what the difference maker is. We can LEARN how to deal with them if we’re willing to do something different. The blaming, pointing a finger, not taking responsibility, and not taking any action to change the situation isn’t beneficial and definitely will NOT allow us to move forward.  Life involves having problems yet the critical component is how WE personally deal with the problems.  Since problems are a fact of life, I would propose that our mindset, our expectancy of a positive outcome, is how we will move forward.  The dissatisfaction's we harbor are within us, therefore they are ones we are able to let go of in order to move on.  The “poor pitiful me” attitude IS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE and will not lead to any type of change.

We need three realizations in order to find happiness and true well-being, according to Jim Britt.  (1) “Life is fleeting.”  Here we are the middle of October and 2016 is just around the corner.  Where did this year go? Rather than having the “tomorrow” time agenda – DO IT TODAY! (2) “We are complete and worthy of good things in our lives.” Some people have a limiting belief system and don’t feel they’re worthy. STOP that limited thinking and find ABUNDANCE! We ARE all worthy in God’s eyes. (3) “We are our own refuge. We are in control of our situation and therefore our mindset of happiness and contentment.”

I am a total believer of the idea we have control over our own thinking.  So why is it that so many people appear to be unhappy and discontent?  Why is it that some people are critical of others yet they are also guilty of some of those same behaviors?  Why is it that some people will use their religious beliefs when it’s “handy” and yet don’t walk their talk in their day to day interactions? Once again I refer back to Jim’s suggestions of why these actions are happening: (1) We aren’t getting what we want in life. (2) We may be getting what we thought we wanted, however, we’re not satisfied. (3) We are suffering the absence of something or someone to love. (4) We are having to endure the presence of something or someone we don’t want in our lives. (5) We spend more time living in the past and wishing things were different, or we are living for what we hope or fear is the future.  We are NOT living in the present which is where we are at any given moment. Do you fall into any of these five categories? Be real with yourself when you answer that question.

Happiness and contentment is seeing life the way it is versus the way we WISH it would be.  It comes from seeing the truth and either embracing it or making changes.  In order to do that, we have to be self-observant.  Our action needs to be in the form of a decision, an intention, to do something different.  We also need to be willing to take the necessary steps to make a change. Where are YOU? Decide!  Take Action!

With those thoughts in mind, I return to the quotes at the beginning of this blog…

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

“When you are in a situation, you can complain about it, you can feel sorry for yourself, you can do a lot of things.  But how are you going to make the situation better?”

I applaud those of you who are making the most of each and every day.  I applaud those of you who are making the decision to change no matter how difficult, no matter how other’s will be critical, no matter how often you’ve attempted something and failed…you are getting up one more time.  Vince Lombardi said, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.”  I applaud each and every one of you who are getting back up and are making a difference in your life.

Here’s to a week of making each challenging situation better and having that abundant and positive mindset that YOU are important and YOU are in control of your own happiness and contentment.

Are You Living the Life You Were Meant to Live?

It’s interesting listening to people, of all ages, and the excuses that are used to explain why they don’t pursue their dreams.  They didn't put themselves first – everyone else was more important.  Some were afraid to try as they didn't see themselves good enough.  They’re too old, “it’s too late for me.” They’re not smart enough, they don’t have the money, and the list goes on and on.  Are you willing to look back over your life with regret and not live out the life you were meant to live?  It’s already April 1^st 2014!!  Where did January, February, and March go? 

Why don’t we pursue our dreams?  It’s not necessarily age related.  There are 30+ year olds who are already “stuck.”  If you’re in a routine but not living the life you had dreamed of, are you really feeling fulfilled? Or are you accepting the routine as something you just have to live with – it’s your “lot in life.”  Too old?  Is that your rationale for not making a change in your life and not pursuing your dreams?   Julia Childs was 40 years old before she learned to cook and 50 when she had her first TV show?  Then there was KFC’s Colonel Sanders who was 66 when he created his special recipe and started the franchises.  They didn't let age define them, so why are you?  When is it and why is it, that we give up on those dreams we had when we were younger?

One rationale says, life can push people down.  There are so many demands on each of us from our families, to our children, our job, spouse/partner, etc. etc.  The promotion didn't happen, the loan didn't come through, the gas prices and food prices are so high your budget is really being stretched, the day care costs are also going up, time with the kids isn't what it should be, everybody seems to need me, I don’t have time to myself.  Now life just seems to be enduring not really living.  Is that what you thought would happen when you were young and full of dreams?  Sounds depressing.  Is that reality?  True or not, I contend that it’s “all in the eyes of the beholder.”  

Giving up?  Settling?  Blaming everything on one excuse or another?  To me, life doesn't have to be that way, but how do we change?  We were not created to just endure life.  We were all created for greatness, but do YOU believe that?  First of all, what is your focus?  Do you wake up dreading going to work, already upset about the issues you’re going to have to deal with at work, all you can see in the mirror are the dark circles around your eyes, and the same old clothes in the closet?  OR do you wake up thankful for one more day, focusing on what you are grateful for, what you do have;  a loving spouse, healthy children, a job, good friends etc.?

The number one place where we sabotage ourselves is in our own mind.  There’s a recording going on all day filling our head with thoughts of lack, limitations, and negative.  “There are enough people against you, don’t you be against you.”  Change that recording!  Quit the negative self-talk that keeps you pushed down and tuned out.  Instead, change the words you say to yourself and about yourself.  What words would you use to describe your skills and talents?  What makes you special?  By the way, that’s not being arrogant, you’re speaking truth to yourself.  It’s not that you’re better than someone, but you are also NOT LESS than someone.  This means you have to reprogram your thinking.  What you are saying to yourself affects your self-image and therefore your self-confidence.

This is a lot to think about so I’m stopping here.  Your task, if you should accept it, is to think about where you are in your life. Is it where you want to be? Are you really living the extraordinary life you were created to live?  Or are you in the “what might have been?” mentality, or even worse…”I knew I could have/should have, but I didn't even try.”  (Darren Hardy)

I wish you a week of grateful thinking and a positive mindset.