I'm Taking Back ME!

I hope you had a week of focusing on making a difference in a positive, respectful way in your own corner of the world. I also hope you were able to hold those around you, if necessary, to speaking with respect and without degrading others!

Happy Valentine’s Day.  This is a day that comes with a myriad of emotions depending on your personal situation.  We see in all the advertisements, TV ads, and promotions etc. happy couples.  We’re encouraged to spend money on chocolates, flowers or even jewelry (those are the top three items purchased), spend a romantic dinner with our loved one, and this day is one of the largest number of marriage proposal days after Christmas.  It can be a fun time for the kids when they exchange Valentines at school; they get Valentines from Mom and Dad, grandparents and others.  I must admit I get caught up with finding a special card for Jon and the grandkids. Of course there is also the baking of heart shaped cookies and cupcakes, eating those little heart-shaped candies with the messages written on them, besides other sugary goodies.  It can be a fun, love-filled time for so many.

There is another side of this holiday, however.  Are you having difficulty in your marriage/relationship?  Maybe you’re divorced.  Maybe you’re single and really wanting to be in a meaningful relationship.  This time can be agonizing.  Your child may be the one with a lot of friends and receives a lot of Valentines.  But what about that child who feels left out and doesn’t have a lot of friends?  No matter where we are in our lives young and old, we want to feel valued and loved by those around us.  I encourage you to think outside your own world and reach out during this Valentine season to include those who could use that special Valentine that you’re thinking of them.  Take action, look around, and seek out not only those who you would normally reach out to but those who could use something special. 

I was re-reading the Jon Gordon book, Energy Bus.  Perfect timing. I wasn’t very far in the book when I came across this, “Thoughts are magnetic. What we think about, we attract. What we think about expands and grows. What we put our attention and energy on starts to show up more in our life. AND the energy we project through our thoughts is the energy we receive.”

I know all that. I know that what I focus on expands, yet I have been guilty of getting caught up with all the toxic, negative events happening in our world today. I happened to pick up this book again for a reason. I needed a reminder.

More reminders…”We’re not talking about the fake kind of chest-thumping rah, rah positive energy that simply masks our negativity and annoys people. We’re talking about real positive energy that helps you overcome obstacles and challenges to create success. We’re talking about trust, faith, enthusiasm, purpose, joy, and happiness. We’re talking about positive energy to inspire and lead others.”  That’s powerful!

I think what I have personally been missing was allowing my positive “tank” to empty and the emptiness was filled with negativity. It has all been my fault. I was “feeding the wrong dog” and as Gordon says in the book, “it’s physically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time.”

As we all know, there will always be negativity everywhere. There will always be negative people and the negativity they represent. It’s been evident that negativity breeds self-doubt, fear, hopelessness, and negative energy that can totally drain you. Remember that disrespect and a lack of civility of other’s opinions, other’s belief system is a part of that negativity.

So what do we do? “Positive energy is like a muscle. The more you use it the stronger it gets. The stronger it gets the more powerful you will become. Repetition is the key and the more you focus on positive energy the more it becomes your natural state.” In other words, it’s practice! No surprise, right? Like anything you do that is not a habit; it takes consistent repetition for it to become a part of you.

What else is in our control? Be self-aware. In all areas of our lives, we are being manipulated to what others want us to believe – good, bad, and indifferent. Our newspapers, advertisements, TV news, TV shows, Facebook, Twitter etc. etc. If we are mindful of this manipulation then we can decide if what’s being said or written is something we believe, something we need to check into and learn more, or something that doesn’t fit with our own viewpoint. Why not question? Why not investigate the opposite stand for at least a comparison?

It's also in our control to make a conscious decision to eliminate the toxic people and environments as much as possible. That might include getting off social media for a period of time. After all, that IS in my control. Why would I subject myself to not being valued for who I am and my belief system? I only need God's love and guidance.

Too many of us try to please others which only make us unhappy. Too many go along with the crowd without knowing why. When YOU feel good YOU “give” from power. When you’re caught up in all the negativity and only feel good by pleasing others and/or going along with the crowd mentality, you will only give away your own “power” and happiness.

I am taking back my natural tendency to be a positive, grateful woman who feels very blessed in my life, and I refuse to be influenced by toxic negativity which includes a lack of respect and tolerance for differences.

I wish you a week of examining your own belief system in ALL areas of your life and be true to your own heart despite whether or not others support you.  

Rules for Your Bus

I hope you had a chance to reflect on your emotional IQ. Were you able to feed your positive mindset even in the face of all the negativity that seems to continue to inundate us from all around. You CAN “feed the positive!”

Unfortunately, these are such challenging times; however, I hope you also realize that in YOUR life there are positives. We can’t control the horrific attacks and the negativity in the media. We must stay vigilant, but we also must continue to live a life of gratitude.

In the last part of the Energy Bus there are 10 rules for the “ride of your life.”  I invite you to look through these and use them to guide you each day:

1   1. YOU’RE the driver of your bus.

2   2. Desire, vision, and focus move your bus in the right direction.

3   3. Fuel your ride with positive energy.

4   4.  Invite people on your bus and share your vision for the road. YOU are capable of influencing others with a positive attitude.

5   5. Don’t waste your energy and time on those who don’t “get on your bus.” They are energy stealers.

6    6. Post a sign that says “No energy vampires allowed!”  In other words, keep out the toxic and negative people out of your life.

7    7.  Enthusiasm attracts more passengers and energizes them during the ride.

8   8.  Love your passengers. These are the people who you surround yourself with that have that same positive mindset.

9   9.  Drive with a purpose.

    10.  HAVE FUN and enjoy the ride. Each day is special.

Think about all the people on your bus; your spouse or significant other, your children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, colleagues, friends, and many more. You are an important “driver” in their lives. 

You are a role model, and a leader for all those close to you. They look to you to set the course. They look to you for guidance. They look to you for stability. They look to you for LOVE and support!

This is an important time.  I wish you a week of realizing your importance to those around you.

Get on the Energy Bus!

Were you able to reflect on your life and pay attention to opportunities that needed another’s voice? I hope you were able to take action to make life better for someone in your life.

Don’t forget these words of Martin Luther King, “The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”

The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon has been my latest read and seems to fit into everything I’m thinking and feeling these days. He writes in a story format about the “10 Rules to Fuel your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy.” The book is an international best seller that reads easily and takes you on an “inspiring ride” which reveals 10 secrets to fuel your life. You cannot help but shake your head affirming his points, laugh at some of the craziness we experience in life, and smile with the sage advice from, Joy, the bus driver.

“Everyone faces challenges. And every person, organization, company, and team has to overcome negativity and adversity to define themselves and create their own success.” No one goes through life untested and the answer to these tests is positive energy – the kind of positive energy that consists of the vision, trust, optimism, enthusiasm, purpose, and spirit that we can all possess. 

This past week has been another troubling time in all of our lives. The one positive from all of this is that people are finally beginning to really talk. That talk has been more on a personal, face-to-face basis, hearts are being shared, and people truly want to make a difference. I have found myself floundering a little lately as to what I should be doing, how can I make a difference, how can I impact people’s lives in my own way? I will say, these blogs have been cathartic for me as I can share my thoughts. Writing gives me an opportunity to get out some of my own fears, frustrations, worry etc. What can YOU do to handle all this craziness in our world?

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason. From every person we meet, every event in our life, to the timing of an opportunity etc. it’s all supposed to happen the way it happens. As Jon Gordon references in his book, “Always remember that you are the driver of your bus.  It’s the most important of the rules because if you don’t take responsibility for your life and control of your bus then you can’t take it where you want to go. If you’re not the driver, then you’ll always be at the whim of everyone else’s plans.”

When we are feeling out of control, things appear to be happening TO us, the world seems to be “falling apart,” our country seems to be “out of control”, we seem to have a huge division between whites and blacks, between police and blacks, we don’t feel safe even in our own towns etc. etc. All these feelings are legitimate, they are real, and they seem overwhelming at times. I have found I needed to sit down in my own quiet moments to figure out how I can get my own “bus” back in alignment with what I believe. I believe there is far more good than evil in this world, I believe that all people, in their hearts, no matter the color of someone’s skin, their religious beliefs, etc. they all want the same basic things in life.

“Our thoughts are energy therefore they are powerful! Thoughts are magnetic. What we think about we attract. What we think about expands and grows. What we put our energy and attention on starts to show up more in our life. And the energy we project through our thoughts is the energy we receive.”  It’s important then that we spend our time thinking about what we DO want rather than what we don’t. Do you want to resolve that conflict with your spouse, your team at work, your child, your parent? If you can only think about what someone has done to “hurt” you, then you will only get more hurt back. If you spend your time focusing on what has gone well, what YOU can do to change the communication then things will begin to change.

Recently, I was sharing with my niece, Jessica, a few of these concepts; “what you focus on expands,” living a daily life of gratitude etc. as she was studying for the MCAT’s and feeling overwhelmed.  In The Energy Bus, Gordon had an equation:  E + P = O.

 Events + perception = outcome. “We can’t control the events in our life but we CAN control how we perceive them and our perception and response to the events determine our outcome. The P can also stand for positive energy.”

Keep in mind when I refer to positive energy and what Gordon writes in his book, we’re NOT talking about the fake kind that masks negativity and is super annoying to others. “We’re referring to real positive energy that helps you overcome obstacles and challenges to be able to create success. It’s about trust, faith, enthusiasm, purpose, joy, and happiness.” This type of positive energy inspires and leads others!

We can’t control waking up to one more tragedy half way across the world or events right here in our own country. We can be present with our fears, sadness, anger etc. but that should only be temporary. It is not a solution nor does it get us moving forward. It only puts us in a negative place. Where there is a void, negativity will fill it. That means we MUST get ourselves back on track with positive energy that will FUEL our positive energy. “We must fuel up with positive thoughts, cultivate positive feelings, and take positive actions.”

Did you know that it’s physically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time? Being grateful “floods the body and brain with positive endorphins and emotions!” That IS in our control. “There will always be negativity everywhere and in everything we do. We will always be surrounded by negative people. It’s not these people so to speak. It’s the negativity they represent. They are just one of many we each will come across.”

As Gordon explains, “Life is a test. Every adversity helps us grow. Negative events and people teach us what we don’t want so we can focus our energy on what we DO want.”

There are questions we all can ask ourselves when we encounter tragedy, life’s challenges, and negativity etc.:

·       What can I learn from this challenge?

·       What is it teaching me?

·       What can I do to make a difference from a negative to a positive?

The lessons we learn will make us stronger, wiser, and better.

I wish you a week of reflecting on your emotional IQ. Feed the positive mindset even in the face of all the negativity that seems to be inundating us from all around. You CAN “feed the positive!”

We CAN Take Action!

I wish you a week of reflection in all that this country offers to each and every one of us no matter age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation or sexual preference. We DO have a say in our lives in this country, and we CAN make a difference in not only our own lives but in the lives of those around us.

Interestingly enough, that was the last paragraph of last week’s blog. It has been another horrific time in our country’s history with the in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge and Dallas shootings. Our country is in turmoil. Do we even know how to connect with one another anymore? It’s difficult for most of us to wrap our heads around this.

I read a comment on FB from JJ Flannigan, a former CU football player, who gave an account of a recent experience. “Today, July 8^th, 2016, I was reminded that I have been too comfortable and that I am still a black man living in a white man’s world. I was reminded that it doesn’t matter my education, my job, my salary, the way I speak, or the suit I was wearing, I am still just a “nigga” in this world. Today while walking through security at the court, which I do several times a week, I was loudly confronted by security about why I was coming through that security area. I was told to go to another entrance. Then I realized that the security assumed that I was a “defendant” coming to court and not working for the public defender’s office. If I’m a black man walking into a court building evidently I MUST be a criminal. Thanks for reminding me once again who I am and how you see me and think of me. To my white friends, stand up for injustice when you see it or you might as well put on the ‘white sheet’ too. To my kids, DON’T GET COMFORTABLE…Be prepared for injustice so you don’t have to be pissed off like I am right now. To my minority friends, talk to your kids and tell them to be proud of who they are but never assume and never get comfortable, or you will get reminded eventually, like I did today.”

In reading about JJ’s experience, it made me so sad but it was also a reality check that as a white, 64 year old woman, it’s not in my understanding how this type of situation could exist in this day and age. In asking what I could do, JJ told me to speak up and say something when I see an injustice. There were 15+ people who witnessed the situation at the court house that day and no one spoke up.

Mark McIntosh, a friend, motivational speaker, author, and now the founder of an organization called  A Stronger Cord writes a weekly blog which I enjoy reading. Mark’s words this past week rang true to my spirit, “It’s the spiritual foundation of the wellness outreach movement A Stronger Cord. It doesn’t matter if we’re black, white, brown; live in a mission, mansion or Main Street, we need to realize societal challenges of homelessness, poverty, income inequality or racism will only be solved collectively by investing time in one another. Success in life is a team effort that recognizes race, religion and socio-economic differences as opportunities not obstacles to build a stronger cord to one another.”

My sadness, frustration, worry etc. all felt heavy on my heart. That was ok for a short time because those feelings were real. Now it’s time to move into action mode. Each of us in our own world and in our own experiences can learn, grow, and stand up for others. As JJ said, SPEAK UP. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, swear, or do things that deflect the point of your words. BUT SPEAK UP!

From the Introduction of the latest book I’m reading, The Energy Bus, it says,” There is an abundance of new research that shows that positive people, positive communication, positive interactions, and positive work and team cultures produce positive results. Or perhaps at a deeper level we all know that every person, every career, every company, every organization, every family, and every team will have to overcome negativity, adversity, and challenges to define themselves and create success.”

I refuse to be intimidated and I refuse to be fearful all the time. That’s in my control. So is SPEAKING UP!

I wish you a week of reflection about your life and a week to pay attention to opportunities that need another’s voice. By not taking action whether it’s not going to vote, not speaking up when you see wrong being done etc. aren’t you really saying you’ll let others make the decisions for you? Aren’t you really giving away your freedoms? Aren’t you really saying that you can’t make a difference in this world?

The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.