STRONG!

I hope you had a week of making a difference in your life by putting these four words to use: LEARN, ACTION, STAY, AND CARE.

Other than watching sports, my two favorite TV shows are “The Voice” and “Strong.” Both of these shows have an upbeat message, personal learning and growing takes place, and mentors are there for support, encouragement, and teaching. The four words from last week apply to each of the contestants: LEARN, ACTION, STAY, AND CARE.

NBC's "STRONG" is a competition show like no other, in my opinion. Contestants embark on a transformative journey in order to reach their full potential. As they are learning, it's not necessarily about losing weight, but rather about finding the balance between mind and body. It's about getting strong physically AND mentally. Each woman chooses her own trainer and they become a team.

“The two-time Emmy Award-winning "The Voice" is the blockbuster vocal competition show that’s in its 10th season. Grammy Award-winning artist Christina Aguilera, Pharrell Williams, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton are the celebrity musician coaches. The show's innovative format features five stages of competition.” The teams are originally chosen through a blind audition. The coaches are only listening to the contestant’s voice with their chairs facing away. There are no distractions, there are no predetermined biases. They are solely listening for the vocal ability of the singer.

For me, there are numerous messages in both of these shows. When you hear the stories of each individual you realize, to a person, he or she has had challenges in their life. Those challenges may be the loss of a parent, not being able to “break through” in a career, addiction, bullying, or not having a positive support system. To a person, these life situations have left an imprint of lack, an imprint of “I’m not good enough,” an imprint of fear, and an imprint of a lack of self-esteem.

The job of the trainer in “Strong” begins with getting his team member in shape in order to do the challenges. However, it becomes evident that there is more to the problem of gaining weight and not being able to lose the weight. Each woman had a story and each story left the woman with a low level of self-esteem. The lack of self-confidence is also apparent as the competition ramps up in “The Voice.”

What about you? Are you finding a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is keeping you from being the Best You that You can be? Do you find your intentions are good in the beginning? Do you find you have the desire, you know you need to make changes, you know you aren’t happy? So why is it that each time you start something it’s difficult to finish? Why is it that even when you know you need to do to be healthier, or you need to change your relationships or you need to change your financial status you just don’t do it? What’s that wall, that block that is stopping you?

When you hear the stories of the people on these two shows, they share their attempts to change but they’ve continually met with failure, criticism, and an even deeper sense of lacking self-esteem. What about you? Have you had those times as well? Have you found that you have tried but failed many times so you have the mindset of why try again? Have you used the old standbys of procrastination and excuses especially the excuse of being too busy and you just don’t have the time? If so, just know you aren’t alone.

So why are lives changing on “Strong” and “The Voice” even if they don’t win the challenge or the competition and end up going home? In both shows, the focus is on getting their mindset right. The coach/trainer is the one encouraging, supporting each effort, each risk. The coach/trainer is the one holding the competitor accountable and not letting them do a task half way. They are the ones who are there to give a hug with a job well done. These mentors are holding up a mirror for each contestant to see their self-worth, to see their true self. No one is alone it’s the power of TEAM. The power of encouragement, the power of working hard without excuses any longer, the power of digging deep to find one’s true skills and abilities, one’s true passion and desires.

As Jim Rohn says, “It is how we feel about ourselves that provides the greatest reward from any activity. It is not what we get that makes us valuable; it is what we become in the process of doing that brings value into our lies. It is activity that converts human dreams into human reality, and that conversion from idea into actuality gives us a personal value that can come from no other source.”

As each show progresses, there are competitions which eventually lead to someone going home. Despite the disappointment, each person tells a new story as they say their goodbyes. That new story is about resiliency, about realizing their personal self-worth, thanking their coach/trainer for believing in them, pushing them, and celebrating the little things with them. They each are looking into a new mirror.

These competitors are a part of a team. Each is surrounded by words and actions of encouragement. Each is surrounded by someone who believes in them and wants them to succeed. The contestant is given tools and new skills but EACH person is the one who has to do the work. A part of their road to a different mindset also lies in consistency, pushing themselves to the utmost, and never giving up even once they are done with the show.

Look around you. Who is on your team that is ready to cheer you on? Who is giving you words of encouragement to move forward with that health plan, that plan to be a better you, that plan to be fiscally sound, that plan to improve your relationships? What are you reading, listening to etc. to gain new skills? Are you still in the thinking stage or are you finally taking ACTION? We’ve all been knocked down at some point in our lives. The difference is a mindset of getting up one more time to fight another day, or quitting. Which fork in the road do you choose?

Today is a new day. As a very wise 9 year old boy with gifted piano skills told the “Little Big Shot” audience, “Everybody has their own instrument/gift they just haven’t always taken the time to find it.” Profound statement from a 9 year old. What's that God given gift that is YOU?

I wish you a week of surrounding yourself with a “coach” who is willing to support and encourage you on your quest to Being the Best You that You can be in whatever area of your life you are wanting to change.

  

In light of the Ray Rice video showing the assault on his then fiancé and now wife, I felt a need to understand more about the topic of domestic violence.  To be clear, these are my personal reflections and what I've learned online. I have not had to deal with this issue personally.  As difficult as the video is to watch, it has brought to the forefront the issue of domestic abuse.  Robin Gibbons, married to Mike Tyson for 8 months, shared an intimate interview on the Today Show.  As she stated, “a video would have helped bring attention to my domestic violence situation much quicker as I was being dragged down a hallway by my hair.”  Statistics point to most situations of domestic violence goes on “behind closed doors” but now we have a vivid picture through video. As the interview continued, Robin stated that this is a “watershed moment” in discussion about domestic violence as it will help other women just to be believed.  Social media has also changed the way we view these types of relationships.”

As we all probably could speculate, the consequences of domestic violence are many and can continue from generation to generation.  Statistics show that one in four women will experience domestic violence, and more than four million physical assaults and rapes are because of their partners.  The greatest risk of becoming a victim are women in the age group of 20-24, and this happens across all socioeconomic, racial, and educational lines.  Every year more than three million children witness domestic violence in their homes.  There is a 30-60% chance for children living in these homes to also suffer abuse and/or neglect.  According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, “domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. Other consequences of domestic violence include: poor health for many survivors both physically and emotionally, among women brought to an emergency room due to domestic violence most were socially isolated and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured due to domestic violence.  Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to be abused as teens and adults.  And, without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of abuse and violence in the next generation.”

Twenty years ago, Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act, and in those years, domestic violence has been dramatically reduced.  But the problem is far from solved.  Judy Woodruff from PBS Newshour spoke with Esta Soler of Futures Without Violence, about what it will take to end abuse despite the fact that some progress has been made.   “Since the Violence Against Women Act was passed, there has been a comprehensive response from law enforcement, from the judiciary, coming together basically creating a support system and a prosecutorial system that holds people accountable.”  Soler believes that, “this violence is preventable.  I think it’s learned, and if it’s learned, it can be unlearned….We need to do way more for our young people, because, at the end of the day, you can give people tools to have healthy relationships.  If you have seen it, if you have witnessed it in your home, you need to unlearn it.”  Esta continues, “the most important thing is, if you can, get somebody to support you, speak out and believe there is a better way….too many people think there’s a reason why they should stay in a situation.  They might be afraid.  They might think that, oh, my God, what am I going to do for our kids?  But at the end of the day, that’s not going to stop the violence.  

“What are some solutions then?  Many women feel they need the financial support of the abuser.  So programs that really empower women economically are absolutely essential in my opinion,” stated Esta Stoler.  Women need to have options to choose a different life.”  In addition, when a young girl becomes pregnant, has to drop out of school, she has no education and is now dependent on others for her own and her child’s survival.  Education is another essential piece.  Socially, we need to change the norms.  It’s critical that the social norm clearly states that there is NO EXCUSE for domestic violence.  

CBS’s Sports host James Brown, “made a passionate case for men to play a bigger role in helping prevent domestic violence in the wake of the release of the Rice video.  “Let’s be clear, this problem is bigger than football.  But wouldn't it be productive if this collective outrage could be channeled to truly hear and address the long-suffering cries for help by so many women and do something about it?... Like an ongoing, comprehensive education of men about what healthy, respectful manhood is all about.”   “And it starts with how we view women.  Our language is important.  For instance, when a guy says, ‘You throw like a girl’ or ‘You’re a little sissy,’ it reflects an attitude that devalues women and attitudes will eventually manifest in some fashion.”  Brown continues, “So this is yet another call to men to stand up and take responsibility for their thoughts, their words, their deeds and…to give help or to get help because our silence is deafening and deadly.”   

WSCADV Director of Communications Kelly Starr said, “One of the things that gives power to domestic violence is silence and so when we’re all talking about it and the public is engaged in conversation, to me that is so hopeful.”  The coalition said, “the best way to help prevent domestic violence is to stop it before it starts.”  So what does that look like?  A dear friend, former CU basketball player, NBA player, and now father of a beautiful three-year-old daughter stated this past weekend that he will make sure his daughter grows up feeling valued, she’ll be educated, she’ll learn the value of money, but most of all she will have a sense of self-esteem and who she is as a woman.  With that feeling and mindset, she will never allow a man to treat her any way but special and valued.  Part of “making sure” this happens is this same man is also modeling that respect and value towards his wife.  We can all do that with those in our lives that we love and care about.  We can be a part of the solution!

“Self-esteem comes from positive self-imaging, and it’s something we proactively should be able to build for ourselves from a very early age.  When we leave it up to external factors like the presence of domestic violence in our homes, we build our self-esteem on sandy ground.  What we want is a rock-solid foundation, and this only comes from building within.”  The way we view ourselves directly affects everything we do.  I've written many blogs on “putting the oxygen mask on ourselves first,” to love ourselves first and foremost, and then we can give and love others.  “Women young and old who love themselves and are confident are better able to thrive and have a lasting impact on the communities around them.  By learning how to love themselves, being educated on money issues, having a meaningful job, trade etc., all women will be better able to make good decisions and command respect from others.  http://rebuildingrespectforwomen.org 

What can each of us do, on a daily basis, to not only build up ourselves as a man or a woman but also influence every other male and female in our lives?”  Let’s not let this topic “die out” because it’s no longer prevalent in the media.  WE need to each take responsibility to make a difference!