Words and Ideas Can Change the World

I hope you had an opportunity to share special thoughts with their mother, if possible, and you experienced that love and attention yourself if you are a mother.  I saw many comments on Facebook that were tributes to mother’s who had passed away but continue to have an impact on their children’s lives. It was a nice day for me as well.

I also hope you spent some time thinking about the quote, “God created our skin tones with beautiful variety, but all our souls are the same color.”  I want to continue with this same theme in this week’s blog.

Accepting and Loving Unconditionally. First of all, let’s get a definition of the words conditional and unconditional.  Conditional is defined as, “made or allowed on certain terms, one or more requirements needed to be met on specific terms.” The definition of unconditional, on the other hand, is “not limited by conditions or limitations.”  It’s interesting to me to hear the nightly news of our global conflicts, read American history or any country’s history for that matter, or even listen to communication around any of us whether at work or at home.  Race, religion, sexual preference, abortion, marijuana (since I’m here in Colorado I had to mention that one), political preference, male – female, economic status, and the list goes on and on.  The question I’m contemplating this week and beyond is, “Can we, individually, start accepting (or loving) unconditionally rather than judging?  If we did that, what would our world look like?”

I've written about judgment and acceptance before.  Yes, it’s two of those traits that bear repeating yet maybe in another way.  I could take the approach that there’s nothing I can do about many of the religious conflicts currently going on, the political issues with Russia and the Ukraine, etc.  However, I choose to do what is in my control.  After all, that’s all I can do anyway, right?!  We all have our own experiences, our own opinions, our own styles, our own comfort zones, our own uniqueness.  With that brings all the reasons why we may have all the conflicts and “issues” that we have.  Yet, the one thing we all have in common is how we decide we will express and deal with those differences.  Doesn't it come down to choice?  Back to an earlier blog, isn't it really our need for acceptance or a need for control?  Some of the headlines seem to also relate to retaliation for other situations that have occurred. (Are those actions going to bring about change?) 

UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance is without limitations or conditions.

In Robin Williams words from the Dead Poets Society, “Words and ideas can change the world.”  For me, that’s not just a line in a movie, it’s the way our lives can be!  It IS a choice.  The choice is to interact with all those around us whether they be family, an acquaintance, or even a brief encounter.  My belief is that our God is God of the whole world.  God is loving and pulls all people in.  God shows unconditional love and acceptance, in my opinion.  So what’s our job?  First, I can accept others even if I don’t agree with them.  I may not like their choices, but everyone is on a journey and if I can give acceptance and love for them in all parts of their journey that’s what’s in my control.  Can I give my opinion, suggestions, another view point?  Of course, that’s my role as a parent, spouse, and friend.  But what’s NOT my role is to convince others they’re wrong and should do something MY way.  I can pray that God give THEM the strength and understanding, but I need to let go of my need for acceptance or control.  Having heard from parents with children who have addictions, they have often said they love them unconditionally, however, they do not like or support the particular behavior.  In fact, you may want to click on this link from AA:  http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf  Personally, this list is something to live by for all of us.  What if our words were words of hope, encouragement, we asked reflecting questions all with the purpose to “sow seeds,” that may later grow?

We often encounter situations which don’t fit into our personal philosophy. What if we decided to live our lives accepting and loving unconditionally?  To me, that means before judging we listen, learn why something is the way it is, we give everyone room to grow and change because we know that God has the bigger plan.  We don’t have to understand to accept and love unconditionally.  We have choices to make.  Maybe that choice is to avoid a particular person, situation, environment because it’s toxic.  It is what it is.  So, can I live with not having things my way and on my timeline?  That’s a key question.

WOW.  This turned into a blog heavier than I originally intended.  I hope you have a few things to think about from this point forward.  I wish you unconditional acceptance and love for YOURSELF and then others.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” 
― Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare

All Our Souls are the Same Color

Did you make a decision to do one of the ideas listed last week to help increase your energy?  Maybe you had a different idea but you still committed to the 30 days.  After the first week, how did you do?  Remember to keep track and write it down.  We think we’ll remember, but that’s not usually the case in the long run.  Plus, according to Zig Ziglar, and many others, the written goal is much more powerful and has a much higher chance of happening when it’s written down.

On Facebook, I shared a powerful visual of many different colored arms with the caption, “God created our skin tones with beautiful variety, but all our souls are the same color.”  That particular image truly spoke to me especially in light of all that’s happened the past few months from Ferguson, to Baltimore, to Texas, and even here in one of our own Boulder middle schools.  We can focus all our energy (there’s that word again) on how awful our world is and all the negatives.  I am not taking any of these incidences lightly, which are only a microcosm of everything else happening around the world, but I also am of the viewpoint that I can only deal with my world.  With this perspective, I am writing from my heart today. “All our souls are the same color.”

I am one person as are each of you.  I choose to believe that in my own little way, I can make a difference and have an impact.  Take a step back and view your “sphere of influence.”  Who does that include?  A spouse, partner, or significant other?  Children?  Grandchildren?  Parents?  Siblings?  Other relatives?  Neighbors?  Friends?  Organizations you belong to?  Colleagues?  You get the picture...our sphere of influence is wide spread.  With that in mind, what are the values you stand by?  What is your belief system in all areas of your life?  What are you teaching your children and grandchildren about life and about how to treat others?  Do you walk your talk?  Do you have a particular view about religion, race, ethnic backgrounds, education, sexuality, economic levels etc.?  Once again that list can go on and on. That saying may also read, “All our souls are the same.”  

In my mind, we are all human beings and deserve to be treated in a respectful manner!  Respect, appreciating differences, not being judgmental, and having conversations to learn are all in our control.  We can start each day with our own prayer of, “Today is a day full of abundance and blessings,” then end each day reflecting on all the blessings and all the abundance.  Let’s see a ripple effect of our intentions to celebrate differences rather than be afraid, let’s celebrate and acknowledge differences without judgment.  We can have our own opinions, we can share those with others in a respectful way, with the focus to listen, learn, grow, and be respectful.  You never know when your words will have an impact on those around you.  It may be MANY years later when we read something or someone shares an unforgettable time, a special memory.  Our children and our grandchildren are watching our “every move,” they hear all the conversations (even the ones we think they didn't hear), the tone of our voice, they see our choices, they recognize when our words and actions don't match, and they are little “mini me’s.” 

What are you doing each day to send out a “ripple effect” with the message, “All our souls are the same color,” and “All our souls are the same?” 

In light of Mother’s Day this Sunday, I want to wish all the Mother’s a very special day!  I’m fortunate to still have my mom, Mary Jean Tilden, still on this earth and count her as one of my blessings each day.  Whether you know your mother or not, whether your mother is alive or not, whether you have a relationship with your mother or not, no matter your story, your mother did give you life, and for that count your blessings. 

ENERGY!!

I appreciate all of you who follow my blog and hopefully, each week you find a small nugget as your own personal “take away.”  What was your take away from last week on breakthroughs?  I am assuming each of you is a part of the 5% mindset, you want to continually learn, grow and expand your thinking, or you wouldn’t take the time to read any of these.  I thank you for all your thoughts and comments as you inspire me.

Spring time is a time of renewal, rebirth, and a freshness in the air. The flowers and trees are blooming (sorry allergy sufferers), the grass is greening up and needing to be cut, and the temperatures are starting to warm up.  Another part of spring especially for those of you with children in school, it’s the time where your calendar is packed with choir concerts, final dance recitals, spring sports are in full swing, end of the year programs, banquets, prom, graduation, etc. etc.  Whew! 

ENERGY!  We all need more of it, right? After a long night with little sleep due to a sick child, a crying baby, tossing and turning in anticipation of a tough meeting in the morning, thinking about another day with people who look at the glass half empty and only know how to complain, being awakened by the milking “robots” calling at 2:00 am because there’s a problem (right, Michelle?), it’s the jammed packed calendar that has something on it every night, and that endless “to do” list  going over and over in your head etc. etc. We all need more energy! 

What do you do for a pick-me-up when you’re dragging?  Interestingly enough, most people will have 3-4+ cups of their favorite coffee throughout the day.  They didn’t have time to make breakfast, pack a lunch or both so they stopped off at a fast food place just to grab something quick.  Getting up a little earlier to exercise is definitely NOT in the picture, and hydrating with water is also out of the question….caffeine!  I need caffeine.  Sound familiar? 

In reading this, it’s easy to see what we SHOULD do, so why don’t we?  It’s that excuse again…TIME.  Remember…we all have 24 hours in a day, so it’s not a time problem, it’s a priority problem.  It’s the story you’re telling yourself.  If you’re engaging in some of the behaviors listed above on an occasional basis that’s one thing.  If this is your mainstay than yes, it is a problem.  We all have those times, and maybe it’s the last six weeks of school for you, where we are not in control of our time as much as we’d like.  If it’s a limited period of time, you may just be in survival mode.  Unfortunately, however, survival mode tends to flow into being the norm: “energy” drinks, coffee, no exercise, skipping breakfast, junk food, fast food meals etc.   With these bad habits contributing to your lack of energy, it now becomes an endless cycle. Your story continues to be told though it’s not working.

So what are we to do?  First, acknowledge there is a problem.  Second, decide if this truly is just for a short period of time and then get back into your healthy eating, drinking, exercising routine.  Third, take a hard look at how you’re coping with not having energy.  What is one thing you can do to start to make a change? 

Here are a few suggestions.  Find ONE that you’re willing to do starting tomorrow and repeat, consistently for an entire month – that’s 30 days!  If you’re really committed, you’ll write daily in some kind of notebook or journal on how you’re doing and what you’re noticing about your energy level. 

Turn the TV off AND put the computer down 45 minutes to an hour before you go to bed.  Your mind needs a chance to “wind down.”

Have on hand a healthy trail mix bar like ones from Trader Joes or make your own No Bake Energy Bites.  Almonds or walnuts, small amounts of yogurt are also good choices.  Have something that is easy to grab when you need that extra boost.

Get a pedometer and monitor the number of steps you take each day.  The goal is to increase that number by at least 50 steps each day.  Set your baseline on Day 1.

Breakfast is a must and protein is an essential part of this meal.  From personal experience, there are a lot of “junk” shakes out there.  I can attest to either the Shakeology or the Evolv shakes as having clean, healthy ingredients and will keep you feeling satisfied until lunch.  AND it takes less than five minutes to mix up.

For one entire month, commit to NO FAST FOODS. 

Limit your caffeine intake to one cup of coffee in the morning.  Choose other ways to hydrate like water with a dash of concentrated lemon or lime juice for the rest of the day.

NO soda, 5 Hour Energy, or any “energy” drink.  These are loaded with sugar and “hidden sugars."  That's why you have a spike in your energy and then comes the crash.

  

Create a routine during the week, and even on the weekends, with a regular bed time and the same wake up time.  (That is unless you have small children who may determine those times for you.)

Commit to a 20 minute walk once a day.

Women, in particular, complain about fatigue but actually the problem is dehydration!!  Are you drinking enough water?  A good test is if your pee is clear or a pale yellow, you’re getting enough fluids.  Focus on what you’re drinking.

Yes, you need carbs.  However, if you’re eating white bread, cookies, pastas etc. your blood sugar will spike and then you crash which leaves you without energy – you’re exhausted.  

Take these out of your food choices for the month.

Choose complex carbs like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains and focus on having these are each meal.

What’s your choice?  Which one will you pick to pursue for 30 days?

I wish you a chance to reflect on your habits, your routines, and how you can get back to having an increased  level of energy each day.  I hope you don’t settle and accept the “no energy” as the norm.  We ARE in control and there ARE things we can do. 

BREAKTHROUGHS

What did you decide?  Are you one of the 5%?  Maybe you decided that you’re tired of being led by others, and you’re ready to move into the 5%.  Whatever your decision, you now must back it up with actions.  If you’re already part of the 5%, what actions have you taken in the past to get you there and what future actions will you take to continue on this path?  Learn and grow means it’s continual…you never stop until you’re done.  Be hyper aware of your thinking.  It’s called metacognition – think about your thinking.  What is that record constantly playing in your head? 

For you to become or maintain your 5% personal development, there have to be breakthroughs.  I will be sharing many quotes from Tony Robbins’ book, Money Master the Game as much of what he says “speaks to me.”  You decide, as always, what speaks to you.  (Pages 184-199 for those of you reading the book.) “So what is a breakthrough?  A breakthrough is a moment in time when the impossible becomes possible…you make a move to truly change and improve your world.”  The key is to truly change and improve your world.  The 95% will think about, dream about, and wish for, however, no action is taken.  However, when you reach the point of no longer settling it is amazing!  “Draw a line in the sand, commit to a new goal and set a new standard.”  “True transformation happens in a moment.  It may have taken you ten years to get to the point where you were ready or open, or maybe even provoked….”We struggle with something for years – a job or career, our weight, or a relationship.  We’re miserable until one day a trigger goes off.  Suddenly, That’s it. “

We have all had breakthroughs of one kind or another in our relationships, our physical self, our emotional self, our spiritual self, finances etc.  A breakthrough to move you forward is different than wishing things were different and making a change because the “grass looks greener” on the other side.  That way of thinking is back to the 95% who blame others and find excuses, with little if any acknowledgement the part they played in the problem which is exactly why life will eventually repeat itself without the necessary change – YOU!   We all have the ability to change everything in our lives.  “No matter how long something has been a certain way, you can change it all in a moment, a moment of real decision, a decision that is acted upon.”  Remember, the key is to truly change and IMPROVE your world.” 

According to Robbins, “There are three steps to creating a breakthrough: three forces that, together, can massively change any and every aspect of your life.”  These are the same three things no matter what kind of breakthrough you’re hoping to achieve.  If you want to change your life you have to change your strategy, you have to change your story, and you have to change your state.” 

“The best way to get a new result, the fastest way to get a new result is to find someone who has already accomplished what you’re after and then model his or her behavior.”  If weight is your issue, find someone who use to be overweight AND has not only been able to lose the weight but they've kept it off for 10+ years.  If you are struggling in your relationship, find someone who has rekindled the passion and is in love even more MANY years later.  You’re looking for successful models NOT those who want to tell you how to do something but haven’t achieved the success that you’re looking for.  It’s not luck.  It’s changing your strategy.  “The right strategy can save you the most valuable resource of all: time.  If you start with a proven plan, the right strategy, you can literally convert decades of struggle into days of achievement…why reinvent the wheel?”  We are all surrounded by family and friends who aren't physically fit, are in lousy relationships, are always blaming and using excuses.  If we continue to go to these people for “advice,” or if we listen to their advice, it will only serve to reinforce the beliefs we have that nothing will work.  WRONG!  Hopefully, you are realizing that you need support, a mentor, someone who will listen, give honest advice whether you like it or not, and you value who they are and the part they play in your life.

Unless you’re in an abusive relationship, all relationships go through struggles and challenging times.  A marriage with both parents working, a new born, young children etc. has its own set of challenges as does a marriage with negative influences being put upon one or both of the partners, if there’s addiction by one of the partners, children with disabilities either physical or cognitive etc. all cause marriages to be challenged.  From my own 38 years of marriage, there have definitely been ups and downs, challenges, frustrations, and demands.  The ups and downs are always there, but it’s how Jon and I made a point to find a strategy that would work to keep us together.  One strategy always involved communication which meant we had to make time for us.  That time together “looked” different when our kids were little, when they were teenagers, even when we were empty nesters still working, and now in retirement. Another strategy, if you will, was to focus on what was going right, what we loved about the other person, and the positive virtues rather than the “failings.”

Step number two, according to Tony, is the power of story.  “Without the right strategy, you will fail.  And when you fail, you develop a lousy story….If you’re not taking action there’s only one reason: you've created a set of beliefs that you've tied into a story – a story about why it won’t work, why it can’t work, why it only works for other people.  ‘It’s only for the rich, the thin, the lucky, the happy in relationships.’  It’s easy to come up with a limiting story.  So why bother to take action on a strategy that you ‘know’ will fail?  Well, strategy here isn't the problem.  Your story is.”

“The people who make change happen, who get stuff done, who accomplish, who shift, who grow, who learn, they take their strategy and attach a new story to it…It goes from being a story of limitation to a story of empowerment: ‘I will not be one of the many who can’t, I will be one of the few who do.  Our stories may be true, but if they aren't helping us, if they’re stopping us from having the life we desire and deserve, we have to change them.  Stories control our emotions, and emotions drive all of our behaviors and actions.”   Will you choose to use your story, or will you allow your story to use you?  “Change your story, change your life.  Divorce the story of limitations and marry the story of the truth, and everything changes.”

The last of the three steps is your state.  “Your mental and emotional state colors your perception and experience of everything in life.”  There is a lot to how we think and all that we need to learn about our thoughts but as Tony says, “in a nutshell you can immediately and radically change how you feel (and not just hope you feel good) by learning that by changing your body first, you can change your mind.” That means to do something active whether it’s taking a walk, going out to get fresh air, exercising, working out in some form, running, or whatever works for you.  It’s movement and it gets our heads into a better state. “Great strategies may surround you, but they will be invisible to you unless you put yourself in a strong, determined, and empowered state.” 

“We all get what we tolerate.  So stop tolerating excuses within yourself, limiting beliefs of the past, or a fearful state of mind.”  Once again, are you part of the 5%, one of the few?  Or are you going to continue to be one of the many, the 95%?  “Most people start out with high aspirations but settle for a life and lifestyle far beneath their true capabilities.  They let disappointments destroy them.  Disappointment is inevitable when you are attempting to do anything of great scale.  Instead let your disappointments drive you to find new answers; discipline your disappointments.  Learn from every failure, act on those learnings, and success becomes inevitable.”   

“You have to be willing to give 100% with zero expectation of receiving anything in return.  For example, only when you’re willing to take 100 % responsibility for making a relationship work will it work.,” according to Darren Hardy in his book, The Compound Effect.  “If I always take 100% responsibility for everything I experience – completely owning all of my choices and all the ways I responded to whatever happened to me – I held the power.  Everything was up to me.  I was responsible for everything I did, didn't do, or how I responded to what was done to me.”  That’s the mindset of a person striving to be one of the 5%. That's the mindset of a person who looks for different strategies, changes the story and has a state of mind that looks for answers.  That's the mindset of someone wanting breakthroughs in his/her life.

I wish you a mindset of creating breakthroughs  and being willing to give 100%.

Are you one of the 5%?

What are your thoughts and reflections on last week’s blog about the six basic needs suggested by Tony Robbins? Did anyone get the book, Money Master the Game?  Did you read at least the first 80 pages?  I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts.

Tony Robbins’ refers to certainty, taking risks, needing variety, love, growth, and that life is about contributing.  Why is it then that we encounter many challenges throughout our day where we may feel, as an individual, others don’t value who we are.  We are trying to live our lives with gratitude, we are challenging ourselves to learn and grow, we’re trying to improve things at work, at home, but it feels like the more we are moving ahead in our lives the more people are surrounding us with toxic negativity and trying to block our path.  It feels like others are intimidated by who we are, what we stand for and our intentions are often misinterpreted.  It becomes apparent that others just want us to conform, not make waves, and they want us to be like everyone else.  Don’t “rock the boat.”  When we “rock the boat” by our questions, our suggestions to do things differently than the status quo others feel their authority is being challenged, change is uncomfortable and often times feared etc.  People are into routines and “we've always done it ‘that’ way.”  Conflicts may arise simply by asking a question to a co-worker that escalates  into a huge argument.  Fingers are pointed, accusations of being selfish, along with angry words being thrown out. It’s now attack mode versus any type of discussion.  What about the person who is constantly listing all the things they do, they’re so busy, and no one works as hard as they do without any recognition of others who are also busy and have a lot on their plate? It doesn't seem to matter what we say or what we do, we can’t do anything right and it’s always our fault. 

My question is, “How do we read books about gratitude, learn and grow as a person, be willing to change, do something different, take risks, and be true to ourselves when we’re surrounded by others who only want to pull us down?”  “How do we move forward with our own expectations, dreams, goals, and creativity?”  What’s in our control?  What actions can we take?  Is there someone who can be a confidant, a supporter, a mentor, an encourager?  Someone who will be there through “thick and thin” yet also be honest with feedback and positive solutions?  How do we acknowledge that everyone’s judgment is just that…theirs.  We all see things from our own perspective.  The problem comes when it affects our own ability to do our job effectively, to create healthy relationships with our family members, or co-workers.  We may even find ourselves questioning ourselves.  What did we do to deserve this treatment? 

When I was younger I tried to please everyone, I didn't want to “rock the boat” and cause problems.  I was fortunate to have Jon supporting me and helping me understand that I had to be true to myself.  The only thing that was in my control was for me to be the best I could be as a teacher, a mother, a wife, a daughter etc. without arrogance, self-righteousness, or bragging. If my actions are pure and others are uncomfortable or intimidated so be it.  I’m only in control of me.  I had to learn to pick my battles and decide what was important enough that I couldn't let myself be intimidated by threats name calling, falsehoods etc.  Remember, only 5% of the population will “step out” and seek their own uniqueness, pursue their passion, not be motivated by others’ expectations but by their own expectations.  The 5% are also the people who are consistently moving forward, they don’t give up when the times are tough, they don’t give in because it’s easier than bucking the system. 

What can we do to be all that we can be while at the same time acknowledge there are people in our path who want to see us fail, want to see us conform, want to see us do what they think we should do etc. etc.?  First, let go of the little things and there are a lot of little things. It’s a waste of your time and energy.   Second, whenever possible, take the high road and do not bring yourself to their level.  Third, whenever possible sincerely compliment, say thank you, and let people know you appreciate what they do no matter how small.  Don’t expect anything in return.  By doing these things, you will feel good and the more you do it the easier it gets.  You might be surprised that others will begin to respond but that’s not why you’re doing it.  You’re doing it because it’s the right thing to do according to the six needs for your life.  Fourth, “don’t get in a pissing contest with a skunk,” as you will never win.  (That’s one of Jon’s favorite sayings.)  Fifth, find someone who will give you honest feedback, suggestions, and will allow you to vent.  We all need to vent, get things out, but then it’s time to let it go and move on. Six, if a conflict is getting out of hand, it’s not an appropriate time etc. let the person know you are going to walk away, and you’ll be ready to discuss the issue when everyone is calm.  Then you have to do what you said…walk away.  My final suggestion is to have something positive to listen to or to read EACH day. Turn off the TV for 15, 20 or 30 minutes to fill your head with something other than the negative “voices.”  There are many great CD’s you can download.  Listen to your breathing and just relax.  Calm your mind and body whether there’s conflict or not, it’s a special TLC time for yourself.  I think you will find that you will approach the rest of the day, the next day, the next week with a different perspective. 

Tony Robbins says, “The ultimate significance in life comes not from something external but from something internal.  It comes from a sense of esteem for ourselves, which is not something we can get from someone else.  People can tell you you’re beautiful , smart, the best, or they can tell you that you’re the most horrible human being on earth – but what matters is what YOU think about yourself.”  “The fastest way to feel connection, a sense of how significant your life is, a deep sense of certainty and variety, and put yourself in a state where you can give to others, is to find a way each day to appreciate more and expect less.” 

I wish you a healthy mindset of the 5%!! 

6 Basic Needs According to Tony Robbins

I hope you had a blessed Passover or Easter.  It’s a wonderful time of family, fellowship, and reflection.  Spring is here, the trees are budding, flowers are blooming and the temperatures are warming up.  It’s another great opportunity to realize all we are grateful for and how many blessings we do have in our daily lives.

As I come across a life changing book, I like to pass it along. This one is Money – Master the Game by Tony Robbins.  Tony is an American life success coach, speaker, and author.  He’s an amazing man who has transformed the lives of people like Oprah Winfrey and Usher as well as millions across the world who are just wanting to improve themselves.  He is authentic, a man of integrity, and has a mission of helping make life better for anyone who is willing to take action.  Unlike books others have written about financial freedom, Tony has taken a unique approach.  On the inside of the book jacket it reads, “Achieving genuine financial freedom isn't complicated.  But until now, only the most powerful and connected had access to the right information and the right strategies.  Thanks to exhaustive research and unprecedented interviews with 50 of the world’s most brilliant financial minds, from self-made billionaires to Nobel Prize winners, Tony Robbins has uncovered the 7 Simple Steps to put you in full control of your financial future.”  By the way, “all of the author’s profits of this book have been donated in advance by Tony, which in conjunction with an additional personal donation, will feed 50 million meals to people in need this year!  The food will be delivered by Feeding America, the nation’s largest domestic hunger relief charity.”   That, in and of itself, speaks volumes to me about his intentions.

Today, I want to focus on the early part of the book which “sets the stage.”  The book itself is 624 pages.  For some of you, that’s a daunting number, and you're already saying to yourself, “No way.  I’m not a reader.”  What I would challenge you to do, if that’s your reaction, is to read the first 80 pages.  He writes in an easy, storytelling manner.  Then you can decide if you're going to read further.  It’s also not a book that you just read.  He has you active in your own financial planning, and there’s even an app for your phone that does all the calculations.  Take your time to process and integrate this into your personal framework of thinking.

“Six Basic Needs” is an early part of the book that captured my attention right away.  Tony outlines these basic needs as “what makes us tick.”  These basic needs “drive all human behavior and are universal.”  What’s interesting is he states, “…how we value those needs, and in what order, determines the direction of our life.”  So what are these six basic needs?

The first basic need is Certainty/Comfort.  As Tony explains, this is “our need to feel in control, we want to know what’s coming next so we can feel secure.”  This is a basic comfort where we also like to avoid pain and stress.  What’s interesting is this “affects the amount of risk we are willing to take in our life, our job, investments, and relationships.  The higher the level of need for certainty the less risk we're willing to take.” We've probably all heard ‘risk tolerance’ which is where this term comes from. Take a minute and ask yourself where you are with this first basic need.  Are you on one level of comfort when it comes to certain areas of your life for example in your job, but less so in your relationships?  Good question to ask yourself.

The second basic need is Uncertainty/Variety.  If we didn’t have some level of uncertainty, variety and surprises, we would probably be bored to tears.  Don’t we all like surprises?  Of course, that is if they're good ones.  Those other surprises are usually what we’d refer to as problems.  Yes?  Yet, to have this in our lives also helps us develop character.

Next is Significance.  We all need to feel that we matter.  Feeling important, special, unique, feeling that we matter to others are all a part of our essence.  How does that manifest itself?  It’s different, obviously, for different people.  There are those people who find significance in their bank account, others show it through their education and sometimes it’s “the more the better” with a Masters or a Ph.d.  Then there are others that feel significant by the size of their social media accounts like Twitter and Facebook, tattoos and piercings may express someone’s unique display of significance, while others like to “top” each story with a bigger and better problem, challenge, or experience.  Isn't the display of violence also a “show of significance?”  It is, once again, a personal story, and we all have our own way to display our needs.  For me, it’s more about the motivation behind what we do rather than the actual way we show our significance.  Are our actions “pure of heart” or is it because we don’t feel significant?  Is the motivation to “be better than /or have a one-upmanship” in order to think we are more significant than someone else?  This is a question for us, individually, to decide the motivation behind what we do in order to feel that we matter.  

The fourth basic need is Love and Connection.  “Love is the oxygen of life.  It’s what we all need and want most.  Maybe it’s intimacy, friendship, prayer, being out in nature or a combination of several."  Personally, I think this basic need and the need for significance may go hand in hand.  Hmm.

According to Robbins, these first four are the “needs of the personality.”  These last two are “the needs of the spirit.  Not everyone meets these needs, however, when these are met, we truly feel fulfilled.”

Basic need #5 is Growth.  We've all heard the saying, “If you're not growing, you're dying.”  Why is it some people are constantly feeling a need to learn and grow in at least one area of their life whether it be physical, mental, financial, spiritual etc. while others don't seem to have any “need or desire” to grow and learn? That's something, once again, you can explore your own life and see where you fit. 

The last basic need is Contribution.  “The secret to living is giving.  Life is not about me but it’s about we.”  “Life is really about creating meaning and meaning doesn't come from what you get, it comes from what you give.”  I would add to this that the motivation is pure and not as a martyr.  It is not about giving up of yourself but adding to the overall enhancement of who you are as a human being. The term "giving" is not just referring to monetary means.  You can "give" of your time, your encouragement, your support etc. etc.

I began this blog by telling you about Tony Robbins’ book Money – Master the Game, and yet the six basic needs are part of his introduction to what follows in the rest of the book.  In fact on page 79 Tony explains…””I’m not going to preach to you anymore, but I wanted to take this short time to say that while it’s time to master your money, don’t wait to master yourself.  The fastest way to feel connection, a sense of how significant your life is, a deep sense of certainty and variety, and put yourself in a state where you can give to others, is to find a way, each day, to appreciate more and expect less.  The wealthiest person on earth is one who appreciates.”

I wish you a thought filled week of knowing your own basic needs and finding all the things you appreciate. 

   

What's your Religious or Spiritual Mindset?

Thank you to so many of you who responded to my last blog about handwriting.  Phil, I appreciated your personal, handwritten response!!!  My hope is that as you send Easter, Passover, birthday, anniversary, sympathy etc. messages, you take the time to handwrite a personal note.

For all of my Christian family and friends, I wish you a special Easter on Sunday the 5th, and for my Jewish friends that you have a special Passover starting this Friday, the 3^rd.

As with most of my blogs, I hope to give you my perspective which may or may not be in alignment with yours, but at least thought provoking.  Past blogs have been about judgment which is all about our personal thoughts and beliefs.  For many of our conflicts personally, in relationships, with colleagues, and even in the world today the conversations tend toward arguments and attempting to sway others to our way of thinking versus a dialogue.  Listening, asking questions without judgment, allows for a safe environment for discussion. 

The Today Show this week is exploring the ideas of faith, spirituality, prayer, and meditation.  Take the time to click on this link and listen to these 13-17 year olds discuss this topic.  http://www.today.com/parents/how-raise-spiritual-child-3-exercises-dr-lisa-miller-2D80574439

According to Hebrews 11:1 the definition of faith is, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”  Also from Wikipedia, the definition of spirituality is, “people who speak of spirituality outside of religion often define themselves as spiritual not religious.  They generally believe in the existence of different spiritual paths. The emphasis is on the importance of finding one’s own individual path.”  Lisa Miller, Ph.D., director of clinical psychology and founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Columbia University, Teachers College and also the author of "The Spiritual Child," has spent over a decade researching the impact of religion and spirituality.  According to one of the studies, 77% of those surveyed felt there is a difference between being religious and being spiritual.  Are you one of the 77%?  If so, what are the differences for you? 

What about prayer?  Do you have a definition of prayer for yourself?  Is prayer the same thing or different than sending out words of gratitude?  There are mixed definitions of prayer, but my simplified version is having a personal relationship with a higher power.  What that looks like is very personal and once again not right, wrong good or bad.  For me, I know my prayers and words of gratitude are intermingled and ongoing throughout the day.  As one of the boys in the Today Show piece said that he is Islamic and prays five times a day.  Those times are “dictated.”  The young man stated that those are specific times he is reminded of why he is “still here.”  Others have their rituals of saying prayers before meals, bedtime etc. Does it matter that each of us has his/her/family rituals for praying which may or may not be the same as other family members, friends etc.?

Meditation is the “act or process of spending time in quiet thought.”  Being able to sit quietly, clear the mind, and be in deep thought is that personal time for many people.  As Carson Daily said, “It’s an opportunity to slow down and reflect.”  I would add to that, it’s also a “time out” to be present in what is going on around us.  Personally, I have a hard time “turning my mind off,” but I am learning to be “quiet” in my own mind though I may be surrounded by people.  I’m learning I can step back, observe, and find that inner peace.  As a grandparent, I am much more aware of the little ones as they explore their world, as they challenge Mom and Dad, as they learn life lessons as simple as sharing etc. 

Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Islamic etc., God has many names.  The power of having a relationship with God is what is exciting to me.  Personally, I will celebrate you and your beliefs whatever those beliefs may be.  If you are one that questions whether or not there is a God, that’s ok too, as this is your life and your journey. Isn't it interesting that so many of our biggest wars and conflicts stem from different religious beliefs?  Isn't it interesting that a topic many of us will avoid in group conversations is religion? Wouldn't it be interesting if on a small scale in our own social communities that we could have a discussion about religion or spirituality?  What if we were comfortable to ask questions, LISTEN, and leave the conversation with a better sense of who that other person is on a whole new level?  Wouldn't it be interesting if we could say to the other person, “I celebrate your beliefs and am glad that it is a deep journey for you.” 

Right now looking outside, I see a glorious day with blue skies, a few wispy clouds, majestic, snow-capped mountains, with temperatures predicted to be in the 70’s.  There’s beautiful music playing, and I’m looking forward to another day of abundance and blessings.  I am deeply grateful for my life.

I wish each of you a special time of celebration and reflection.

Here’s to a healthy religious/faithful/spiritual mindset.