What are your thoughts and reflections on last week’s
blog about the six basic needs suggested by Tony Robbins? Did anyone get the
book, Money Master the Game? Did
you read at least the first 80 pages?
I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts.
Tony Robbins’ refers to certainty, taking risks, needing
variety, love, growth, and that life is about contributing. Why is it then that we encounter many
challenges throughout our day where we may feel, as an individual, others don’t
value who we are. We are trying to live
our lives with gratitude, we are challenging ourselves to learn and grow, we’re
trying to improve things at work, at home, but it feels like the more we are
moving ahead in our lives the more people are surrounding us with toxic
negativity and trying to block our path.
It feels like others are intimidated by who we are, what we stand for
and our intentions are often misinterpreted.
It becomes apparent that others just want us to conform, not make waves,
and they want us to be like everyone else.
Don’t “rock the boat.” When we
“rock the boat” by our questions, our suggestions to do things differently than
the status quo others feel their authority is being challenged, change is uncomfortable
and often times feared etc. People are
into routines and “we've always done it ‘that’ way.” Conflicts may arise simply by asking a question
to a co-worker that escalates into a
huge argument. Fingers are pointed, accusations
of being selfish, along with angry words being thrown out. It’s now attack mode
versus any type of discussion. What
about the person who is constantly listing all the things they do, they’re so
busy, and no one works as hard as they do without any recognition of others who
are also busy and have a lot on their plate? It doesn't seem to matter what we say or what
we do, we can’t do anything right and it’s always our fault.
My question is, “How do we read books about gratitude,
learn and grow as a person, be willing to change, do something different, take
risks, and be true to ourselves when we’re surrounded by others who only want
to pull us down?” “How do we move
forward with our own expectations, dreams, goals, and creativity?” What’s in our control? What actions can we take? Is there someone who can be a confidant, a
supporter, a mentor, an encourager?
Someone who will be there through “thick and thin” yet also be honest
with feedback and positive solutions? How
do we acknowledge that everyone’s judgment is just that…theirs. We all see things from our own perspective. The problem comes when it affects our own
ability to do our job effectively, to create healthy relationships with our
family members, or co-workers. We may even
find ourselves questioning ourselves. What
did we do to deserve this treatment?
When I was younger I tried to please everyone, I didn't want to “rock the boat” and cause problems.
I was fortunate to have Jon supporting me and helping me understand that
I had to be true to myself. The only
thing that was in my control was for me to be the best I could be as a teacher,
a mother, a wife, a daughter etc. without arrogance, self-righteousness, or
bragging. If my actions are pure and others are uncomfortable or intimidated so
be it. I’m only in control of me. I had to learn to pick my battles and decide
what was important enough that I couldn't let myself be intimidated by threats
name calling, falsehoods etc. Remember,
only 5% of the population will “step out” and seek their own uniqueness, pursue
their passion, not be motivated by others’ expectations but by their own
expectations. The 5% are also the people
who are consistently moving forward, they don’t give up when the times are
tough, they don’t give in because it’s easier than bucking the system.
What can we do to be all that we can be while at the
same time acknowledge there are people in our path who want to see us fail,
want to see us conform, want to see us do what they think we should do etc.
etc.? First, let go of the little things and there are a lot of little
things. It’s a waste of your time and energy.
Second, whenever possible, take the high road and do not bring
yourself to their level. Third, whenever possible sincerely compliment,
say thank you, and let people know you appreciate what they do no matter how
small. Don’t expect anything in
return. By doing these things, you
will feel good and the more you do it the easier it gets. You might be surprised that others will begin
to respond but that’s not why you’re doing it.
You’re doing it because it’s the right thing to do according to the six
needs for your life. Fourth, “don’t get in a pissing contest
with a skunk,” as you will never win.
(That’s one of Jon’s favorite sayings.)
Fifth, find someone who will
give you honest feedback, suggestions, and will allow you to vent. We all need to vent, get things out, but then
it’s time to let it go and move on. Six,
if a conflict is getting out of hand, it’s not an appropriate time etc. let the
person know you are going to walk away, and you’ll be ready to discuss the
issue when everyone is calm. Then you
have to do what you said…walk away. My final suggestion is to have something
positive to listen to or to read EACH day. Turn off the TV for 15, 20 or 30
minutes to fill your head with something other than the negative “voices.” There are many great CD’s you can
download. Listen to your breathing and
just relax. Calm your mind and body
whether there’s conflict or not, it’s a special TLC time for yourself. I think you will find that you will approach
the rest of the day, the next day, the next week with a different
perspective.
Tony Robbins says, “The ultimate significance in life
comes not from something external but from something internal. It comes from a sense of esteem for
ourselves, which is not something we can get from someone else. People can tell you you’re beautiful , smart,
the best, or they can tell you that you’re the most horrible human being on
earth – but what matters is what YOU think about yourself.” “The fastest way to feel connection, a sense
of how significant your life is, a deep sense of certainty and variety, and put
yourself in a state where you can give to others, is to find a way each day to
appreciate more and expect less.”
I wish you a healthy mindset of the 5%!!
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