We CAN Take Action!

I wish you a week of reflection in all that this country offers to each and every one of us no matter age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation or sexual preference. We DO have a say in our lives in this country, and we CAN make a difference in not only our own lives but in the lives of those around us.

Interestingly enough, that was the last paragraph of last week’s blog. It has been another horrific time in our country’s history with the in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge and Dallas shootings. Our country is in turmoil. Do we even know how to connect with one another anymore? It’s difficult for most of us to wrap our heads around this.

I read a comment on FB from JJ Flannigan, a former CU football player, who gave an account of a recent experience. “Today, July 8^th, 2016, I was reminded that I have been too comfortable and that I am still a black man living in a white man’s world. I was reminded that it doesn’t matter my education, my job, my salary, the way I speak, or the suit I was wearing, I am still just a “nigga” in this world. Today while walking through security at the court, which I do several times a week, I was loudly confronted by security about why I was coming through that security area. I was told to go to another entrance. Then I realized that the security assumed that I was a “defendant” coming to court and not working for the public defender’s office. If I’m a black man walking into a court building evidently I MUST be a criminal. Thanks for reminding me once again who I am and how you see me and think of me. To my white friends, stand up for injustice when you see it or you might as well put on the ‘white sheet’ too. To my kids, DON’T GET COMFORTABLE…Be prepared for injustice so you don’t have to be pissed off like I am right now. To my minority friends, talk to your kids and tell them to be proud of who they are but never assume and never get comfortable, or you will get reminded eventually, like I did today.”

In reading about JJ’s experience, it made me so sad but it was also a reality check that as a white, 64 year old woman, it’s not in my understanding how this type of situation could exist in this day and age. In asking what I could do, JJ told me to speak up and say something when I see an injustice. There were 15+ people who witnessed the situation at the court house that day and no one spoke up.

Mark McIntosh, a friend, motivational speaker, author, and now the founder of an organization called  A Stronger Cord writes a weekly blog which I enjoy reading. Mark’s words this past week rang true to my spirit, “It’s the spiritual foundation of the wellness outreach movement A Stronger Cord. It doesn’t matter if we’re black, white, brown; live in a mission, mansion or Main Street, we need to realize societal challenges of homelessness, poverty, income inequality or racism will only be solved collectively by investing time in one another. Success in life is a team effort that recognizes race, religion and socio-economic differences as opportunities not obstacles to build a stronger cord to one another.”

My sadness, frustration, worry etc. all felt heavy on my heart. That was ok for a short time because those feelings were real. Now it’s time to move into action mode. Each of us in our own world and in our own experiences can learn, grow, and stand up for others. As JJ said, SPEAK UP. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, swear, or do things that deflect the point of your words. BUT SPEAK UP!

From the Introduction of the latest book I’m reading, The Energy Bus, it says,” There is an abundance of new research that shows that positive people, positive communication, positive interactions, and positive work and team cultures produce positive results. Or perhaps at a deeper level we all know that every person, every career, every company, every organization, every family, and every team will have to overcome negativity, adversity, and challenges to define themselves and create success.”

I refuse to be intimidated and I refuse to be fearful all the time. That’s in my control. So is SPEAKING UP!

I wish you a week of reflection about your life and a week to pay attention to opportunities that need another’s voice. By not taking action whether it’s not going to vote, not speaking up when you see wrong being done etc. aren’t you really saying you’ll let others make the decisions for you? Aren’t you really giving away your freedoms? Aren’t you really saying that you can’t make a difference in this world?

The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.

iY Generation - Part 3

I hope you had a week of reflection on how you could continue to be a positive influencer or how you could strengthen your position as a mentor, coach, teacher, parent etc. of this iY generation.

Tim Elmore continues throughout his book to discuss the special challenges of iY boys especially as they are the ones who play so many more video games than girls - a MUST READ chapter plus much more.

Parenting, has it changed over the years? Of course, however, not always for the better. Our intentions are good, we mean well, and we want the best for our children. The problem is many times we have disabled them from actually maturing into adulthood. We’ve actually helped and protected them too much! Some of this is because the world has changed. In the 1980’s, dangers to children reached a new high – divorce, violent crime, alcohol and drug consumption, as well as concerns from “venetian blinds to peanut butter.”

In 1999, the Columbine High School massacre was replayed over and over again on TV. I remember being in my 5^th grade classroom when we heard the news. As adults, we were all scared and my students were wondering what was happening. As a staff, we had many conversations as to what we needed to do to keep our students safe and what to say to our parents.

 

There are many “reasons” why parents threw themselves into protect mode. Unfortunately, the results were children who weren’t allowed the privilege of learning to fail and persevere. “Helicopter” parents found it difficult to allow their children to develop the strength for life’s hardships. Other parents attempted to be their child’s best friend or buddy. Boundaries and any type of discipline were not there. I remember telling many parents that it was NOT their job to be their child’s best friend. They were the parent. They were the ones who set the boundaries. As a teacher and parent of grown children, I was able to explain that if they did their job as a parent their children would be their best friend when they became adults.

Elmore continues about the dangers of disabling a generation due to our “muddying the waters.”  Because of many of the messages we have sent our children, “too many are reaching adulthood emotionally unstable and socially naïve.” Yes, we definitely want our children to be self-confident, BUT based on true reality – NOT what we see on the “reality” TV shows. Read pages 113-122 for more specifics.

There is an entire section in the book which relates the various lies we have told our children. I want to elaborate on one of my pet peeves and that is Lie #6 You’re a Winner Just Because You Participated. I remember many years ago being a lone voice at my elementary school as our track and field went to everyone getting ribbons for everything, no individual times for the mile run, no comparisons of how well they did individually to beat their own time, etc. etc. Only recently have I seen a few commercials where the dad takes off the Participation label after his son’s team won the championship game, and he wrote Champions. 

Though Bria’s t-ball team doesn’t keep score, she is the first one to say they won. When asked why, she identifies that they had more kids out at first base then the other team. Hmm..she’s 6 ½. She knows.

Maybe the “everyone is a winner” phase is ok to use when they are young but even a 1^st grader knows what the score is despite not keeping score. She also is well aware there are several of the kids on the team who are better than others, and she also knows her own skills have gotten better. Kids are not stupid whether it’s in sports, playing an instrument, in the classroom etc. What motivation do kids have if they only participate? The “less accomplished kids have little reason to strive to be better, and the more talented kids have little motivation to improve.”

My sister told me of a situation with her 10 year old grandson. They were playing basketball. In the game, if one team got up by 10 points, they were not allowed to have any further scoring count until the other team caught up. WHAT? REALLY? Now where in the real world is that ever going to be the case? With the “everybody wins lie” our children are not prepared for the real world, and truly in those situations nobody really wins. What is there to strive for, what is there to feel genuinely proud of?

It is a rude awakening to these young people when they get into the classrooms where everyone is competing for the same scholarships and not everyone will get one? What happens to those athletes who want to play on the collegiate level who have been stand outs on their high school team, but with the competition more intense they aren’t standing out as before. They don’t understand why they aren’t getting more playing time. The attitude of, “If I can’t be the top dog, then I won’t play” so they quit. Add to the fact that it’s often times a parent calling the coach and complaining that their child isn’t getting more playing time – not the athlete. NOT!

Dr Chris Thurman has said, “The number one cause of our unhappiness are the lies we believe in life.” Tim Elmore continues, “Growing up requires facing the truth and embracing the reality, and this is an important challenge for Generation iY kids and the adults who are leading them. But the good news is that living the truth makes us happier, healthier, and more productive human beings. Truthful relationships are more stable. A truthful approach to problem solving gets to the root of the problem more effectively. A commitment to truth makes all of life simpler and more fulfilling.”

“Unless we raise the standard for kids today and help them to think and act like authentic leaders, they won’t be ready for the responsibility thrust on them as they enter young adulthood.” That means WE have to change. Adult coaches, parents, grandparents, employers, teachers, counselors, and religious leaders must be the ones to take on the challenge of preparing them.

According to Tim Elmore, and I would agree especially after reading this book, there are “five decisions to help Generation iY find their way:

1.    Values: These come first, because they’re the moral compass.

2.    Vision: This usually comes next because it’s your blueprint for life.

3.    Virtues: This is next since it reveals your best tool to influence and serve.

4.    Venue: This follows because now you’re ready to find a suitable context.

5.    Vehicle: Finally, you can choose the actions necessary to reach the goal.”

I will leave you with the following list of suggestions from Tim’s book that we ALL can do as we work with our young people. They have enormous potential to build a positive future for themselves if all the adults in their life can help them leverage their influence and take their place as leaders.

1.    Let them be different from previous generations.

2.    Work with them to develop strong personal values.

3.    Help them learn to make and keep short-term commitments.

4.    Work with them to simplify their lives and deal with stress.

5.    Communicate that there is meaning even in the small, mundane tasks.

6.    Help them to focus.

7.    Work with them to appreciate strengths in others.

8.    Create opportunities for face-to-face interaction so they can learn to interact in the nonvirtual world (other than school).

9.    Provide opportunities for kids to participate in a cause that’s bigger than they are.

1.  Enable them to take control of their lives, to be the boss of their calendar.

1.  Resource them with your network.

1.  Challenge them to take their place in history.

As I said when I first began these blogs three weeks ago, I have found this book to be enlightening, candid, sometimes depressing, and yet hopeful as there are things we can do. If you still haven’t bought the book or listened to it on audio, I encourage you to do so.

I wish you a week of reflection in all that this country offers to each and every one of us no matter age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation or sexual preference. We DO have a say in our lives in this country, and we CAN make a difference in not only our own lives but in the lives of those around us.

Happy 4th of July

Symbols.  The definition of a symbol is "something that stands for or represents something else.”  As we celebrate another 4^th of July, it’s interesting to think about this day of celebration through our symbols. “Symbols reflect a meaning and bring a vivid picture of what they represent to our minds.  They help connect our feelings to that object or an event.  This, in turn, gives us a constant reminder which is the purpose of symbols.  Every country in the world has symbols that give its citizens a sense of national pride.” 

One of those symbols is the flag.  ”Flags are symbols which give the citizens of a particular country a sense of national pride.”  With the Olympics just around the corner, you will notice the flag of each of the participating countries being flown/waved with great enthusiasm!   “The United States Flag, also referred to as “Old Glory” and the “Star Spangled Banner,” symbolizes our freedom and liberties.  In addition, it stands for the foundation which our government was built.”

Over time, our flag’s design has evolved from the “Cambridge Flag” General George Washington raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts on January 1776 to the Stars and Stripes flag which had the thirteen alternating red and white stripes and a circle of white stars on a blue background.  The next flag was introduced when Vermont and Kentucky became the first two states added to the Union after the original thirteen.  “This was also the flag which inspired Francis Scott Key to write the poem, ‘The Defense of Fort McHenry’ which became the Star Spangled Banner, and later our national anthem.  This was our national flag from 1795-1818.  In 1818, Congress passed a law returning our flag to the original thirteen stripes and a star for each state.”

”Why stars and stripes?  Stars are considered a symbol of the heavens and the divine goal to which man has aspired from time immemorial; the stripe is symbolic of the rays of light emanating from the sun.”

Another symbol for the United States is that of the bald eagle.  Congress chose the American Bald Eagle to be our national bird in 1784 although there was much debate over the choice. “As a result of the debate, the bald eagle was chosen because it symbolizes strength, courage, freedom, bravery, and immortality.”  You will find the Bald Eagle on two coins; the quarter and the half dollar.  It is also on the President’s flag and on army and navy uniforms.

What about fireworks?  They always seem to be a part of every celebration across the country.  According to Kirsten Sorenson a contributor for ehow, “Fireworks and the Fourth of Julyare as American as apple pie, picnics and parades. However, the origin of fireworks stretches much further back than July 4, 1776. Fireworks have long been used in many cultures to celebrate, so their use in Independence Day celebrations was natural for American colonists accustomed to English celebrations highlighted and heightened by fireworks displays.”

The Statue of Liberty – yet another symbol.   According to Wikipedia, “The statue was dedicated on October 28, 1886, a gift to the United States from the people of France. The statue is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tablet evoking the law upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue is an icon of freedom and of the United States: a welcoming signal to immigrants arriving from abroad.”

A little American history which may be new information for some, a refresher for others, and always a reminder for all of us of what we have here in our country.  These symbols: the flag, the Bald Eagle, fireworks, and the Statue of Liberty are only a few of the symbols which reflect our democratic freedoms.  

As you celebrate Monday, July 4^th 2016, I wish you safety, fun, good food, friendship, and most of all, I hope you look around at the beauty in our country and all that we have in our lives because we are a free country. 

iY Generation - Part 2

Did you take time to watch and observe the young people in your life? What characteristics were you able to identify?  Who has purchased the book and started reading? It will definitely get you thinking and sharing the concepts with others.

Change happens so quickly. How many times have you experienced learning something new and then realizing that you were already behind. If you own a cell phone, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The list below was what was going on in 2010 when Elmore published this book. It’s quite apparent that this list has already changed:

*music delivery went from CDs to iTUnes and MP3s

*primary communication went from cell phone calls to text messaging and now snapchat

*social networking went from email to MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and now Instagram

*Entertainment preferences went from watching TV to streaming videos on YouTube, Hulu and a lot of other sites

*Personal data went from blogs to Twitter etc

This week I want to focus on more specific characteristics of the iY generation and what may be contributing to the difference from those born in the 80’s.  “The younger members of Generation Y (born in 1990 and beyond) look different than the older ones. Earlier the kids were submissive, but today’s kids are more likely to be mavericks. They tend to be lethargic rather than active, and self-absorbed rather than engaged.”

Why the shift? Elmore suggests a few reasons which are dealt with in more depth in the book. One, reason is the “years of affluence and social liberation in America during the 1990’s. The second is the damaging parenting styles that prevent kids from preparing for the real world. All in the name of love and support but hasn’t prepared kids to be adults. Three, the media and technology show an unrealistic view of adult responsibility. Four, formal education prepares students for more school versus the marketplace. Five, we have a culture that values convenience more than commitment.”

You may or may not agree with the above list or even why this generation is in trouble and how we can help. That’s ok. My point is to at least bring up the fact that our iY generation is having difficulty in today’s world. Putting your opinion aside for the moment, I only ask you to remain open to new thoughts and maybe a few ah ha moments. Being a Baby Boomer myself, we also had our struggles, high and low points, and yes, our parents were worried about us as well. The difference? We did not have the high level social media world to contend with. If we wanted to talk with our friends, we called on the phone. Breaking up was face-to-face rather than texting. The internet has changed all that.

“One reason students are less empathetic may be that people are having fewer face-to-face interactions communicating and instead use social media such as Facebook and Twitter.” There wasn’t the cyber bullying where someone can remain anonymous. “Sexuality and pornography has been taken to a new level. The 13 billion dollar porn industry now has a new promoter: cell phones. Sexting, not texting, became the rage in 2008. 44% of high school boys have seen a porn photo of a classmate on their cells.” Heads up to all parents! Not only is this a huge problem and far more prevalent than most of us would like to think, but we also have young people involved with things their minds are not able to handle.

According to Elmore, this is like a Dr. Jekyll and Hyde population – a generation of paradox. He states a few of these:

Paradox #: they are sheltered yet pressured. “They are both growing up faster (in some senses), and growing up slower in others. Is it the high tech world that’s speeding up life’s exposure actually slowing down their maturation?”

Paradox#2: They are self-absorbed yet generous. “Typically, iYers have been raised to be consumers, and may have not matured to become contributors. By overemphasizing self-esteem and underestimating qualities like unselfishness and responsibility, adults have made it easy for these kids to be consumed with self.”

Paradox#3: They are social yet isolated by technology. “This very social generation is in danger of becoming one of the most isolated generations because so much of their relational contact comes via technology. Generation iY loves using technology to communicate, but they also enjoy the isolation and control that technology gives them.”

Paradox #4: They are ambitious yet anxious. iY’ers demonstrate far more ambition than Generation X did at their age. Thousands of them have created their own companies before they graduate from college eg. Mark Zuckerberg the founder of Facebook. Why the confidence? Growing up they’ve been told that they’re winners and told over and over again that they can do it. Their high level anxiety, especially about their future, comes from the weight of the previous generation’s expectations which can paralyze them, and they fear they may not measure up. Their current world is full of support and encouragement, but that might not be true for them as adults – their bosses will likely not be clapping for them every week on the job.”

Paradox #5: They are adventuresome yet protected. “All too often, in fact, these kids have been rewarded just for coming up with ideas. Much of their time is spent in a protected, failure-proof environment in which they’re never given a chance to lose.” Elmore believes, and I would agree, that this sense of entitlement is our fault. We have shielded them from disappointment and didn’t say “no” about most things. Remember when we switched over to participation ribbons, medals etc.? We were afraid to give out those first, second, and third place designations for fear someone would feel bad.

Paradox #6: They are diverse yet harmonious. They’ve been taught to love each other and work in teams. “Many wore uniforms in school, and they’ve been taught tolerance for people who are different from them. They often date in groups and tend to be a harmonious generation much more than those of us who are Baby Boomer and Gen X parents. The problem is they tend to be connected mostly with each other. They typically spend over 50% of their day with peers and only 15 percent with adults, including parents. The result is many don’t learn how to interact with folks from a different generation.  How can you preview and prepare for grown-up life when you keep modeling yourself after other kids?”

Paradox #7: They are visionary yet vacillating.  “This generation is exposed to so many possibilities; they often have trouble settling on one for very long. They tend to hop from vision to vision and may never stay long enough to make a difference.”

Paradox 8: They are high achievement yet high maintenance. Though this is a confident, optimistic generation and as a whole are achievement-oriented, when they don’t receive the extra attention, or things don’t come easily, they give up. The exposure to large amounts of data, through technology, has sped up their cognitive growth. “They know a lot early, therefore, they seem so advanced. However, they are ill prepared for the real world of people, responsibility, conflict resolution, listening, and waiting. It’s easy to mistake one dimensional maturity for fully developed maturity.”

There is a great deal of information this week, so I will end here and give you an opportunity to think, rethink, ask yourself questions, and come to your own conclusion as to how you can use this information. Some of you will be able to high five yourself as you are already aware of many of these points and have been teaching your own children, your students, your athletes, your employees etc. in a way to support and mentor them to become responsible adults in the world today. Others will realize this information is coming at a good time in your life and you are capable of changing your actions with the young people you encounter.

Once again, as a qualifier, my blogs are only a short synopsis of parts of the book Generation iY Our Last Chance to Save Their Future by Tim Elmore. I encourage you to purchase this book so you can get the information in its entirety. 

Where ever you are in your world, I wish you a week of reflection on how you can continue to be a positive influencer or how you can strengthen your position as a mentor, coach, teacher, parent etc. of this iY generation. I always look forward to your thoughts and comments.

iY Generation - Part1

I hope you had many opportunities this past week to build people up. There has been so much hurt and sadness that even a smile may make a difference in someone’s life.

Are you a parent, a coach, a teacher, a grandparent, a pastor, an employer, an employee? Are you involved with a religious organization, some type of organization such as Rotary, a book club, or a group that meets around a hobby such as scrap booking?  My guess is you could answer yes to several of these descriptions.

I am not usually adamant about reading a particular book that is until now. Jon will be the first to tell you, I am telling everyone I meet about this one. It’s called The iY Generation Our Last Chance to Save Their Future by Tim Elmore. It’s a MUST read and a MUST read NOW!

I hope to spend a few weeks on this topic of the iY generation so order the book and start reading NOW. In the forward, Dan Cathy, President and COO of Chick-fil-A, refers to this book as a “wake up call as there is a serious challenge facing this generation.  “This emerging generation literally is the future of America. Yet they are uneasy about the future. They are juggling too many balls and are being ambushed by adulthood. The pressure is intense, and the stakes are high.” 

The author, Tim Elmore, states, “I have worked with young people for more than 30 years as an educator, a parent, a mentor and an employer. Until recently, I have remained quite optimistic about their future. But these days I’m feeling something different. I am frightened about what the world may look like in years to come and angry at how we have failed the generation who will be running the world. They are your kids. They are your neighbor’s kids. They are your students. They are your athletes. They are your young employees. They are your future. Our future. They are Generation iY. And I believe they’re in trouble.”

So we have an understanding of this group of young people, Generation Y, or the Millennials, is generally defined as those born from 1980 – 2002. I have designated those born in the 1980’s as a separate group than those born in the 1990’s. It’s the 1990’s group that I designate as the iY generation. There are many similarities between these two groups, however, “in volumes of other ways they stand in stark contrast to them. Why this title? It’s because of the tangible impact of the “I” world (the Internet) on their lives. This population has literally grown up online. Theirs is the world of the iPod, iBook, iChat, iMovie, iPad, and iTunes.

Jason and his wife Michelle who both are head coaches, college football and high school basketball respectively, were the ones to introduce me to this book. It was their frustration with athletes today that motivated them to hear a speaker at a conference discussing the characteristics of this age group and how coaching must change. The book will not only give an explanation of why this age group is the way they are but then solutions. This is NOT just a book for coaches although I would argue that we are all coaches. It’s for all of us as this generation will impact our lives as leaders.

This week’s blog will be a brief outline or “portrait” of this generation. Each week will follow more information and then solutions of what we can all do to contribute to this generation’s success. In no way will my blogs take the place of you reading the entire book for yourself, however.

According to Tim Elmore, his research reveals four words that describe the reality of Generation iY:

First, they are An Overwhelmed Generation.  Their stress comes from both internal and external sources, and stress can also stem from a lack of healthy pressure growing up. “Children who lived with undue comfort through high school may face a shock when they enter college and face demands that are a little closer to adult life.” Another source of stress can also come from within. “They want to be the best. And from the time they’re small, they’ve been told they are the best – they are special, they have unlimited potential.” Trying to live up to these expectations definitely adds to their stress.

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Second, they are An Overconnected Generation. They can get lost in a virtual world of online fantasy video games or a social world of texting, Facebook, and Twitter. “It’s a coping mechanism. They survive by escaping reality and becoming someone else.” Instead of spending time as they are growing up to develop of sense of who they are as an individual and developing their values to live by, they are constantly on Twitter with their friends. They are continuously plugged in so the question begs when will they unplug and discover their own identity? These young people have “miserable relationship skills and low emotional intelligence. Because so much of their life is connected by technology, young people can fail to develop face-to-face people skills. They are short on patience, listening skills, and conflict resolution.”

Third, they are An Overprotected Generation. This generation has grown up with safety seats, safety belts, helmets when biking, skiing etc. They’ve been discouraged from going places on their own, they’ve been shielded from financial realities, and they’ve spent a great deal of time inside, in front of a screen. America has become obsessed with protecting children at all costs, and this generation has suffered from that obsession.” I don’t think that Tim is saying these safety features are all bad; however, it’s in conjunction with all of these other areas that adds to the difficulties for these young people. Tim asks the question, “Will our overemphasis on safety and security produce a generation of kids who simply don’t know how to find their way in the world?”

Fourth, they are An Overserved Generation. “We live in the age of the ‘wanted child.’ That’s not a bad thing in itself. The problem comes when we give our young people an overinflated idea of their own importance. According to a nationwide high school survey, more than eight out of ten believe they are very important people. They feel entitled to special treatment as they enter the adult world.” If you remember back to the 80’s, parents, teachers, and society in general wanted to increase children’s self-esteem. In and of itself, that’s not a bad thing. However, we took it to an extreme and decided that children should always feel good about themselves. Participation medals/ribbons for everyone. (More on that in a later blog.) In addition, as parents we are guilty of serving our children rather than teaching and challenging them. This involves all areas of life from simple things such as doing one’s own laundry to how to handle money.

The upside of this generation is that they really do want to change the world; they “just don’t have what it takes to accomplish their lofty dreams. When the work becomes difficult, they change their minds and move on to something else. There’s a contrast of being a slacker and an activist. Because of this, for most of them, their involvement in a cause is to buy a wrist band.”

If you have found yourself thinking that these descriptions are sounding familiar as you parent, coach, or employ young people then you are not the only one shaking your head and having difficulty understanding them. You are also probably having a difficult time figuring out what will work to motivate them and how to challenge them to commit to anything long term. The good news is there is a reason and there are solutions.

I wish you a week of reflection as you watch and observe the young people in your life. I also urge you to buy this book, begin reading, and then send me your thoughts and comments.

The Three C's of Communication

What were your thoughts on the five winning lessons from the Golden State Warriors? What meaning did you find for you and your life?

First and foremost, I want to say how saddened I was to hear the news of the horrific attack on the innocent people at the Pulse in Orlando where so many were killed and so many more critically wounded. Our logical minds cannot fathom why these attacks occur. It’s our “flight” mentality which pushes us into fear and negativity. That’s natural, that’s ok, BUT only for a short time. The negativity and fear does not change what happened. What we need to do is to take one step forward, take the time to connect with others in a positive way, and to remember that fear and hate are at the root of such evil.

It’s interesting that in a discussion with my sister and her 28 year old daughter last night, we were talking about the political campaigns and the horrific event in Orlando. One of my observations has been how our Freedom of Speech has been totally manipulated and abused. What happened to the day when we could have heated discussions, disagree with someone, try to prove our point through words, and in the end appreciate we had the freedom to voice our differences? Political correctness has taken the place of being sincere and candid about a problem, concern, or crisis. People are being physically attacked because of their different viewpoints and political choice. Others are taking advantage of what started out as a peaceful protest and interject violence, looting, destruction of property etc. etc. In my opinion, they’re not there for anything other than an excuse to use unlawful behavior for all the wrong reasons.

The First Amendment gives us the right to free speech. We live in a democracy. That amendment does NOT tell us we all have to believe the same thing or say the same thing in the same way. I grew up in an era where arguments and differences of opinion were not a negative. What was a negative was the reaction of people when they did disagree. Now we have social media that will take a situation and in a matter of seconds, it’s all out on the internet. People Tweet horrid things about others despite the fact they have no investment in the situation only their opinion. 

A recent example of the "craziness" of words was what happened at the Cincinnati Zoo with the three year old boy who had fallen into the area with the gorilla. The tweets and comments on social media were mind blowing. All I could think about was my three year old grandson who is curious about everything. I could definitely see him squeezing through the bars trying to get close to see this cool animal. His mom and dad are vigilant about knowing where he is but things happen. Did things around the enclosure need to be changed? Probably and things were changed before the zoo opened again. Was it sad the gorilla had to be put down? Definitely, but we all know that if anything had happened to that little boy, the zoo would have been “raked over the coals” for not acting faster. 

Opinions are important. Different opinions are critical to our way of life in this society. Our country is based on the Bill of Rights with FREEDOM of Speech number one. In my humble opinion, I think we have misinterpreted what freedom of speech really means. What we read and hear on social media seems to translate into the perception that I can say and do anything I want because it’s my opinion. That is NOT what our forefathers had in mind. 

There are some restrictions. For example, it is against the law to yell “Fire” in a movie theater if there really isn’t a fire. My freedom of speech is just as important as yours so because we may disagree, I do not have the right to do any physical violence against you. The old adage, “Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” has never really been true. In today’s world of the internet and social media, words can be even more hurtful than ever before. A tweet or a text etc. can be passed on and on and on with others adding fuel to the original. A broken bone will heal and heal stronger. Words, on the other hand, may go deep into our souls and may never heal.

So what can we do? I recently read something Maria Shriver had written to her son who had just graduated from high school. It was on the topic of communication. “The world is a challenging place….Words matter…use them carefully.”  In this article she refers to the 3 C’s of Communication:

Number One: You can tear people down. As I’ve already referenced, life is not without conflict. In life you will always be interacting with people that you don’t respect, agree with, or you don’t like. In Maria’s words, “DO NOT under estimate the power an angry word can have to tear someone down.” Yes, there are times we get frustrated, we’re at our wits end, we’ve had enough of the “do as I say not as I do” type of a boss. You’re angry. “It is times like these that you MUST guard your words the most.” Those words won’t be forgotten. Those horrid text messages, tweets, comments on FB will continue to come back around and the hurtfulness will continue to “grow.”

Number Two: You can build people up. Each one of us has some “battle” that we’re fighting. Whether it is a lack of self-esteem, difficulties with a spouse, parent, child, a boss, whether it is physical challenges etc., we ALL have something going on in our lives at one time or another. Instead of ignoring or tearing people down, choose to lift people up. You will be amazed at what a simple smile or a hello will do for someone’s day especially if you say hello and the person’s name. If you see someone being picked on or left out, step in. YOU have the power to build someone up with kind words, encouragement, and inclusion. Maybe it’s even an unexpected note in the mail letting them know you’re thinking of them during a difficult time. Look for every opportunity to build people up!

Number Three: You CAN knock down walls. One of the beauties of this country and even the world is the infinite array of unique and amazing people. “With this variety comes differences…and differences build walls.” These walls separate. These walls make it hard to get along and to understand one another. Unfortunately, too often these walls are now leading to conflict and horrific attacks such as the one in Orlando. YOU, yes, YOU have the power to break down these walls. Be open to people different than you; learn about them as a person, ask questions, be kind with your words and learn to accept those that are different. Be accepting of them as a fellow human being.

“Friendship and connection, across all barriers, are strong enough to knock down walls; to overcome conflict and bring people together. Use your words to CONNECT with people. The words you use will define the impact you have on people, so choose them carefully.  NEVER underestimate the power you have to change the world.”

I wish you a week of building people up and tearing down walls.

Lessons from the Golden State Warriors

How are you coming with committing to a healthy mindset to build a strong foundation for your character? I hope you continue to remember these words from Jim Rohn, “Personal success is built on the foundation of character, and character is the result of hundreds and hundreds of choices you might make that gradually turn who you are at any given moment into who you want to be.”

I prefer watching college basketball although with the NBA basketball championship games going on now, I will watch these. I am a big fan of talented athletes who are also strong, ethical people with character. I happened to be reading a Parent magazine recently and there was an article about Stephen Curry, his wife, and their children. Not only is he an incredible athlete, but his actions off the court show he is a man of integrity, he values his wife and his children, and they both seem to have their heads on straight when it comes to parenting. In my opinion, we need to see more of this in our society!

I was recently reading an article in Success about the Golden State Warriors. For a little background, the Warriors basketball team has had a record-setting season with 73 regular season wins, breaking the NBA record previously held by the Chicago Bulls. Their success, however, didn’t happen overnight. Seeds were planted for this incredible achievement and in a time when the franchise was considered mediocre. It took a coach, Don Nelson, willing to rock the boat and do something different than the norm. Most NBA rosters were anchored around a 7-foot center surrounded by traditional positions. Nelson, on the other hand, took a different approach. He traded big-name players for a “band of journeymen and ‘misfits’ to play ‘small ball.’ “He created a fun, fast-paced style of play designed so that players were interchangeable parts.” The end result was an entire team pulling together, highlighting each other’s strengths while also having fun playing a game they loved. This change began to pay dividends.”

The revitalized franchise has transformed their failure into success. “Fans love cheering for a team that plays with joy, passion and celebrates each other’s successes each and every game.” If you watch any of their games, you can actually see this joy, passion, and celebration through their actions. In the article, it took this success on the court one step further.

On a deeper level, the Warriors success is not only about what happens on the court but is applicable to other sports. It’s also applicable to your business, your relationships, and in your personal life.” There are FIVE Lessons that we can all take to heart and learn how to apply in our own lives:

Create Your Starting Lineup. None of us reach our goals by ourselves. Jim Rohn always says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Think about that for a minute. Who would you say are the five people you spend the most time with? Are these five people going to help you move toward your goals? Are they supportive of you even when you’re struggling? For the Warriors, each player had his own unique set of skills and talents, they worked together to best use their specific contributions with the same goal in mind – work toward the overall good of the team. Egos had to be checked at the door. This leads into the second lesson.

Celebrate Other People’s Successes. Stephen Curry was the regular season MVP, however, he wasn’t named the Finals MVP. Instead, one of his teammates was given that honor. “Curry was seen jumping for joy, celebrating his teammate’s accomplishment.” The lesson here is that “your inner game will improve exponentially when you shift toward abundance and celebrating other people’s wins.” Too often we see athletes, colleagues, friends sulk, point the finger, rationalize, or give excuses as to why they didn’t get an award, make the first team, get the promotion, or their attitude is such a fraud that we all know the “joy” wasn’t real. Can you think of a situation where you didn’t receive an award, or you didn’t get the recognition that you may have thought you deserved or you didn’t get something that you really wanted? What did YOU do? Unlike what we might initially think, someone else’s success doesn’t negate all that we did and our contributions. What if we could all follow Stephen’s example of being excited for someone else’s success?

Focus on Your Strengths. So often we are told we need to work on our weaknesses. There is some truth to that especially when we are part of a team, or we have others depending on us such as colleagues and family members. We always have something to work on to get better. However, if we only focus on our weaknesses we can only become mediocre. If we develop our strengths, perfect our own style based on those strengths then we can get better for ourselves as well as for the team (a team can also be your family or your colleagues). That’s when we can truly become great. In order for this to happen each of us needs to identify one or two strengths that we know we have, then we decide, we TAKE ACTION, and we continue to move forward to make ourselves even better.

Make it Fun. I love watching the Warriors high-five one another on the court, the bench is standing up cheering and sometimes waving towels, they are IN the game emotionally even if they’re not on the court at the time. The atmosphere is high-spirited. On a personal note, I have been watching several Rockies baseball games lately. There definitely is not that same high-spirited atmosphere. Even the sportscasters and announcers will talk about their low energy and the fact it didn’t look like anyone was having any fun. I understand that it’s easier to be “up” when the game is in your favor. However, we’ve all watched games when the momentum switches quickly. It may only be one play, one caught pass close to the TD line, or in the classroom you get back an A paper after several C papers. Things will turn around! It’s a mindset, and it’s usually something small or one event which can begin to make things fun again. Keep moving forward and never quit!

Be the Best Version of You. In the Success article, the author noted that not only was Curry the year’s regular season MVP by a unanimous vote, but he was also the hardest worker. He did what many are not willing to do. He did what he did when there wasn’t any press around, no one was watching. He did it to be able to be the best version of him. He didn’t take one great game for granted. Instead, he stayed after games to work on his jump shot or came an hour early before a game to get a competitive edge. His focus continues to be on consistently getting better himself. He wasn’t looking at everyone else, he didn’t expect others to do what he did, but you can imagine what his teammates did. Of course. They were also energized, they worked on getting better, and they worked hard on their craft as well. That’s called leadership, that’s called being a positive role model, and that means YOU being in control of being the best version of YOU.

How can you take these five lessons and apply them to your life? Choose one area that you want to focus on for the next week. What is it you want to be able to do to begin setting a new habit? What is it you can do to move toward a new goal or a goal that you want to strengthen with more action behind it?

I wish you a week of reflection on what these five winning lessons from the Golden State Warriors means to you.