iY Generation - Part 3

I hope you had a week of reflection on how you could continue to be a positive influencer or how you could strengthen your position as a mentor, coach, teacher, parent etc. of this iY generation.

Tim Elmore continues throughout his book to discuss the special challenges of iY boys especially as they are the ones who play so many more video games than girls - a MUST READ chapter plus much more.

Parenting, has it changed over the years? Of course, however, not always for the better. Our intentions are good, we mean well, and we want the best for our children. The problem is many times we have disabled them from actually maturing into adulthood. We’ve actually helped and protected them too much! Some of this is because the world has changed. In the 1980’s, dangers to children reached a new high – divorce, violent crime, alcohol and drug consumption, as well as concerns from “venetian blinds to peanut butter.”

In 1999, the Columbine High School massacre was replayed over and over again on TV. I remember being in my 5^th grade classroom when we heard the news. As adults, we were all scared and my students were wondering what was happening. As a staff, we had many conversations as to what we needed to do to keep our students safe and what to say to our parents.

 

There are many “reasons” why parents threw themselves into protect mode. Unfortunately, the results were children who weren’t allowed the privilege of learning to fail and persevere. “Helicopter” parents found it difficult to allow their children to develop the strength for life’s hardships. Other parents attempted to be their child’s best friend or buddy. Boundaries and any type of discipline were not there. I remember telling many parents that it was NOT their job to be their child’s best friend. They were the parent. They were the ones who set the boundaries. As a teacher and parent of grown children, I was able to explain that if they did their job as a parent their children would be their best friend when they became adults.

Elmore continues about the dangers of disabling a generation due to our “muddying the waters.”  Because of many of the messages we have sent our children, “too many are reaching adulthood emotionally unstable and socially naïve.” Yes, we definitely want our children to be self-confident, BUT based on true reality – NOT what we see on the “reality” TV shows. Read pages 113-122 for more specifics.

There is an entire section in the book which relates the various lies we have told our children. I want to elaborate on one of my pet peeves and that is Lie #6 You’re a Winner Just Because You Participated. I remember many years ago being a lone voice at my elementary school as our track and field went to everyone getting ribbons for everything, no individual times for the mile run, no comparisons of how well they did individually to beat their own time, etc. etc. Only recently have I seen a few commercials where the dad takes off the Participation label after his son’s team won the championship game, and he wrote Champions. 

Though Bria’s t-ball team doesn’t keep score, she is the first one to say they won. When asked why, she identifies that they had more kids out at first base then the other team. Hmm..she’s 6 ½. She knows.

Maybe the “everyone is a winner” phase is ok to use when they are young but even a 1^st grader knows what the score is despite not keeping score. She also is well aware there are several of the kids on the team who are better than others, and she also knows her own skills have gotten better. Kids are not stupid whether it’s in sports, playing an instrument, in the classroom etc. What motivation do kids have if they only participate? The “less accomplished kids have little reason to strive to be better, and the more talented kids have little motivation to improve.”

My sister told me of a situation with her 10 year old grandson. They were playing basketball. In the game, if one team got up by 10 points, they were not allowed to have any further scoring count until the other team caught up. WHAT? REALLY? Now where in the real world is that ever going to be the case? With the “everybody wins lie” our children are not prepared for the real world, and truly in those situations nobody really wins. What is there to strive for, what is there to feel genuinely proud of?

It is a rude awakening to these young people when they get into the classrooms where everyone is competing for the same scholarships and not everyone will get one? What happens to those athletes who want to play on the collegiate level who have been stand outs on their high school team, but with the competition more intense they aren’t standing out as before. They don’t understand why they aren’t getting more playing time. The attitude of, “If I can’t be the top dog, then I won’t play” so they quit. Add to the fact that it’s often times a parent calling the coach and complaining that their child isn’t getting more playing time – not the athlete. NOT!

Dr Chris Thurman has said, “The number one cause of our unhappiness are the lies we believe in life.” Tim Elmore continues, “Growing up requires facing the truth and embracing the reality, and this is an important challenge for Generation iY kids and the adults who are leading them. But the good news is that living the truth makes us happier, healthier, and more productive human beings. Truthful relationships are more stable. A truthful approach to problem solving gets to the root of the problem more effectively. A commitment to truth makes all of life simpler and more fulfilling.”

“Unless we raise the standard for kids today and help them to think and act like authentic leaders, they won’t be ready for the responsibility thrust on them as they enter young adulthood.” That means WE have to change. Adult coaches, parents, grandparents, employers, teachers, counselors, and religious leaders must be the ones to take on the challenge of preparing them.

According to Tim Elmore, and I would agree especially after reading this book, there are “five decisions to help Generation iY find their way:

1.    Values: These come first, because they’re the moral compass.

2.    Vision: This usually comes next because it’s your blueprint for life.

3.    Virtues: This is next since it reveals your best tool to influence and serve.

4.    Venue: This follows because now you’re ready to find a suitable context.

5.    Vehicle: Finally, you can choose the actions necessary to reach the goal.”

I will leave you with the following list of suggestions from Tim’s book that we ALL can do as we work with our young people. They have enormous potential to build a positive future for themselves if all the adults in their life can help them leverage their influence and take their place as leaders.

1.    Let them be different from previous generations.

2.    Work with them to develop strong personal values.

3.    Help them learn to make and keep short-term commitments.

4.    Work with them to simplify their lives and deal with stress.

5.    Communicate that there is meaning even in the small, mundane tasks.

6.    Help them to focus.

7.    Work with them to appreciate strengths in others.

8.    Create opportunities for face-to-face interaction so they can learn to interact in the nonvirtual world (other than school).

9.    Provide opportunities for kids to participate in a cause that’s bigger than they are.

1.  Enable them to take control of their lives, to be the boss of their calendar.

1.  Resource them with your network.

1.  Challenge them to take their place in history.

As I said when I first began these blogs three weeks ago, I have found this book to be enlightening, candid, sometimes depressing, and yet hopeful as there are things we can do. If you still haven’t bought the book or listened to it on audio, I encourage you to do so.

I wish you a week of reflection in all that this country offers to each and every one of us no matter age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation or sexual preference. We DO have a say in our lives in this country, and we CAN make a difference in not only our own lives but in the lives of those around us.