The Three C's of Communication

What were your thoughts on the five winning lessons from the Golden State Warriors? What meaning did you find for you and your life?

First and foremost, I want to say how saddened I was to hear the news of the horrific attack on the innocent people at the Pulse in Orlando where so many were killed and so many more critically wounded. Our logical minds cannot fathom why these attacks occur. It’s our “flight” mentality which pushes us into fear and negativity. That’s natural, that’s ok, BUT only for a short time. The negativity and fear does not change what happened. What we need to do is to take one step forward, take the time to connect with others in a positive way, and to remember that fear and hate are at the root of such evil.

It’s interesting that in a discussion with my sister and her 28 year old daughter last night, we were talking about the political campaigns and the horrific event in Orlando. One of my observations has been how our Freedom of Speech has been totally manipulated and abused. What happened to the day when we could have heated discussions, disagree with someone, try to prove our point through words, and in the end appreciate we had the freedom to voice our differences? Political correctness has taken the place of being sincere and candid about a problem, concern, or crisis. People are being physically attacked because of their different viewpoints and political choice. Others are taking advantage of what started out as a peaceful protest and interject violence, looting, destruction of property etc. etc. In my opinion, they’re not there for anything other than an excuse to use unlawful behavior for all the wrong reasons.

The First Amendment gives us the right to free speech. We live in a democracy. That amendment does NOT tell us we all have to believe the same thing or say the same thing in the same way. I grew up in an era where arguments and differences of opinion were not a negative. What was a negative was the reaction of people when they did disagree. Now we have social media that will take a situation and in a matter of seconds, it’s all out on the internet. People Tweet horrid things about others despite the fact they have no investment in the situation only their opinion. 

A recent example of the "craziness" of words was what happened at the Cincinnati Zoo with the three year old boy who had fallen into the area with the gorilla. The tweets and comments on social media were mind blowing. All I could think about was my three year old grandson who is curious about everything. I could definitely see him squeezing through the bars trying to get close to see this cool animal. His mom and dad are vigilant about knowing where he is but things happen. Did things around the enclosure need to be changed? Probably and things were changed before the zoo opened again. Was it sad the gorilla had to be put down? Definitely, but we all know that if anything had happened to that little boy, the zoo would have been “raked over the coals” for not acting faster. 

Opinions are important. Different opinions are critical to our way of life in this society. Our country is based on the Bill of Rights with FREEDOM of Speech number one. In my humble opinion, I think we have misinterpreted what freedom of speech really means. What we read and hear on social media seems to translate into the perception that I can say and do anything I want because it’s my opinion. That is NOT what our forefathers had in mind. 

There are some restrictions. For example, it is against the law to yell “Fire” in a movie theater if there really isn’t a fire. My freedom of speech is just as important as yours so because we may disagree, I do not have the right to do any physical violence against you. The old adage, “Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” has never really been true. In today’s world of the internet and social media, words can be even more hurtful than ever before. A tweet or a text etc. can be passed on and on and on with others adding fuel to the original. A broken bone will heal and heal stronger. Words, on the other hand, may go deep into our souls and may never heal.

So what can we do? I recently read something Maria Shriver had written to her son who had just graduated from high school. It was on the topic of communication. “The world is a challenging place….Words matter…use them carefully.”  In this article she refers to the 3 C’s of Communication:

Number One: You can tear people down. As I’ve already referenced, life is not without conflict. In life you will always be interacting with people that you don’t respect, agree with, or you don’t like. In Maria’s words, “DO NOT under estimate the power an angry word can have to tear someone down.” Yes, there are times we get frustrated, we’re at our wits end, we’ve had enough of the “do as I say not as I do” type of a boss. You’re angry. “It is times like these that you MUST guard your words the most.” Those words won’t be forgotten. Those horrid text messages, tweets, comments on FB will continue to come back around and the hurtfulness will continue to “grow.”

Number Two: You can build people up. Each one of us has some “battle” that we’re fighting. Whether it is a lack of self-esteem, difficulties with a spouse, parent, child, a boss, whether it is physical challenges etc., we ALL have something going on in our lives at one time or another. Instead of ignoring or tearing people down, choose to lift people up. You will be amazed at what a simple smile or a hello will do for someone’s day especially if you say hello and the person’s name. If you see someone being picked on or left out, step in. YOU have the power to build someone up with kind words, encouragement, and inclusion. Maybe it’s even an unexpected note in the mail letting them know you’re thinking of them during a difficult time. Look for every opportunity to build people up!

Number Three: You CAN knock down walls. One of the beauties of this country and even the world is the infinite array of unique and amazing people. “With this variety comes differences…and differences build walls.” These walls separate. These walls make it hard to get along and to understand one another. Unfortunately, too often these walls are now leading to conflict and horrific attacks such as the one in Orlando. YOU, yes, YOU have the power to break down these walls. Be open to people different than you; learn about them as a person, ask questions, be kind with your words and learn to accept those that are different. Be accepting of them as a fellow human being.

“Friendship and connection, across all barriers, are strong enough to knock down walls; to overcome conflict and bring people together. Use your words to CONNECT with people. The words you use will define the impact you have on people, so choose them carefully.  NEVER underestimate the power you have to change the world.”

I wish you a week of building people up and tearing down walls.