Tips for a Positive Year

Last week, I wished you a week of reflection on what you wanted to have happen in 2017. Did you make time for this reflection? What did you come up with?

I challenged you to make a monthly ACTION PLAN to make those things happen DAILY! Remember, Jim Rohn always said that unless something is written down it’s only a wish.

My author of choice lately is Jon Gordon. He has written such books as The Energy Bus, The Seed, The Positive Dog and several others. I came across a list that Jon had put out on “20 Tips for a Positive Year.”

Number one is to Stay Positive. He states that we can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible, or we can trust that with faith and optimistic attitude all things are possible. The only qualifier I would put on his statement is that it’s not just about success. Isn’t this statement true for everything in our lives?

In my opinion, we are surrounded by cynics, doubters, people who talk out of both sides of their mouths, and especially those who are not open to all schools of thought. We are bombarded with people who are fear mongering diatribes that you would think the world is coming to an end listening to them. With my antennae alert and more sensitive these days, I’m amazed at how prevalent this toxic environment is now. So to say “Stay Positive” that will take a conscious effort on my part and yours in order to have a positive year.

Number four, from Jon’s list, is Talk to Yourself. “Instead of listening to your complaints, fears, and doubts, talk to yourself and feed your mind with words of truth and encouragement.” It’s part of the gratitude walk that I begin and end each day with. We all get into our funks. We all have difficult days and times where we can only see the negative. If, however, we are conscious of this way of thinking, we can then turn ourselves around with a more a positive outlook.

Metacognition is thinking about our thinking. Unfortunately, many of us go through the day on autopilot and don’t pay attention to the details surrounding us let alone the constant stream of thought going on in our heads. Haven’t you been driving somewhere, reached your destination, and wondered how you got there? Your mind was off thinking about something else. That happens to us time and time again throughout the day. I’m going to challenge you to pay attention to your thinking. If you’re in that negative space, what do you need to do to turn it around?

Am I saying you need to ignore the crap or the negativity surrounding you? It depends. Are there situations, people etc. that you can ignore? Are there things or people you can distance yourself from? If so, then JUST DO IT. We absolutely DO NOT need to get caught up in much of the negativity.

On the other end, there are things or people in our lives we need to acknowledge that are negative, and we have little control. It may be a family member, a boss, etc. We can’t be sunshine and roses all the time and pretend the negative isn’t there. However, what I am saying is that we have a choice. How much time, energy and focus are we putting into that negativity? Is it something we can control by changing our TV channel or radio station? Is it something we can change by limiting the amount of time on social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.? Is it something we can change by meeting new people or spending more time with the friends who support us? Is it someone we can stay away from as much as possible who just tears us down and wants to steal our dreams? After all, we are in far more control of our attitudes than we’d like to accept. It’s easier to B, C, D (blame, complain, defend) than it is to accept WE are in control and the finger points to us.

Here’s another good one on Gordon’s positive list: Don’t Waste Your Energy. I love this one! “Don’t waste precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you can’t control.” There are 24 hours in a day and how much of that do we want to waste? Life goes by too quickly, time is precious, and if we want to live the life that God has planned for us, then there’s no time to waste.

Number 17 on the list of 20 is Focus On “Get To.” Focus on “get to” versus “have to.” Focus on what you get to do NOT what you have to do!! Life is a gift NOT an obligation. Think about that one. It’s renaming and changing your mindset. Because I have my health, I get to clean the house. Because I can see, I get to read the textbook for my class. Because I can, I get to volunteer my time in a classroom helping younger students read. Because I want to make a difference, I get to talk to young adults about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Because my aunt is struggling with her health, I get to spend time playing bingo with her. Just saying these sentences out loud, give a sense of power.

“We cannot become what we need by remaining what we are,” says John Maxwell.

I wish you a week of Positive Energy with an emphasis on all that you “get to” do in order to move forward in 2017 Being the Best You that You Can Be!

2017 Can Be THE Best Ever

It’s 2017! Another chance to make changes in your life and continue with what is working.

I have taken the past several weeks “off” in order to retool and get myself into a more encouraging and positive mindset. With the New Year beginning, I am not about resolutions; however, I am all about making this year, 2017, better than 2016.

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. That means the dreaded word “change” must to be a part of the solution. How committed are you to making 2017 a better year than last year? Are you willing to make changes to live the life you have always wanted? Are you willing to focus on gratitude’s versus all that is NOT going your way? Are you willing to TOTALLY avoid ANY BCD? (Blaming, complaining, and defending)

If you can answer YES to all the above questions the final question is, “How LONG are you willing to follow through with the changes?” That is THE number one question.

Right now we are all about getting into the gym, working off that extra weight gained during the holidays, and committing to getting in shape. Ask any fitness center owner, and they’ll tell you this focus and commitment lasts anywhere from 4-6 weeks and then the numbers drop off once again. Once the Christmas credit card bills start coming in, many will make the commitment to not overspend next year, or this next year they plan to set up a Christmas savings fund. Another wish but not followed through with any action.

When you’re back into your daily routine and the calendar is filled with all the meetings; kids’ activities, a busy time at work, and all the unexpected demands on your time, will your desire to make 2017 different be focused on why you CAN make changes or will you succumb to the BCD excuses?

I would assume the majority of people sitting down and realizing that it is now January 2017 have said something to the effect …Where did this year go?... The days are flying by…I can’t believe how quickly everything goes by these days. True? AND those were probably the same words you said at the end of 2016. Correct?

What were you promising yourself last year at this time? Did you follow through on anything? Maybe you were able to make a few changes and there are more things you want to do. Fantastic! If you can actually experience these changes so there’s less stress in your life, CONGRATULATIONS! If not, I would ask you if you’re willing to continue to make excuses and spend another year without anything being different?

There is ONLY the PRESENT!!! Do you find your day being spent on BCD about what happened last year? Guess what…that will NEVER make changes in your life as those days are gone forever. Did you get bigger, stronger, and faster for your sports team, did you do whatever it took to get that done? If you wanted to be more fiscally responsible, did you read books to give you suggestions on how to do that AND then did you follow through with specific ACTIONS? Did you want to change a relationship with a spouse, friend, family member? How did that work out for you? What did YOU do to make that happen, because as you well know, the only person you can change is YOU?

If you are truly living in the PRESENT then you will NOT be deterred by the negativity of a colleague, someone on Facebook saying nasty things, or a jealous friend/family member trying to sabotage your dreams and goals. You may experience a day or two feeling “down,” and you may ask yourself questions as to what you are doing. That’s called normal. BUT the person true to himself/herself and true to their passions and personal focus to be better each and every day will recognize that the jealousy, the people who really don’t know you, or the people who are just toxic no matter what the situation are there as blockers. They are NOT there for YOUR best interest.

I am personally a believer that God puts these people and the negative situations into your path for a reason.  HE wants to see if you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break through these walls, or you use them as another excuse to give up and wallow in BCD!

Is the person looking back at you in the mirror the person you respect, the person you’re proud of, the person who is moving forward because of a belief that he/she is in control of their own life? Are you a role model for what you want your spouse/significant other, children, grandchildren, colleagues etc. to do and follow in your shoes?

Do you find yourself saying things like; next time, next year, I can’t now but I will later, I’m too busy now, but I will once I get through this project, I’ll skip weight lifting over the holidays and get back into it after the holidays, I’ll eat whatever I want now, but I’ll start on my diet after the holidays, I tried those dating sites before but didn’t have any luck, so I’m not doing that again, etc. etc. 

You do realize that anytime there is a “but” in the conversation, then whatever is said before that is negated. You do realize that when you use the negative past situations to determine your actions for your future, you are using another excuse as to why you don’t do something versus why you need to continue until you get what you’re striving for. Your future has NOT happened yet. There is only the PRESENT. DO NOT allow the past or your fear of the future to determine where you want your life to be at the end of 2017.

I want to encourage you to take a good look at what 2017 will look like for you on December 31, 2017. Work backwards to determine what you need to do each and every day to make that “picture” come true.

ELIMINATE the excuses; the blaming! That means eliminate ANY rationale as to why something cannot happen. I’m too old to find the love of my life, I’ve always been disorganized so there’s no hope, my spouse/significant other is dysfunctional and I can’t change that, I’ve never been good with money, I’m too old to change.

ELIMINATE the excuses; complaining! I don’t have a job where I can meet anyone new, I don’t have the space in my house to get organized, I don’t feel valued by my spouse/significant other, I’m not paid enough and have so much debt at the end of the month, my life has flown by and I can’t do all that I want to do.

ELIMINATE the excuses; the defending! My coach is too tough on me, he doesn’t see how hard I’m working so why should I do what he says? My boss favors everyone but me so why should I work so hard? I’m too old, “fat,” “not good looking,” etc. to change my ways so why should I try to find someone special now? I’ve tried all different ways to budget my money and nothing works so I’ve quit trying. I’m too old to change now so why should I?

People who are moving forward in their lives have:

*a positive mindset

*they’re able to maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture

*they’re far more SOLUTION oriented versus focusing on problems

*they catch themselves every time they use B,C,D and flip around to a positive mindset followed by ACTION

I wish you a week of reflection on what you want to have happen in 2017! Make a monthly ACTION PLAN to make those things happen DAILY!

In My Humble Opinion

I found this past week to be an exercise in fact finding and trying to ask questions of those who are strong Hillary supporters. What I have come up against, however, is more name calling and questions about how any educated woman support Trump.

I have yet to have anyone explain to me how they justify all the lies, the corruption, and the collusion with the Clintons, their Foundation, the FBI, and the DOJ. Hillary herself deflects any email questions to the fact that the “Russians have hacked” into the servers and are trying to effect the outcome of the election. To the time of this writing, I have NOT heard ANYONE from the Hillary camp deny the content of the emails. Clinton also tries to deflect the WikiLeak emails by stating that, “Trump encouraged espionage against our people.” LIE. Trump did no such thing. What he did do is “call” for the Russians to release emails that he assumed they already had, a distinction that obviously Hillary wanted to ignore.

So what about the Russians? According to The Daily Caller on Sept. 1, 2016, “the Podesta Group is the brain child of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager John Podesta. While he allegedly hasn’t participated in the firm’s lobbying efforts for years now, his brother Tony Podesta is acting chairman.”

“Tony Podesta receives $140,000 a month from the Saudi government, as The Daily Caller previously reported. According to a government filing, Tony Podesta personally manages the Saudi account for the firm. He is also a top contributor to the Clinton campaign and is responsible for bringing in big donors for Hillary…..The Podesta Group managed a second Russian account, i.e. Uranium One, a Russian atomic energy company that secured oil rights in Kazakhstan and the United States through direct collaboration with the Clintons. The Russian company funneled tens of millions to the Clinton Foundation and in return received legitimate government benefits. Uranium One paid the Podesta Group some “$40,000 to lobby the State Department, the Senate, the National Park Service, and the National Security Council,” for mining rights,” the Daily Caller reports. That’s where Russia comes into play, Hillary.

I am from a generation that believes that honesty is the bedrock of character traits that we must all aspire to master. Please help me understand the evidence of LIES throughout Hillary’s 30 years; seven documented LIES during the third debate alone, and yet people turn their heads and ignore the facts. 

Just in relationship to the Clinton Foundation, not even the 33,000 missing emails, Hillary stated, on the debate stage, that the Foundation pays out 90% to their charities. That’s a blatant LIE. They give out 15%!!  The leading independent groups that track charities – Charity Navigator – “has been flummoxed about how to analyze the foundation and has stopped rating it, at least for now.” When most people in the “charity world” think of foundations, they think of organizations that give away a lot of money in the form of grants to others who go out and do good works 

The Clinton Foundation, however, works differently – it keeps its money in house and hires staff to carry out its own humanitarian programs.

“Between 2009 and 2012, the Clinton Foundation raised over $500 million dollars according to a review of IRS documents. 15% of that, $75 million, went towards programmatic grants. More than $25 million went to fund travel expenses. Nearly $110 million went toward employee salaries and benefits, and a whopping $290 million during that period – nearly 60% of all money raised – was classified merely as “other expenses.’” Really?  Oh, and by the way, Hillary who is supposed to be the “champion for women” seems to be ok with the fact that women who work in the Clinton Foundation are paid an average of $4,000 LESS than the men. Isn’t that “interesting?”

The conflict between Hillary as secretary of state and the Clinton Foundation is a continuous stream of pay-to-play examples. It’s “interesting” that Qatar pledged to donate $1 million dollars to her foundation in 2012 despite her sworn promise NOT to accept donations from foreign governments after she became secretary of state. The memo, made public by the anti-secrecy group. WikiLeaks, laid out an aggressive strategy behind “lining up consulting contract and paid speaking engagements for Bill Clinton that added tens of millions of dollars to the family’s fortune, including and during the years that Hillary led the State Department.”

Bill Clinton Inc. Have you heard this one? It yielded more than $30 million dollars for him personally, with $66 million to be paid out over the next nine years. Doug Band, Nov. 11, 2011. Doesn’t this reinforce the continual pay-to-play focus of the Clintons? Hillary isn’t even promising to shut this down. Is she the best person to be the Commander in Chief?

Reince Priebus, RNC Chairman, states about the “Bill Clinton Inc” memo, “This memo is the smoking gun for how the Clintons used their Foundation to create a massive for-profit  paid speaking and consulting business to enrich themselves.”

How does even some of this not give people pause for reflection as to what is happening? In Clinton’s own words, “We were dead broke and even had debt when we left the White House,” yet they are worth over ¾ of a BILLION dollars today? Guess we know now where they’re getting their money. How do you justify her lies and corruption?

How is Hillary going to help this country get back on its feet when she only knows how to take money from other country’s for her personal benefit? I’m still waiting to hear what Hillary plans to do to help this country. She is spending a great deal of time accusing Trump of his lack of respect for women and slam dunking him as a person. She doesn’t want to talk about emails, Benghazi, and how she has made money from Saudi Arabia, which is a large donor. That country believes that any children born are the property of the father. That’s the country paying Hillary for special favors.

The conversations I’ve had reflect that the Hillary supporters see no media bias. However, it is documented that 96% of the news media contributes to Hillary and her campaign. The negativity, the comments taken out of context, and the lack of overall coverage is blatantly biased, in my opinion. 23 minutes of negativity of Trump and less than one minute TOTAL for the WikiLeaks emails? That’s not bias?

How do you justify Mark Liebovich from the New York Times magazine in the summer of 2015 gave Clinton VETO power over quotes in exchange for access for a long profile that would run later. Donna Brazile, former CNN commentator and now Chairperson of the DNC has been caught with emails revealing that she tipped off the Clinton campaign to a question Hillary would get at an upcoming town hall during the primaries. Hmm…Bernie didn’t get any heads up. Watch the exchange between Donna and Megyn Kelly last week. It’s an interesting exchange.

Are you in favor of having the government decide your health care? Are you in favor of socialized medicine? You do realize that is what Hillary is advocating. Obama told the American people and Congress that we would “all be able to keep our own doctors as individuals and businesses, our premiums were going to be reduced, our deductibles would be reduced, our medicine costs would be reduced and that a family of four will get $2500 back. NONE of that has happened.

The reality is that, as consumers, the choices have slimmed since several major insurers, including UnitedHealth Group Inc., and Aetna Inc., pulled out of Obamacare in most states. It actually states in the 600+ pages of the Obamacare that it is illegal to sell low cost insurance! The 25% average increases for 2017 are affecting so many American families. Arizona is seeing a 116% increase, Minnesota 50%, and the list goes on and on. It has also been documented that a family of four will have a minimum of a $14,000 deductible.

Right now young people would rather pay the penalty of not having insurance rather than pay for below average health care. Hillary’s plan is to increase the number of young people. How is she going to do that? Her plan is to increase the penalty to the point that the young people have no choice but to sign up. Do you support that? “Younger, healthier participants are needed to take part in the Obamacare to offset the cost of covering sicker, older people.”

Have you talked with YOUR doctor lately? Doctors, who are speaking out, are frustrated with the current system. They use to be reimbursed 90%+ for their services. It is now 72%! This is forcing many doctors to not take some patients. Doctors will tell you they have to go through LISTS to find an approved lab, an approved specialist etc. and it’s taking a tremendous amount of time. Many believe that we have low quality insurance, and we don’t have access to the best care because of Obamacare. A physician’s greatest complaint is less time with patients, more paper work, and more blocks for doctors to give the best health care to their patients.

Let me be perfectly clear. Donald Trump is not perfect. He had no reason to have entered into this chaotic race that has focused on character assassination, media bias, being portrayed as some kind of mad man and dangerous. Most of all, however, it is my opinion that this man truly loves this country. He does have a plan if you take the time to listen and learn.

I cannot get past all the LIES of Hillary and her campaign. I cannot get past the corruption of the FBI, the collusion between the Clinton’s, their Foundation, the DOJ, and the State Department. I struggle with the fact that 55% of the people who have access to Hillary are big time donors and Wall Street supporters. The rule of law has been thrown out the window when it comes to the Clintons. This is the largest scandal in the history of the US. Watergate looks like a joke compared to Hillary.

If you have read this blog so far, thank you. I don’t expect all of you agree with me. I would hope, however, you have learned something that you may not have known before. If you are truly wanting to learn specifics about what Trump stands for you can go to his contract that he has written to the American people.

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=Trumps+gettysburg+address#id=23&vid=12bb3b438a104edfc9a4b924d332e511&action=view

As a final note, I am of the mindset that it’s better to teach people how to fish than to give people fish. Hillary wants to give everything away which means the government is control of all aspects of our lives. Trump’s plan is to teach people how to take control of their own lives with some bridges in place to help with transitions when necessary.

I don’t plan to write any more about this election and may need to take time off from my blogs. I wish you a safe and fun Halloween. We have the privilege of being able to vote. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to vote on November 8^th.

I have said from the beginning in my blogs that my focus was to make a difference in other’s lives. I have hopefully done that by giving you positive encouragement, food for thought, asking you to think outside the box, and to believe in yourself etc.

Because I cannot, in good conscience, continue to avoid talking about this presidential campaign. I may lose some of you; however, I hope that you will take the time to at least read my thoughts.

My goal is to have you consider my thoughts and ideas. I realize I’m taking a chance that you will understand I am doing this for personal reasons. I look at my children, their spouses, and all six of my grandchildren. I fear they will not have what this country was founded on; freedom of speech and religion, a pride in the good in this country, all the freedoms of living in a democracy.

I will state up front that I am disgusted, like everyone else, about the released tape of Trump saying horrible things. I do not agree with his name calling and some of the things he has said. With that said and making no excuses for his past behavior, but it also was 20-30 years ago. There is nothing in the past 10 years since he’s been married to Melania. To me, I want to hear about the issues.

Michelle Obama, a woman I do feel has done an amazing job as First Lady, gave a speech last week about Trump and the sex tape. The essence of what she said I agree with, however, doesn’t that also apply to Bill Clinton and Hillary’s actions to destroy the young women who were involved with her husband?  How can Michelle Obama not address the lies, the corruption, the actions of putting our country’s security in jeopardy? She had very poignant attacks against Hillary during the past election.

Our country is at a turning point. I can talk with my children and my grandchildren about being respectful of women, standing up against abuse, it’s ok to say no and for the boys to understand that no means no. I can do that. What I can’t do is explain to Sophia and Ethan, who are Catholic, the condemnation from Hillary Clinton about Catholics. What I can’t do is explain to my other grandchildren that their religious freedoms are in jeopardy.

What do I say to my grandchildren about the lies and deception that has followed Hillary Clinton throughout her career? How do I explain that they’re suppose to tell the truth but that Hillary lies? How do I explain that 33,000 emails were destroyed AFTER she knew a subpoena was issued by Congress?  How do I explain the fact that all of the people subpoenaed to testify, in front of Congress, were given immunity? How do I explain that our own FBI then destroyed evidence? How do I explain that Hillary lied not only to Congress but to the parents of the Benghazi victims saying that it was because of a video? How do I explain that because of all her lies she put our country’s security in jeopardy? How do I explain that others who have done far less are serving prison time and have paid fines? How do I explain this double standard?

To be clear, personally, I don’t care who released all the emails. Blaming Russia, for me, is one more diversion. What I DO care about is the information IN these emails. The Clinton campaign has not denied the content. When ordered by a judge, it’s amazing Hillary’s responses of not being sure, she couldn’t remember, and in the questions she was to have given a specific answer to she answered 21 of 25 times that she couldn’t recall.

BUT we are only hearing about these emails at all or at least in any depth on some of the networks NOT all. There are released emails that state the bias in the media and the focus is on getting Hillary elected. In the 5:30 news last Friday night, Lester Holt led with the Trump controversy with women claiming they had had unwanted contact with Trump. The rest of the half hour there was NOTHING said about any of the WikiLeaks about Clinton and her emails. Flip from Fox to CNN and you can only shake your head.

ABC CBS CNN and several other media outlets have a conflicting interest. It’s “interesting” that ABC News executive producer Ian Cameron is married to Susan Rice, Obama’s National Security Advisor. It’s “interesting” that CBS President David Rhodes is the brother of Ben Rhodes, Obama’s Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communication. It’s “interesting” that ABC News and Univision reporter Mathew Jaffee is married to Katie Hogan, Obama’s Deputy Press Secretary, and isn’t it “interesting” that CNN President Virginia Moseley is married to former Hillary Clinton’s Deputy Secretary Tom Nides.

Journalism use to be a job for the common man who was there to get to report the facts from a neutral view point and being sure there were facts and corroboration of those facts. That is NOT the case any longer. We now have an upper class system of “reporters” with their own agendas. It has been stated that journalism died in the 2008 presidential campaign.

What is sad, for me, is who would ever subject themselves to run for the highest office in the land (or any government office for that matter) when you see what our current tabloid culture has done to influence elections and even destroy careers/people? Look what they did to Mitt Romney who the media successfully sentenced him to failure for being successful when people should be happy for those who do well in life among a barrage of other lies and misstated facts. Herman Cain is an African American, author, Godfather’s Pizza CEO, radio host, syndicated columnist, and Tea Party activist from Georgia who ran for president in 2012. In polls of how various Republican candidates would fair against Obama, Cain was briefly the front-runner leading President Obama in these polls. However, his campaign struggled with the media allegations of sexual misconduct – all denied by Cain. Bam! Another media coup.

I tell people to check out facts, do their due diligence, get information on both sides of a situation/issue and then make an informed decision based on the information they find. I thought that was a relatively easy task. That is until this presidential election. Until the released emails from the Clinton campaign we may have thought or suspected that the media was biased, but now we know that it is actually happening.

In my mind this election comes down to what country do you want your children and grandchildren to grow up in? Obama Care is a problem that is only going to get worse under Hillary. Even Democratic Minnesota Governor, Mark Dayton, says that Obama Care is “no longer affordable,” a stinging critique from a state leader who embraced it just a few years ago.” Hillary wants to “fix” our health care by having a single payer versus Trump wanting to open up bidding for the best plan across state lines.

What do I fear with a Clinton Presidency? She wants a hemisphere without borders, she wants to bring in over 65,000 Syrian immigrants despite the fact that it’s been stated by immigration officials that it’s extremely difficult to vet those that come into our country. We will loss not only our identity, but we will lose any hope of keeping our communities safe.

Obviously, I’m not going to go into everything. There is A LOT at stake in the election; the Supreme Court, the Middle East crises, limitless undocumented immigration, the 2^nd amendment rights, religious freedoms and much more.  Let’s all truly look at what will make a difference in our children and our grandchildren’s lives.

What are the real issues you think about? I am an almost 65 year old white woman and will not let a Donald Trump with bad language and behavior 11 years ago stop me from listening and believing that he is THE person who can: rebuild our military to be strong once again, who will focus on economic growth, who will control our borders, repeal and improve our failing health care,  he will protect our 2^nd amendment, he will serve the people rather than only the donors and Wall Street. 

I wish you a week of soul searching and what you want for your children.

Do You Have a Life of Learning and Growing?

Last week, I wished you a week to take the time to STOP and REFLECT on something that you’re passionate about. What were your reflections?

Here’s this week’s question, “Are you a different person now than you were 10, 20 years ago?” For me, that means when I was in my mid 40’s and mid 50’s. The easy answer is, “Yes, of course.” Then the follow up question is, “How? How am I different?” That takes more time of reflection.

The easy reflection is 20 years ago, I was still working, I had been married 20 years, and was raising two teenagers. Ten years ago, I had been retired for a year, and the  although I am kids were both out of college and married. Jon was working for another year before he retired.

That’s easy to remember. The more difficult reflection is thinking about me as a person, a woman, a wife, a mother, friend, and much more. I remember many situations which were uncomfortable, conversations that went against my personal beliefs but I didn’t speak up, and things I said and did that were self-centered. I remember focusing on only my own beliefs and believing that I was right and others were all wrong. I spent more time justifying my own opinions and actions without a lot of reflection.

Between my three years in Staff Development and attending several personal development seminars, I began to make a more conscious effort to learn and grow personally. Previously, I was consumed with reading books that my fifth graders were reading, and reading material for the ever changing world of education. I don’t think I was as open to looking inward as I have been in my life lately, although I do believe that’s also developmental for most people.

In my personal reflections, I am able to see a trend in my learning curve. I have become more focused on my personal growth in my faith, my relationships with my husband, children, family, friends, and of course now my grandchildren. I am more comfortable in “my own skin.” I am not willing to play games any more, and I will engage in conversations that may be on a more sensitive topic although I do choose whom I’m willing to have a conversation.  Even 20 years ago, I was definitely in the “my way or the highway” attitude. Not necessarily out of arrogance but because I truly believed I had the right answer.

 As I have grown older in age, I have also grown “wiser” in my thinking. I feel I am more willing to listen and ask questions. I also feel I’m much more willing to either let things go or I’m more willing to pick my battles. I find that as I have aged, I am more passionate about people living their life to their fullest potential. If we focus on learning and growing each and every day in our faith, in our health, in our emotional fitness and physical fitness, in our jobs, in our relationships then, I believe we will be true to the journey God has planned for us.

A young man on Jason’s football team made a poor decision last week by getting caught on a random drug test. He is now suspended for 30 days. He is not able to practice or play football. As a young person, he could have “thrown in the towel,” he could have participated in B,C, D - blaming, complaining, or defending his actions but he didn’t. He apologized, he asked for more hours in the fitness center to earn more money during this time away from football, and he is working with his coaches to learn from this. This young man, though he couldn’t’ play, was at the football game which was 45 minutes from campus. He was in the stands which were very close to the team bench. During the entire game, this young man was cheering on, encouraging, and giving advice to his teammates. He was engaged.

In talking with this young man after the game, Jon and I were able to share a few thoughts with him. He was respectful, he knew this was his chance to learn and grow from his mistake. His actions were representative of that commitment. We also reminded him that this mistake did not define who he is as a person.

How many of us can think about what we may have said or done when we were younger? That is not reserved just for the 20, 30, and 40 year olds. I have known, personally, situations with friends and family who, in their 50’s and 60’s, made some horrible mistakes. My observations have been that the people who owned up to their failings, the people who changed their behavior, the people who started making a difference in not only their own lives but in the lives of the people around them are the ones I celebrate.

Mistakes and failures can be a learning tool. How have you handled your mistakes and failures? Have you owned up to those times where you weren’t your best? I would hope that if you believe that God created each of us out of love, then that means we all can learn, grow, and be a better person.

My next book is Jon Gordon’s The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work also author of The Energy Bus that was a fantastic book for me.  I plan to continue to learn, grow, and be better each day.

I wish you a week of finding a way to learn and grow each day this next week.

STOP and REFLECT

First of all, I want to share that I took my own advice from a few weeks ago, as I needed a quiet space for my own thinking. Part of that time was to not write a blog for last week.

To be honest, I was feeling totally overwhelmed with sadness and frustration with so many things going on in this country and where we are headed. I was also questioning just why I write these blogs and if I’m making any impact on anyone’s life. (I was having my own pity party.)

I’m not about changing your political affiliation or your religious choice etc. I am all about wanting people to take the time to personally reflect and have personal answers deep within their own soul, deep within their own moral values.

Two weeks ago, I wished you a week of finding opportunities to ask questions, finding opportunities to teach people HOW to think versus telling people what to think – two totally different approaches. I also wished you a week of identifying whether you are part of groupthink in some area(s) of your life.

I’m always interested in what you learn. I did that exercise too. What I came up against was when I asked questions about why someone felt the way they did or held a certain position; they did not want to hear my questions. They did not want to have any type of discussion. What I was confronted with were others telling me how I should think and feel, challenging my opinion, questioning my decision, telling me to get my facts right, and there was no willingness to hear anything to the contrary. This didn’t happen once or even twice but several times.

My take away, right or wrong, is whether it’s politics, religion, race issues, economic issues, education etc. etc., we have gotten away from civil discourse. We have gotten away from an environment where we can learn what others have to say and actually have a conversation - even a heated yet respectful conversation.

Instead we’ve gotten into challenging others about their views, analyzing every minute detail, criticizing opposing views, and even berating the other person's opinion. There is even an Ivy League professor telling students not to enroll in his Global Warming class, if they didn’t believe Global Warming is real. Really?!

I’ve been through it before when I don’t have the same belief system as a family member, friend, or colleague. As I’ve shared before, my strengths are not being able to regurgitate facts or get into a debate. I am a reader. I do want to know various opinions; I do get totally frustrated with mainstream media, or some of the attacks on both Facebook and Twitter. I am “wired” for honest, true discussions where it’s ok to express feelings with the facts I have found. I find I can only do that with a few people now, however.

Groupthink rarely changes opinions or actions. Unless you and I are willing to openly listen, read, and be discerning about the information we’re hearing and reading, then we will fall prey to groupthink.

I think part of my sadness and frustration has come from the anger, hate, and intensity of what is happening in our world; the debates, the racial issues, and even how divided people are on the split of Angelina and Brad (really?) This past week, I did what I needed to do and that was to STOP.

I needed time to STOP and REFLECT. I needed time to distance myself from anything that was negative or destructive. That was harder to do than I thought.

What I came up with is that as the political campaign gears up for the last few weeks before the election, we are all going to be challenged to stay true to our personal beliefs and not be intimidated by others. I would suggest we all STOP the gossiping, STOP the blabbing, and STOP the hateful words on Facebook, Twitter and other social media venues when others have a different viewpoint.

Maria Schriever, who I admire but don’t always agree with, recently commented that we need to start reflecting on our own selves. “What are we personally doing to make this country a better one vs. hoping we’ll see something negative in the news about the opposition?”

She continues, “It’s easy to sit back in our ringside seats and pontificate. It’s easy to cheer as our “opponent” gets whipped. It’s easy to complain about our election choices. It’s easy to gossip about public people’s marriages. It’s easy to shake our fists as we watch what is going on in Charlotte and Tulsa.”

It’s much harder, MUCH HARDER, to STOP and REFLECT about “our own role in our communities, our cities, our country – what we ourselves are doing/saying/thinking/to IMPROVE things. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines. You feed your thoughts, opinions, with input from TV, radio, the internet, and social media.”

Have we become a nation of spectators? Are we really just lazy to take the time to find out if what is being presented really accurate?  Are we paying attention to how our thoughts, opinions, and views are being manipulated? (BOTH political parties)

“When we participate in these things we feel “involved.” It feels like we’re doing something”. But are we? NO! We’re NOT!  We’re NOT making a difference; we’re NOT making things better. This is the ultimate groupthink!

This past weekend, I followed Jason’s away football game on the internet. The game went back and forth up until at the 1:36 mark, Missouri Baptist Spartans went ahead, for the first time, with a field goal. They held the opposing team resulting in the first win of the season and the first road win EVER.

Later, we watched the celebration, on the internet, of these young men and the coaches. Two separate times; one on the field after the game and the other in the locker room,  we watched the football players  and coaches all huddled together, arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder, black and white together as one, heads bowed, as one of the players said an inspirational and heartfelt  prayer. POWERFUL!

Each step along this journey of building a new program, they continue to STOP and REFLECT on where they have come from and where they’re going.

Can we all take a play out of the playbook that this team exemplifies?  Hard work, learning and growing, not listening to the naysayers, trusting in those that have your best interest in mind, having each other’s back no matter what color, no matter what religion, coming together for the team (our country) to be better. They exemplify living life above the line despite the disrespect they receive from other teams. They are relentless in their efforts! This team is creating a culture #AccepttheChallenge.

I truly appreciate those of you who do read these blogs, and I truly appreciate ALL feedback. I believe that each and every one of us has a purpose on this earth. I believe we are each a special gift from God. I believe that our country and how it began has had problems and challenges, however,  I also believe, each of us can make a difference. We can each stand up when we see injustice. We can each allow a difference of opinion without fighting or name calling. We can each STOP and REFLECT about what is happening around us.

I wish you a week to take the time to STOP and REFLECT on something that you’re passionate about. Let’s do what the MBU football program is doing…Accept the Challenge! Move forward with relentless energy, focus, and mindful respect for others.

Do You Participate in Groupthink?

Last week I wished you a continued week of THINKING and asking yourself the key question of WHY YOU stand for, believe in, and support something no matter what it is. How did that work for you? Did you take time and reflect on why you believe what you believe? I hope so.

I’m continually amazed at the number of people who are either too lazy or who are just not invested in their personal philosophy and what they stand for - in other words their own character. There are a number of people I come in contact with when asked WHY they feel a certain way, they’re either noncommittal or “regurgitate” something that someone else has said or something they read or something they heard on the news without questioning at all. Part of asking that WHY question is for each of us to think through what we individually stand for and believe in as a part of our personal philosophy.

It’s frustrating to realize that many people just seem to be unwilling to question let alone challenge much of anything in their life. It’s definitely easier to just keep doing the same old same old and never dig deeper. What’s easier is to just go along with the crowd. What that does is allow us to live a life “below the line”, as Urban Meyer says, when we are quick to use BCD – blame, complain, and defend (our actions.) John Maxwell in his book Today Matters says, “I believe that many people take thinking for granted. They see it as a natural function of life. But the truth is that intentional thinking isn’t commonplace. What you do every day in the area of thinking really matters because it sets the stage for all your actions, and it will bring either adversity or advantage.”

Part of the challenge we have from the very young to the elderly, is groupthink. According to Wikipedia, “Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative viewpoints by actively suppressing dissenting viewpoints, and by isolating themselves from outside influences. YIKES!

This is exactly what happens to our young people especially in middle and high school. They are just formulating who they are and what they believe in so this is a particularly challenging time. They want to fit in, they want to be accepted for who they are, and they definitely don’t want to stand out or be different. Those that are not fitting the “mold” are often times the ones who are being bullied.

Many of our young people do not have a positive role model in their life to help ask questions, help them know their own why, to help guide them and learn to stand up for their own beliefs, and to know WHY they feel the way they do. As I wrote last week, the black educator who asked a student to know WHY he wanted to kneel during the National Anthem is exactly what we all should be doing…asking others to THINK and know their own personal WHY.

I hope each of us will pay attention to the power of intentional thinking but also the power of groupthink. I believe that groupthink is causing far more harm to individuals at any age. I see many women, personal opinion, that function out of a need for acceptance and are unwilling to rock the boat. Some of you will bristle with this statement and that’s ok. WHY are you bristling? Even with my fifth grade girls, we had discussions about groupthink. If two girls were angry with one another, the pattern was to see how many others one could get on one girl’s side to be against the other girl. It’s that “gang” mentality. We had to actively work on conflict resolution skills and draw attention to who owned the problem and who was just along for the ride. With a now adult daughter, this behavior continued in both middle school and high school, and I have seen it in adult women as well.

Boys and men have some of the same issues with groupthink but it manifests itself in a different way. The bottom line is that, “Groupthink requires individuals to avoid raising controversial issues or alternative solutions, and there is loss of individual creativity, uniqueness and independent thinking. The dysfunctional group dynamics of the "ingroup" produces an "illusion of invulnerability" (an inflated certainty that the right decision has been made). Thus the "ingroup" significantly overrates its own abilities in decision-making and significantly underrates the abilities of its opponents (the "outgroup"). Furthermore, groupthink can produce dehumanizing actions against the "outgroup", according to Wikipedia continued description of groupthink.

I spent a good portion of my life not feeling that my thoughts and beliefs were worth much since I wasn’t a fact oriented person. I am a person who operates on feelings and gut instincts. I know, at times, I was part of the crowd not wanting to stand out, but I also know I never went along with groupthink when it hurt someone else. I also know I can now celebrate who I am with pride. Do I sometimes “worry” what others think? Of course, that’s human nature. We either want control or we want to be accepted and often times we want to be accepted. Do I not do something because I worry what others will think? Sometimes, but not if it’s a passion or a moral conflict with who I am as a person.

I want to encourage each of you to invest the time to THINK, know WHY you have certain thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc., and to identify groupthink when you see it. That’s the time to ask questions, that’s the time to help guide others to understand their personal beliefs, and that’s the time for us to help our young people develop a true sense of themselves with pride! That’s also the time to support our friends, family, co-workers, fellow students, children and grandchildren to develop a healthy sense of THINKING. Urban Meyer states, “Make THINKING a priority. Leaders THINK deeply, ORIGINALLY, and often bravely.”

I wish you a week of finding opportunities to ask questions, finding opportunities to teach people HOW to think versus telling people what to think – too totally different approaches. I also wish you a week of identifying whether you are part of groupthink in some area of your life.