Each Decade Make Health a Choice

How was your week of reflection and gratitude?  Can you write down at least 10 things, right now, that you’re grateful for in your life?  When you think about your gratitude’s do you find they fit into one part of your life or are they in all areas of your life?  For example, do you only list family, friends, and relationships?  Was there anything on your list that related to your health?  What about your finances? I encourage you to continue to look at even the littlest things and to make gratitude a part of each day throughout your entire day.

The past two weeks have been filled with decade birthday celebrations: 70, 60, and 10.  Our granddaughter, Sophia, was 10 yesterday.  She’s in the 4^th grade, learning violin, and loving the play time with the neighborhood kids.  She is an avid reader, a protector of her brother (most of the time), enjoys hiking, biking, and exploring the world around her. It’s amazing as we watch her learn more about who she is as a young girl - her whole life ahead of her. 

Each decade, for me, has had its own challenges and its own growth, but isn’t that what life’s journey is all about?  Hopefully, what remains constant is the mission to continually learn and grow mentally and emotionally, and a constant focus on personal health and wellness.  Stages in adult development show our 20’s being the time to establish careers, marriage, and children.  In our thirties, we are gaining more confidence in our jobs, children are probably starting school, we seem to be juggling more activities and time commitments which often times means we’re spending less and less time on our personal self.  At 40, we begin to look at our life as half over.  The issues and problems we had earlier in life seem much less dramatic as the ones which we’ll face in the next 40 years.  Things like taking care of ailing parents, the loss of a parent(s), children leaving home and establishing their own lives, retirement, the loss of a spouse, our own death.

So how do we make the most of each decade and still enjoy every decade?  First and foremost, I would venture to say that if we don’t have our health our choices are extremely limited.  It’s a choice.  It’s a choice to quit smoking, it’s a choice to address addictions, it’s a choice to make exercise a part of the day, it’s a choice to eat healthy and reduce portion sizes!  It means paying attention to your weight and not settle for the couple pounds that seem to add on each year.  It means paying attention to your balance and flexibility.  It means not ignoring and not giving excuses for your lack of physical fitness. We are all aging; however, the key is what do you plan to do about it?

Darren Hardy, editor and publisher of Success magazine, wrote the book The Compound Effect.  The Compound Effect is the “principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices…These small changes offer little or no immediate results, no big win, no obvious I-told-you-so payoff. So why bother? What most people don’t realize is that the small, seemingly insignificant steps completed consistently over time will create a radical difference.”  Once again…it’s all about the choices we make.  Choices are at the root of everything we do and therefore, our results. “You didn’t intend to sabotage yourself, but by not thinking about your decisions – weighing the risks and potential outcomes – you found yourself facing unintended consequences.” We don’t intend to get “out of shape” or become obese, “but often (if not always) those consequences are the result of a series of small, poor choices.” 

So if our health is a key component to how we live our life what do we do if we find ourselves with aches and pains, not as flexible, and not being able to keep up with the kids/grand kids?  Yes, we’re back to that key word again…CHOICE.  Jon and I have been working out for many years using a variety of programs.  Each seemed to have its benefits, and we enjoyed them.  Recently, however, we were watching a PBS program on Aging Backwards also known as Essentrics.  As it turns out, it’s also the program our nephew’s wife, Jenny, had told us about a while ago, but we didn’t pursue it. She is a fitness trainer using this approach and has people in her class ages 20-80+.  Because we have worked out, Jenny suggested we try the Classical Stretch CD which has 30 different workouts lasting 23 minutes each.  Each workout targets different areas.  Jon and I have now focused three days a week to doing these workouts.  They are totally different than anything we have done before, and we’re finding great results. 

Here’s an excerpt from some of the information about Aging Backwards:

DID YOU KNOW... THAT WE CAN CHOOSE HOW WE WANT TO AGE?

The human body is designed to remain pain-free, energetic and healthy throughout its lifespan. With Aging Backwards—gone are the days when we had to accept the negative consequences of aging as inevitable and a “normal” part of getting older. In reality, we should never have to surrender helplessly to chronic pain, hip and knee replacements, loss of energy and mobility, poor posture, weight gain—regardless of our chronological years. Most of us are unaware that the process of aging is triggered by cell death. In Aging Backwards, Miranda explains how you can slow down and reverse the speed in which your cells die—showing scientifically, how anyone can stay feeling young and vibrant their entire life!

Everyone, no matter their age—can benefit from the breakthrough knowledge and advice provided in Aging Backwards .It’s never too late to take control of your body and never let aging get in your way!

Check out these websites for more information:

http://essentrics.com/

http://classicalstretch.com/

It doesn’t matter if you’ve never worked out or you have a regular workout routine; it doesn’t matter if you’re in your 20’s or in your 70’s; it doesn’t matter if you’re a professional athlete or just a weekend hiker, biker; it doesn’t matter if you are 100 pounds overweight, need to lose a couple pounds, or you don’t have a weight issue, this is a program that will make an impact on your health from the first time you do one of the 23 minute CD’s.  Thanks, Jenny for bringing this to our attention!!

CHOICE.  Choose a program that you will stick to. Choose a program that you will see results no matter your age or physical fitness level.  There are many different programs available.  Aging Backwards/Essentrics is one to definitely consider adding to your regiment or starting a new commitment to your health.

I wish you a week of choosing health as your number one priority for the rest of your life!

Gratitude Changes Your Perspective

How did you do this week responding to Maria’s quote, “respond, not with anger or weakness, but from a place of intestinal fortitude? After all, that is where the strength is, that’s where true power lives.”  This past week was one focusing on strengthening your own person intestinal fortitude.  Will you move forward, never short change yourself, and NEVER QUIT?  What were your personal results?

I realize I have had several blogs on the topic of gratitude, however, I recently read an excerpt from Manfred Kets de Vries who wrote an essay, “The Power of Gratitude.”  He is a professor of Leadership and Change at INSEAD. He brought up several interesting points which I think are worth passing along and also happen to be timely for me on several levels. Besides, a reminder of being grateful can never be brought up enough, in my humble opinion.

According to the professor, “Grate originates from the Latin ‘gratus,’ meaning the readiness to show appreciation for, and to return, kindness.  Grateful people count their blessings, have the ability to appreciate the simple pleasures of life and are always prepared to acknowledge whenever good things happen to them.  They are also the kinds of people willing to give something back.”

Gratitude is literally waking up each day and being grateful for one more day on this earth and having family that we love. My niece, Kelly, started a 100 day challenge of finding something to be happy about each day.  Isn’t that gratitude?  After the first 100 days, she decided that she would go for an entire year – 365 days!  I love reading her posts on FB about that day’s happiness. My guess is that this has now become a wonderful habit of gratitude/happiness that will continue well past her 365 day goal although it may no longer be necessary for her to “report” on the specifics. Your financial bank account may not be where you want it to be, but are you grateful for the fact you do have a job and you do have money?  Your fitness level may not be where you want it to be, however, are you grateful for the fact you’re beginning to exercise and see a difference? As Jim Rohn, John Maxwell and so many other leaders remind us, “We will never get more of anything until we can show God and the Universe that we are grateful for what we already have.”

“Gratitude is a powerful emotion.  It’s your true nature; your essence; your center; one of your deepest emotions and get this…You’re born with an endless supply of gratitude you can tap into at any time.  Gratitude remains.  It never lets you down,” according to Kets deVries. Kelly’s gratitude is ongoing and a part of her day.  I would imagine that before she began her 100 day goal, she would reflect on things.  However, now it’s a part of her essence, her true nature.  “Gratitude is a moment to moment choice.  And every thankful moment you have makes you healthier and happier….Thoughts of gratitude translate into bodily feelings in your heart and mind.  Feelings such as gladness, joy, peace, and love are flowing through your mind and body.” Those feelings of gratitude are very different than the toxic, nonresourceful feelings of jealousy, anger, fear, regret, holding on to past disappointments etc. Those are the “weeds” that we need to get rid of and move on.

Being grateful has been a long time goal of mine, however, I think in the past few years I’m consciously being grateful of so many more things throughout the day and right before bed. It’s past being a habit; it’s a way of life for me.  Watching my grandchildren as they play, as they sleep, as they interact with people and the world around them is always a precious gift and one I don’t take for granted.  As I look around the home we built 29 years ago, the memories of raising our children here and all the experiences we had as a family and now sharing with Jon is one of my gratitude’s each day as I wake up to the rooster crowing.  Having my spouse of almost 39 years beside me each morning as I open my eyes and each evening as I end my day, having the health that I do have and that Jon has are also a daily focus of gratitude for me.

My question for you is what is your focus?  Do you focus on the positives or do you focus on what you wish something would be?  Our bodies are always a focus of attention but is that focus on what we like about our bodies or what we don’t like?  I just read a great quote that basically said hundreds of industries would be nonexistent if we didn’t want to constantly change our appearance. Hmmm. I continually refer back to Jim Rohn’s quote, “What you focus on expands.”  Because I have a right foot that has had some arthritis challenges, I will continually state my gratitude for a healthy body and the focus of my gratitude is NOT on the one foot that causes me some problems.  After all, I can still walk, chase after the grand kids, exercise, and do pretty much everything I need and want to do. It’s a mindset.

Do you focus on the fact that you aren’t in a relationship, you really want someone special in your life, and everyone else has a special person so why not you? Or do you focus on how grateful you are to be young, healthy, employed with a job you enjoy, and you have special friends and family in your life that support you?  That doesn’t take away your desire for a special relationship, but it does take a different twist to your mindset.  When we love ourselves and are grateful for all we DO have “it shows.”  That “reflection” shows up in our smile, our posture, our attitude, our ability to support and encourage others etc. 

Do you focus on the negative naysayers you work with and may even be your boss?  Yes, we have to deal with them, but our energy can go more towards those we enjoy being around, those we respect and admire, and those who are also of a grateful mindset.  Right or wrong, I sometimes find myself being grateful that I’m NOT like that other person.  I’m grateful that I treat people with respect; I’m grateful that I do my best to walk my talk rather than be hypocritical or carry grudges. 

There are TONS of things to be grateful for in an instant.  It may be hard to find some days, but every day you have on this earth is one more day to make a difference in your life and even in someone else’s life.  “Gratitude is dynamic, a living emotion that can be triggered in us by thousands of things, feelings, and ideas.  All you have to do is be conscious of it.  When you’re grateful you will feel it deep inside, but you have to be paying attention.  Gratitude does make you happy. Kelly is a great testimonial to that.  “Gratitude makes you strong, energized, clear, and kind.  Gratitude wipes out your complaining, pompous ego, worry, fear, negativity, and misery.” 

“Gratitude can transform all our relationships.  It starts when you express gratitude or appreciation to another person. The transformation begins when you have the thought of gratitude, and your brain translates that feeling into beneficial biochemical and neurological changes in your body.  The feeling of gratitude also expands the heart, which has the effect of erasing old grievance and soothing resentments and petty differences we may have been holding onto.” This quote came from a 21-day meditation experience called “Manifesting Grace Through Gratitude” with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey and was also quoted in the essay I referenced at the beginning. 

I’m sure to some of you this sounds too “Pollyanna” and “Goody Two Shoes.”  I know a few of you will tell me that it’s “easy for me to say because I’m retired and no longer working with some of these challenging people.”  All that may be true on one level.  But why not try a different way of thinking and see for yourself?  Yes, I have heard many of the stories of people my friends and family members are confronted with on almost a daily basis, and yes, my first instinct is to want to take them to task for their rudeness, stubbornness, or lack of integrity.  However, even in my place in this world, first and foremost, I’m only in control of me.  I will continue to be grateful for all the things in my life. I can testify to the fact that the feeling of gratitude is a part of me and feels very natural.  All I have to do is acknowledge that gratitude to me first.  Then it’s amazing how easy it is to extend that gratitude to others little by little.

“Einstein describes it like this and he was really logical and scientific: ‘there are only two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; or you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

I wish you a week of daily gratitude’s and reflections.

The Me, Me, Me Epidemic

What did you learn about your communication IQ?  Did you pay attention to being a good listener, not doing a “one up” with your own story, and did you feel energized by a conversation with certain people?  It’s an ongoing process but a good one to continue to learn more and be an energizer to others with your part of a conversation.

Maria Shriver shared a piece in one of her tweets from the book Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Gateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World by Amy McCready.  Amy has a fascinating approach and one that I think bears passing along in this week’s blog.  I am ordering the book.  The excerpts here are not my own but from a brief overview from Amy McCready.  I will definitely look forward to hearing your thoughts.

As a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or anyone who wants to help young children be the best that they can be this blog is for you.  

We find ourselves wondering how we can raise, influence, and enhance the lives of our young ones to be responsible, grateful members of the real world in the 18 years they have at home. I hear so much from parents, business people, teachers etc. that we seem to live in a world of entitlement and a lack of work ethic.  According to Amy, she suggests a few power packed tools “straight from the “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic Un-Entitler Toolbox. They’re based on the fact that kids are entitled to things like unconditional love from their parents, meaningful work they’re able to accomplish and age-appropriate control over their own lives.”  Here are six strategies for more grateful, more capable and less entitled behavior in kids of all ages.  (These are straight from the excerpt from Amy McCready…)

Take Time for Quality Time (Entitled love)

While kids aren’t entitled to free transportation to the mall and money when they want to go shopping, they are entitled to our unconditional love and acceptance.  A powerful way to make sure they get it is through daily Mind, Body, and Soul Time. How? Give each child 10-20 minutes of undivided, individual attention each day on a regular basis, and many of the entitled behaviors we’ve grown to dread (fits when they don’t get what they want) will melt away. When they get attention they need in positive ways, they will be less likely to turn to negative attention-grabbers such as fighting with a sibling, whining, and negotiating.

Teach Task Mastery (Entitle confidence)

NO child should have a free ride.  There’s an age-appropriate task for everyone aged 2 and up – but they have to know how to do it!  Take Time for Training!  In a calm moment, patiently train kids in age-appropriate tasks, breaking the jobs into steps for younger kids.  With their new found confidence, kids will be more likely to take on new responsibilities without a fuss, and they’ll feel less entitled to constant maid service at home.

Make Their Work Count (Entitle significance)

Kids desperately crave a sense of significance.  Do I make a difference?  Do I even matter?  Family contributions!  Once you’ve trained several tasks, put your kids to work with regular household responsibilities – even as simple as emptying wastebaskets.  Then make it part of a When-Then Routine.  Say, “When your responsibilities, including homework, are done for the day, then you can enjoy your media time.” The kids will soon see firsthand the difference they can make.

Deal Positively with Whining (Entitle empathy)

What about the whining and complaining, you say? Virtually no child actually wants to dust the living room, which is no different than us adults.  Most children will have something to say about it like, “I hate dusting!”  Using the tool Empathize and Appreciate can go a long way in letting them know you understand.  You answer just needs to simply be, “I hear you.  I know dusting isn’t your idea of fun – it’s not mine either – but I really appreciate your help making the house look nice.” If the whining continues, turn your attention elsewhere or walk away. When you’re not there to argue, they’ll be more motivated to get their work done and move on.

Give thanks – A Lot (Entitle thankfulness)

This is one of my very favorites.  I love this idea!!  When kids help out with everyday tasks, they’ll be more appreciative of what we do for them, even if they’d never say it outright. Continue to foster thankfulness with the tool Gratitude Rituals. On a daily or weekly basis, over meals, just before bed, in a gratitude jar, or whenever and wherever it works for your family, help your kids practice finding things to be thankful for. You will need to be sure to model your own thankfulness (I’m so thankful Grandma was able to come and help out when our basement flooded) and help your kids make a habit out of giving thanks.  In time, they’ll feel less entitled to the best that life has to offer and instead feel grateful for what they do have. (Having more in life starts with being grateful for what we do have.)

Hand Over the Reigns (Entitle positive control)

Kids crave control – and that’s a good thing.  We all prefer our children experience control in positive ways, like packing their own suitcase for a trip. Use the tool, The Decision-Rich Environment in your home to give your kids as much opportunity as possible to wield age-appropriate control over their lives.  The more decisions your kids make in positive ways, the less they’ll try to gain control with negative, entitled behavior. 

I hope you have something you can use to make a difference in your child’s life, your grandchild’s life and in your own life.  Here’s to a week of Being the Best You that You Can Be.

Life Lessons from a Farmer Part 2

First and foremost, one of my gratitude’s for the day includes being healthy and able to sit on our deck looking out across miles of hilly land and the Flatirons getting ready to write my thoughts for this week. When asked about where I get my ideas I can honestly say they’re not always planned.  However, they are always from watching what’s going on around me personally, with those I love and care about, and topics I’m passionate about.  Ray, when you read these, you can get somewhat of an idea of “what’s going on in Nancy’s life and what she’s thinking about.”  (Thanks for that question/observation.)

The question I left you with last week was, “What lessons, from the farmers, can you take and apply to your own life?  What is the ‘soil’ that you are basing your life on?”  If you truly want to make a change in your life, if you truly want to move forward in a positive way, you will make time to examine your life. You will embrace this time of reflection versus a sigh and thinking it’s just one more thing to do, and you don’t have the time.

The exciting part of this examination is there IS much to celebrate despite how desperate and out of control some of you are feeling right now.  To make your learning have even more of an impact WRITE IT DOWN.  Successful farmers have records of what brand of seed was used, the mitigation tactics used, and what the final yield was for the year.  What you assume will be time consuming is in actuality a time saver.  Writing down your findings reveals patterns, it helps remember the little things, and many “ah ha” moments come when rereading.

In talking with my cousin, John, a few weeks ago, he made the comment that it would be nice if we could learn life’s lessons sooner than later.  That reminded me of a conversation I had had with my dad years ago where he was insistent I learn things about religion that he felt I needed to know now and not wait until I was older as he had done. My response, at the time, was that I would process things on my own time and in my own way.

The conversation with my cousin revolved around the analogy of farmers creating a nourishing soil, planting seeds, and timing. Think back and recall situations where a parent, a teacher, a coach, a friend tried to tell you something, and you rejected the idea.  Why? Was it something that didn’t fit in your personal needs, desires, and ambitions at that time?  Was the advice/suggestion coming from someone you respected, who had prior similar experiences, someone who walked their talk, was a mentor and coach to others, but you just weren’t ready to hear the message?  Or was the suggestion coming from someone you didn’t respect, they weren’t coming from a place of experience other than age or title?  What was the timing?  Were you young, vulnerable to all messages both positive and negative, and not in a position to apply much of anything to your small world? Maybe you weren’t in a position to question or defy anything especially if the words were coming from your parents.  Were you in your 20’s just learning about yourself and about life?  What road blocks have you encountered, what successes have you experienced.  As you can see, so many elements make up who you are and the “soil” where you are planting your seeds.

 

Some soils are void of any nutrients; some are too acidic or too basic and can’t bring the seed to full growth which may cause the difference in the harvest.  Without looking at the base or the soil, however, the farmer may assume it’s the seed type and plants something different creating a slight change.  Sometimes that may be true, and there may be a little more growth but not a lot.  Does the successful farmer then “settle” for the little bit?  Absolutely not!  They can look around and see abundance in the fields around them.  They are aware that they too could have abundance but something else needed to change. Successful farmers will NOT settle.  

What to do then?  The farmer is forced to look at the soil itself.  They will test, examine in detail, ask for advice/support, get other opinions about what to do from people who are skilled in a particular area, and they’ll read from what the experts are saying.  Their time and energy is focused and consumed with finding a solution to the problem. They will do whatever it takes to get answers. The goal is for abundance and a fruitful harvest. 

What about us as individuals?  Have you made excuses, pointed the finger, rationalized why a certain part of your life isn’t growing in a full, healthy, satisfying, and loving way? Like the farmer, it’s time to look at your “soil.”  What are the positive and negatives of how you were raised?  Did you have a nurturing environment?  Did you feel safe, loved, mentored, and guided in all areas of your life?  Did you feel supported by your parents for who you were as an individual?  Or were you raised in an environment of conditional love?  You experienced few, if any, of the positive characteristics previously listed.  You didn’t feel valued no matter how hard you tried no matter what you did. Even now, you are always looking for validation elsewhere yet never feeling that what you do is enough.  (Of course, there is also everything in between and some combinations of both.)  How often have you tried to move ahead in your life only to be met with a challenge, a “rainstorm/flood,” or even a feeling of depression and hopelessness?  Have you “changed fields” thinking that the next “field” was going to be better and that was the answer to your problems? After a period of time, however, you probably realize there are problems on that field too. Some of the problems are now different but yes, some of the same old problems continue to raise their ugly heads.

What’s the common denominator?  YOU.  Nothing is going to change in your life if you don’t focus on and address what nutrients you are putting into your “soil.”  At some point in your life, you either make the decision to do something different or nothing will ever change.  It’s deeper than just changing the type of seed you’re planting. At some point, you look around and see how others are happy in their relationships, you look around and people are moving forward in their jobs, you look around and see people who are financially setting themselves up for a positive future in retirement, you look around and see people who seem to have a “quiet” strength in who they are as an individual.  You’re feed up with watching your life go by, watching others have what you want to have knowing you deserve to have all the dreams and desires you want in your life. 

Is it now time for you to change your “soil?” so you can experience an abundant harvest in your life? The time may be now if you’re fed up with only pulling weeds instead of reaping the rewards of a bountiful harvest. 

Weeds are toxic, they hamper growth, they take over and choke out the good plants, they seem to be everywhere, and they can even grow during a drought or where nothing else can survive. My question to you then is who and what are the “weeds” in your life?  Who are the people in your life who only complain, gossip, put you down, have nothing positive to say about anyone or anything?  Who are the people who want you to fail so they can feel “superior,” or they may even try to “set you up” for failure?  Who are the people in your life who build themselves up by telling you all they know with the subtle, or not so subtle, message that you are inferior and couldn’t possibly know all they know? The know-it-all.  Who are the people in your life who still see you as a young teenager and not the educated, experienced young woman/man who has much to bring to the table?  Who are the people that have no clue how to listen?  They only know how to talk about themselves, their problems, and will interrupt others to tell a story about themselves.  I’m sure you can think of more examples, but these are a few to get you started.  Who or what are your “weeds?”

Next week we will look at a positive and supportive way for you to build up your “soil” so that you can plant seeds that will flourish.  Between now and next week, I challenge you to identify the type of “soil” you are working with and what weeds are a part of your life. Be as specific and detailed as possible.  Yes, some of those weeds may be a family member, even a spouse, or a boss.  That’s ok.  You’re not judging.  You are only gathering your own data in order to analyze what YOU need to do to move forward.

Here’s to a healthy mindset, and a daily dose of gratitude and abundance.