Life Lessons from a Farmer Part 3

I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4^th of July.  It is a time for social gatherings, bbq’s, and the American flag being displayed.  I LOVE the patriotic music, the magnificent firework displays, and the pride of our country that people openly show during this time. Despite the controversy with the race related turmoil, the rights for all relationships being deemed Constitutional, do not lose sight of the fact that because we live in the United States of America, we CAN and DO have a voice, and we CAN make a difference - change can happen!  Also don’t lose sight of the fact that there is an awful lot RIGHT about our democratic society.  I choose to focus on what’s going right, how I can make a difference in my own world, and that many people/organizations etc. are making a difference in many ways in our country! 

Last week, I challenged you to identify the type of “soil” you are working with and what weeds are a part of your life. I asked you to be as specific and detailed as possible.  “Yes, some of those weeds may be a family member, even a spouse, or a boss.  That’s ok.  You’re not judging.  You are only gathering your own data in order to analyze what YOU need to do to move forward.”  So what did you come up with? 

In order to move forward, you need a clear picture of where you are right now – good, bad, or indifferent.  What are you “feeding” your mind and body on a daily basis? (What seeds are you planting?)  Are you listening to positive music?  Are you listening to CD’s with a focus on learning something new about yourself, your relationships, your career, your spiritual life, your nutrition, your health etc.? Are you surrounding yourself with as many positive, encouraging people as possible and limiting the interactions with toxic people as much as you can?  We all have times when we can’t control the  toxic people we have to deal with on a regular basis.  What IS in our control is to either deal with the situation and then walk away without carrying the toxicity with us or deciding the relationship is worth working on and creating time to focus on making a change for the better. 

If you’re already finding yourself thinking…that’s well and good for you to say, you aren’t working, you’re retired and have all the “time in the world,” STOP! Be “real” and recognize you have just moved into making excuses and rationalizing your behavior once again. NOTHING will ever change if YOU don’t change.  What is in your control is to:  turn off the TV for 30 minutes and read something of value, make a phone call rather than texting someone when you have something you want to talk about, find time (whatever that may be) for your own quiet time in order to process your day, end each day with at least 10 things you’re grateful for that happened that day, begin each day with what you are looking forward to that day, each day find a way to make a difference in someone’s life that’s tangible.  That may be a thank you, a hug, words of encouragement, stating specifically what you appreciated about what someone did for you or someone you love, and the list can go on and on.  Notice it doesn’t take a lot of time and it will pay many more dividends in the long run. 

A big one for me is respect.  I sometimes find we are far more respectful to strangers or people we don't know well than we are to our own spouse, significant other, children, family members, close friends and even co-workers.  Others may not treat you with respect, but that’s not the point.  YOU’RE the one creating fertile, healthy soil.  YOU are in control of treating others with respect.

Now the question is, “What does respect ‘look like and sound like” to you?”  Body language is an incredible communicator both positively and negatively.  Avoiding the rolled eyes, the “I told you so’s,” needing something to get done but not being clear on what that is and when you’d like to see it done then getting upset when it hasn’t happened, demeaning someone in front of others, making fun of someone or something then saying you were just kidding or can’t the other person take a joke. Those are just a few of those zingers that push people into corners and they become defensive or withdrawn.  It’s amazing what a please and thank you can do.  They truly are “magic words.”  If you pay attention to the body language of others, you will be able to tell if your words and actions are uplifting or deflating.  If you focus on your own body language you can tell a great deal on what makes you feel respected and what doesn’t. 

Our farmers are very careful when they need to add nutrients to their fields and yes, maybe even add something to get rid of the weeds.  In order to make the right decisions, they have to read, investigate, take note of changes both good and bad, ask for feedback from someone with more information, ask questions to someone who is skilled in the particular area of concern, and sometimes they have to change their “same old, same old” way of doing things.  The situation isn’t working or at least getting the results they are wanting.  Doing nothing isn’t an option unless they don’t care about the crops and final yield. 

That word “change” means there’s a point of being uncomfortable, out of the usual “comfort zone,” and even reaching “out of the box” to do something that’s new and different.  The focus, however, needs to be on the outcome. When YOU change, your focus should be on having a healthy, fulfilling life in all areas of your life.  It means you have to be willing to let go of the past, you have to let go of grudges, you have to let go of “evening the score,” you have to let go of all the hurt feelings…How have those actions served you so far?  The answer is probably, “Not so much.”  Interestingly enough, we often times find ourselves more open to change in the work environment, but it’s much more difficult being open and honest with our spouse or a family member.

Why is it the people we love the most are the ones we have the hardest time being honest with, treating with respect, and celebrating life with each day?  In order to love, we also make ourselves vulnerable.  If we’ve been hurt, if trust has been broken, or we feel we’re not valued, then our tendency is to be defensive, suspicious, condescending (we think that’s protecting ourselves – NOT), and we avoid a conversation that allows for truth, apologies, and a rebuilding of trust to begin.  It takes “guts” to being open and vulnerable because we “could be hurt” again.  I come back to, “Are you living the life you want to live?”  I believe God has great plans for each and every one of us, and it’s our responsibility to pursue a path of learning and growing, trusting, and loving, in all areas of our lives especially with the people we love the most.  I can only control me.  (As a disclaimer, when you’re in a relationship with someone who has an addiction, it is more important to get yourself in the right place and to get the support you need.  That is a whole different situation needing different types of support and communication.)

I use to think, “If I could only go back and change x,y, and z, then everything would be better.”  Now I know the past is the past, things happened for a reason, what did I learn so I can apply that learning going forward, and I don’t want to waste any more time.  I want to move forward taking one step at a time.  Plant new seeds in your mind and body by changing one small area of your life.  Is it to read 10 pages in a positive book each day?  Maybe it’s to remember the magic words. Whatever it is JUST DO IT!

Be vigilant and observe your progress, access the differences in yourself, and never quit moving forward!  Like the lessons from our farmers:  (1) there’s no cutting corners, (2) do whatever it takes even if no one is watching (YOU ARE!), (3) it’s easier to do it right this time versus going back to fix adjust, mend, (4) be accountable to your own success and well being with NO excuses!

Here’s to a week of successful planting.  YOU are worth it!

Life Lessons from a Farmer Part 2

First and foremost, one of my gratitude’s for the day includes being healthy and able to sit on our deck looking out across miles of hilly land and the Flatirons getting ready to write my thoughts for this week. When asked about where I get my ideas I can honestly say they’re not always planned.  However, they are always from watching what’s going on around me personally, with those I love and care about, and topics I’m passionate about.  Ray, when you read these, you can get somewhat of an idea of “what’s going on in Nancy’s life and what she’s thinking about.”  (Thanks for that question/observation.)

The question I left you with last week was, “What lessons, from the farmers, can you take and apply to your own life?  What is the ‘soil’ that you are basing your life on?”  If you truly want to make a change in your life, if you truly want to move forward in a positive way, you will make time to examine your life. You will embrace this time of reflection versus a sigh and thinking it’s just one more thing to do, and you don’t have the time.

The exciting part of this examination is there IS much to celebrate despite how desperate and out of control some of you are feeling right now.  To make your learning have even more of an impact WRITE IT DOWN.  Successful farmers have records of what brand of seed was used, the mitigation tactics used, and what the final yield was for the year.  What you assume will be time consuming is in actuality a time saver.  Writing down your findings reveals patterns, it helps remember the little things, and many “ah ha” moments come when rereading.

In talking with my cousin, John, a few weeks ago, he made the comment that it would be nice if we could learn life’s lessons sooner than later.  That reminded me of a conversation I had had with my dad years ago where he was insistent I learn things about religion that he felt I needed to know now and not wait until I was older as he had done. My response, at the time, was that I would process things on my own time and in my own way.

The conversation with my cousin revolved around the analogy of farmers creating a nourishing soil, planting seeds, and timing. Think back and recall situations where a parent, a teacher, a coach, a friend tried to tell you something, and you rejected the idea.  Why? Was it something that didn’t fit in your personal needs, desires, and ambitions at that time?  Was the advice/suggestion coming from someone you respected, who had prior similar experiences, someone who walked their talk, was a mentor and coach to others, but you just weren’t ready to hear the message?  Or was the suggestion coming from someone you didn’t respect, they weren’t coming from a place of experience other than age or title?  What was the timing?  Were you young, vulnerable to all messages both positive and negative, and not in a position to apply much of anything to your small world? Maybe you weren’t in a position to question or defy anything especially if the words were coming from your parents.  Were you in your 20’s just learning about yourself and about life?  What road blocks have you encountered, what successes have you experienced.  As you can see, so many elements make up who you are and the “soil” where you are planting your seeds.

 

Some soils are void of any nutrients; some are too acidic or too basic and can’t bring the seed to full growth which may cause the difference in the harvest.  Without looking at the base or the soil, however, the farmer may assume it’s the seed type and plants something different creating a slight change.  Sometimes that may be true, and there may be a little more growth but not a lot.  Does the successful farmer then “settle” for the little bit?  Absolutely not!  They can look around and see abundance in the fields around them.  They are aware that they too could have abundance but something else needed to change. Successful farmers will NOT settle.  

What to do then?  The farmer is forced to look at the soil itself.  They will test, examine in detail, ask for advice/support, get other opinions about what to do from people who are skilled in a particular area, and they’ll read from what the experts are saying.  Their time and energy is focused and consumed with finding a solution to the problem. They will do whatever it takes to get answers. The goal is for abundance and a fruitful harvest. 

What about us as individuals?  Have you made excuses, pointed the finger, rationalized why a certain part of your life isn’t growing in a full, healthy, satisfying, and loving way? Like the farmer, it’s time to look at your “soil.”  What are the positive and negatives of how you were raised?  Did you have a nurturing environment?  Did you feel safe, loved, mentored, and guided in all areas of your life?  Did you feel supported by your parents for who you were as an individual?  Or were you raised in an environment of conditional love?  You experienced few, if any, of the positive characteristics previously listed.  You didn’t feel valued no matter how hard you tried no matter what you did. Even now, you are always looking for validation elsewhere yet never feeling that what you do is enough.  (Of course, there is also everything in between and some combinations of both.)  How often have you tried to move ahead in your life only to be met with a challenge, a “rainstorm/flood,” or even a feeling of depression and hopelessness?  Have you “changed fields” thinking that the next “field” was going to be better and that was the answer to your problems? After a period of time, however, you probably realize there are problems on that field too. Some of the problems are now different but yes, some of the same old problems continue to raise their ugly heads.

What’s the common denominator?  YOU.  Nothing is going to change in your life if you don’t focus on and address what nutrients you are putting into your “soil.”  At some point in your life, you either make the decision to do something different or nothing will ever change.  It’s deeper than just changing the type of seed you’re planting. At some point, you look around and see how others are happy in their relationships, you look around and people are moving forward in their jobs, you look around and see people who are financially setting themselves up for a positive future in retirement, you look around and see people who seem to have a “quiet” strength in who they are as an individual.  You’re feed up with watching your life go by, watching others have what you want to have knowing you deserve to have all the dreams and desires you want in your life. 

Is it now time for you to change your “soil?” so you can experience an abundant harvest in your life? The time may be now if you’re fed up with only pulling weeds instead of reaping the rewards of a bountiful harvest. 

Weeds are toxic, they hamper growth, they take over and choke out the good plants, they seem to be everywhere, and they can even grow during a drought or where nothing else can survive. My question to you then is who and what are the “weeds” in your life?  Who are the people in your life who only complain, gossip, put you down, have nothing positive to say about anyone or anything?  Who are the people who want you to fail so they can feel “superior,” or they may even try to “set you up” for failure?  Who are the people in your life who build themselves up by telling you all they know with the subtle, or not so subtle, message that you are inferior and couldn’t possibly know all they know? The know-it-all.  Who are the people in your life who still see you as a young teenager and not the educated, experienced young woman/man who has much to bring to the table?  Who are the people that have no clue how to listen?  They only know how to talk about themselves, their problems, and will interrupt others to tell a story about themselves.  I’m sure you can think of more examples, but these are a few to get you started.  Who or what are your “weeds?”

Next week we will look at a positive and supportive way for you to build up your “soil” so that you can plant seeds that will flourish.  Between now and next week, I challenge you to identify the type of “soil” you are working with and what weeds are a part of your life. Be as specific and detailed as possible.  Yes, some of those weeds may be a family member, even a spouse, or a boss.  That’s ok.  You’re not judging.  You are only gathering your own data in order to analyze what YOU need to do to move forward.

Here’s to a healthy mindset, and a daily dose of gratitude and abundance.