I hope everyone had a
fun and safe 4th of July. It
is a time for social gatherings, bbq’s, and the American flag being displayed. I LOVE the patriotic music, the magnificent
firework displays, and the pride of our country that people openly show during
this time. Despite the controversy with the race related turmoil, the rights
for all relationships being deemed Constitutional, do not lose sight of the fact that because we live in the United
States of America, we CAN and DO have a voice, and we CAN make a difference - change can
happen! Also don’t lose sight of the
fact that there is an awful lot RIGHT about our democratic society. I choose to focus on what’s going right, how
I can make a difference in my own world, and that many people/organizations
etc. are making a difference in many ways in our country!
Last week, I challenged you to identify the
type of “soil” you are working with and what weeds are a part of your life. I
asked you to be as specific and detailed as possible. “Yes, some of those
weeds may be a family member, even a spouse, or a boss. That’s ok.
You’re not judging. You are only gathering your own data in order to
analyze what YOU need to do to move forward.” So what did you come up with?
In order to move forward, you need a clear
picture of where you are right now – good, bad, or indifferent. What are you “feeding” your mind and body on
a daily basis? (What seeds are you planting?) Are you listening to positive music? Are you listening to CD’s with a focus on
learning something new about yourself, your relationships, your career, your
spiritual life, your nutrition, your health etc.? Are you surrounding yourself
with as many positive, encouraging people as possible and limiting the interactions
with toxic people as much as you can? We
all have times when we can’t control the toxic people we have to deal with on a regular
basis. What IS in our control is to either deal with the situation and then
walk away without carrying the toxicity with us or deciding the relationship is
worth working on and creating time to focus on making a change for the
better.
If you’re already finding yourself thinking…that’s well and
good for you to say, you aren’t working, you’re retired and have all the “time in
the world,” STOP! Be “real” and
recognize you have just moved into making excuses and rationalizing your
behavior once again. NOTHING will ever change if YOU don’t change. What is in your control is to: turn off the TV for 30 minutes and read something
of value, make a phone call rather than texting someone when you have something
you want to talk about, find time (whatever that may be) for your own quiet
time in order to process your day, end each day with at least 10 things
you’re grateful for that happened that day, begin each day with what you
are looking forward to that day, each day find a way to make a difference in
someone’s life that’s tangible. That may
be a thank you, a hug, words of encouragement, stating specifically what you
appreciated about what someone did for you or someone you love, and the list
can go on and on. Notice it doesn’t take
a lot of time and it will pay many more dividends in the long run.
A big one for me is respect.
I sometimes find we are far more respectful to strangers or people we don't know well than we are to our
own spouse, significant other, children, family members, close friends and even
co-workers. Others may not treat you
with respect, but that’s not the point.
YOU’RE the one creating fertile, healthy soil. YOU are in control of treating others with
respect.
Now the question is, “What does respect ‘look like and sound like” to
you?” Body language is an incredible
communicator both positively and negatively.
Avoiding the rolled eyes, the “I told you so’s,” needing something to
get done but not being clear on what that is and when you’d like to see it done
then getting upset when it hasn’t happened, demeaning someone in front of
others, making fun of someone or something then saying you were just kidding or
can’t the other person take a joke. Those are just a few of those zingers that
push people into corners and they become defensive or withdrawn. It’s amazing what a please and thank you can
do. They truly are “magic words.” If you pay attention to the body language of
others, you will be able to tell if your words and actions are uplifting or
deflating. If you focus on your own body
language you can tell a great deal on what makes you feel respected and what
doesn’t.
Our farmers are very careful when they need to add nutrients
to their fields and yes, maybe even add something to get rid of the weeds. In order to make the right decisions, they
have to read, investigate, take note of changes both good and bad, ask for
feedback from someone with more information, ask questions to someone who is
skilled in the particular area of concern, and sometimes they have to change
their “same old, same old” way of doing things.
The situation isn’t working or at least getting the results they are
wanting. Doing nothing isn’t an option
unless they don’t care about the crops and final yield.
That word “change” means there’s a point of being
uncomfortable, out of the usual “comfort zone,” and even reaching “out of the
box” to do something that’s new and different.
The focus, however, needs to be on the outcome. When YOU change, your
focus should be on having a healthy, fulfilling life in all areas of your life. It means you have to be willing to let go of
the past, you have to let go of grudges, you have to let go of “evening the
score,” you have to let go of all the hurt feelings…How have those actions
served you so far? The answer is
probably, “Not so much.” Interestingly enough,
we often times find ourselves more open to change in the work environment, but
it’s much more difficult being open and honest with our spouse or a family
member.
Why is it the people we love the most are the ones we have
the hardest time being honest with, treating with respect, and celebrating life
with each day? In order to love, we also
make ourselves vulnerable. If we’ve been
hurt, if trust has been broken, or we feel we’re not valued, then our tendency
is to be defensive, suspicious, condescending (we think that’s protecting ourselves
– NOT), and we avoid a conversation that allows for truth, apologies, and a
rebuilding of trust to begin. It takes “guts”
to being open and vulnerable because we “could be hurt” again. I come back to, “Are you living the life you
want to live?” I believe God has great
plans for each and every one of us, and it’s our responsibility to pursue a
path of learning and growing, trusting, and loving, in all areas of our lives
especially with the people we love the most.
I can only control me. (As a
disclaimer, when you’re in a relationship with someone who has an addiction, it
is more important to get yourself in the right place and to get the support
you need. That is a whole
different situation needing different types of support and communication.)
I use to think, “If I could only go back and change x,y, and
z, then everything would be better.” Now
I know the past is the past, things happened for a reason, what did I learn so
I can apply that learning going forward, and I don’t want to waste any more
time. I want to move forward taking one
step at a time. Plant new seeds in your
mind and body by changing one small area of your life. Is it to read 10 pages in a positive book
each day? Maybe it’s to remember the
magic words. Whatever it is JUST DO IT!
Be vigilant and observe your progress, access the differences
in yourself, and never quit moving forward!
Like the lessons from our farmers:
(1) there’s no cutting corners, (2) do whatever it takes even if no one
is watching (YOU ARE!), (3) it’s easier to do it right this time versus going
back to fix adjust, mend, (4) be accountable to your own success and well being
with NO excuses!
Here’s to a week of successful planting. YOU are worth it!
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