INFLUENCERS

Last week I wished you a week of self-reflection. I also hope you took the time to watch Larry Elder in this video. There’s a lot to think about when it comes to labeling people which affects our perceptions of them as a person.

Recently, I have been aware of how many of us are more worried about what others will think of us when we say or do something. Unfortunately, that just takes away our focus on what our true self is all about.

This past weekend, we were in Illinois and attended a fantastic get together that was kicked off with a mini skit with a Mash theme. (Remember the TV show Mash that took place during the Korean War?) The hostess welcomed everyone, had a personal tribute to all the Veterans in the audience, of which there were many, and gave a special tribute to her father who was the only Korean War vet present. It was beautiful. Later, however, she was worried that singling out her dad was offensive to some.

My question was how did her dad feel about the tribute? Answer… He was very pleased. Then yes, this was the right thing to do. My next question is… if others had said, before hand, that they would be offended would she still have said what she said or not?

We all went through MANY years of being “politically correct” and yet in certain “circles” we knew we could say what was true to our heart. We are now being bombarded by opposing views on social media, on TV, in many newspapers and magazines. For me when I went to college, I began to formulate my own beliefs and opinions because I was exposed to a variety of belief structures. Yet, today, in my opinion, our young people are getting only one side, some have been penalized by professors for differing views, and there have been attacks both verbally and physically to others.

At my age now, I know I have changed some of my positions on various topics and others are nonnegotiable. I also know that in the past I was more worried about what people would think of me, and yes, I kept quiet at times but I knew I also was not being true to who I was as a person.

I remember Jim Britt, talking about control and acceptance. The question came down to… did I want control, did I want acceptance or did I want both? Hmmm…that’s a good one to contemplate. By quietly asking myself what I was truly looking for, it allowed me a brief moment to step back and reflect on my motive. When I was younger, it was definitely wanting acceptance. When I was out of school and in my teaching career, often it was both wanting to be in control AND wanting to be accepted.

I look around at the young athletes on Jason’s football team, I talk with the young people on our WV team, I talk with other adults in a variety of settings and the topic of toxic people seems to come up again and again. These are the people who have no desire to listen nor have a dialog with differing views. These are the people who are critical of anything different from what they think and are also the same ones who will never be your cheerleader for your dreams and goals. In fact, they are the opposite. They will be the dream stealers. They live their lives “below the line” with constantly blaming, complaining, and defending their actions. There is no personal development to learn and grow.

I was recently rereading a wonderful book, 12 Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener. In chapter 6, there was another reminder that people in our lives have an amazing power to influence us. For me it doesn’t matter whether you are still in high school, college, early in your career, or in retirement. It doesn’t matter whether you are single, married, divorced, in a relationship whether you are with or without children, my question to you is are you being true to yourself with your thoughts and actions or are you more concerned about having control and/or being accepted? How much influence do others really have in your life?

Ask yourself the following questions:

Who am I around?

What effect are they having on me?

What have they got me reading? Listening to? Watching?

What do they have me thinking? Saying?

Where do they have me going?

Most important, what do they have me becoming?

Then ask yourself….Is that ok?

Our attitudes are greatly shaped by who influences us and who we associate with.

If you join an easy crowd, you won’t grow. Are you looking for something easy or are you going to go where the expectations and demands to perform are high? Don’t you really want to surround yourself with successful people who exhibit and live consistently to the values and skills that you want to acquire and develop?

If you reflect on your life at whatever age you are right now; haven’t you had opportunities where you could have developed new relationships? YOU STILL CAN! “Successful people look for relationships with other successful people who will push them, challenge them, and encourage them to become better.” Mentors and coaches are the people who are there to support you, to push you, because they know what it takes. They have lived it and continue to live it. They have experience. An open mind will absorb all the words of wisdom whether they totally understand it at the time or not.

Of course, when you are trying to be the best that you can be, you will be a threat to those who are comfortable to only blame, complain, and defend their actions. They will be the toxic voices trying to get you to join them in their B,C,D mentality. The more they push, the more you know they are threatened by your focus and desire to move ahead in your life.

“Leaving people behind is hard. Life is a long journey, and we meet people all along the way. Some of those people will go the whole journey with us. Some will only take potions of the journey with us. Some will join us for a long time. Others will come and go. Now, imagine if you were on a trip and someone started out with you, but wasn’t much help. Would you want them to continue the journey with you? Of course not. We have the freedom-and the responsibility-to determine who we associate with, and that will have a big impact on how well our journey goes.”

“We will all suffer from two pains; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The pain of discipline weighs ounces. The pain of regret weighs tons.”

I wish you a week of reflecting on who you are associating with, and therefore who is also influencing you? Take the time to reflect on whether your words and actions are truly coming from your heart OR are they because you are wanting control, acceptance, or both?

LABELS

Last week, I wished you a week of reflection on what you can do to remember the images and remember the message of what coming together looks and sounds like EACH AND EVERY DAY!

I will preface this week’s blog with the recognition that these are my thoughts and my opinions. You may or may not agree with me and that’s ok. That’s my point. Can we read, listen to, and have conversations on topics where we may have some common agreements but also disagreements?

I’d like to explore further what I feel is happening all around us - that is labeling. My first question to myself is, “How do I choose who I want to surround myself with whether it be on my business team, socially, who do I follow on FB and even Twitter etc.? Have you ever put any time into asking yourself that same question?

For me, it boils down to who is a person of integrity, who has a positive and uplifting spirit and is a pleasure to be around? Who do I observe treating others with respect and dignity? Who am I able to have a serious conversation with and not just talking about the weather? Who can I have disagreements with, explore our differences, and come away with a sense of understanding not necessarily agreeing. Who asks questions and is not manipulating conversations with it being all about them? Who can I learn from? Who is learning and growing and excited about new things? Who is a person who embraces the concept of being the best they can be in all areas of their life?

I’ve taken time to think about the above characteristics. NO WHERE in my personal list do I EVER think about the color of a person’s skin, their political affiliation, their religious background, their financial status, or their sexual orientation. EVER!

When I look at individuals in my life and in my life with Jon, there are people of all colors, all religions, all sexual orientations, and all political affiliations. We are friends with people who have different racial backgrounds than us, we have friends who are in a mixed marriage, we have friends who are married to someone of the same sex, we have friends who are of a different religious background.

I have purposefully blocked people on my Twitter page who are only negative and condescending, I have hidden Facebook with negative entries; usually dealing with their political agenda. My mindset is not to entertain the negative, toxic tirades that have no substance other than to berate someone or something. There is NO place in my life for this!

I am tired and frustrated with listening to the young people who are not informed. Labeling is running rampant! Racist, white supremacist, violence when speakers come to campuses with a different perspective, name calling has become outlandish, and shouting down other’s right to talk in townhalls is becoming the norm. SAD!

Martin Luther King’s message in his “I Have a Dream” speech was one of peaceful protest and he said, “I have a dream that little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Instead of inclusion, we seem to be moving to separatism. SAD!

Evergreen State in the state of Washington, a public institution, berated a professor who refused to participate in a no-white day of absence. The professor was called racist and the students wanted him fired. Nonwhites wanted a day to “just be.” Go to the Youtube video to see the interactions between the professor and other administrators. SAD!

Antifa is a militant political movement that uses violent tactics to counter speech they disagree with. They are usually dressed head to toe in black, wear masks so their identity is hidden, they damage property by breaking windows and throwing Molotov cocktails. They state that they do not see property damage as violence. SAD!

Mike Isaccson, professor at John Jay College, an active Antifa member, was on Tucker Carlson last week. Tucker stated that this professor was “blurring the lines between physical violence and speech which he disagrees with.” The professor felt justified that when there was speech that went against his beliefs that the speech should be shut down at all costs. He had previously tweeted, “It is a privilege to teach future dead cops.” SAD! (He has since been fired.)

Hobby Lobby has been brought to task and called racist for selling faux raw cotton stalks — which a woman in Texas found offensive. SAD!

It seems to me that if we disagree with someone we are now quick to label. Our labels are too often racist or white supremacist. I would encourage you to listen to Youtube videos with Larry Elder, a black author and radio host. He specifically addresses these terms.

We have moved into an extreme political and even social arena where it’s ok to denigrate without real facts only personal opinions, we’re into “protecting” our way too sensitive young people from hearing a different point of view to the extent counseling, or a safe space is offered, and we can’t watch a sporting event etc. without being bombarded with personal political opinions.

Where is any kind of discourse without labeling and name calling? Where is there any kind of peaceful protesting without having groups like Antifa there to violently shut down speech that they disagree with?

I choose to surround myself with the types of people with the characteristics l listed earlier. I also choose to hear different perspectives and learn from others. I choose to not enable but to empower. I choose to empower with first understanding situations myself and then being able to have conversations with others in a respectful way. What do you choose?

I wish you a week of self-reflection. I also hope you take the time to watch Larry Elder in this video as he will give you much food for thought:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piwaBO6U43U  

Our American Spirit

Last week I wished you week of reflecting on what you’d like people to say about you when you are 90. Did you put some thought into that question? There are many challenges in our day to day lives yet who we are in our core is what says the most about each of us. I hope you did take the time to examine this question with sincerity from your inner heart.

These past few weeks have been an incredible time with the challenges of all the fires in the NW, Hurricane Harvey, and Hurricane Irma. Jon and I continually reflected on what we saw as the spirit of America at its best. People were helping those in need, seeking out those who were in life threatening situations, people were “stepping up” in all kinds of ways whether it be volunteering their time, money, or supplies. 

It was all about going above and beyond – doing whatever it took to help those in need. One’s skin color, religion, party affiliation, gender, or ethnicity were never questioned. Communication between the local, state, and federal branches of government was proactive. What I saw was the epitome of team work with the common focus of making sure people were safe first and foremost.

During this time, we didn’t hear labels such as racist, white supremacist, bigot etc. What we did hear were words of appreciation, thank you’s, respectful dialogue, amazing stories of rescue and harrowing experiences. We watched young people out rescuing the elderly or anyone in trouble. We watched people doing whatever it took to reach people needing help. 

We were saddened with the loss of life, the total loss of homes yet we watched families holding on to one another, grateful they were safe. You did hear accolades for the first responders, for the mayors, the governor, and the Trump administration.

Yesterday was 9/11. It was a time to remember what occurred 16 years ago and the terrorist attack on our country. I read Jason’s reflection on Facebook and decided he said it the best…

“As I listen to the news and look on social media on all the 9/11 tributes, and all the 'Never Forget' pictures...I am saddened. The truth is that we have forgotten. We've forgotten that we were UNITED as a country. We've forgotten that if you loved the Red, White and Blue it didn't matter what race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. We were all Americans. Yes, our nation has a past that isn't always inclusive or pretty, what country doesn't? I remember how much it hurt to know that people wanted to harm us because we were FREE.

My challenge to all of us is to do better. Love more and hate less. Don't judge because of a different point of view, but love and respect that person for being brave enough to share it. America, let's get back to who we are and what has made us great... Let's NOT forget! Not just this one day. Let's not forget the lessons we learned.”

I agree with Jason. I pray that we truly take a moment to pause, reflect, and do whatever we can do to make each day count. I pray it doesn’t take disasters or the one day to remember the events that occurred on 9/11 to bring us back to what America stands for, and why we are proud to live in this country.

There were no labels during these hurricanes or with 9/11. There were only Americans.

I wish you a week of reflection on what you can do to remember the images and remember the message of what coming together looks and sounds like EACH AND EVERY DAY!

What Will People Say?

Welcome back to my Tuesday Encouragement blogs. I have spent the month of August reflecting on my goals for 2017 and deciding where I want to focus my attention for the next four months both personally and professionally. It’s been a much needed personal time.

My goal with these blogs has always been for me to have time to reflect on what’s happening in my life, and hopefully giving you a few thoughts to add to your personal growth. Though I do not want this to be a political venue, there are things that happen in our world that I feel compelled to at least give my perspective. I always welcome your feedback and personal thoughts.

John Wooden, one of my heroes, states. “Make each day a masterpiece. A better tomorrow will be the result of what we do today.” He continues to say, “God didn’t make us all equal in ability; we’re not equal as far as size or appearance. We don’t all have the same advantages as others, but we are all equal as far as having the same opportunity to make the most of what we have – whatever that might be.”

A few weeks ago, my three siblings, our spouses, four of seven grandchildren, plus two of seven great-grandchildren all gathered in Wichita for a weekend of celebrating Mom’s 90^th birthday. 90!! That’s definitely a milestone and with family and friends we were able to have an opportunity to honor Mom and her impact on each of our lives.

Though Dad has been gone for almost eight years, the two of them celebrated 58 years of marriage; raised the four of us children, and welcomed 7 grandchildren. Mom has also now been a part of welcoming seven great grandchildren! She’s led a life of always learning and growing in both her personal and spiritual life. Now, more than ever before, the word that exemplifies Mom’s life is GRATITUDE.

She’s slowing down, gets frustrated when she can’t do something, yet is willing to admit she needs help. Mom is appreciative of all the support she gets from her family as well as support from the health professionals. Her day is not full of getting a lot done, yet it is a masterpiece. She’s present, she enjoys the moments with friends and family, and continues to give God all the credit for taking care of her. During the weekend of her birthday celebration, she was content to sit and watch all the activities; she was smiling and conversing with friends who came to celebrate her, and she was a little overwhelmed, I think, with all the attention.

Mom was born in 1927 and remembers going through the Depression. She tells us she’s sure she and her brother ate each day yet was sure her parents went without food on many occasions. She was a young woman who got a college education and taught school for a couple years before getting married. She was physically active despite not having athletics for women, she was a hard worker, she learned how to sew and became a master seamstress. She taught herself how to wallpaper, and could fix almost anything. Resourceful!

Grateful, resourceful, appreciative, she doesn't take anything for granted, and she loves life. Mom is the epitome of someone who makes the most of what she has and lives each day to the fullest. 90 years.

Thanks, Mom, for sharing your gifts with many generations, and for teaching us how to grow old gracefully and full of gratitude.

I wish you a week of reflecting on what you’d like people to say about you when you are 90.