What is Your Pedigree?

For us to achieve exceptional results in our personal lives, our health, our emotional and spiritual health, our jobs, our relationships we must learn to consistently live Above the Line to act purposefully, intentionally, and skillfully when it matters most.

Were you able to reflect this past week on your Above the Line behavior and consciously avoid BCD?  I hope so as this is a huge part of helping ourselves, our families, and all those around us to be the best they can be.

Many years ago, I remember Eddie Crowder; former Oklahoma qb standout, CU head coach, and also CU athletic director told our son, who was going into coaching, to pay attention to someone’s pedigree. Pedigree? What was Eddie talking about? He was referring to looking at the people we surround ourselves with and what they stand for. Were they people of honor and integrity? Were they role models for others? Did they learn something on a daily basis, and did they own up to their mistakes?

Looking at someone’s “pedigree” isn’t just in the coaching field. Haven’t we all established some sort of “pedigree” of our own throughout our lives? Our pedigree includes our words, actions, and the path we have followed in all areas of our lives. We have all put together a “body of work” throughout our lifetime whether we’re 16, 26, 46, 66+ to create our own pedigree.

I can definitely say that my “body of work” has changed over the years as experience, maturity, and life lessons have been a part of my learning and growing. In my younger years, I was far more interested in pleasing others and not paying attention to my inner voices.  I know some of my actions were “Below the Line,” and I did spend much more time blaming, complaining, or defending my actions (BCD). I definitely didn’t embrace my intuitive strengths until later in life. I was surrounded by people who only thought facts were important, feelings didn’t count, and therefore, I perceived myself as “less.”

When we’re young we are trying to establish ourselves whether it’s as a student, as an athlete, in our jobs, as a professional, as a parent etc. etc. I think, at a younger age, we’re far more interested in what others think of us. We are far more vulnerable to the bullying, the “competition,” and to fit a certain image. Many of us are not comfortable in our own skin and are therefore, much more susceptible to the “trying to fit in” mind set.  

On top of a natural sense of learning about who we are at our core, add to that the additional stress brought on by all the social media challenges. People are very quick to judge, comment on things that have no relevance to their life but they have to make a statement, and MANY are done anonymously. People hide behind that anonymity and have some sort of a need to make a derogatory comment about someone or something. Really? Is that the only thing they can do with their time?

I’m not talking about stating your own opinion about something you believe in such as standing when we hear the national anthem. Much was posted on FB and Twitter about Colin Kaepernick’s choice to sit during the national anthem before a pre-season game. Social media definitely took off with that and people weighed in with their opinions. That part, I have no problems with. What I do have a problem with is the name calling, the horrible comments layered with expletives, and so much more. Now that everything goes viral things are given attention that never would have a few years ago.

I am definitely very proud to be an American. I don’t agree with Collin but I feel he has the right to do and say what he wants as long as it isn’t harmful to someone else. Unfortunately, he’s getting a lot of attention because of the internet and social media. What I would ask of all of us is to take our frustrations and criticisms and take action that will be solution oriented. We have the freedom to do something that will make a difference.

The challenges our children have in raising our grandchildren is far more complex because of this viral world. Can’t part of our pedigree be modeling and teaching others about community service, donating our money and/or time to a cause, and giving back to others less fortunate? Isn’t that far more effective than posting hateful words and threats on the internet? Isn't teaching our children to be proactive and solution oriented more effective than criticism and hurtful comments?

So how do we help our children, grandchildren, and even ourselves establish a “pedigree” that will establish a strong, healthy mindset and a strong, healthy “body of work” which will create a world we all want to live in and be a part of?

First and foremost, we must take action, on a daily basis, to live a set of core values that are important to each of us. For me, those core values are focused on living a life “Above the Line.” That means stepping up and taking action with a specific intent, a specific purpose, and without any BCD. Something that Urban Meyer wrote in his book, Above the Line, really spoke to me,

“Relentless effort (not talent or intelligence) is the key to achieving great things in life. Struggle is a part of the process. It is hard and painful. But it’s also necessary, because it’s in the struggle that great things are achieved. Do you decide what to do based on what is comfortable and convenient, or based on what is productive and necessary? Following your passion isn’t always 100% pleasurable. Sometimes it means doing things you don’t want to do for the sake of achieving your goals.”

I would challenge you to think about the “body of work” you have put together over the years to create your own pedigree. Do you have a set of core values that are Above the Line? Do you use social media to benefit others? Do you never do something anonymously? Do you have opinions that you’re comfortable “voicing” yet also understand that it’s ok for others to disagree with you? Do you stand up for someone who’s being bullied, harassed, or being targeted? Do you live your life with a purpose? Do you stop yourself every time you find yourself falling into the blaming, complaining, or defending your actions instead of taking ownership for something you said or did?

Once again, I wish you a week of reflection on what you stand for as you live your daily life. What is your “body of work” as you create your own pedigree?

Live Your Life Above the Line

In your reflection last week, who did you decide you can have a positive influence on each and every day?

There has been a letdown in our house after watching a lot of the Olympic action over the past two weeks. I am continually amazed at the talent, the skills, and the sense of pride to be an American which came out time and time again throughout the games. God Bless America!

My latest read is once again from a book that Jason read and even had all his coaches read before this new season. It’s called Above the Line by Urban Meyer. It’s a book on “lessons of leadership and life from a championship season.” The take away is far more than just a football book. It’s a book about life and creating a culture of leadership that is above anything else I’ve ever read.

Meyer is extremely candid about his struggles of balancing football and life in general. The key ingredient for him to change, even after all his successes, was because he was coachable himself and willing to learn and grow.  Leaders are learners.

“Leadership is based on trust that has been earned.” Successful leaders earn trust, set clear standards, and then equip and inspire people to meet those standards. With this definition in mind, who would you say are the leaders you surround yourself with on a regular basis? I know I was fortunate enough to have a principal, my last 15 years of teaching, who was a true leader and was a role model for learning, growing, and inspiring others to meet the clear standards he set.

On the other hand, I have also experienced those who want to be a leader solely on their title. It was because of that title, position, etc. that others were to respect that person, follow their lead, never challenge what the “leader” said. They were usually ones that were not open to learning and growing. These are usually the same people who fight change, fear those that bring on a different mindset, and do their best to squelch anything that wasn’t his/her idea.

I celebrated when I saw that in Urban’s book he stated, “Honesty is one of our core values at Ohio State. Honesty and its first cousin, accountability, are the heart of what we do, and that goes for everybody, staff, and players alike.” Hmmm…I’m not sure we have our politicians and other “leaders” who would be able to state that honesty and accountability is their core value, however, isn’t that why we are struggling as a nation? Isn’t getting back to our basic core values what people are wanting in today’s world?

Purpose is what should be driving all that we do. According to Meyer, “without it, you can work hard and do all sorts of things right and still not get the results you want.” We saw an example of purpose with every event we watched on the Olympics. These athletes worked hard for 4+ years in order to reach the goal of being at the Olympics in the first place. Their focus and purpose was to win a gold medal. Did each person win a gold medal? Of course not, but that purpose was a driving factor.

I was very proud of athletes like Carrie Walsh-Jennings and April Ross, the sand volleyball duo. Despite the loss to Brazil and the chance to go for the gold medal, they never lost their drive to do their very best despite the circumstances. If you watched that match, it was an unbelievable display of talent, grit, and a never give up attitude. They stood on the podium receiving a bronze medal with pride and excitement. Did they want the gold medal? Of course, but they understood they were still true to their core values and were proud to represent the United States of America that day.

Meyer makes sure that everything that is done both on and off the field has a purpose – NOTHING is accidental. How many of us can say that about our lives? Think about yesterday and your actions. Did you have a purpose with everything you did or did you find there was much done out of habit without any purpose? If you find you’re not purpose oriented, now’s the time to be willing to change and grow since that is truly the essence of life and leadership. After all, if we’re not growing we’re dying, according to Jim Rohn.

Meyer’s leadership consultant, Tim Knight’s teaching point states that it all begins with “Above the line” behavior. This behavior is intentional, on purpose, and skillful. To the contrary, “Below the line” behavior is impulsive, on autopilot, and resistant. This is dangerous because we become comfortable and it’s convenient.”  Eventually, this Below the Line thinking produces failure. How many times do we settle, or we’re used to doing something the same old way as it’s much harder to change and do something different.

As Urban states and I would agree, “Above the Line or Below the Line” is the most important choice we all make every day. Above the Line behavior is conscious and thoughtful – a choice made in alignment with our larger vision of where we want to go.”

Also according to Urban in his book,” It isn’t hard to find people who are caught up in Below the Line Behavior. All we have to do is look for those whose first reaction is to Blame (others), Complain (about circumstances), and Defend (yourself) or BCD.”

Knowing these three words of actions representing Below the Line behavior is a great way for each of us to check our own actions. It’s also a great way to teach our children and grandchildren that when we blame others, complain about circumstances, and defend our actions we are acting Below the Line. How powerful would this simple piece of advice help guide each of us in our own actions and be a role model for others?

“BCD has never solved a problem, achieved a goal, or improved a relationship. Stop wasting your time and energy on something that will never help you. ELIMINATE BCD from your life!”

“Getting and staying Above the Line is the foundation for success in anything we do. It does not come naturally. It must be taught and learned.” For us to achieve exceptional results in our personal lives, our health, our emotional and spiritual health, our jobs, our relationships we must learn to consistently live Above the Line to act purposefully, intentionally, and skillfully when it matters most.

I wish you a week of reflection on your Above the Line behavior and consciously avoiding BCD.

Are You a Positive Influencer?

Did you take time this week to evaluate how you’re using your time and how you can consistently focus on taking one step forward to reach your dreams and goals? I hope so!

Once again listening to the comments about our Olympic athletes, another common theme is how they are positively influencing another generation to “go for the gold” in their own lives. What a great and much needed message!

What about you? Do you realize how much you are an influencer of many? I’m not talking about how many likes you have on Facebook, or the number of followers on Twitter, or even the number of people who may work for you. According to John Maxwell, “there are dozens and maybe even hundreds that we influence without even knowing it.” It may be the cashier at the grocery store that you always ask how they’re doing, it may be your hair stylist who you always give a big tip to because she does such a great job. What about the mail lady who brings you a package to your door, and you ask about her children?

John Maxwell used the following quote in the first chapter of his book, Developing the Leader Within You: “There have been meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one can understand the mysterious thing we call influence…yet…every one of us continually exerts influence, either to heal, to bless, to leave marks of beauty; or to wound to hurt, to poison, to stain other lives.”

Have you ever thought about your life in that way? The way you choose to live your life is impacting the people you come in contact with each and every day. WOW!  That’s pretty powerful. As Maxwell references in the quote above, that influence can either be positive or negative.

“Anyone can have a bad day. It happens to all of us. But how many bad days might you cut out of a year if you recognized that you have the ability to make a difference to everyone you meet?” 

Do you believe that you really can “make someone’s day” even in the most brief moments just by giving them eye contact and saying hi? Do you believe you impact someone else’s life when you take time to listen without judging? Do you believe you can impact someone’s life just by giving a smile? After all, it really is a choice of how we decide to live our lives. Do you believe you can choose compliments versus criticism?

John Maxwell says, “When you make it your mission to value people and add value to them, you are planting the seeds for a harvest of positive change.” I would totally agree with him, do you?

If you set the tone with your spouse, your children, and other family members first, you will set the tone for them to influence others in a positive way as well. It’s the ripple effect. I think you will truly be amazed at what will begin to happen.

The next step is to expand that positive influence in other parts of your life. What if you actually let someone in ahead of you during rush hour? What if you were grateful to your server even if the food was just marginal? What if you held a door open for someone or looked behind you before the door closed making sure it wouldn’t slam in someone’s face? It really is the little things that have the biggest influence.

Remember…”There are meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity.”

I wish you a week of reflection on who you have influence on each and every day and how you can be sure it’s a positive influence.

Consistency is the Glue

Did you spend time reflecting on what people would say about you right now? What did you decide are the important values you want people to remember you for at the end of your life? Are those values things you’re living right now or are there some things you need to emphasize more?

Have you watched any of the Olympics yet? For so many reasons, I love this time. The athletic talent is beyond amazing, the sense of country is uplifting, and the overall message is something to take to heart for each of us. In addition, I love the personal stories.

If you watch the interviews with the athletes before and after their events, you will hear a common theme: hard work, dedication, sacrifice, support of family and friends, strengthening both physical and mental skills, a positive attitude, the importance of setting goals, daily focus, determination, and a passion to reach the Olympics.

In listening to the individual stories, I hear, almost to an athlete, the challenges which they have faced along their journey to the Olympics. Some of those challenges were injuries, doubts coming from others, overcoming challenges, and even self-doubt.

Michael Phelps’ story is also one of overcoming. Despite his success in the pool, his life “was spiraling out of control.” He actually put himself in rehab. He was open to therapy, and he dealt with his “demons.” Coming out of these challenges, Michael is now enjoying the Olympics like no other time, he has reconnected with his dad, and he became a dad himself two months ago.  "With everything that's happened, being able to come back, that's probably harder than any swim I've had in my life."

Have you ever considered the time investment for these athletes? We don’t see the day in day out grind, the sacrifices they make, the daily demands, and the choices they make in order to reach their goals? Have you ever considered the time investment in some of the world’s greatest achievements?

          It took 26 months to build the Eiffel Tower.

          It took DaVinci 4 years to paint the Mona Lisa.

          It took Michelangelo 4 years to paint the Sistine Chapel.

          It took Leo Tolstoy 6 years to write War and Peace.

And we get impatient when the computer doesn’t boot up fast enough. Would you be willing to make the kind of sacrifices our Olympic athletes or any athlete for that matter commits to in order to reach their dreams? The dream of being the first person in the family to get a college degree because football, volleyball, basketball, soccer etc. gave them that opportunity. What is that worth? It doesn’t come without a sacrifice, yet what is that worth? Each of the Olympians, each of the athletes reporting to camp this fall, each of us in our goals to have a healthy marriage/relationship, financial success, a healthy body, a successful job/career, and a positive mindset all have made a decision to invest our time wisely.

According to John Maxwell, “Time is the one commodity each person gets in equal measure. As songwriter Chris Rice wrote, ’Every day is a bank account, and time is our currency. No one’s rich, nobody’s poor – we all get 24 hours each.” Are you investing your time wisely? We spend many hours each day on things that are not bringing us anything in return. According to the website Digital Trends, “Americans now spend an average of 4.7 hours a day looking at social media on their phones.” That is an amazing statistic and a sad one.

Social media, in my opinion, has its positives; however, the negatives are also taking its toll.  Is it investing time wisely if you “don’t have time” and the reason is you’ve spent so much time looking at what others are doing on social media? Have we become a culture that doesn’t appreciate time anymore? Is that instant gratification and micro wave thinking taking over? As John Maxwell said, “Our default setting is impatience.”

Relationships, our health, personal growth, our finances etc. all of these areas need an investment of time. “The good news: you can very easily make improvements in the way you invest your time. All it takes is one simple habit.” CONSISTENCY!

There is power in CONSISTENCY. Consistency means you give a little bit of time to each area every day, and you stick with it. It’s the discipline to stick with it that yields not only tangible results of the investment, but the internal rewards as well. You learn to increase the time you give each area. You become more aware of how you’re wasting time. You get sharper, smarter, and more focused as a result.”

“When you live with consistency, you learn that the rewards you seek in life don’t come after you take one step; they come when you’ve taken a journey to a place you’ve never been. The habit of consistency, will allow you to be able to live like Coach John Wooden said – making each day your masterpiece.”

As we watch our athletes perform at the Olympics, as you watch sporting events this fall, as you listen to music, attend a concert, or watch a play, remember these are people who have dedicated their time, consistently, to achieve all that they have achieved. It didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t without sacrifice.

I wish you a week of evaluating how you’re using your time and how you can consistently focus on taking one step forward to reach your dreams and goals. Will it be in your personal development, your finances, your health, your mindset, in your job, in the classroom, in your sport or craft? You decide.

A Tribute to Charlie

I hope you had a week of realizing your importance to those around you!

Have you ever thought about what people would say at your memorial service? What impact will you have had and what will you be remembered for when you’re gone? 

This past weekend we went to a memorial service for our dear friend of 27 years, Charlie Whitaker. He was our friend, a husband, father, and grandfather who lost his seven year battle with cancer. Over his 77 years of life, he did make an impact on the lives of everyone he met. 

During the service there was a time for family and friends to share their thoughts. It was very touching to hear, through their tears, what his grandson’s remembered about him from always being there to support whatever they were doing, to teaching them about life, to how much they will miss him. Each one of his three children shared memories of always learning from their dad, how he enjoyed teasing especially their mother, and how he was always there to support them whatever they were doing through good times and tough times. Their love and pride of their father was evident in each of their shared memories.

For us, Charlie and his wife Judy were the ones who took these neophytes under their experienced “wings” to help us learn about raising pigs and lambs as our kids got involved with 4H. Charlie was the one who brought us a treadmill for the lambs to help make their back legs stronger, he was the one that helped us pick out the animals in the spring, and he was the one who was cheering our kids on when they were showing their animals.

Charlie’s love of the Colorado Buffs and especially Buffs4Life was unparalleled. He was the consummate volunteer helping with security at football practices, giving tours of the facility, checking that students were attending class, taking registrations at various events, flying to most away games and tailgating at the ones at home. Darian Hagan, a former CU athlete and now CU coach, through his tears, shared how much Charlie believed in him, how much he told him time and time again how much he was proud of him, and how he cared about the athletes. The athletes knew Charlie was always there to support them and give them words of wisdom.

Despite Charlie’s struggle these past couple years with chemo that took a definite toll on his body and his energy level, it never took his brain. He may have been in pain, but Charlie’s positive mental attitude and desire to live each day to its fullest, I believe, added more months to his life. Earlier this summer, Jon and I watched this luxury gator speeding up our driveway only to realize it was Charlie behind the wheel. He was excited to have a new toy with all the bells and whistles. He planned on using it to spray all the weeds around his property. He was going to drive while Judy sat on the back and sprayed. Another smile comes to my face just picturing that happening.

Charlie was all about helping others and being there to support the hard work and dreams of his grandchildren and other young people. Our son benefitted from Charlies’ love of the Buffs when Jason was a player and then later in the position of coach. They would debrief the games and talk strategy. Those football conversations continued these past three years when Jason became head coach of Missouri Baptist University. Charlie loved following him, loved debriefing Jason’s games, and encouraged him to continue doing what he loved most and was passionate about…coaching the football student athlete at MBU. 

What we will all remember about this special man is his love of family, friends, and Buff Nation. The sadness is natural because of the impact Charlie had in everyone’s life. The memories bring laughter, stories, smiles, stories, admiration, and more stories. You always knew what Charlie was thinking, and you always knew of his love of life.

Thank you for letting me share these thoughts. It has been a time to reflect on what impact I have made on the people in my life. We are all on this earth to make a difference. Charlie made a difference. He had a huge circle of influence. What is my circle of influence? What is your circle of influence?

I wish you a week of reflection about what people would say about you right now in your life? What do you want people to say about you at the end of your life?