Rules for Your Bus

I hope you had a chance to reflect on your emotional IQ. Were you able to feed your positive mindset even in the face of all the negativity that seems to continue to inundate us from all around. You CAN “feed the positive!”

Unfortunately, these are such challenging times; however, I hope you also realize that in YOUR life there are positives. We can’t control the horrific attacks and the negativity in the media. We must stay vigilant, but we also must continue to live a life of gratitude.

In the last part of the Energy Bus there are 10 rules for the “ride of your life.”  I invite you to look through these and use them to guide you each day:

1   1. YOU’RE the driver of your bus.

2   2. Desire, vision, and focus move your bus in the right direction.

3   3. Fuel your ride with positive energy.

4   4.  Invite people on your bus and share your vision for the road. YOU are capable of influencing others with a positive attitude.

5   5. Don’t waste your energy and time on those who don’t “get on your bus.” They are energy stealers.

6    6. Post a sign that says “No energy vampires allowed!”  In other words, keep out the toxic and negative people out of your life.

7    7.  Enthusiasm attracts more passengers and energizes them during the ride.

8   8.  Love your passengers. These are the people who you surround yourself with that have that same positive mindset.

9   9.  Drive with a purpose.

    10.  HAVE FUN and enjoy the ride. Each day is special.

Think about all the people on your bus; your spouse or significant other, your children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, colleagues, friends, and many more. You are an important “driver” in their lives. 

You are a role model, and a leader for all those close to you. They look to you to set the course. They look to you for guidance. They look to you for stability. They look to you for LOVE and support!

This is an important time.  I wish you a week of realizing your importance to those around you.

Get on the Energy Bus!

Were you able to reflect on your life and pay attention to opportunities that needed another’s voice? I hope you were able to take action to make life better for someone in your life.

Don’t forget these words of Martin Luther King, “The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”

The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon has been my latest read and seems to fit into everything I’m thinking and feeling these days. He writes in a story format about the “10 Rules to Fuel your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy.” The book is an international best seller that reads easily and takes you on an “inspiring ride” which reveals 10 secrets to fuel your life. You cannot help but shake your head affirming his points, laugh at some of the craziness we experience in life, and smile with the sage advice from, Joy, the bus driver.

“Everyone faces challenges. And every person, organization, company, and team has to overcome negativity and adversity to define themselves and create their own success.” No one goes through life untested and the answer to these tests is positive energy – the kind of positive energy that consists of the vision, trust, optimism, enthusiasm, purpose, and spirit that we can all possess. 

This past week has been another troubling time in all of our lives. The one positive from all of this is that people are finally beginning to really talk. That talk has been more on a personal, face-to-face basis, hearts are being shared, and people truly want to make a difference. I have found myself floundering a little lately as to what I should be doing, how can I make a difference, how can I impact people’s lives in my own way? I will say, these blogs have been cathartic for me as I can share my thoughts. Writing gives me an opportunity to get out some of my own fears, frustrations, worry etc. What can YOU do to handle all this craziness in our world?

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason. From every person we meet, every event in our life, to the timing of an opportunity etc. it’s all supposed to happen the way it happens. As Jon Gordon references in his book, “Always remember that you are the driver of your bus.  It’s the most important of the rules because if you don’t take responsibility for your life and control of your bus then you can’t take it where you want to go. If you’re not the driver, then you’ll always be at the whim of everyone else’s plans.”

When we are feeling out of control, things appear to be happening TO us, the world seems to be “falling apart,” our country seems to be “out of control”, we seem to have a huge division between whites and blacks, between police and blacks, we don’t feel safe even in our own towns etc. etc. All these feelings are legitimate, they are real, and they seem overwhelming at times. I have found I needed to sit down in my own quiet moments to figure out how I can get my own “bus” back in alignment with what I believe. I believe there is far more good than evil in this world, I believe that all people, in their hearts, no matter the color of someone’s skin, their religious beliefs, etc. they all want the same basic things in life.

“Our thoughts are energy therefore they are powerful! Thoughts are magnetic. What we think about we attract. What we think about expands and grows. What we put our energy and attention on starts to show up more in our life. And the energy we project through our thoughts is the energy we receive.”  It’s important then that we spend our time thinking about what we DO want rather than what we don’t. Do you want to resolve that conflict with your spouse, your team at work, your child, your parent? If you can only think about what someone has done to “hurt” you, then you will only get more hurt back. If you spend your time focusing on what has gone well, what YOU can do to change the communication then things will begin to change.

Recently, I was sharing with my niece, Jessica, a few of these concepts; “what you focus on expands,” living a daily life of gratitude etc. as she was studying for the MCAT’s and feeling overwhelmed.  In The Energy Bus, Gordon had an equation:  E + P = O.

 Events + perception = outcome. “We can’t control the events in our life but we CAN control how we perceive them and our perception and response to the events determine our outcome. The P can also stand for positive energy.”

Keep in mind when I refer to positive energy and what Gordon writes in his book, we’re NOT talking about the fake kind that masks negativity and is super annoying to others. “We’re referring to real positive energy that helps you overcome obstacles and challenges to be able to create success. It’s about trust, faith, enthusiasm, purpose, joy, and happiness.” This type of positive energy inspires and leads others!

We can’t control waking up to one more tragedy half way across the world or events right here in our own country. We can be present with our fears, sadness, anger etc. but that should only be temporary. It is not a solution nor does it get us moving forward. It only puts us in a negative place. Where there is a void, negativity will fill it. That means we MUST get ourselves back on track with positive energy that will FUEL our positive energy. “We must fuel up with positive thoughts, cultivate positive feelings, and take positive actions.”

Did you know that it’s physically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time? Being grateful “floods the body and brain with positive endorphins and emotions!” That IS in our control. “There will always be negativity everywhere and in everything we do. We will always be surrounded by negative people. It’s not these people so to speak. It’s the negativity they represent. They are just one of many we each will come across.”

As Gordon explains, “Life is a test. Every adversity helps us grow. Negative events and people teach us what we don’t want so we can focus our energy on what we DO want.”

There are questions we all can ask ourselves when we encounter tragedy, life’s challenges, and negativity etc.:

·       What can I learn from this challenge?

·       What is it teaching me?

·       What can I do to make a difference from a negative to a positive?

The lessons we learn will make us stronger, wiser, and better.

I wish you a week of reflecting on your emotional IQ. Feed the positive mindset even in the face of all the negativity that seems to be inundating us from all around. You CAN “feed the positive!”

We CAN Take Action!

I wish you a week of reflection in all that this country offers to each and every one of us no matter age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation or sexual preference. We DO have a say in our lives in this country, and we CAN make a difference in not only our own lives but in the lives of those around us.

Interestingly enough, that was the last paragraph of last week’s blog. It has been another horrific time in our country’s history with the in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge and Dallas shootings. Our country is in turmoil. Do we even know how to connect with one another anymore? It’s difficult for most of us to wrap our heads around this.

I read a comment on FB from JJ Flannigan, a former CU football player, who gave an account of a recent experience. “Today, July 8^th, 2016, I was reminded that I have been too comfortable and that I am still a black man living in a white man’s world. I was reminded that it doesn’t matter my education, my job, my salary, the way I speak, or the suit I was wearing, I am still just a “nigga” in this world. Today while walking through security at the court, which I do several times a week, I was loudly confronted by security about why I was coming through that security area. I was told to go to another entrance. Then I realized that the security assumed that I was a “defendant” coming to court and not working for the public defender’s office. If I’m a black man walking into a court building evidently I MUST be a criminal. Thanks for reminding me once again who I am and how you see me and think of me. To my white friends, stand up for injustice when you see it or you might as well put on the ‘white sheet’ too. To my kids, DON’T GET COMFORTABLE…Be prepared for injustice so you don’t have to be pissed off like I am right now. To my minority friends, talk to your kids and tell them to be proud of who they are but never assume and never get comfortable, or you will get reminded eventually, like I did today.”

In reading about JJ’s experience, it made me so sad but it was also a reality check that as a white, 64 year old woman, it’s not in my understanding how this type of situation could exist in this day and age. In asking what I could do, JJ told me to speak up and say something when I see an injustice. There were 15+ people who witnessed the situation at the court house that day and no one spoke up.

Mark McIntosh, a friend, motivational speaker, author, and now the founder of an organization called  A Stronger Cord writes a weekly blog which I enjoy reading. Mark’s words this past week rang true to my spirit, “It’s the spiritual foundation of the wellness outreach movement A Stronger Cord. It doesn’t matter if we’re black, white, brown; live in a mission, mansion or Main Street, we need to realize societal challenges of homelessness, poverty, income inequality or racism will only be solved collectively by investing time in one another. Success in life is a team effort that recognizes race, religion and socio-economic differences as opportunities not obstacles to build a stronger cord to one another.”

My sadness, frustration, worry etc. all felt heavy on my heart. That was ok for a short time because those feelings were real. Now it’s time to move into action mode. Each of us in our own world and in our own experiences can learn, grow, and stand up for others. As JJ said, SPEAK UP. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, swear, or do things that deflect the point of your words. BUT SPEAK UP!

From the Introduction of the latest book I’m reading, The Energy Bus, it says,” There is an abundance of new research that shows that positive people, positive communication, positive interactions, and positive work and team cultures produce positive results. Or perhaps at a deeper level we all know that every person, every career, every company, every organization, every family, and every team will have to overcome negativity, adversity, and challenges to define themselves and create success.”

I refuse to be intimidated and I refuse to be fearful all the time. That’s in my control. So is SPEAKING UP!

I wish you a week of reflection about your life and a week to pay attention to opportunities that need another’s voice. By not taking action whether it’s not going to vote, not speaking up when you see wrong being done etc. aren’t you really saying you’ll let others make the decisions for you? Aren’t you really giving away your freedoms? Aren’t you really saying that you can’t make a difference in this world?

The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.

iY Generation - Part 3

I hope you had a week of reflection on how you could continue to be a positive influencer or how you could strengthen your position as a mentor, coach, teacher, parent etc. of this iY generation.

Tim Elmore continues throughout his book to discuss the special challenges of iY boys especially as they are the ones who play so many more video games than girls - a MUST READ chapter plus much more.

Parenting, has it changed over the years? Of course, however, not always for the better. Our intentions are good, we mean well, and we want the best for our children. The problem is many times we have disabled them from actually maturing into adulthood. We’ve actually helped and protected them too much! Some of this is because the world has changed. In the 1980’s, dangers to children reached a new high – divorce, violent crime, alcohol and drug consumption, as well as concerns from “venetian blinds to peanut butter.”

In 1999, the Columbine High School massacre was replayed over and over again on TV. I remember being in my 5^th grade classroom when we heard the news. As adults, we were all scared and my students were wondering what was happening. As a staff, we had many conversations as to what we needed to do to keep our students safe and what to say to our parents.

 

There are many “reasons” why parents threw themselves into protect mode. Unfortunately, the results were children who weren’t allowed the privilege of learning to fail and persevere. “Helicopter” parents found it difficult to allow their children to develop the strength for life’s hardships. Other parents attempted to be their child’s best friend or buddy. Boundaries and any type of discipline were not there. I remember telling many parents that it was NOT their job to be their child’s best friend. They were the parent. They were the ones who set the boundaries. As a teacher and parent of grown children, I was able to explain that if they did their job as a parent their children would be their best friend when they became adults.

Elmore continues about the dangers of disabling a generation due to our “muddying the waters.”  Because of many of the messages we have sent our children, “too many are reaching adulthood emotionally unstable and socially naïve.” Yes, we definitely want our children to be self-confident, BUT based on true reality – NOT what we see on the “reality” TV shows. Read pages 113-122 for more specifics.

There is an entire section in the book which relates the various lies we have told our children. I want to elaborate on one of my pet peeves and that is Lie #6 You’re a Winner Just Because You Participated. I remember many years ago being a lone voice at my elementary school as our track and field went to everyone getting ribbons for everything, no individual times for the mile run, no comparisons of how well they did individually to beat their own time, etc. etc. Only recently have I seen a few commercials where the dad takes off the Participation label after his son’s team won the championship game, and he wrote Champions. 

Though Bria’s t-ball team doesn’t keep score, she is the first one to say they won. When asked why, she identifies that they had more kids out at first base then the other team. Hmm..she’s 6 ½. She knows.

Maybe the “everyone is a winner” phase is ok to use when they are young but even a 1^st grader knows what the score is despite not keeping score. She also is well aware there are several of the kids on the team who are better than others, and she also knows her own skills have gotten better. Kids are not stupid whether it’s in sports, playing an instrument, in the classroom etc. What motivation do kids have if they only participate? The “less accomplished kids have little reason to strive to be better, and the more talented kids have little motivation to improve.”

My sister told me of a situation with her 10 year old grandson. They were playing basketball. In the game, if one team got up by 10 points, they were not allowed to have any further scoring count until the other team caught up. WHAT? REALLY? Now where in the real world is that ever going to be the case? With the “everybody wins lie” our children are not prepared for the real world, and truly in those situations nobody really wins. What is there to strive for, what is there to feel genuinely proud of?

It is a rude awakening to these young people when they get into the classrooms where everyone is competing for the same scholarships and not everyone will get one? What happens to those athletes who want to play on the collegiate level who have been stand outs on their high school team, but with the competition more intense they aren’t standing out as before. They don’t understand why they aren’t getting more playing time. The attitude of, “If I can’t be the top dog, then I won’t play” so they quit. Add to the fact that it’s often times a parent calling the coach and complaining that their child isn’t getting more playing time – not the athlete. NOT!

Dr Chris Thurman has said, “The number one cause of our unhappiness are the lies we believe in life.” Tim Elmore continues, “Growing up requires facing the truth and embracing the reality, and this is an important challenge for Generation iY kids and the adults who are leading them. But the good news is that living the truth makes us happier, healthier, and more productive human beings. Truthful relationships are more stable. A truthful approach to problem solving gets to the root of the problem more effectively. A commitment to truth makes all of life simpler and more fulfilling.”

“Unless we raise the standard for kids today and help them to think and act like authentic leaders, they won’t be ready for the responsibility thrust on them as they enter young adulthood.” That means WE have to change. Adult coaches, parents, grandparents, employers, teachers, counselors, and religious leaders must be the ones to take on the challenge of preparing them.

According to Tim Elmore, and I would agree especially after reading this book, there are “five decisions to help Generation iY find their way:

1.    Values: These come first, because they’re the moral compass.

2.    Vision: This usually comes next because it’s your blueprint for life.

3.    Virtues: This is next since it reveals your best tool to influence and serve.

4.    Venue: This follows because now you’re ready to find a suitable context.

5.    Vehicle: Finally, you can choose the actions necessary to reach the goal.”

I will leave you with the following list of suggestions from Tim’s book that we ALL can do as we work with our young people. They have enormous potential to build a positive future for themselves if all the adults in their life can help them leverage their influence and take their place as leaders.

1.    Let them be different from previous generations.

2.    Work with them to develop strong personal values.

3.    Help them learn to make and keep short-term commitments.

4.    Work with them to simplify their lives and deal with stress.

5.    Communicate that there is meaning even in the small, mundane tasks.

6.    Help them to focus.

7.    Work with them to appreciate strengths in others.

8.    Create opportunities for face-to-face interaction so they can learn to interact in the nonvirtual world (other than school).

9.    Provide opportunities for kids to participate in a cause that’s bigger than they are.

1.  Enable them to take control of their lives, to be the boss of their calendar.

1.  Resource them with your network.

1.  Challenge them to take their place in history.

As I said when I first began these blogs three weeks ago, I have found this book to be enlightening, candid, sometimes depressing, and yet hopeful as there are things we can do. If you still haven’t bought the book or listened to it on audio, I encourage you to do so.

I wish you a week of reflection in all that this country offers to each and every one of us no matter age, gender, ethnicity, religious affiliation or sexual preference. We DO have a say in our lives in this country, and we CAN make a difference in not only our own lives but in the lives of those around us.

Happy 4th of July

Symbols.  The definition of a symbol is "something that stands for or represents something else.”  As we celebrate another 4^th of July, it’s interesting to think about this day of celebration through our symbols. “Symbols reflect a meaning and bring a vivid picture of what they represent to our minds.  They help connect our feelings to that object or an event.  This, in turn, gives us a constant reminder which is the purpose of symbols.  Every country in the world has symbols that give its citizens a sense of national pride.” 

One of those symbols is the flag.  ”Flags are symbols which give the citizens of a particular country a sense of national pride.”  With the Olympics just around the corner, you will notice the flag of each of the participating countries being flown/waved with great enthusiasm!   “The United States Flag, also referred to as “Old Glory” and the “Star Spangled Banner,” symbolizes our freedom and liberties.  In addition, it stands for the foundation which our government was built.”

Over time, our flag’s design has evolved from the “Cambridge Flag” General George Washington raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts on January 1776 to the Stars and Stripes flag which had the thirteen alternating red and white stripes and a circle of white stars on a blue background.  The next flag was introduced when Vermont and Kentucky became the first two states added to the Union after the original thirteen.  “This was also the flag which inspired Francis Scott Key to write the poem, ‘The Defense of Fort McHenry’ which became the Star Spangled Banner, and later our national anthem.  This was our national flag from 1795-1818.  In 1818, Congress passed a law returning our flag to the original thirteen stripes and a star for each state.”

”Why stars and stripes?  Stars are considered a symbol of the heavens and the divine goal to which man has aspired from time immemorial; the stripe is symbolic of the rays of light emanating from the sun.”

Another symbol for the United States is that of the bald eagle.  Congress chose the American Bald Eagle to be our national bird in 1784 although there was much debate over the choice. “As a result of the debate, the bald eagle was chosen because it symbolizes strength, courage, freedom, bravery, and immortality.”  You will find the Bald Eagle on two coins; the quarter and the half dollar.  It is also on the President’s flag and on army and navy uniforms.

What about fireworks?  They always seem to be a part of every celebration across the country.  According to Kirsten Sorenson a contributor for ehow, “Fireworks and the Fourth of Julyare as American as apple pie, picnics and parades. However, the origin of fireworks stretches much further back than July 4, 1776. Fireworks have long been used in many cultures to celebrate, so their use in Independence Day celebrations was natural for American colonists accustomed to English celebrations highlighted and heightened by fireworks displays.”

The Statue of Liberty – yet another symbol.   According to Wikipedia, “The statue was dedicated on October 28, 1886, a gift to the United States from the people of France. The statue is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tablet evoking the law upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue is an icon of freedom and of the United States: a welcoming signal to immigrants arriving from abroad.”

A little American history which may be new information for some, a refresher for others, and always a reminder for all of us of what we have here in our country.  These symbols: the flag, the Bald Eagle, fireworks, and the Statue of Liberty are only a few of the symbols which reflect our democratic freedoms.  

As you celebrate Monday, July 4^th 2016, I wish you safety, fun, good food, friendship, and most of all, I hope you look around at the beauty in our country and all that we have in our lives because we are a free country.