TODAY Matters

Last week, I wished you a week of taking stock of your own “movie” so far. I also wished you a week to begin to learn how to listen carefully to all the clues around you. How did that go and what did you learn about yourself? I hope these weekly questions at least give you pause and reflection as life get so busy that we often don’t take time for personal analysis.

It’s been an interesting week. What I mean by that is I am hearing frustration from some people when their clientele only want things handed to them despite an easy way to show their personal commitment and buy in. It’s listening to the “poor pitiful me” reasons why something didn’t work out yet that same person only complained and had no action to move forward. It’s hearing the constant stream of blame, complain, and defending one’s own actions but seldom a single gratitude statement of something that did go right.

In reading John Maxwell’s book, Today Matters, he referenced the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Do you remember that one? Poor Alexander. His day seemed to be filled with obstacles, challenges, and setbacks. How often do you feel like that describes your day(s) exactly?

The question is, how often do you have great days? “Is it the norm or the rare exception for you? Take today, for example. How would you rate it? Up to this point, has it been a great day? Or has it been less than fantastic? Maybe that’s a question you haven’t even thought about until now. How would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being perfect), would you even know how to score it? Upon what would you base your rating? Would it depend on how you feel? Would it be determined by how many items you’ve checked off your to-do list? Would you score your day according to how much time you’ve spent with someone you love? How do you define success for today?”

Isn’t it true that everyone wants to have a good day, a successful day? However, would you also agree that not many people know what a good day looks like? I know I’m a list maker and I like to plan-ahead - I’m proactive vs. reactive. If I were to only judge the success of my day with what was checked off, that would only be a small portion of what a “good day” might look like for me. Would my score be different if I didn’t get done what was on my list but instead I helped-out a friend or had a long conversation encouraging someone who was feeling defeated? For me that would also be a good or successful day despite the lack of things checked off the to-do list. Isn’t what we’re talking about really what we’ve decided is our own personal definition of success?

According to John Maxwell, “People create success in their lives by focusing on today. It may sound trite, but today is the only time you have. It’s too late for yesterday. And you can’t depend on tomorrow. That’s why today matters. Most of the time we miss that.

Think about past successes and failures. Would you say that often times things look bigger in hindsight than they actually were? Think about the high school basketball or football star or class president. Are they the ones at the high school reunion that continually relive those “best-ever high school days?” They’re the ones that you realize have lived their entire life, since high school, looking back. What about the athlete that was Athlete of the Week because of a great performance on the field and the following week played awful. Instead of spending time reflecting on why the week went so well and duplicating those actions and efforts, they focus on all the positive attention. Then you have the 40 year old business person lamenting about all that he/she could have accomplished if it weren’t for the recession, or a bad boss, or living in the wrong area?

John has a sign on his desk that says, “Yesterday ended last night.” He states that it’s a reminder “that no matter how badly I failed in the past, it’s done, and today is a new day. Conversely, no matter what goals I may have accomplished or awards I may have received, they have little direct impact on what I do today. I can’t celebrate my way to success either.”

Let’s go back to God as the director of our movie, that he already knows the ending for each of us. Isn’t it then our job to figure out how everything relates to today. It’s my humble opinion, that like a movie script, we need an overall plan for our “story.” There may be some flashbacks but those times are to be used for reflection, learning, and adjusting, NOT to stay in the past. If we continue to hold grudges or not let go of something that a family member did to us, or not move forward after falling flat on our face with a project, or not take care of our health because “I can’t ever lose weight,” or thinking that you’ll never find the love of your life because you’re too old to find someone now, are all ways we are living in the past NOT today.

“One today, is worth two tomorrows; what I am to be, I am now becoming,” Benjamin Franklin. Everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his or her life. How? FOCUS ON TODAY!  Ok, that sounds trite and definitely easier said than done; however, NOTHING will change in your life until you change something you do on a DAILY basis. “Every day of your life is merely preparation for the next. What you become is the result of what you do today.”

It’s like those New Year’s Resolutions that most people have long forgotten by now. Just because you had one good week in the gym doesn’t mean that you can stop now. Just because you had one good week of sales doesn’t mean you can stop now. Just because you had one good game doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in the gym or watching film again the next week. Just because you haven’t met anyone new for the past week doesn’t mean that you should quit trying to meet new people.

What you become is what you do today. The way you live your life today is preparing you for your tomorrow. So, what is it that you’re preparing for? “Are you grooming yourself for success or failure?” John Maxwell heard wise words from his father, “You can pay now and play later, or you can play now and pay later. Either way, you are going to pay. The idea was that you can play and take it easy and do what you want today, but if you do, your life will be harder later. However, if you work hard now, on the front end, then you will reap rewards in the future.”

“Most people don’t lead their own lives- they accept their lives.” John Kotter.  Many people approach their life passively. They take a reactive approach to living instead of a proactive one. If you’re reactive you end up focusing on repairing, but if you’re proactive, you focus on preparing. Which one are you? How do YOU approach each day?

According to John, there are two ingredients necessary to make every day a masterpiece: decisions and discipline. You could also all them “goal setting” and “goal getting.” They can’t be separated because one is worthless without the other.

TODAY is all you have. “The greatest gap in life is the one between knowing and doing.” Dick Briggs.

I wish you a week of making the most of each day and taking time at the end of each day to rate yourself on how well you were able to live in the moment – not living in the past or dreading the future.

God is Directing Your Movie

Last week, I wished you a week of finding a book that will help you learn and grow in an area of your life that you felt you needed to pay attention to right now. What book did you find and why did you choose that book? I’d love to hear what you’re reading.

I happened to listen to a radio session from Joel Osteen. He made an interesting analogy to our lives and a movie. Think about this. “God is the director of our individual movie. What if we knew how the “movie” ended first?” Wouldn’t we then be able to “stay in peace” if we knew that a setback or block in the road was ok since we already knew how our movie was going to turn out?

Think about it this way. If you know you’re going to miss a football game, you may record it to watch later. You are ready to sit down and watch the game, however, your spouse sees you’re starting the game and inadvertently tells you who wins the game. Now, watching the game takes on a whole new meaning. You aren’t going to get upset when the team is behind at the end of the first quarter, you aren’t worried when the ball is turned over, you aren’t even upset when the game is on the line with only two minutes left. After all, you know the end. You watched the game without jumping out of your seat when the ball was turned over, you aren’t biting your fingernails with only two minutes left, you know your team is going to win.

Knowing the final score and who won the game allows your enjoyment to be totally different despite all the negatives that happened during the game. From the Joel Osteen message, he suggests that if we trust that God has made a great “movie” for each of us, why don’t we trust that the detours, the setbacks, the change in direction, are all just a part of our movie? It’s up to us to keep the faith and to understand that a setback or block is only a “scene” in our movie.

If we are truly paying attention to the events in our lives, then we can look at setbacks really being a setUP for our full destiny. Can we “stay in peace” since we know that God is our director? I believe God gives us many gifts, talents, skills, and confidence from the very beginning of our lives. The actual environment of our beginning does not have to determine our destiny. It’s our focus, it’s learning and being more faithful that God is in control throughout our life.

I believe that God is a loving God that made us in his image and wants only the very best for us. Can we begin to stay in peace if we believe God is directing it all? WE are in control of our mindset, we are responsible to stay faithful no matter what gets in the way. It’s NOT our decision when something should happen. It’s God’s time. If things don’t happen just the way we think it should happen, how do we respond? Do we understand that we must have more to learn, we have more experiences we need to have, we haven’t met the right person yet, we need to handle our finances on a smaller stage first in order to handle more money later?

These are all a part of someone’s movie. God is in control, but we are the ones needing to listen and pay attention to the clues. Are we listening and willing to take the detour that God is directing us to follow or are we getting in our own way and “fighting” that detour?

We are the ones that need to understand everything is part of our movie. Do you get that gut feeling that a certain person really isn’t right for you, but you try to rationalize those nagging questions? Are you ignoring that gut and nagging feeling that something isn’t right because you want to be in a relationship so badly that you’re willing to ignore those clues? Though we don’t always understand it at the time, I believe that “gut check” is God “talking” to you.

Do you ignore the monthly bills piling up and that uneasy feeling every time you see a bill in the mail? You rationalize that all your friends have credit card debt so it must be ok. Then you have the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker recommended to you. You can decide you’re not a reader or you don’t have time or you can believe that this is God “talking” to you. The questions is are you listening and willing to take a detour by actually reading the book and changing your financial blueprint?

As Joel discussed, our “movie” has its high points and low points. That’s life. Then there are those times we seem to just be cruising, we aren’t getting any messages. What do we do? Are we suppose to keep going? Did we miss something? Think about a GPS system. You put in the address for a particular destination. A voice tells you to turn one way or another, take a certain exit etc. etc. As long as you’re hearing the voice giving you directions, all is good. However, do you begin to get nervous if you haven’t heard that voice for a while? I know I do, but what is usually happening? This is the time to keep moving forward. That’s part of the movie too.

Here’s my challenge to you. Can you accept that God is in charge, that He has your “movie” already written, and he has an incredible ending for you? Can you trust that all the setbacks are there for a reason? Can you trust your gut and truly listen to those clues God is sending your way? Can you stay upbeat and focused on moving forward despite all the detours?

If you’re truly a believer, I hope you know that God gave you self-confidence, God gave you all the skills, talents etc. you need. But somewhere along the way, you took a detour and lost your way. You’ve wondered if you deserve the successes or you wonder if there is anyone special “out there” for you.

Can you accept that everything that has happened to this point is all a part of your “movie?” Can you accept that your “movie” has NOT ended? God is in control of that ending. It’s your responsibility to turn back on your inner GPS! Listen to those clues, listen carefully. Believe that this loving God has a beautiful ending to your movie.

Just like watching the football game knowing the outcome, you can be calm and unflustered when you seem to be behind, or when it appears that things aren’t working out the way you had planned. You have God as your director. You have God in charge if you’re willing to listen, learn, move forward, not be deterred during the low times and be patient for that next direction from your inner GPS.

I wish you a week of taking stock of your “movie” so far. I wish you a week to begin to learn how to listen carefully to all the clues around you.

Let Tomorrow Happen Tomorrow

Last week, I wished you a week of reflecting on the people in your life and how you can honor and support them now. I also wished you a week of reflecting on how you are adding value to your own life and those around you. How did you do on both of those? The take away is to NOT be afraid to be the unique, special person that God created you to be.

I’ve mentioned Jim Britt many times in previous blog messages. He’s an amazing individual, author, speaker, presenter, and has had a huge influence in my life. This past week I read something he had posted on FB which I want to share with you. It was timely and hit home for me.

“Do you realize how many people in the world are complaining about how bad things are right now? Do you realize how many people are wasting their time on unproductive actions right now? Do you realize how many people have given up on their dreams in life? Do you realize how many people right now are satisfied with mediocrity and have no interest in improving their life?”

That was the first paragraph in Jim’s entry. WOW! Those are powerful questions. What about you? Do you fit into one, two, or maybe even all of those categories? It’s so easy to get caught up into what is happening in the world around us. It’s easy to think that we’re so busy yet when taking stock on actually what actions helped move us forward there were very few. It’s amazing to me the number of people who are numb to what’s going on around them and don’t make a change to improve their lives.

I heard a powerful speaker this past weekend. Michael Jex is originally from the east side in the Bronx. He showed pictures of where he grew up. It was a tough neighborhood; the apartment where he lived looked out onto the tracks of the train that screeched by every 5 minutes, drug dealers were in the basement of the complex, there were bars on the shop windows, and gun shots were heard on a fairly regular basis. It wasn’t until his girlfriend came by and asked him if he heard the loud noise of the train that he realized he had become numb to all his surroundings, and he was only in his middle 20’s.

Michael admitted he struggled for a long time to find his purpose in life. He worked at a variety of jobs but nothing was helping him move ahead but to only stay where he was. It wasn’t until an opportunity came to him that he decided he had to do something different in his life for anything to change. Now he uses his success to add value to people’s lives and help them reach for a life they never dreamed of ever having.

All weekend, I heard similar stories like Michael's. I talked to people who were sick and tired of being sick and tired. I heard people who were filling their mind with positive, character building books. I heard people committing to being a better father, mother, grandparent, and spouse. I heard, all weekend, people focusing on helping and serving others.  It wasn’t just talk. People were taking action in their lives by reading good books, working out, eating the right, healthy foods, attending seminars on how to be good with finances, and so much more.

Right now I want to say thank you to each of you who has clicked on my blog link and committed your time and energy to improving something in your life just by reading something like this. In Jim’s message he continues with, “Do you realize how unique you are that you’re committed to improving and being your best? Do you realize that your commitment to a better life will soon inspire your family, friends, strangers, and future generations to also be inspired? Do you realize how IMPORTANT you will be to somebody, somewhere, very soon? It could even be the very next person you meet. “

Stop waiting for a certain event or condition to happen for you to become great. BE GREAT TODAY!! Tomorrow will happen tomorrow. Focus on RIGHT NOW. Focus on TODAY.  Focus on what will bring you results…TODAY!!”  Realize how successful you are…feel it deep down inside. Do you truly want to be The Best YOU that YOU can be?

Michael Jax took advice from something Dr. Phil said, “Choose to close the book instead of just turning the page.” Michael realized he had become numb to the toxic people surrounding him; he had become numb to the toxic things he was hearing and seeing. He was just turning the page. He decided to make a choice just like each of us can make a choice. He closed that book and started a new one.

What changes do you need to make in your life in order to live each and every day with happiness and love in your heart? The first step is to fill your mind with positive, empowering books to help guide you. Audio tapes, Kindle, good old fashion books from the book store are all easy to access. If you haven’t read The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon go get that book NOW. If you have read the book, commit to re-reading it! Nothing will change if don’t make a change and live your life for TODAY!

I wish you a week of finding a book that will help you learn and grow in an area of your life that you feel you need to pay attention to right now. I encourage you to not turn the page in the book of lack but instead find a new book and focus on ABUNDANCE.

Remembering

I must begin by apologizing for not posting last week. My computer hassles have continued and I even ended up getting hacked after clicking on something in Facebook. I am definitely not very patient when it comes to dealing with computers.

I will also apologize, from the beginning, that you might find this writing random and just a stream of consciousness. My dear, sweet aunt passed away on March 10th and her memorial service was on the 25th. Tuesdays were our days together. Tuesday, the 7th, we went to her Bible study class, she had had her hair done earlier in the day with everyone commenting on how beautiful she looked, and then we went to bingo. She loved Tuesdays. I left her with the group in memory care as it was Happy Hour, and she had her glass of red wine.

Wednesday she ended up back in the hospital, and Thursday morning I spent time with her basically just holding her hand as she slept. I remember thinking when I left that I may not see her alive again. Jon and I left for Wichita the next morning, and she died later that Friday.

Though Susan was my aunt, I always referred to her as my Colorado mom. When I came to Boulder the summer of ’74, I stayed with my aunt and uncle thinking I’d only be there for the summer. I never went back to Iowa. Susan was thrilled to have “more estrogen” around the house since she had three boys. We enjoyed many Happy Hour times of our own, lunches just the two of us, she came to baby showers for me, and helped me with my moves to different apartments.

The memorial service was extremely touching with the audience having time to share memories and reflecting on Susan’s life. There was a common theme: her kindness; her ability to only see the good in people, her encouragement to her young middle son who had dyslexia that he could be and do whatever he wanted to be and do, and she followed that up with supportive actions. Life changing for him! She was a woman of grace and elegance without special “airs.” We all agreed that she could set a table that could make the pages of Better Homes and Gardens; however, she was NOT a cook. She also had no sense of portion sizes for the appetites of her teenage sons and then later her teenage grandsons.

I’m finding Tuesdays to be a little bit more of a challenge since time with Susan is no longer on the calendar, but it’s also a day to reflect on how blessed I was to be able to first, have this special lady in my life, and second, that I could be with her as much as I did. All blessings!

My mom will be 90 in August, and she is now having more health challenges herself. After not recognizing her best friend, she ended up in the hospital a few days ago with very high blood pressure and the lack of memory. What has been discovered is a urinary tract infection that has probably been going on for at least a month. The side effects of lack of memory and the rise in her blood pressure may have stemmed from the infection.

Moving on, we are all committed to keeping Mom in her own apartment where she’s comfortable and has her usual routines especially until she is over this infection. That will mean constant supervision, and my sister is taking the lead on making sure that happens.

I share all this with you for a variety of reasons. First, is my personal need to share, but second is my desire for all of us to take a step back from what is happening in the world around us and take a close look at what's important. Life is way too short and in my humble opinion, we’re losing our focus on what life is all about.

We are witnessing such hatred towards our President, such hatred for people with differences of opinions, such hatred in Congress, such hatred in our media etc. etc. It’s all around us. Yes, I use the word hatred. The behaviors we see in adults is like watching little children on the playground who retaliate because they didn’t get their way, or the middle schooler who is using group bullying against someone who doesn’t fit in with the group. Young women are being sexually assaulted and in one situation the assault was recorded and shared on social media. 40+ people watched and DID NOTHING!

The President of the University of Northern Arizona declared that she would not designate safe zones. She explained to the students that they need to learn to have discussions about concerns, they need to learn to deal with conflict in a civil way and that safe zones were not helping them deal with reality. YES!! THANK YOU!!  It’s about time!

It saddens me to see the lack of tolerance, the lack of civility, the lack of accepting different points of view. This division is nothing new; it has been here for quite some time but it all seems to have intensified. We use to have “heated” debates but they were face to face and in the end there was still respect for one another. We use to know HOW to debate and challenge. We didn’t need “safe spaces.”

I look at what my aunt stood for and how her actions reflected her beliefs of what’s good and right in people. I look at my mom and see those same things. I look at my siblings and all they do FOR people and accept people for their positive attributes. I see the same thing in my children, my nieces and nephews and in so many other friends and family. There IS so much that is right and so many who ARE willing to listen, debate, and meet conflict head on with solutions as a goal.

“Most people are afraid to be different from everyone else. They are more comfortable following a crowd than daring to follow the lead of God’s Spirit. When we follow the example of others, we may please people, but when we step out in faith and follow God’s Spirit, we please Him…Let’s be determined to be ourselves and refuse to spend our lives feeling inferior just because we are different from someone else.”

I wish you a week of reflecting on the people in your life and how you can honor and support them now. I also wish you a week of reflecting on how you are adding value to your own life and those around you. Don't be afraid to be the unique, special person that God created you to be.

Life Lessons Learned From Our Farmers

Two weeks ago I wished you a week of identifying your strengths and talents and a week of recognizing the importance of running your own race. What are you learning about yourself? Are you running YOUR race or are you finding you're "going along with the crowd" in order to feel accepted?

This week I'd like you to think about your foundation of who you are and what you stand for. In looking at this question. I'd like you to think about what lessons you can learn from our farmers. 

In listening to the news or conversations around me, it seems to be we have many people who are just regurgitating what someone else has said and when asked questions have no answer. We have people who are unaware of their own beliefs and what they stand for. It's more about going along with the crowd. Is that because they have such a desire to be accepted? Is that because they are not willing to hear differing view points? 

In my opinion, we have to work harder in today's times to truly get to the bottom of what is truth yet, if we don't know what we stand for how can we get to our own truth? 

I have been doing a lot of thinking about all the life lessons we can learn from our farmers. Think about it.  Farmers understand the importance of building and establishing a strong, fertile soil for their crops.  That soil is tilled, watered, weeds are not tolerated and are pulled, and there is a regular need to feed the soil with good nutrients.  Their success or failure is based on the attention and care they have given to the soil. This is a never ending process, year after year, not just a onetime event, and they must always be adapting to change.

After preparation of the soil, the next step is to plant the seeds. It looks easy enough, at least to the untrained eye.  First of all, which seeds will be planted on which field and at what time?  Corn grown in Iowa and Illinois, for example, is different than the corn grown in SW Kansas.  Crops need and grow their best in the environment that is the best for that crop, and each crop has its own gestation period.  There are some constants from one area to the next, but many adaptations and adjustments need to be made depending on the circumstances and the environment.  

I will stop here to give my disclaimer.  I am NOT a farmer.  I hear and observe from my daughter-in-law, Michelle, where the farm has been a part of her entire life, and also my son-in-law, Garet, who is an agronomist.  His job, for 10+ years, has been to support farmers to get the most out of their fields and have the highest quality and quantity product to sell. I don’t have all the details nor do I profess to understand some of what they do.  I may not have all the specifics correct, and I may incorrectly use some terms, however, I think I do at least understand the basics.  So, please bear with me as I feel there is a strong message we can take from the lives of our farmers.

Timing.  We all have observed farmers in the fields planting during the spring and harvesting in the fall.  Which part of the month they actually begin and end depends on many factors especially the weather. Of course there is a difference between when the calendar says it’s time to plant and when planting actually occurs.  Sometimes everything’s right on schedule.  And then you have those times when the weather doesn’t cooperate and the planting is delayed.  Frustration, anxiety, stress, and a feeling of not being in control of something so vitally important to one’s livelihood are all a part of a farmer’s life.  Something else is in control, and it isn’t the farmer. 

Think about events in your life. Have you had dreams and goals that didn't happen on the timeline you had planned? What got in the way? Maybe it was money, or you needed to learn more in order to do better on a test, or maybe you hadn't worked out enough to get to the speed that you wanted on the football field or on the basketball court. Maybe someone else got the job you wanted, and you needed to go somewhere else for more experience. That's part of life's journey.

For our farmers despite the setbacks, a crop gets in the ground and a successful farmer will continue on?  Adjustments are made, and they move on.  Successful farmers don’t give up and quit when things get tough.  They go to Plan A, and sometimes to Plan B, C, and D.  They do whatever it takes to get the job done. They are focused on the outcome NOT the immediate challenge. Our farmers do not spend a lot of time blaming or complaining as that doesn't move them forward.

Once the fields are planted then it’s time to move into a new phase. Now is the time to pay attention to the details. It’s a time to be vigilant and focused on what is happening. Fields are regularly checked, adjustments are being made with the amount of water needed, nothing goes unnoticed.

What about you? Are you consistently evaluating where you are in your dreams and goals? Are you making attention to the little details in order to move forward?

Obviously, then the last step of this process for the farmer is the harvest.  The combines are out in the fields late at night gathering in the “fruits” of all the hard work.  Piles of hay are being stacked, grain is being stored in the bins, and products are being shipped. Nobody is “clocking out” after eight hours. There are no cutting corners just to get the job done.  They work until the job is done and done right.  

Even with the harvest complete, the work isn’t yet done.  The fields need to be replenished with nutrients, straw is baled, and planning for the next season will begin soon.  It’s an evaluation time.  Did the type of seed used give the best yield?  Were there insects, weeds etc. that could have mitigated earlier or was the timing accurate?  What are the changes and improvements needed to make next year’s crop even better?  

For this week, I hope you can reflect on your “soil” as this is the basis for all you do and want to do. We all come from different backgrounds, different life situations, different experiences, different memories of growing up etc.  Without any judgment, our experiences are just that – they are ours.  If the goal is to “Be the best YOU, you can be,” then what have you been doing to create that “fertile soil” so your life can support many abundant harvests?  Pick out the good from your background that you want to duplicate not only in your life but in the lives of those around you whether it’s a spouse, a partner, children, grandchildren, friends etc.  

Are you focusing on getting better and improving yourself on a regular basis? Are you reading books, magazines that contribute to learning, growing, and expanding your thinking?  Do you listen to inspiring CD’s, music, lectures, and motivational speakers?  Do you surround yourself with people you love, admire, trust, can laugh with, and who support you?  Do you surround yourself with people you can learn from, people who have experiences that you can learn from, people who are learning and growing themselves, and most of all people who walk their talk day in and day out in every area of their lives?  Are you putting good nutrients into your body (“soil”) so that you can have abundance in your life? What are you doing to contribute to a healthy basis for your life?

As with all successful farmers, they focus on the environment and the soil where they want to plant their seeds. It’s the basis for what they can do in the future, yet each year is new and different because of various factors. They must be flexible and adapt to new/different ideas, new/different situations, and they must be willing to do whatever it takes to get the best results.  

Isn’t that the same for our lives?  Each year we’re older, we’ve had many new/different experiences, we’ve learned new/different things, some things didn’t work because of the timing, and other things now work because of the timing. Are you adjusting to change? Are you flexible and willing to get out of your comfort zone in order to move forward with your dreams and goals?

I wish you a week of thinking about the lessons from the farmers which you can take and apply to your own life.  What is the “soil” that you are basing your life on? 

Are You Running YOUR Race?

How did you do this past week as far as paying attention to a healthy mindset of acceptance and a daily dose of learning and growing? 

Here's my question to you this week....Are you running the race that’s “designed’ for you?

That’s an interesting question.  I hadn’t thought about this until I heard a message from Joel Osteen.  He referenced an SUV and a race car each designed for a specific “race.”  The SUV has the capacity to hold 8 people, lots of luggage, is high above others to see the traffic better, and is a comfortable ride.  The race car, on the other hand, holds only one person, definitely no room for luggage, is low to the ground, and isn’t built for comfort and luxury.  How would that SUV do on a race track?  Obviously, not good at all.  What about the race car driving through traffic or on a long trip across the country?  

The SUV has its own purpose and is successful in the right environment.  The same is true for the race car.  Each has its own purpose and is successful in the right environment. Either vehicle is going to be "frustrated" and won’t “fit in” in the other’s environment. 

What’s my point?  Are you going through life using YOUR talents and skills that make you who you are and why you are special? Or are you watching others and focusing on the life you wish you had? Sometimes that wishing is in your own head and other times it’s verbalized to someone else. 

Have you ever found yourself comparing your size and shape with others?  Why can’t you lose that extra 10 pounds?  You work out and watch what you eat, but your best friend seems to be able to eat anything and doesn’t exercise.  Maybe it’s comparing your home or car and wishing you had something different.  Have you ever had thoughts that you are the one that works hard, you’ll help others when they need it, however, that same support isn’t there from others?  So do you change and not help because you feel like you’re being taken for granted?  We are not really free to totally run that race we’re designed to run, until we are comfortable and happy with who we are. It’s not about competing with others.  That only brings frustration.

So, how do we know if we’re running the race that we’re designed to run?  Personally, I think it’s part of life’s journey which means working more on ourselves in order to be the best we can be.  That’s the key.  In order for us to “win that race” comparing ourselves to others isn’t the focus nor will it ever make us happy. 

Are you aware of the number of times you focus more on what you don’t have or what you wish you could do like others?  I wish I could sing like Celine Dejion or Martina McBride, however, that’s NOT ever going to happen no matter how hard I practice or how much I want it.  I listen to speakers and wish I could find the words to say what they say in the way they say it.  I might be able to work on that and get better, but I will not be the one traveling around the country speaking.  

So what are your strengths and talents? When you take the time to know those then you will know that you're on the right track. That means YOU are running the race that is YOUR RACE.

I encourage you to focus on YOUR strengths and talents and run YOUR race.  Don’t wait for other’s approval.  Use YOUR gifts to learn and grow.  Know that YOU have all the gifts YOU need! 

I wish you a week of identifying your strengths and talents! I wish you a week of recognizing the importance of running your own race.

  

Acceptance? Control? Or Both?

I wished you a week of reflection on how you are doing with YOUR self-discipline. When you find yourself not wanting to do something ask yourself, “Is doing the task going to help me be better, help me be successful, help me be the best I, can be?  If the answer is yes, then JUST DO IT!  What did you learn about yourself?

I have always thought “conversations” are interesting.  Is it a give and take?  One sided?  Thought provoking?  Energizing? Of course, it depends on the situation and the people involved, but this week I would encourage you to listen to the conversations you have with others and pay attention to the voices going on in your head.  Are you really listening to what’s being said, or are you thinking about what you’re going to say next?  Do you find yourself asking questions to learn more, or do you have a similar story so the conversation once again comes back to you?

I have been in several larger social settings lately and have found it fascinating to pay attention to how others communicate as well as my own communication style.  With some people, I come away from the conversation feeling as though I’d learned so much about the person or a particular topic, I focused on asking more questions, and it was an interesting conversation.  I felt a renewed energy and appreciation for the person.  

Then there were other “conversations” where it was definitely one sided.  Often times it was more of a “dumping baggage” session.  The “take away” for me was I was bored, I wanted to get away from what I perceived as a toxic environment, and I definitely wasn’t energized.

In the past, I know I was guilty of having a comeback story of a similar situation, however, now I’m focused and present on NOT doing that unless it really is relevant.  I also know that when I was in a conversation with someone where our opinions were different, I either thought I had to change their mind to the “right” way of thinking or the opposite.  Or I would be silent for “fear” of looking stupid as I didn’t feel adequate in “arguing a point” as eloquently as others.  

After listening to Jim Britt, he asks the question, “Is this my need for acceptance?  Maybe it’s my need for control?  Or, then again, maybe it’s both?  First and foremost, MY opinion or judgment – good, bad, right, wrong – is just that MINE.  No one else’s.  And that’s ok.  I don’t need to have other’s agree with me to feel validated.  Second, the only person I can control is me. 

So how does this apply to the everyday conversation with family, friends, acquaintances, or even an occasional new person? Jim talks a lot about paying attention to our feelings when we’re in conversations.  If I find myself feeling defensive, feeling a lack of self-esteem or inadequacy etc., I now pause to ask myself the three questions:  “Is this my need to be accepted?  Is this my need to be in control? Or is it both?” 

Once I realize what’s going on internally, the conversation takes on a whole new focus.  I become more question oriented, or I choose to just listen without feeling a need to respond. I’m also comfortable with giving my thoughts and opinions as just that – this is how I feel/think, and I am ok with how you feel/think.  It’s not even an “agree to disagree,” “meet in the middle” etc.  

I now come away with a more peaceful mind and a true acceptance for who I am.  I am no longer “married” to one way, I am more willing to listen and learn, I’m more open to listening to others, taking in what works for me and what doesn’t.  I’m also much more content with who I am without needing the acceptance of others or feeling as though I need to change someone else’s opinion, belief, or thought.  I am who I am, and they are who they are. 

I have come to this thinking over time.  I have found myself, even now, where I do get caught up in trying to convince someone to think my way especially if I’m passionate about the topic. These changes are definitely why we call life a journey.  We’re never too old to learn, grow, and change.  It takes a commitment to want to learn and grow as an individual.  That means reading, listening to CD’s, or whatever way you learn the best.

I wish you a week of paying attention to a healthy mindset of acceptance and a daily dose of learning and growing.