Do You Need Acceptance from Others?

Acceptance?  Control?  Or Both?

I keep coming back to the above three questions, and I felt a need to repeat this blog from the spring.

I have always thought “conversations” are interesting.  Is it a give and take?  One sided?  Thought provoking?  Energizing? Of course, it depends on the situation and the people involved, but this week I would encourage you to listen to the conversations you have with others and pay attention to the voices going on in your head.  Are you really listening to what’s being said, or are you thinking about what you’re going to say next?  Do you find yourself asking questions to learn more, or do you have a similar story so the conversation once again comes back to you?

I have been in several larger social settings lately and have found it fascinating to pay attention to how others communicate as well as my own communication style.  With some people, I come away from the conversation feeling as though I’d learned so much about the person or a particular topic, I focused on asking more questions, it was a give and takes conversation, and it was an interesting.  I felt a renewed energy and appreciation for the person.  Then there were other “conversations” where it was definitely one sided.  Often times it was more of a “dumping baggage” session.  The “take away” for me was I was bored, I wanted to get away from what I perceived as a toxic environment, and I definitely wasn't energized.  Are there times when people need to feel safe and just "dump?" Of course!  That's part of being a friend.  For me, what's the balance?  Am I always the one being "dumped" on?  Or are there also the learning and growing conversations?

In the past, I know I was guilty of having a comeback story of a similar situation, however, now I’m focused and present on NOT doing that unless it really is relevant.  I also know that when I was in a conversation with someone where our opinions were different, I either thought I had to change their mind to the “right” way of thinking.  Or I would be silent for “fear” of looking stupid as I didn't feel adequate in “arguing a point ”as eloquently as others.  After listening to Jim Britt again, he asks the question, “Is this my need for acceptance?  Maybe it’s my need for control?  Or, then again, maybe it’s both?  First and foremost, MY opinion or judgment – good, bad, right, wrong – is just that, MINE.  No one else’s.  And that’s ok.  I don’t need to have other’s agree with me to be validated.  The bottom line is that the only person I can control is me. 

So how does this apply to the everyday conversation with family, friends, acquaintances, or even an occasional new person? Jim talks a lot about paying attention to our feelings when we’re in conversations.  If I find myself feeling defensive, feeling a lack of self-esteem or inadequacy etc., I now pause to ask myself the three questions:  “Is this my need to be accepted?  Is this my need to be in control? Or is it both?”  Once I realize what’s going on internally, the conversation takes on a whole new focus.  I become more question oriented, or I choose to just listen without feeling a need to respond. I’m also comfortable with giving my thoughts and opinions as just that – this is how I feel/think, and I am ok with how you feel/think.  It’s not even an “agree to disagree,” “meet in the middle” etc.   I now come away with a more peaceful mind and a true acceptance for who I am.  I am no longer “married” to one way, I am more willing to listen and learn, I’m more open to listening to others, taking in what works for me and what doesn't.  I can now "let go" more easily. In addition, I'm much more content with who I am without needing the acceptance of others or feeling as though I need to change someone else’s opinion, belief, or thought.  I am who I am, and they are who they are. And that's ok.

None of this happened overnight.  I have come to this thinking over time.  I have found myself, even now, where I do get caught up in trying to convince someone to think my way especially if I’m passionate about the topic. These changes are definitely why we call life a journey.  The key?  We’re never too old to learn, grow, and change.  It takes a commitment to want to learn and grow as an individual.  That means reading, listening to CD’s, or whatever way you learn the best.  I happen to be 62, however, many younger people are focusing on their personal development much earlier.  Any reading about leadership or success includes a top priority to work on ourselves first. Is self development a priority to you or do you use "I have no time" as an excuse?

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on how you communicate and your reflections.  Have a wonderful beginning of fall!

Do You Know About Baby Sign Language?

When our first grandchild, Sophia, was around seven months, Amanda asked if I was interested in joining them at baby sign language classes.  I had never heard of something like this before, so I was definitely interested in learning more and of course, it’s my grandchild!  Jon’s reaction, on the other hand, was quite different.  “What a scam.  You get a first time mother and the grandmother to buy a class on sign language?  It’s a rip off as far as I can see.”  Then he would proceed to go into his own “signing” which was just waving his arms and mocking the process.    (More on that later.)  Over a period of about 8 weeks, I was able to attend several classes, and I began to understand the power of this form of communication for babies and toddlers who were “pre-verbal” communicators.

The instructor taught the class by introducing basic signs with an example accompanied with the “word.”  Our basic human needs such as hungry, thirsty, and more were the first signs presented.  Parents begin to introduce these signs and they use the word and the sign simultaneously over and over.  It may be 9 months or so when the child begins to sign in return, however, they've been learning by watching for quite some time already.  Once the first three signs are learned, then more can be introduced.  The goal is to teach our little ones how to get their needs met long before they can verbalize and with fewer crying episodes.  EVERYONE is less frustrated.  

When the child can communicate in a successful way, we avoid the tantrums and melt downs much more!!  The child is more engaged, shares, is more curious and asks questions etc. etc.  The instructor told the story of her then 18 month old daughter sitting in her high chair watching Mom iron, and signed “What is that?”  How many of us would have believed that an 18 month old would even ask the question in the first place let alone be curious about it?  So Mom had a conversation about what an iron is and what she was doing.  These conversations take place all the time now when the toddler can ask a question by signing “what’s that?” or specifically ask for help with something by signing “help.”  The brains of our young ones are going all the time and are like sponges.  It’s amazing, exciting, and POWERFUL what they can learn when they have a way to communicate and the adults around them can actually understand them. 

There are numerous studies out now which show sign language with babies boosts brain development.  Important developmental benefits include:  children speaking earlier and having a larger vocabulary unlike the misconception that sign language stunts a child’s language development.  There is much more of a “conversation” with children since we realize now how much they understand and how many questions they ask.  The studies further contend there is a 12 point IQ advantage over their peers, and teachers observe the children who have used signed language are talking in full sentences whereas others of the same age either resort to pointing, grunting, or speaking using 3-4 words.  It’s such fun when they sign, “What’s that?” which is followed by a conversation.  You can just “see the wheels spinning.” 

Back to Jon.  Sophia was at our house along with our daughter, her husband, and their dog.  The dog was chewing on a bone.  Sophia, who was probably around a year, signed “dog – eat.”  Yes, Sophia, the dog is chewing on a bone.  She then proceeded to the cats’ food bowl.  She signed “cat – eat.”  Yes, that’s the kitty’s food.  The clincher then was Sophia taking Poppa’s hand and signed fish.  Not knowing what she wanted, he was informed that she wanted to go feed the fish.  Sophia knew where the fish were and that Poppa is the one who feeds them.  At this point, Jon now needs to learn how to sign “eat crow.”  J  And, I will say, he is now THE biggest advocate for children signing and is the first to tell any new parent or grandparent that they need to be sure to teach baby sign language.  We have seen it work over and over again with all five of the older grandchildren and Nyelle, at only 4 ½ months, will also be taught when it’s time. 

Not only for the parents but also for grandparents, understanding the various signs is easy, fun, and helps ease everyone’s  frustration.  I recall one time when we were babysitting Bria who was probably about 16 months at the time.  She woke up crying, early in the morning, so I did the usual of changing her diaper and giving her another bottle.  However, she continued to cry after the bottle.  Now what?  I signed “eat,” and she nodded her head yes.  I gave her a little cereal bar, she ate the whole thing, was now ready to go back to bed, and fell right asleep.  Really?  Only because I knew a few signs was I able to figure out what she wanted which eliminated the crying and my anxiety.  

Signing “more” is a wonderful concept for the children to communicate when they’re still hungry.  THEY decide NOT the adult.  When they’re finished “all done” comes in very handy.  These signs are also beneficial when you’re playing a game, reading a book, or any activity.  Zane and Teagan are particularly good at signing “more” when they’re swinging.  J  What great skills for very young children to learn.  When it comes to eating or needing a drink, they are already listening to their body’s needs, they’re making choices – do you want milk or water?  The child is in control and as the parent or grandparent we’re not guessing what they need or want.  Sign language is a powerful tool for our pre-verbal children to use to communicate!!

In addition to the signs: eat, milk, water, more, all done, all of our children have taught our grandchildren manners!  Yes, manners.  They have all learned to sign “please” and “thank you.”  I LOVE IT!!  In fact, the grandchildren are sometimes much better about it than the adults.  The other common courtesy is to not leave the table until everyone is finished eating.  Therefore, the routine is to go around the table and ask each person if he/she is done.  When asked, we each give the “all done” sign, or if we’re still eating everyone waits.  It’s priceless. 

If you’re interested in learning more you can get on line and Google “baby sign language.”  You don’t have to take a class, as there are also books, CD’s, and videos to teach you. 

Have a wonderful week!

In light of the Ray Rice video showing the assault on his then fiancé and now wife, I felt a need to understand more about the topic of domestic violence.  To be clear, these are my personal reflections and what I've learned online. I have not had to deal with this issue personally.  As difficult as the video is to watch, it has brought to the forefront the issue of domestic abuse.  Robin Gibbons, married to Mike Tyson for 8 months, shared an intimate interview on the Today Show.  As she stated, “a video would have helped bring attention to my domestic violence situation much quicker as I was being dragged down a hallway by my hair.”  Statistics point to most situations of domestic violence goes on “behind closed doors” but now we have a vivid picture through video. As the interview continued, Robin stated that this is a “watershed moment” in discussion about domestic violence as it will help other women just to be believed.  Social media has also changed the way we view these types of relationships.”

As we all probably could speculate, the consequences of domestic violence are many and can continue from generation to generation.  Statistics show that one in four women will experience domestic violence, and more than four million physical assaults and rapes are because of their partners.  The greatest risk of becoming a victim are women in the age group of 20-24, and this happens across all socioeconomic, racial, and educational lines.  Every year more than three million children witness domestic violence in their homes.  There is a 30-60% chance for children living in these homes to also suffer abuse and/or neglect.  According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, “domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. Other consequences of domestic violence include: poor health for many survivors both physically and emotionally, among women brought to an emergency room due to domestic violence most were socially isolated and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured due to domestic violence.  Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to be abused as teens and adults.  And, without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of abuse and violence in the next generation.”

Twenty years ago, Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act, and in those years, domestic violence has been dramatically reduced.  But the problem is far from solved.  Judy Woodruff from PBS Newshour spoke with Esta Soler of Futures Without Violence, about what it will take to end abuse despite the fact that some progress has been made.   “Since the Violence Against Women Act was passed, there has been a comprehensive response from law enforcement, from the judiciary, coming together basically creating a support system and a prosecutorial system that holds people accountable.”  Soler believes that, “this violence is preventable.  I think it’s learned, and if it’s learned, it can be unlearned….We need to do way more for our young people, because, at the end of the day, you can give people tools to have healthy relationships.  If you have seen it, if you have witnessed it in your home, you need to unlearn it.”  Esta continues, “the most important thing is, if you can, get somebody to support you, speak out and believe there is a better way….too many people think there’s a reason why they should stay in a situation.  They might be afraid.  They might think that, oh, my God, what am I going to do for our kids?  But at the end of the day, that’s not going to stop the violence.  

“What are some solutions then?  Many women feel they need the financial support of the abuser.  So programs that really empower women economically are absolutely essential in my opinion,” stated Esta Stoler.  Women need to have options to choose a different life.”  In addition, when a young girl becomes pregnant, has to drop out of school, she has no education and is now dependent on others for her own and her child’s survival.  Education is another essential piece.  Socially, we need to change the norms.  It’s critical that the social norm clearly states that there is NO EXCUSE for domestic violence.  

CBS’s Sports host James Brown, “made a passionate case for men to play a bigger role in helping prevent domestic violence in the wake of the release of the Rice video.  “Let’s be clear, this problem is bigger than football.  But wouldn't it be productive if this collective outrage could be channeled to truly hear and address the long-suffering cries for help by so many women and do something about it?... Like an ongoing, comprehensive education of men about what healthy, respectful manhood is all about.”   “And it starts with how we view women.  Our language is important.  For instance, when a guy says, ‘You throw like a girl’ or ‘You’re a little sissy,’ it reflects an attitude that devalues women and attitudes will eventually manifest in some fashion.”  Brown continues, “So this is yet another call to men to stand up and take responsibility for their thoughts, their words, their deeds and…to give help or to get help because our silence is deafening and deadly.”   

WSCADV Director of Communications Kelly Starr said, “One of the things that gives power to domestic violence is silence and so when we’re all talking about it and the public is engaged in conversation, to me that is so hopeful.”  The coalition said, “the best way to help prevent domestic violence is to stop it before it starts.”  So what does that look like?  A dear friend, former CU basketball player, NBA player, and now father of a beautiful three-year-old daughter stated this past weekend that he will make sure his daughter grows up feeling valued, she’ll be educated, she’ll learn the value of money, but most of all she will have a sense of self-esteem and who she is as a woman.  With that feeling and mindset, she will never allow a man to treat her any way but special and valued.  Part of “making sure” this happens is this same man is also modeling that respect and value towards his wife.  We can all do that with those in our lives that we love and care about.  We can be a part of the solution!

“Self-esteem comes from positive self-imaging, and it’s something we proactively should be able to build for ourselves from a very early age.  When we leave it up to external factors like the presence of domestic violence in our homes, we build our self-esteem on sandy ground.  What we want is a rock-solid foundation, and this only comes from building within.”  The way we view ourselves directly affects everything we do.  I've written many blogs on “putting the oxygen mask on ourselves first,” to love ourselves first and foremost, and then we can give and love others.  “Women young and old who love themselves and are confident are better able to thrive and have a lasting impact on the communities around them.  By learning how to love themselves, being educated on money issues, having a meaningful job, trade etc., all women will be better able to make good decisions and command respect from others.  http://rebuildingrespectforwomen.org 

What can each of us do, on a daily basis, to not only build up ourselves as a man or a woman but also influence every other male and female in our lives?”  Let’s not let this topic “die out” because it’s no longer prevalent in the media.  WE need to each take responsibility to make a difference!  

Why is Omega-3 important to your health?

This week’s focus is on your nutritional mindset.  We've all heard Omega-3  fatty acid and Omega-6, but what are these fatty acids, how are they different, and why are they important to our health?  When we hear the word “fat” we have a tendency to think we need to avoid this food or supplement.  However,  when it comes to EPA and DHA this is one type of fat you DO NOT want to cut back on.

Omega-3 and Omega-6 are “essential” fats.  The human body needs these fatty acids for many of our daily functions such as building healthy cells, and maintaining brain and nervous system functions.  

More specifically then, how do these essential fatty acids help our health?  First, triglycerides are a blood fat.  We often hear the term when talking about cholesterol.  When there is a higher level of this blood fat there is more risk for heart disease.  Fish oil, however, can lower the triglyceride levels.    Second, and one I can relate to, is the stiffness and joint pain of rheumatoid arthritis may also be reduced by taking fish oil.  In addition, there is evidence that the effectiveness of anti-inflammatory drugs may get a boost.  Third, there have been studies done on cultures that eat foods with high levels of Omega-3 and the people were found to have lower levels of depression.  Fourth, the visual and neurological development in babies is enhanced with DHA.  Fifth, asthma is another inflammation issue and those with a high diet of Omega-3 lowers the inflammation, as inflammation is a key component in asthma.  Other benefits include such results as: ADHD appears, in some studies, where some children improve their mental skills such as thinking remembering, and learning.  However, in regards to ADHD, Omega-3 should NOT be a primary treatment.  Curbing plaque build-up inside the blood vessels may help lesson stroke issues, and there may also be help in protecting our bodies from Alzheimers and dementia.  (Information from WebMD)  In addition, Dr. Mercola's research suggests that many scientists believe one reason there is a high incidence of heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, obesity, premature aging, and some forms of cancer is due to a profound imbalance of Omega-3 fatty acids to Omega-6 fatty acids.  Learn more about Dr. Mercola by following this link  http://www.mercola.com/forms/background.htm

Since our bodies do not produce Omega-3 or Omega-6 fatty acids, our only source then is through food and supplements.  You've probably heard that eating fish such as salmon is a great source of Omega-3.  This is true, although you will want to purchase the wild salmon versus the farmed salmon since the wild does have more of the Omega-3, and the farm-raised of any type fish, may have more contaminants.  Other fish sources are: anchovies, mackerel, bluefish, herring, sardines, lake trout, and tuna.  You will obviously want to watch those fish with higher levels of mercury, PCB’s, or other toxins.  Be sure to consult with your physician if you have small children or you are pregnant.  Most will want you to avoid fish entirely.  If you are eating fish, the guideline usually suggest eating no more than 7 oz. per week and trout and salmon are the safest fish overall.  Other plant sources of Omega-3 include: walnuts, flaxseed, and flaxseed oil.  You may find enhanced eggs, beans such as edamame, pinto, and kidney beans as good sources as well.  These are all easy to add to salads, chilis, soups etc.  Leafy greens such as spinach, kale, and collard greens contain some level of the Omega-3’s for a great salad.   I put ground flaxseed into our NutriBullet drinks at lunch and sometimes add them to our morning shakes.  Flaxseed is an easy way to get good Omega-3’s into our diet without a lot of hassle.  I purchase the gold flaxseed in bulk from Sprouts, grind up about ½ cup at a time, then put it into a container that I refrigerate.  This process seems to provide the most benefits.  Despite how well we think we are eating, most of us do not get enough of these fatty acids in our diets, therefore we do need to add a supplement. 

According to Dr. Mercola, most women have major deficiencies of Omega-3.  “A fetus must obtain all Omega-3 fatty acids from the mother’s diet.  A mother’s dietary intake and plasma concentrations of DHA directly influence the DHA level of the developing fetus and impacts a child’s brain and eye health.”  He also recommends that from pregnancy through a child’s later life, Omega-3 fats of DHA and EPA are radically important in brain health and other functions.”  SO what do we look for in an Omega-3 supplement?  Whether for adults or children, the right kind is: pollution-free, eco-friendly, highly sustainable like krill which may be more affordable than fish oil.  Krill also seems to be more accepted by children as it’s odor-free and when they can easily swallow capsules it’s also more palatable than a liquid.  Be sure to read all labels as just because you’re purchasing something at Whole Foods, Vitamin Cottage and similar locations does not necessarily mean it’s the best supplement.  Personally, I have found a supplement through my chiropractor which I feel comfortable taking.

One further understanding to be aware of is the two kinds of fatty acids:  Omega-3 and Omega-6.  Ideally and in the past, the ratio use to be 1:1.  Today, however, the ratio ranges from 1:20 to 1:50!! That causes serious concerns.  Omega-6 includes such thinks as: corn, soy, canola, safflower, and sunflower oils.  This over abundant, typical diet encourages inflammation!!  Numerous scientists believe that many of our health issues today relate back to this profound Omega-3 to Omega-6 imbalance.

I hope you have found this information helpful.  It's getting information, understanding it, and applying it to our personal lives that will make a difference and further a healthy lifestyle.  

How Do You Handle Adversity?

What is it that makes a difference in how people handle adversity?  That’s the million dollar question. I continue to be amazed at the number of people who, despite the fact they have health issues, choose to not do anything about it. It might be they've been diagnosed with diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, heart disease, high cholesterol or they have weight problems with the list continuing on and on.  If they would only change their eating and/or beverage choice they could lose that extra weight, their heart problems could be more controlled, their cholesterol levels could be reduced, their chance of various cancers could be reduced etc. etc. etc.  But…they don’t make those changes or do anything different.  The reactions to the various health issues range from trying something for a short time then they revert back to the same old – same old, being angry, blaming, depression, an attitude of denial, or even just ignoring the problem altogether, believing that this is just their “lot in life,” or even the excuse that it's what you have to deal with when you get older.    

Personally, none of these excuses make any sense to me, but that’s my judgment.  My belief is if there’s a way to live the life God has blessed me with, why would I not do whatever it takes?  Yes, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at age 36. I did go through the “why me?” stage, the angry stage, the depression stage, and I even tried to push through the pain thinking that this was just a phase.  And where did that get me?  NOWHERE. I saw too many people with the same disease that didn't do anything and were in constant pain, on high levels of meds with their own side effects, and had very disfigured hands and feet.  I made a conscious decision to NOT be a victim. 

So how did I move forward?  First of all, I gathered information from dietitians, nutritionists, occupational therapists, chiropractors, specialists, and physical therapists. I also read a lot of books, articles, and testimonials. I needed to take control of MY life, make choices of what works for my body, and most importantly move forward.  In all this, I had to make the decision what I was willing to do and what was not something I would consider.  For example, a rheumatologist specialist told me I needed to start on liquid gold. Liquid gold?! NO!  When I asked him if there was anything I could do nutritionally he told me it wouldn't make any difference.  WRONG!  So, needless to say, I didn't go back to that specialist.  We do not have to accept some of the recommendations that rather than focusing on the solution only continue the problem and may even add more problems.  A nutritionist told me to “listen to my body” and learn what my body needed.  First of all, that made sense to me, second I had to learn how to listen to my body, and third I had to pay attention to the signals my body was trying to tell me. 

The past 26 years have been a process, paying attention, and for me, learning the triggers to the pain.  I had to commit to giving myself a shot once a week of a drug.  Not what I wanted to do, but the goal has been to reduce that amount.  But what else can I do? My trigger was stress.  I spent a year trying to get my body back without pain.  There have been ups and downs, but I knew what it was like to not be in pain, so I focused on getting back to being pain free.  I realized I had slacked off paying attention to my eating habits, I also wasn't exercising, and I definitely needed to do some work on my own attitude.  I was allowing negative words from others “get to me.”  That only added to my stress level. I wasn't letting go of the fact that there was my reality and there was someone else’s good intentions for me .  Because of a self-development weekend that Jon and I went to with author and speaker, Jim Britt, I began to learn to truly listen to my body.  Previously, I wasn't aware of the power our thoughts have on our health.  I also learned the process of totally letting go of negative thoughts, actions from others, etc. I learned to understand that I could only do what was in my control, and it was not my job to change someone else’s view.  I could share my thoughts, educate if necessary, and yet allow them to have their thoughts and beliefs too.  What I wasn't willing to do was to “buy into” their views and opinions.

With my last crisis now 17 years behind me, I can say I only have a few days with some pain.  I am consistently working out five to six days a week, cardio and strength training are a part of the workout, I am constantly learning more about health and nutrition and putting that learning into practice.  We have a meal replacement shake in the morning that is more for the good nutrients, our NutriBullet drinks at lunch are filled with spinach, fruit, and gold flaxseed, we’re aware of our portion sizes since our bodies change with age, we’re taking specific supplements from companies that are focused on clean and healthy ingredients, and I've discovered an incredible product that focuses on inflammation of ANY type.  That product is what allows me, for the first time, to begin to reduce my medication amount.  Another key component is I’m paying close attention to my thoughts and attitude.  There is a huge connection between our bodies and our minds.  During more stressful times, I have to first be conscious of the type of thoughts running through my head.  For the negative ones, I ask myself the question, “Is this my need for control or acceptance?”  I will go through the “letting go” process I learned from Jim Britt, I remind myself that what I focus on expands - negative or positive (thanks to Jim Rohn), and sometimes I just have to “Let go and Let God.” 

This is all a process, it’s a journey, but most of all it is a decision.  I WILL NOT be a victim. I AM in control of my life.  I AM blessed with the life God has given me.  My story is about rheumatoid arthritis, but there are other stories out there.  I just finished a book by Jay Leeuwenburg, Yes I Can! Yes, YOU Can!  It’s a book where Jay “tackles diabetes and wins.”  He was 12 years old when he was first diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and “through self-discipline and self-reliance overcame the odds to achieve pro football stardom and admiration of America.”  Jay was a high school All-Stater, was a University of Colorado Buff and All-American, as well as a 9-year NFL starter.  From the beginning, even at age 12, Jay took control of the diagnosis of diabetes.  And a crucial part of that journey was the role his family played.  “From the get-go,” explains Jay’s brother, Chris, “we were really immersed in it as a family.  It was a lifestyle.  We knew, to be successful, it was something you did as a family.” Don’t we all need a team around us for support?  It was especially amazing to me to read Jay’s words to his mother as a 12 year old, “Mom, I had a talk with myself.  He said he told himself, ‘Hey, I can accept this and get on with my life, or I can fight it, and say, “This isn't happening to me, and woe is me.”  He made a personal resolve, right then and there, to get on with his life.”  He continually says, throughout the book, that “this is the life I was dealt, I’m going to make the best of it.”  Diabetes was NOT going to define him.

The book continues through Jay’s life as a 12 year old diagnosed with diabetes, through the challenges of playing sports, the challenges of having to take control of his life and not depend on others to always have the correct information, and to educate those around him.  Even in the NFL, he relates a story of being dehydrated and being given a 20% dextrose IV.  That is NOT the answer when you’re diabetic.  Jay, himself, realized the mistake and forced the trainers to give him one with saline.  The stories and his journey are a fascinating read.  The disappointments, the uneducated views about diabetics, the need to constantly monitor his blood sugar levels – 25 times during a game – his “giving back” which has impacted so many children’s lives who have diabetes and especially those who want to play sports, his role not only as an NFL player but a husband, father, and now elementary teacher all have a common theme.  Set goals, no excuses, learn to deal with your own personal challenges in your life, never give up, and “If you put the effort in, if you’re committed, if you’re educated, it you take the necessary steps, you will succeed.”  

Isn't that the message no matter what our challenges might be?  After all, disappointments, loses in a football game, a diagnosis we’d rather not deal with, ignorance, conflicts, family issues etc. are part of that journey we call LIFE.  Will you be one of the 5% that takes control and makes changes in both a healthy body and a healthy mind?  Or will you fall into the 95% that does nothing and ignores the truth?  I wish for you to be one of the 5%!!!

How did you do on taking five minutes each day this past week to find your WOW moments?!  I hope you were able to find those special happenings in your life and that it isn't just a week long exercise but a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly habit!  

There is always the seed of opportunity planted in the field of discouragement and despair.  Leaders see the opportunity and HOPE, while followers see the problems.”

The definition of attitude is, “predisposition or a tendency to respond positively or negatively towards a certain idea, objection, person or situation.”  Wikipedia says, “attitude influences the person’s emotion and behavior.”

I've written about attitude in the past.  Watching the news coverage of Amy Van Dyken Rouen brings this topic to a whole new level for me.  I know there are many other people who are also dealing with severe health issues, and they too are leaders, in accordance to the definition above.  This blog focuses on Amy, although, I welcome your own stories of others who you recognize having this positive attitude. 

As a young child, Amy suffered with severe asthma throughout her childhood and even into adulthood.  Doctors suggested swimming to strengthen her lungs to cope with the condition and prevent future asthma attacks.  We didn't hear much about all the tears learning to swim, the frustrations, the challenges etc. but they were there.  Those of us in Colorado heard more about Amy as she became a competitive swimmer.  Originally going to Arizona to college, Amy transferred to CSU and from there, the world learned about her as she won a total of six gold Olympic medals in swimming. 

June 6^th of this year changed Amy’s life as she knew it.  After having dinner with her husband, Tom Rouen, former CU and Denver Bronco football player, Amy was in an ATV accident leaving her fighting for her life.  A severed spine left her paralyzed from just below the waist, and now Craig Hospital, in Denver, has become her “home” for the past several months.

Remarkably, from the beginning, Amy chose joy and from all reports she remains upbeat.  I was blown away by a quote I read early in the days she began her rehab at Craig, “Every day you take a breath is a blessing.  Sometimes we take it for granted.  You can get through anything as long as you have a positive attitude.  Once you have that negative attitude, you kind of go down that rabbit hole, and it’s really hard to get out.”  I don’t know about you, but I wrote this down as I am inspired by this young woman.  The quote is there for me to read if I ever get into my own pity party. 

At the hospital, she has learned to drive with hand controls, dress herself, pick up things off the floor and the list goes on. Yes, she’s safely driving around Denver.  J  Her goal is to get her driver’s license when she returns to Arizona. (More goal setting.) In addition, Amy talks about having gone out boating, visiting the zoo, and actually climbing into a kayak.  Really?!  Exciting and scary all at the same time from my perspective, but there is definitely a “can do” spirit that permeates her very being and comes across in her social media posts.

It hasn't all been a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact, Amy does say she has shed a lot of tears, and it hasn't been an easy road.  When Matt Lauer from the Today Show interviewed her, she had a schedule of 8:00 in the morning until around 4:30 in the afternoon consumed with rehab.  Dedication, hard work, being supported by a team, learning new ways to do what had been an easy task before the accident are a few of the characteristics of that positive attitude Amy possesses.  There is no positive energy in complaining and pulling out the “poor pitiful me card.”  Jim Rohn says, “What you focus on expands.”  I think we can all agree that Amy has no time for the negative and focuses on all the can do’s and the gradual accomplishments.  Yet, she has been quoted as saying,  “I don’t want to portray the fact that because I had a smile on my face that it really is easy.  It’s really not.  It’s life changing.”  In talking with Matt Lauer and asked what she wanted to be able to do at the end of her time at Craig Hospital, Amy, without hesitation stated, I want to walk out of here.” 

The latest update on Amy is she is testing out special equipment, an exoskeleton, called Indego.  And guess what?!  With this equipment she IS walking.  She is going to be the test case for the Indego to get it approved by the FDA.  This young woman continues to leave me in awe, and I’m definitely inspired.  There is absolutely no reason for me to whine and complain with the trivial conflicts, disappointments, and frustrations I may have in my life and I have no reason, no excuse not to do something different with a positive attitude!  In addition, Amy has taught me through her attitude, perseverance, consistent focus and determination that victories come in many different ways and forms.  She has changed the lives of each patient at Craig as well as the doctors and support staff.  Yet she is the one that thanks the staff and other patients.  “They have really taught me a lot about the world.”  I think we will all be watching as Amy Van Dyken-Rouen becomes a new voice for spinal cord injuries.  She is well on her way to making a huge difference in so many ways and with so many people.

I have heard it said by many well-known speakers that we each have our own struggles.  The difference is how we choose to deal with them.  It’s in my observation and my personal take away that this spirited young woman, former Olympian, continues to be a competitor, and definitely WILL make an impact in her “new world.”  Thank you, Amy Van Dyken Rouen, and I wish you THE best in all that you do in your life.

What are YOUR WOW moments?

I find myself learning so much from my grandchildren.  They continue to remind me about appreciating the little things, not taking anything for granted, enjoying the moment, and showing their love in their own special way.  My perspective this week is from a grandparent’s point of view, however, it’s also true for parents.  The difference is, as a parent, I was also working full time and juggling all the demands of young children, a full time job, supporting Jon with his CU job, and all the other obligations.  I didn’t always allow myself to just stop and enjoy the moment.  Now, I can totally focus on the grandchildren.  Please indulge me with my reflections and hopefully you will be able to reflect on all your personal experiences with your children and/or grandchildren as well.

This past weekend, four of the six grandchildren were here for a short time.  Zane, 15 months, is so sweet, cuddly, and also into everything!  His curiosity and prowess to investigate the world around him also means he climbs and explores. Stairs were the newest challenge.  Challenge not for him as he has no fear, but a challenge for all the adults trying to keep tabs on him.  Putting a chair in the way of the three steps stopped him only until he saw the rest of the kids climbing around it.  Hmm…try, try, and try again.  In most everything Zane did and everything he saw, his word was, “WOW.” He saw the eight balloons in the sky Saturday morning, WOW!  He connected the sound of an airplane flying above to that small speck in the sky, WOW!  He loves strawberries and eating them brought another, WOW!  He touched one of the hens and she squawked which brought about a loud, WOW! And all these WOWs were accompanied with a huge smile. 

Bria, almost five, is the one who climbs in bed with us in the morning.  She’s awake, ready to chat and tell us all about her world.  WOW!  When she saw the balloons, her reaction was to smile, count all eight, and watch them floating – mesmerized.  WOW!  I watched the two of them and appreciated their different ways of expressing their pleasure.  WOW!  Walking down the long driveway to get the paper, holding my hand, Bria says, out of the blue, “Nana, I love you.”  And I say to myself, WOW.”  Bria loves to, as she says, be a creator.  So I get pieces of paper cut into various shapes, scotch taped together, with some drawings, just for me to keep.  WOW!  (I need to buy stock in scotch tape.)  Bria was the one wanting to feed the fish and check out the chickens with Poppa.  I captured a picture of the two of them walking back hand in hand.  WOW!   Bedtime means stories, me laying down for a few minutes with her, and the usual request to rub her back and sing the “This Old Man,” song.  WOW!  

Sophia, almost nine and in third grade, is becoming a little lady.  She’s quiet, processes things by watching everything, and is also a creator.  The first thing she did was present Bria with a bracelet she had made which was just like the necklace she had made for herself and was wearing.  WOW!  The adoring eyes of a five year old to her nine year old cousin, followed by a thank you, was a WOW moment!  The two had a great time making more creations with of course more scotch tape and LOTS of scrap pieces.  Oh well, watching the two cuddled on the same chair, working together, having fun, was WOW!  Sophia is also a caregiver.  From the birth of her brother, Ethan, who is now five, to her youngest cousin, Zane, she watches over them and tries to help.  WOW!  She will explain things to Ethan or remind him of something, and with Zane she waits for him to walk down the hill while the other two are running off. WOW! After her first week in third grade, she said she’s making new friends and is enjoying her new teacher.  New things are approached with some hesitancy and once she has it figured out, she’s all in.  WOW!  We all approach new situations differently. Hmmm…another lesson.   There’s no right or wrong way, it’s just our own way.  WOW! 

Ethan has started kindergarten. Kindergarten is a big step and Ethan is ready for the next challenge.  He admittedly is THE best expert on dinosaurs, and he’s not kidding – ask him anything.  WOW!  (He will be able to teach the class when the curriculum includes dinosaurs.)  T Rex is the favorite, but he can pronounce all of them.  Ethan, is one who mastered the no pedal bike at age three, and transitioned to a regular bike shortly thereafter.  WOW!  The high school boys at the skate/bike park were duly impressed especially when Dad told them he wasn't quite five.  WOW! I admire Ethan. He has some sensory integration difficulties. He now goes to three sessions a week, and through play, he is learning new ways to understand how his body reacts to things. WOW! He’s learning new strategies to use in a variety of situations that may be challenging now and in the future. WOW!  He goes to kindergarten in the morning, and three days a week has his time with the occupational and physical therapists.  NO labels! No Judgment!  WOW!  This sweet little boy who has had challenges is learning to explore a world in a positive and exciting new way.  WOW!  He is very smart and with all his many talents the new strategies will help propel him to an even more impactful level.  WOW! 

This spring and summer, we've been able to spend time with Teagan and Nyelle.  It’s hard to be 14 hours away, but we make sure we’re there every 6-8 weeks.  Michelle is fabulous about sending us videos and pictures of the girls so that definitely helps.  Teagan, age two (going on 16 according to her parents), is already practicing shooting hoops, getting her defensive stance, shows us her “fast feet” and wearing a whistle around her neck says, “I coach, Mommy!”  WOW!  For those of you who don’t know, Michelle played basketball at CU and currently is the head girls bb coach at the local high school. Daddy is the head football coach at Missouri Baptist.  This little one WILL have sports somewhere in her future.  What I love is she LOVES it.  WOW!  She’s like a little sponge with everything around her.  I love watching everything she tackles.  WOW!  One of Teagan’s favorite past times is putting together puzzles.  Whether they are the hands on puzzles or the ones on the IPad, she is TOTALLY focused.  The dogs may bark, Nyelle may start to cry, it doesn't matter.  Teagan is focused on a task.  WOW!  She figures out where the pieces go very quickly, 30 piece puzzles are done in only a couple minutes.  WOW!  If one isn't quite right she puts it off to the side and comes back to it later.  WOW!  Daddy has been gone a lot with his first season of being the head football coach.  Teagan decided to dress up for Daddy when he got home – her idea and her choice of outfit.  WOW!  She had on her sparkly shoes, beads around her neck, and a bow in her hair.  WOW!  Whether it be “moving the cows,” cheering Mommy’s basketball team on during a game, visiting Daddy at one of his practices, swinging at the park, going down the slide, or showing her dairy calf for the first time at the fair,  Teagan is “all in.”  WOW!

Nyelle, even at 3 ½ months brings us all such joy.  A smile begets a smile.  WOW!  Teagan can get her to laugh which gets everyone laughing.  WOW!  Each new event such as holding her head up or sitting up more on her own are all those little signs that she’s learning and growing up too.  WOW!  Nyelle goes everywhere and seems to just “go with the flow.”  WOW!

Three and a half months to nine years old, all these little ones are great examples of what life is all about.  It’s all those WOW moments!  It’s appreciating the beauty of our world, learning new things, realizing we each have our own strengths and areas to work on, communication can be as simple as a smile or a laugh, and being an expert in something is special and should be celebrated.  It’s the little things that make a difference in our day, we all approach new situations in different ways and when given the opportunity and time we will adjust, thinking about others like Sophia’s gift to Bria, helping someone up when they fall, doing something to put a smile on someone else’s face, it’s working hard, staying focused, and never giving up. 

I wish you a blessed week and many WOW moments.