Dr. Ben Carson - MINDSET

Last week I wished you a week of reflection to truly know and accept where you are in your life and where you want to be. After all, this is YOUR journey of a lifetime. How did you do and what did you learn about yourself?

Before I begin this week’s thoughts, I hope that you each had a safe Memorial Day. I hope that between the bbq’s, running the Bolder Boulder, camping, etc you also spent time reflecting on what this day actually means for Americans and why we set this day aside as a special holiday. Have you taught your children why we celebrate this day? Did you put your flag out to honor these men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedoms? We are “land of the free, because of the brave.”

I was appalled this week in listening to the criticism of Dr. Ben Carson’s comments about MINDSET. He said in an interview that “having the wrong MINDSET” contributes to poverty. “I think poverty, to a large extent, is also a state of mind. You take somebody that has the right MINDSET, you can take everything from them and put them on the street, and I guarantee in a little while they’ll be right back there. And you take somebody with the wrong MINDSET, you could give them everything in the world, they’ll work their way right back down to the bottom.”

Dr. Carson argued that parents can help prevent their kids from developing the “wrong MINDSET.” He speaks from personal experience. “A lot of it has to do with what we teach children,” he said. “You have to instill into that child the MINDSET of a winner.” He also went on to say that “there’s also a poverty of spirit. You develop a certain MINDSET.” (His biography is fascinating and was very difficult early on.)

It baffles me as to why there is such criticism about Dr. Carson's comments. You will find a great number of well know mentors, coaches, motivational speakers who agree. Tony Robbins states, “change your MINDSET, change your life.” Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, T. Harv Eker and so many other motivational speakers, mentors, coaches all agree with Dr. Carson.

Look at the number of people who have won the lottery and end up dead broke and destitute. It’s documented that 70% of lottery winners will end up in bankruptcy within a few years. There are far more challenges and changes in their lives than they’re prepared to handle so quickly.

What about the professional athletes? 58% of NBA athletes are broke within five years after they quit playing, and 78% of NFL athletes are broke within 3 years after they leave the sport. Why is that? There’s financial mindset, personal self-worth mindset, surrounding yourself with people who will always have your back MINDSET and so much more.

Why is it that we have generations of families on welfare? Welfare use to be a “hand” that the government gave to people to help them through a difficult time with the idea that the person would get back on their feet and no longer need this support. That’s not the case any longer, and we have generations of families that do not know anything else. MINDSET.

As Jim Rohn says, “Our lives are mainly affected by the way we think they are, NOT the way they are. Poor thinking habits make people poor.”  The Bible says, “As you think so you become.” T. Harv Eker refers to a money blueprint which he explains, in more detail, why people must change their MINDSET in order to change their lives.

What is the difference between someone who grows up surrounded by drugs, alcohol, prostitution, on welfare, and education isn’t valued but “gets out” of that culture and makes a life for themselves versus someone who is unable to “get out.” (Dr. Ben Carson knows for what he speaks.)

MINDSET means to set your mind on something and taking responsibility to focus on the things that will add value to your life. John Maxwell states, “We are today where our thoughts have brought us,” and that can be either positive or negative.

As I have been writing about throughout most of my blogs, I believe we are in control of our thinking – our MINDSET. And yes, I believe that thinking can be changed from a negative to a positive but not without a desire to change. If someone would come to your home, what would they see as your reading material? What would they see you’re listening to? It’s really that simple and that telling.

“Every day stand guard at the door of your mind,” says Jim Rohn. John Maxwell says something similar, “It’s vital to think right, to set your mind right, and go after those positive thoughts day by day.” MINDSET!

I wish you a week of reflecting on your own personal MINDSET. Are you growing and moving forward or are you stuck? Once again, “what you focus on expands. MINDSET.

Inspiration or Desperation?

Last week, I wished you a week of reflecting on your WHY’s especially in your career and in your relationships or marriage. What did you learn about yourself? If you did or didn’t examine this question, in more detail, the real question is whether or not you want to do something different in your life.

This is the time of year when parents are going crazy with all the end of the school year concerts, projects, award assemblies, graduation and graduation parties etc. etc. That’s on top of their job and juggling all the other daily stuff. Despite being retired for quite a while now, I still remember that time of year. I get the time thing.

Let’s look then at setting a day that you WILL look at your why’s, and you WILL put into place a reflection time for yourself. After all, it is now almost a full five months into 2017. Summer will bring its own challenges especially if you have children who need activities and things to do. Yes, it’s a slower time on one hand and yet it has its own demands as well.

Let’s be clear. Unless you want something to change or you want to take time for reflection or you don’t want to be in the same place as you were at the end of 2016 in a specific area of your life then STOP with the excuses NOW! Remember, it’s not about how much time you have it’s truly whether or not something is a priority.

If you aren’t sure WHY you are doing what you are doing, or WHY you don’t have a special someone in your life, or WHY you are always playing catch up with your finances etc. etc. then that’s exactly WHY you should stop and take stock on what is going on.

Nothing will change if you’re not willing to change.

Jim Rohn says that “we generally change ourselves for two reasons: inspiration or desperation.” You will always read in his books or hear on his tapes that it’s important to work hard on your own personal growth. Not an easy task, I will admit, however, it’s probably also one of the most rewarding tasks that leads to true growth. If you are truly on a learning and growing life path, you realize that personal development lasts a lifetime.

I am a true believer of “what you become is far more important than what you get.” I’ve learned the question is NOT “what am I getting” but instead it’s “what am I becoming?” They’re really both intertwined because I am learning that what someone becomes directly influences what they get.”

In reading books like Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and others, they will always say that “income rarely exceeds personal development.” Look around at all the professional athletes who have made 10’s of millions of dollars who are now bankrupt or the lottery winner that is now totally broke. “Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities and the mindset that come with it, it will always shrink back to the amount you can handle.”

Let's look at others words than just income. Marriages rarely exceeds personal development. Relationships rarely exceeds personal development. Spiritual life rarely exceeds personal development. Health rarely exceeds personal development. Parenting rarely exceeds personal development. Job (fill in the blank) rarely exceeds personal development.  

“It’s hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development. So here’s the great axiom of life:

       To have more than you’ve got, become more than you are!”  

This is the reason why a lifelong mindset of personal development is essential to success and that is true in ALL areas of your life. Otherwise the axiom of not changing is; 

“Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you got.” Are you really ok with accepting that axiom?

 Life will only change when you do. You can blame and/or complain about your teacher, your coach, your parents, your boss, your ex, your financial planner, your age, your size, your looks etc. all you want but where does that lead you? NO WHERE!

“None of us can completely control external events, but we can always control and adapt our responses.” Think about that. What’s in your control? YOUR responses to the situations and the circumstances that make up your life are ALL in your control. 

We may not be able to control those external events/circumstances, however, we CAN control and adapt our responses. “None of us can know which cards fate is going to deal out, but we can always control how we play them.”

Life always involves opportunity mixed with difficulty. That has been the case since the beginning of time. With that said let’s be clear…my life, your life, anyone’s life will only change when we change. The only way things get better is when you get better. Better is not based on wishes; better is something you become.

Jim Rohn explains, “Personal development is a push. It’s a struggle. It’s a challenge.” It takes a mindset that is willing to accept change. AND it takes consistency. Think about when you’re learning something new whether it be a new skill, a new sport, a new technique, or you’re in a new relationship, or you have a new position coach, or a new boss. You’re being challenged to get out of your comfort zone which is familiar and safe.

Keep in mind that when you’re learning and growing you’re going to feel uncomfortable. That’s the attribute to pay attention to, and it’s ok to be uncomfortable. Unfortunately, what we often times do is tell ourselves that because something is new and different we begin to think that because we are uncomfortable then whatever it is isn’t right. The new relationship isn’t right, the new technique that the coach is teaching me is not the same as the other coach so it’s not right etc.

Are there times when something doesn't seem right? Of course, but I would suggest that until you take the time to find your purpose, your WHY how do you truly evaluate things that come across your path? For example, if you don’t know your own personal value and love yourself, how do you expect to know if a relationship is right for you or not? If you don’t know WHY you’re playing a sport or why you’re in the job you’re in, how do you expect to know if something is right or not?

Often times we confuse our uncomfortable feelings with right and wrong only. Yet if we’ve taken the time to truly know our own personal value, then we can look at other reasons for that uncomfortable feeling. Maybe it’s just because something is new, it’s a different approach, we’ve had more experience now and we’re ready to move on, or maybe we’re realizing that we have more to offer and therefore need a change.

I would encourage you to aim for inspiration when you look at all areas of your life. That means to take personal development seriously and know who you are. That IS in your control! Books, CD’s, seminars, meditation, exercise, face to face conversations…

In addition, as social beings we also need support.  Who do you surround yourself with? Who inspires you to be better? Who guides you to go to the next level? Who encourages you to take risks? Who supports you when you’re down but is not an enabler? Who will be there for you no matter what?

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What we think, we become.” – Buddha

I wish you a week of reflection to truly know and accept where you are in your life and where you want to be. This is YOUR journey of a lifetime so make the most of each and every day.

The Golden Circle

Last week, I wished you a week of deciding if investing in yourself is THE best investment you can make in yourself and what action you are willing to commit to on a consistent basis until it becomes a habit. What did you learn about yourself? Are there specific actions you can say you’ve taken or are there still only wishes of what you want to do? There’s a big difference between wishing and taking action.

I just finished a book titled Start with Why by Simon Sinek. If you go to Youtube and look for the name Simon Sinek, you will find he has a 15+ minute talk about the iY Generation which is another book I’ve blogged about recently. I find him refreshingly honest in his appraisal of situations and in this book, he relates a unique approach to WHY people, companies, teams, organizations etc. are successful or not.

For a common understanding of Sinek’s approach that he calls the Golden Circle, picture a target. In the center, is the WHY, the next circle out is HOW, and the outer circle is the WHAT. The concept is based on science of the brain. The WHY, or inner circle, is the limbic brain which is the part of our brain that controls feelings and has no capacity for language.

In order to understand the power of WHY, let’s look quickly at the other two circles. HOW’S are your values or principles that guide HOW to bring your cause to life. “In order for your values and guiding principles to be truly effective they have to be verbs. Articulating values as verbs gives a clear idea. For example, it’s not ‘integrity,’ it’s ‘do the right thing’ or it’s not ‘innovation’ it’s ‘look at the problem from a different angle.’”

“A WHY is just a belief. That’s all it is. HOW’s are the actions you take to realize the belief. And WHAT’s are the results of those actions – everything you say and do.” Though the book talks a lot about what makes a business, a company, or a product successful; I find there’s a direct application to our personal lives.

Henry Ford was the one who said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” When we’re young and starting out in our careers our WHY shows up in the form of excitement, we’re ready to change the world, we have a vision of what we want to do in life. We didn’t’ know HOW or WHAT that was going to look like just yet, we were motivated by a WHY.

When I started my teaching career, I was totally focused on changing the lives of my fifth graders. I wanted them to feel successful even when they made mistakes. I wanted them to feel that even mistakes were to be celebrated because that meant they were learning and growing. I was dedicated to creating a safe environment where differences were the norm, where learning to talk through conflicts was taught, and where the classroom was a fun place to come to each day. I woke up each day thinking about WHY I was doing what I was doing and it always involved supporting my fifth graders to be the very best that they could be not only as a student but as a person.

My first year teaching was definitely a year of learning the WHAT which was the curriculum and also figuring out the HOW to get the learning across to a wide variety of abilities, learning styles, and personalities. The one thing that never changed was my WHY which was making sure my students knew I cared about them as a person and as a student.

Fast forward 10 years or so. I loved learning new strategies, new ways to teach a math concept, a new book to add to my historical fiction book list etc. That was fun, but I realized I wasn’t having as much fun actually teaching. I was getting bogged down with the minutia of record keeping, the parental demands, the demands coming down from the district and state. It took me awhile to figure out what was missing. (I wish I had read this book back then.) I ended up taking a summer off of taking any classes but just enjoyed my own children, doing the things that we loved doing together without spending the summer preparing for the next school year.

What I gained from that time was realizing I had lost my focus on WHY I was teaching in the first place. I didn’t have the vocabulary that this book has clarified for me, but I did understand that I had lost the passion of WHY I was a teacher in the first place. That next year, with my WHY back to the center of everything I did, I was back in a balance of first of all knowing WHY and then the HOW and WHAT. I was back to having fun and enjoying myself and my students.

Think about your career. Have you ever gone through phases of feeling passionate about what you were doing and then having those times of feeling bogged down with all the garbage? What did you do about it or are you still there? Are you staying in a job that you don’t like but are not willing to make a change? OR is it that what is really needed is a time to reflect on WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. Maybe that job doesn’t fulfill your passion for what you want to do in life and you need to move on. OR maybe you’re like I was and just need to get back to your WHY you do what you do?

I don’t think this concept is only true in our careers. What about in your relationships? Your marriage? The excitement of a new relationship or that first year of marriage is filled with excitement, expectations, living a life with your life partner. But then life sets in with the balancing act of all the demands and expectations both from yourself and from those around you. 

Why is it we have so many people getting a divorce after only a couple years? Research shares the comments from couples in therapy that they’re bored, the marriage wasn’t what they expected, they didn’t feel valued by the other person etc. etc. I’m coming to believe WHY we got married or are in a particular relationship has gotten lost or maybe we never truly knew our WHY.

Do you know people who only got married because they just wanted to be married? Do you know people who got married for reasons like status, money, or even fame? These are definitely NOT what Sinek talks about as to a true WHY.

All relationships, all marriages go through ups and downs – that’s life. It’s what you do about it. The people who never learn their true WHY are the ones who get divorced, marry someone almost exactly the same as the first person and it goes on and on. They never take a close look at themselves – it’s always about someone else. That also seems to be the case with people who jump from career to career trying to figure out what they want to do or they’re looking for the “prefect” job.

I found myself, even a year ago, questioning my purpose. I knew my WHY when I was teaching. I know my WHY in my marriage, I know my WHY with my children and grandchildren, but I had lost a WHY as to who I was as a person. (Once again, I wish I had read this book last summer.) During this time that I was spending reflecting on my purpose, I went through the phase of feeling sorry for myself, looking at everyone else and how they were doing what they loved, and having a personal “pity party.”

The good news is I was looking and open. I continued to read books, share reflections with my blogs, say my gratitude’s each day with the belief that something would “turn up.” AND that’s exactly what happened toward the end of the summer when a new opportunity came across our path. 

Because of reading this book, I’m understanding the power of my WHY’s in ALL areas of my life and plan to support others in understanding this powerful concept as well.

If you find yourself stuck, if you find yourself going through the motions without a purpose, if you find yourself not feeling you’re fulfilling the life God has designed for you, I would recommend investing in yourself by reading this book, Start with Why by Simon Sinek. You will learn more about the Golden Circle and living a life from the inside out.

I wish you a week of reflecting on your WHY’s especially in your career and in your relationships or marriage. I look forward to hearing from you. This is powerful!

What Do Warren Buffet and Tony Robbins Have in Common?

Last week, I wished you a week of consistently living your “just for today” list. The point was that if you live each day without regret then in the tough times, you can embrace the sorrow and move on. How did you do and how are you doing? Remember, this is a process not just a onetime exercise.

What do you think Tony Robbins and Warren Buffet would say was THE best investment they ever made? “Tony Robbins went from working as a janitor to being a multi-millionaire who sells inspiration for a living. Warren Buffet, one of the most successful investors of all time, is currently worth almost $75 billion.

Both of these legendary businessmen say THE best investment they ever made was not a stock or financial asset. It was a class.”

Did you guess this? Through a class taught by Jim Rohn; one of the greatest motivators, speakers and authors of his time, taught Robbins that the most important work he could do in his life was working on himself.”

Instead of focusing on all the things out of his control, Rohn’s message was to focus on what WAS in his control. AND as Urban Meyer talks about in his book Above the Line, taking responsibility for your actions is what is in our control. The blaming, complaining, and defending our actions is below the line and does not move us forward.

“I could improve myself; I could find a way to serve, a way to do more, a way to become better, a way to add value,” writes Robbins in his book Money: Master the Game. Notice that his learning helped him realize that by himself learning and growing and becoming better; he could, in turn, impact so many others. He was taking total control over what was in his control. He didn’t spend a lot of time blaming his upbringing, or all his struggles. He focused on learning new skills, learning what successful people do and duplicating those actions rather than listening to the naysayers trying to hold him back. He learned to surround himself with positive people.

“Buffet learned a similar lesson. He was terrified of public speaking when he was young. To force himself to face his fears, at age 20, Buffet signed up for a public speaking course with the Dale Carnegie Institute.” He didn’t stop there. “After graduating from the course, Buffet went to the University of Omaha and, to fully overcome his phobia, he asked to teach a class.” You can find more information in Tim Ferriss’s book Tools of the Titans which is about the habits and processes of successful people.

According to Buffet, “there’s no financial investment that’ll ever match investing in yourself. If you develop more skills more abilities, more insight, more capacity, that’s what’s going to really provide economic freedom…It’s those skill sets that really make that happen.”

So what can we all learn from these two giants who are yes, exceedingly wealthy in the financial arena? First and foremost, their success did not happen overnight, it did not happen in a couple weeks or a couple months. Their success DID come because of hard work, learning, failing and learning more, focus, and consistently persevering despite what others were saying. They did NOT stop learning and growing despite their financial achievements. 

In fact, they both continue to be voracious readers and learners even today.

Buffet is now 86 and Robbins is 57. Wouldn’t’ it be easier to kick back and enjoy life because “you’ve made it?”   These are men who have impacted the lives of so many others through their mentoring, through their philanthropic focus, through their abilities to reach a wide variety of people in their speaking engagements etc.

Both of these men have had an attitude of doing “whatever it takes.” They saw advantages not obstacles. They didn’t use excuses when there was failure, they used those failures to learn and adjust. They found mentors, coaches, successful people as role models as they understood that what they focused on was what expanded.

If the greatest investment, according to Warren Buffet and Tony Robbins, is to invest in yourself, how much are YOU investing in YOURSELF? Are you where you want to be financially? Are you where you want to be being able to give to nonprofits or other organizations that are important to you? Are you where you want to be in your relationships with your spouse/significant other, your children, your parents, your colleagues etc? 

Are you finding that you use your age, your difficult situations, your struggles with relationships, your lack of money etc. as excuses? Do you find yourself focusing on lack and obstacles OR do you focus on pushing through those obstacle to move forward without excuses?

My personal opinion is your focus to be The Best You that You Can Be will be a direct reflection on the actions you take toward investing in yourself.

What are you reading? Who are the people you’re surrounding yourself with? What are you listening to? Are you dedicated to listening to personal development CD’s etc. while you’re driving? Do you have an educational fund which would allow you to take a class or attend a seminar?

If you believe that Buffet and Robbins are correct that the greatest investment is investing in yourself then how do you rate yourself in investing in yourself?

The first step is to decide whether investing in yourself is important to you. If it is important then take the time to rate where you stand TODAY with a focus on investing in yourself. Be honest. If you say it’s important, then your true focus will be to take action.

That action might be to read or listen to a book from Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, or others. It might be to change what you’re listening to in the car, it might be to look for a class or a seminar, etc.

Each week, as I write these blogs, I wonder how many people are truly wanting to take action in making the most of each day and improving themselves. It’s the 80/20 rule. 80% of the people reading these will possibly make a slight change for a short time. 20% of the people will actually take action and make that action a habit. Which one are you? 80% or 20%?

I wish you a week of deciding if investing in yourself is THE best investment you can make in yourself and what action you are willing to commit to on a consistent basis until it becomes a habit. I look forward to hearing from you.

Just For Today

Last week, I wished you a week of making the most of each day and taking time at the end of each day to rate yourself on how well you were able to live in the moment – not living in the past or dreading the future. How did that go for you? I know for me, just the reminder to myself to Live for Today took the angst and frustration out of a couple situations. Hope it helped you as well!

“Be so busy loving your life that you have not time for hate and regret.” I thought this was a great quote and timely as well. It’s one I read on Inspirational Quotes. This past week, Jon and I celebrated Jason’s 37^th birthday and also learned of the death of a high school friend who I’ve stayed in touch with all these years.

The birthdays of our children always fill me with memories of the years watching them grow up. It’s interesting that the memories center around the fun, the celebrations, the milestones, the excitement watching them maneuver adulthood, then marriage, and now parenting. Were there times of frustration and worry? Of course, but that’s not what fills my memories. It truly is not having time for anything other than love in my life.

Unfortunately, there are also those times we have sorrow. Bill and his wife Gail were high school sweethearts, my friends, they have two sons who are married and three grandchildren. Bill was diagnosed with esophageal cancer only about 8 months ago and just lost his life. It’s another wakeup call that each day is a precious gift from God so we shouldn’t waste it. We never know when something will happen and unfortunately it usually takes a tragedy for that wakeup call to happen.

Why is it we get these wakeup calls; go through a myriad of emotions, yet then “life takes over” and we go back to same-old/same-old? Why can’t we capture those feelings of valuing our life, valuing our family, valuing all that we have etc. every day?   I would venture to guess that if we truly lived in the moment, if we truly lived as though each and every day matters we would be closer to living the life we are meant to live.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Walt Emerson.

John Maxwell’s book, Today Matters, begins with a list.  See how many of these you already are doing on a daily basis and those you could add to your “just for today” list:

Just for today…  I will choose and display the right attitudes.

Just for today…  I will know and follow healthy guidelines.

Just for today…  I will communicate with and care for my family.

Just for today…  I will practice and develop good thinking.

Just for today…  I will earn and properly manage finances.

Just for today…  I will deepen and live out my faith.

Just for today…  I will plan for and model generosity.

Just for today…  I will seek and experience improvements.

THEN ONE DAY…  I will see the compounding results of a day lived well.

I wish you your first week of consistently living your “just for today” list. If you do this then when those sorrowful times come, you can embrace that sorrow - it’s not a wakeup call. After all, YOU are living a life consistently present without regret.