The Golden Circle

Last week, I wished you a week of deciding if investing in yourself is THE best investment you can make in yourself and what action you are willing to commit to on a consistent basis until it becomes a habit. What did you learn about yourself? Are there specific actions you can say you’ve taken or are there still only wishes of what you want to do? There’s a big difference between wishing and taking action.

I just finished a book titled Start with Why by Simon Sinek. If you go to Youtube and look for the name Simon Sinek, you will find he has a 15+ minute talk about the iY Generation which is another book I’ve blogged about recently. I find him refreshingly honest in his appraisal of situations and in this book, he relates a unique approach to WHY people, companies, teams, organizations etc. are successful or not.

For a common understanding of Sinek’s approach that he calls the Golden Circle, picture a target. In the center, is the WHY, the next circle out is HOW, and the outer circle is the WHAT. The concept is based on science of the brain. The WHY, or inner circle, is the limbic brain which is the part of our brain that controls feelings and has no capacity for language.

In order to understand the power of WHY, let’s look quickly at the other two circles. HOW’S are your values or principles that guide HOW to bring your cause to life. “In order for your values and guiding principles to be truly effective they have to be verbs. Articulating values as verbs gives a clear idea. For example, it’s not ‘integrity,’ it’s ‘do the right thing’ or it’s not ‘innovation’ it’s ‘look at the problem from a different angle.’”

“A WHY is just a belief. That’s all it is. HOW’s are the actions you take to realize the belief. And WHAT’s are the results of those actions – everything you say and do.” Though the book talks a lot about what makes a business, a company, or a product successful; I find there’s a direct application to our personal lives.

Henry Ford was the one who said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” When we’re young and starting out in our careers our WHY shows up in the form of excitement, we’re ready to change the world, we have a vision of what we want to do in life. We didn’t’ know HOW or WHAT that was going to look like just yet, we were motivated by a WHY.

When I started my teaching career, I was totally focused on changing the lives of my fifth graders. I wanted them to feel successful even when they made mistakes. I wanted them to feel that even mistakes were to be celebrated because that meant they were learning and growing. I was dedicated to creating a safe environment where differences were the norm, where learning to talk through conflicts was taught, and where the classroom was a fun place to come to each day. I woke up each day thinking about WHY I was doing what I was doing and it always involved supporting my fifth graders to be the very best that they could be not only as a student but as a person.

My first year teaching was definitely a year of learning the WHAT which was the curriculum and also figuring out the HOW to get the learning across to a wide variety of abilities, learning styles, and personalities. The one thing that never changed was my WHY which was making sure my students knew I cared about them as a person and as a student.

Fast forward 10 years or so. I loved learning new strategies, new ways to teach a math concept, a new book to add to my historical fiction book list etc. That was fun, but I realized I wasn’t having as much fun actually teaching. I was getting bogged down with the minutia of record keeping, the parental demands, the demands coming down from the district and state. It took me awhile to figure out what was missing. (I wish I had read this book back then.) I ended up taking a summer off of taking any classes but just enjoyed my own children, doing the things that we loved doing together without spending the summer preparing for the next school year.

What I gained from that time was realizing I had lost my focus on WHY I was teaching in the first place. I didn’t have the vocabulary that this book has clarified for me, but I did understand that I had lost the passion of WHY I was a teacher in the first place. That next year, with my WHY back to the center of everything I did, I was back in a balance of first of all knowing WHY and then the HOW and WHAT. I was back to having fun and enjoying myself and my students.

Think about your career. Have you ever gone through phases of feeling passionate about what you were doing and then having those times of feeling bogged down with all the garbage? What did you do about it or are you still there? Are you staying in a job that you don’t like but are not willing to make a change? OR is it that what is really needed is a time to reflect on WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. Maybe that job doesn’t fulfill your passion for what you want to do in life and you need to move on. OR maybe you’re like I was and just need to get back to your WHY you do what you do?

I don’t think this concept is only true in our careers. What about in your relationships? Your marriage? The excitement of a new relationship or that first year of marriage is filled with excitement, expectations, living a life with your life partner. But then life sets in with the balancing act of all the demands and expectations both from yourself and from those around you. 

Why is it we have so many people getting a divorce after only a couple years? Research shares the comments from couples in therapy that they’re bored, the marriage wasn’t what they expected, they didn’t feel valued by the other person etc. etc. I’m coming to believe WHY we got married or are in a particular relationship has gotten lost or maybe we never truly knew our WHY.

Do you know people who only got married because they just wanted to be married? Do you know people who got married for reasons like status, money, or even fame? These are definitely NOT what Sinek talks about as to a true WHY.

All relationships, all marriages go through ups and downs – that’s life. It’s what you do about it. The people who never learn their true WHY are the ones who get divorced, marry someone almost exactly the same as the first person and it goes on and on. They never take a close look at themselves – it’s always about someone else. That also seems to be the case with people who jump from career to career trying to figure out what they want to do or they’re looking for the “prefect” job.

I found myself, even a year ago, questioning my purpose. I knew my WHY when I was teaching. I know my WHY in my marriage, I know my WHY with my children and grandchildren, but I had lost a WHY as to who I was as a person. (Once again, I wish I had read this book last summer.) During this time that I was spending reflecting on my purpose, I went through the phase of feeling sorry for myself, looking at everyone else and how they were doing what they loved, and having a personal “pity party.”

The good news is I was looking and open. I continued to read books, share reflections with my blogs, say my gratitude’s each day with the belief that something would “turn up.” AND that’s exactly what happened toward the end of the summer when a new opportunity came across our path. 

Because of reading this book, I’m understanding the power of my WHY’s in ALL areas of my life and plan to support others in understanding this powerful concept as well.

If you find yourself stuck, if you find yourself going through the motions without a purpose, if you find yourself not feeling you’re fulfilling the life God has designed for you, I would recommend investing in yourself by reading this book, Start with Why by Simon Sinek. You will learn more about the Golden Circle and living a life from the inside out.

I wish you a week of reflecting on your WHY’s especially in your career and in your relationships or marriage. I look forward to hearing from you. This is powerful!