Successful People are Lifelong Learners

Last week I left you with these questions…Are YOU surrounding yourself with the best people for you as a person?  Are these people supportive and encouraging?  Are they pushing you to do better, to be better in all that you do? Are you determining which of the three categories you would classify these people: disassociation, limited association, or expanded association?  After looking at the people around you, what did you conclude?  How are you answering these questions?

I realize I have written about always learning and growing before.  That’s an underlying theme in all that I am and hope to be.  The world is constantly changing. New apps appear almost every day, new medical information or a re-evaluation of that information is reported in the news eg at what age should women begin getting a mammogram, even the food pyramid as we knew it 20 years ago has been re-evaluated. 

According to David Russell Schilling in an article for Industry Tap into news, “Buckminster Fuller created the “Knowledge Doubling Curve”; he noticed that until 1900 human knowledge doubled approximately every century. By the end of World War II knowledge was doubling every 25 years. Today things are not as simple as different types of knowledge have different rates of growth. For example, nanotechnology knowledge is doubling every two years and clinical knowledge every 18 months. But on average human knowledge is doubling every 13 months.  According to IBM, the build out of the “internet of things” will lead to the doubling of knowledge every 12 hours.

If nothing else, that rapid rate of information doubling makes a clear case to never just sit around. Yes, that does mean we also have to embrace change, change habits, and rather than complain about how everything is different and things use to be simpler etc. it’s time to move forward. After all, the past is the past.  The past has given us, in many cases, wonderful memories and stories for our children and grandchildren.  Rather than lamenting on the “way things used to be” I would encourage you to embrace what is happening now. 

Does that mean everything new is good. Of course not, but that was true for past information as well.  What I do encourage you to do is to learn what is the current research in medicine, learn the current best ways to keep your body and mind healthy etc. Then you can decide what part of that NEW information is what you can embrace and make a part of your life.  I, for one, cannot give up my enjoyment of eating red meat or drinking milk.  What I can do is reduce the number of times each week I eat red meat and balance that with more chicken and fish. 

Be sure to take into account YOUR particular body type, needs, and family history. The information about the timeline of starting mammograms is for a person without any family history.  However, there is also a lot of information about younger women getting breast cancer and 45 would be way too late. To me the “take away” is for women of ALL ages to do a monthly self-exam which should become a habit and routine early on. This also goes for men both young and old doing a monthly testicular self-exam. Both of these self-exams are critical and should be a part of the health classes in high school if they aren’t already.

Once again, in re-reading Jim Rohn and Chris Widener’s book The Twelve Pillars, one of those pillars is to be a lifelong learner.  “Formal education will make you a living.  Self-education will make you a fortune.” Whether you talk about success in terms of financial, spiritual, physical, emotional etc. “successful people are always lifelong learners. “Self-education is what you teach yourself. It’s what you learn along the way so that you are constantly improving and growing.” “Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning are where the miracle process all begins...all that is self-education.”

I look around and see the people I enjoy having conversations with as they are the ones who are always looking to learn more and will often times share those thoughts in our conversations.  They are ready to share ideas; however, they share these ideas as a conversation starter or to have a deeper level in that conversation. They are the ones who are open to differences of opinions without the intent to “throw up on others” as to the “right way” to do something or the “right way” way to view spirituality etc.etc.

On many past CU football games, my brother-in-law, Ray, and I would have some of the most interesting conversations with the focus to learn, grow, and question. Yes, we also watched the game, but leaving the stadium I always felt that I had learned something, or had another perspective to think about, and I felt a stronger connection with Ray.  He is a blessing in my life.  Ray is the ultimate questioner, listener, and is there to add his own opinions in a non-adversarial manner. For that, I am grateful.

According to Jim and Chris in their book, “There are a few mainstays to learning that anyone can use to improve their lives. The first is to read books. In this day and age, it may also be a book on tape as you’re driving to and from work. For those of you who already are saying things like, “I’m not a reader” or “I don’t have time to read,” GET OVER IT!  EVERYONE can find 10 minutes to read a few pages each day or listen to 10 minutes of a CD. It’s either a priority to learn and be the best you that you can be or it’s not. “Books have been, are, and will continue to be one of the greatest learning tools in human history. It isn’t what the book, CD costs. It’s what it will cost you if you DON”T read it.”

The second is to learn from successful people by observation. Who are those people you admire in your work and in all areas of your life? They may be a colleague, a boss, someone in a class that you’ve met and admire, or it may be someone who you have heard at a convention. It may be a trainer, a spiritual leader, a friend you admire as a parent, someone who has the kind of marriage you want to have etc. Watch how these people handle the day to day “issues” that come up, how do they handle conflicts, how do they treat people both publicly and in meetings or small groups, and watch how they walk their talk. These should be people who are already proven role models of what works. Listen and observe those people!

The third is to constantly reflect on your own experiences and learn what went right, what went wrong or at least what you would do differently the next time.” That also means there must be time, set aside, to actually reflect.  It will definitely save you time in the long run. The sooner you have that reflection time after a particular game, a sports season, after a class, after a seminar, after hearing a CD or reading a book the better, and the more impact it will have on your personal growth.

In addition, I would add to these mainstays with actions such as: attend a national conference, take a class on line, or even attend a workshop in person. There you will learn about the new information, the new ways people are approaching saving money, running a particular offense/defense, ways the banking industry has had to change their practices, the current fitness information, the best leadership practices as explained by current leaders and successful people in any industry. The motivational speeches, the keynote speeches, the small group sessions are all led by people who are successful in their field, who have the experience, but who also have the history of where things use to be and where they are now for comparison purposes.

All of these ways of learning will either add to your life’s journey or there is a “cost” if you don’t. “Reading is one of the most powerful ways to open yourself to vast new worlds. You open yourself to new ideas, new ideas are the seeds that grow in your heart and mind, and when applied, become your achievements and successes.” The key question is, “How will you ever grow and expand if you aren’t consistently and proactively pursuing knowledge and ideas that will move your life forward?”

Maybe you find yourself doing all the above in one area of your life. Maybe you have a “do whatever it takes” to learn and grow in your work. You will read anything that applies to your work; you make an effort to attend conferences, classes, you sign up for events where there are successful speakers in your line of work etc.  BUT are you as focused on doing those same things in your personal health and wellness? What about in your spiritual life? What about in your personal relationship with your spouse, children, grandchildren?  I would encourage you to add one more area of your life that you are not currently focusing on and apply some of the above mainstays.

If you really want to make a “deposit” into your “bank” of life skills, growth, and personal development in your job, at home, and in all areas of your life, I challenge you to read the book The Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener.  It’s only 103 pages, an easy read as it’s in a story format, and you will come away with an invigorated way to look at your life. If it’s a book you’ve already read, FANTASTIC, now read it again.  Here’s the Amazon link to make it that much easier to take action:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=The+Twelve+Pillars

Here’s to a week of self-education.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and your journey of learning, growing, and being the best YOU that YOU can be.

 

 

Surround Yourself With The Best People

Did you have any challenging situations this past week?  Were you able to make that situation better by having that abundant and positive mindset? Did you remember that YOU are important and YOU are in control of your own happiness and contentment? Maybe that challenge was your boss who’s “mo” is to accuse and belittle rather than ask questions first.  Maybe your approach this time was to listen, explain your side with facts, yet you didn’t internalize the negativity.  After all, it really is someone else’s insecurities, and YOU don’t need to have that rub off on you.

I happened to pick up the book Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener to reread during our latest travel.  It’s a quick read but incredibly powerful for everyone! All the 12 pillars are life lessons told in story form and NOT preachy. I was smiling when I came to chapter 6 which is the pillar to “Surround Yourself with the Best People.” It included the following quote, “Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow.  Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.”  First of all, what a great quote!  Interestingly enough, I watched the sports medicine trainer at Missouri Baptist University write that exact same quote on the whiteboard for the football team!!  What a message to expose young 18-20 years olds to that type of thinking.

How do YOU think you’re doing with this concept of surrounding yourself with the best people? I totally “get it” that some of you have bosses or co-workers who are NOT the people you would choose to surround yourself with, however, you have no choice.  I totally “get it” that some of you have family members who you would not choose to be around, but they are family. In situations like those, I go back to last week’s blog thoughts about controlling what you do have control over and that’s YOU, YOUR attitude, and how much YOU internalize the negatives. I recently had a young friend who tweeted that she was thankful for some of the negative people in her life as she was learning how NOT to be - life lessons.  Great job, Brenna!!  MINDSET!!

On page 48, the authors elaborate on the “best people” and what that means.  “Surround yourself with winners, successful people who exhibit and live consistent to values and skills you WANT to acquire and develop.  People in your life have an amazing power to influence your destiny. They have a deep effect on you. YOU must constantly be asking yourself these questions: Who am I around? What effect are they having on me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? Most importantly, what do they have me becoming? THEN ask yourself the BIG QUESTION: Is that ok?” If your response is positive, GREAT!  Those are the people you want to surround yourself with.

Take time for a “gut check.”  Think about the last time you were in a meeting, you were out for a drink with your buddies/girlfriends after work, you had dinner with friends, you went to a social event of some kind etc.  When you left, did you feel inspired to be more and do more, to pursue your goals with a greater passion? Or did that situation/environment leave you feeling negative, dreading the next meeting or encounter, and dreading having to spend time with that boss, colleague, family member etc. that you don’t respect? 

Who are the friends you hang around with?  Are they goal oriented?  Are they challenging themselves to be better? Are they walking their talk to learn, grown, and move forward?  Or are they stagnant, complaining, blaming life on others without doing anything to make a change for themselves?  Sometimes it’s the “old” friends that are negative influences in our lives.  “ Many of us have friends who are nice people, often who mean well, but if the effect they have on us is negative, then it is up to us to make those tough choices in an effort to protect ourselves from the wrong influences.” Both positive and negative influences are very subtle.

According to Jim Rohn’s teachings, “Every relationship you have is an association, and each association has either a positive, neutral, or negative effect on you.”  If you are someone who wants to succeed at your job, on the football field, on the basketball court, in your marriage, in your parenting, in your spiritual life etc. you must “constantly make a determination about what kind of relationship you have with this person and how you want to approach this relationship.”  In chapter 6, the character, Michael, is given the advice to “place every person you meet into one of three categories: disassociation, limited association, and expanded association.”

Hmmm…this can be a difficult situation when you’re looking at your friends, in particular. With some, you always look forward to your time together. You are both “on the same page” with what you want out of life, and you both are committing to growing and improving in all areas of your life  There are others, however, who seem, in your opinion, to be stuck and aren’t moving in the same direction as you. 

Do we “outgrow” certain friends? I tend to think we do. Many of your friends may now be married and even starting families yet you are single.  That happens yet do you save a space in YOUR life to meet other singles and have activities with other singles? Maybe your life is busy with work and children so there are limited opportunities to just hang out. You’ve taken opportunities to improve your health so you look and feel better and that health time is important to your day. You are involved with organizations where you’ve taken on a leadership position etc. Some of those friends now seem to be critical of what you’re doing and aren’t embracing your “new look” or your influence in the community or in your job.  That’s where the three categories come into play…do you disassociate or limit your association? You are in control of which choice you make if you want to move forward.

Maybe it’s a co-worker or boss that is making life difficult. YOU are looking for and getting opportunities to learn and grow, yet they are still doing the “same old, same old” thinking that’s ok. As a side note, it is ok for them, however, NOT what YOU want. Be clear with yourself of that distinction. What about that team member that didn’t want to listen to the coaches, wasn’t willing to put the work into learning new skills or perfecting their skills?  They are out there criticizing you, but they were the ones that quit the team.  Are you going to listen to them or are you going to surround yourself with your teammates who come each and every day, doing what it takes to get better? Are you a leader that embraces people on your staff who are more talented and skilled than you which adds another dimension to your staff?  Or are you threatened by these people and try to “keep them in check?”

“Successful people look for relationships with other successful people who will push them, and encourage them to become better.”  The advice given in this chapter is, “To attract attractive people you must be attractive. (Attractive is BOTH inside AND outside.) To attract committed people, you must be committed. To attract leaders, coaches, other people of influence, YOU must be the first to ask questions, listen, and take action on what you’ve learned.  Go to work on yourself.”  YES!  This goes back to personal development, a positive mindset, and doing what is in your control.

99% of life is attitude!!  It isn’t that these friends, bosses, co-workers, family members etc. determine your attitude.  YOU determine your attitude.  However, “attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.” Until it’s brought to our attention, we may not even be aware or paying attention to these negative influences.  In other words, who you hang around with will be a major determining factor in what your attitude becomes.  “If the people you spend time with don’t have attitudes that are positive, they will rub off on you and keep you from becoming all that you can be.” 

“Life is a journey, and we meet people all along the way.  Some of those people will go the whole journey with us. Some will only take portions of the journey with us.  Some will join us for a long time.  Others will come and go.  We have the freedom – and responsibility - to determine who we associate with and that will have a big impact on how well our journey goes.” 

Remember the words of Jim Rohn, “Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow.  Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.”

Are YOU surrounding yourself with the best people for you as a person?  Are these people supportive and encouraging?  Are they pushing you to do better, to be better in all that you do? Are you determining which of the three categories you would classify these people: disassociation, limited association, or expanded association?

Here’s to a week of reflection and many “ah ha” moments to help you move forward.

Happiness Is Our Natural State

Did you spend time thinking about what you are creating? You create what you expect.  What did you learn about yourself and your expectations?  Were you moving forward or were you finding yourself holding back?  It’s amazing to realize how much our thinking is scientifically connected to our actions.

John Wooden is quoted to have said, “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” Tony Dungy said, “When you are in a situation, you can complain about it, you can feel sorry for yourself, you can do a lot of things.  But how are you going to make the situation better?”

According to Jim Britt, “Happiness is our natural state, unhappiness is a learned behavior.” Aren’t a positive mindset and an abundant expectancy what each of these leaders is saying in the above quotes? “Most of the pain and suffering we experience is of our own making.”  YIKES! How can that be true? If that is true then that means I really am in control of how I look at and handle various challenges in my life.  Jim Britt explains in his Power of Letting Go CD’s, that this pain and suffering develops from our own hearts and minds.  It comes out of our own misconceptions and confusion about the cause of the pain and suffering. Our tendency is to look outward for the cause rather than inward.

As many professionals will tell us, “If we want something different, we must DO something different.”  The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Even the young football player in the movie Blindside, took control over his situation and was willing to do something different to get different results.

We all have problems in our lives!  That’s a given. However, HOW we handle those problems is what the difference maker is. We can LEARN how to deal with them if we’re willing to do something different. The blaming, pointing a finger, not taking responsibility, and not taking any action to change the situation isn’t beneficial and definitely will NOT allow us to move forward.  Life involves having problems yet the critical component is how WE personally deal with the problems.  Since problems are a fact of life, I would propose that our mindset, our expectancy of a positive outcome, is how we will move forward.  The dissatisfaction's we harbor are within us, therefore they are ones we are able to let go of in order to move on.  The “poor pitiful me” attitude IS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE and will not lead to any type of change.

We need three realizations in order to find happiness and true well-being, according to Jim Britt.  (1) “Life is fleeting.”  Here we are the middle of October and 2016 is just around the corner.  Where did this year go? Rather than having the “tomorrow” time agenda – DO IT TODAY! (2) “We are complete and worthy of good things in our lives.” Some people have a limiting belief system and don’t feel they’re worthy. STOP that limited thinking and find ABUNDANCE! We ARE all worthy in God’s eyes. (3) “We are our own refuge. We are in control of our situation and therefore our mindset of happiness and contentment.”

I am a total believer of the idea we have control over our own thinking.  So why is it that so many people appear to be unhappy and discontent?  Why is it that some people are critical of others yet they are also guilty of some of those same behaviors?  Why is it that some people will use their religious beliefs when it’s “handy” and yet don’t walk their talk in their day to day interactions? Once again I refer back to Jim’s suggestions of why these actions are happening: (1) We aren’t getting what we want in life. (2) We may be getting what we thought we wanted, however, we’re not satisfied. (3) We are suffering the absence of something or someone to love. (4) We are having to endure the presence of something or someone we don’t want in our lives. (5) We spend more time living in the past and wishing things were different, or we are living for what we hope or fear is the future.  We are NOT living in the present which is where we are at any given moment. Do you fall into any of these five categories? Be real with yourself when you answer that question.

Happiness and contentment is seeing life the way it is versus the way we WISH it would be.  It comes from seeing the truth and either embracing it or making changes.  In order to do that, we have to be self-observant.  Our action needs to be in the form of a decision, an intention, to do something different.  We also need to be willing to take the necessary steps to make a change. Where are YOU? Decide!  Take Action!

With those thoughts in mind, I return to the quotes at the beginning of this blog…

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

“When you are in a situation, you can complain about it, you can feel sorry for yourself, you can do a lot of things.  But how are you going to make the situation better?”

I applaud those of you who are making the most of each and every day.  I applaud those of you who are making the decision to change no matter how difficult, no matter how other’s will be critical, no matter how often you’ve attempted something and failed…you are getting up one more time.  Vince Lombardi said, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.”  I applaud each and every one of you who are getting back up and are making a difference in your life.

Here’s to a week of making each challenging situation better and having that abundant and positive mindset that YOU are important and YOU are in control of your own happiness and contentment.

You Create What You Expect

How did you do recognizing and acknowledging those people who are helping you pack YOUR parachute? I was not only recognizing the positive contributions people added to my parachute, I also realized people and situations which could have had a negative effect and those were the ones I was quick to avoid.

Have you ever heard of the Expectant Theory?  Darren Hardy, in one of his Daily thought emails, mentioned this concept. “Expectations that the brain creates can be as real as those created by events in the real world.” There was an interesting study done in Japan where students were blind folded and a harmless shrub was rubbed on one arm. The students were told, however, that what was rubbed on their arm was poison ivy. All the students exhibited classic symptoms associated with poison ivy such as itching, boils, and redness.  The other arm was rubbed with poison ivy and the students were told it was a harmless shrub.  Only 2 out of the 13 broke out with symptoms. Despite the fact this was a very small study, there have been others to support the ideas of expectancy. Psychologists explain this theory with the fact that what the brain creates can be as real as those created by events in the real world.

“You get in life what you create. We are creative and productive beings and our life is the result of all the things we have created. So what are YOU creating? What you expect to happen is what your creative capacity goes to work on producing.”  Jim Rohn says, “What you focus on expands,” which is essentially the same concept. Hmmm…that takes away the usual excuses. Our tendency is to blame others for the results, or we rationalize what happened. If I had had the time, I could have passed that test but I was so busy and I have to work too. I’m not in a job where I can meet other people my age, and I can’t find someone I really care about. I’m a working mom with two kids, my husband is very busy in his job, so I don’t have time to exercise to lose these extra 20 pounds. I come from a divorced family so I’ve never had a good feeling about myself and can’t seem to get ahead in my career. Not to minimize these challenges because they are real, I would also challenge the desire and the expectations.

We’ve all heard the stories of people who have overcome extremely difficult situations and environments. What is it about those that are able to break out and “do something” with their lives versus those who are stuck and never make a move to change their situation? Isn’t that the million dollar question? Many movies have been made about overcoming. One of my favorites is Blind Side.  If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s a MUST. For me, there were several messages on a variety of levels. (1) People were willing to step up and make a difference in the life of someone less fortunate. (2) The young man had a special talent but without the help in the classrsoom he wouldn’t have succeeded. (3) It takes a desire and hard work to change. (4) There was a goal of not only getting an education but also to be able to play football. (5) There are people “out there” that don’t want you succeed and will do what they can to bring you down to their level. If you succeed then what does that say about them? (6) The commitment on the part of both the young man and the family supporting him was a journey full of setbacks and challenges. (7) Though there were times to regroup and re-evaluate, no one quit. No “wall” was too big to get over. Expectations of abundance.

What are those voices in your head?  Is that voice one of limitations or a voice of doing whatever it takes? How do you react when you have done everything you can do, but something you really want(ed) doesn’t happen or at least hasn’t happened yet?  You didn’t make the team, you haven’t found that special person, you didn’t get in to the school you had your heart set on, you didn’t get that promotion etc. etc.  Is that voice one of moving forward to learn and grow with each experience or is that voice always reminding you what you didn’t get when you were 18, 28, 50? Is that voice one of gratitude of what you DO have or is that voice resurfacing the negatives and things that haven’t happened for you?  Is that voice in your head one of positive and acknowledging those precious moments or does that voice only remember the negatives the person has said or done?  After all, we have a choice.  We have a choice of what we expect.  We have a choice of which voice we listen to. We have a choice of making a change if we don’t like the way something is going.  We have a choice of action or staying stagnant.

 I acknowledge that this is MY life. With that ownership, I can move forward controlling my attitude and my expectations. I wasn’t in control being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, my sister-in-law wasn’t in control when she had an almost fatal stroke, divorce happens, tough things happen to good people. Those are things that happen…now it’s time to face the fears, the anger, the frustration and all those negative reactions to whatever happened, and it’s time to move forward.  I choose to expect that there will be people who are cheering me on, who want me to succeed. I choose to expect that I will learn from my mistakes and success will be in my future. Lynn is amazing as she is now reaching out to others who are not only stroke victims but also to the medical community. She is giving them “another set of eyes” to learn how to work with stroke victims. Lynn focuses on her life and how she can impact all those around her rather than focusing on her limitations.  For me, Lynn is creating a life of significance, positive influence, and positive expectations.

Remember that I started out by saying that psychologists define the Expectant Theory as the expectations our brain creates. This is a reality proven by science. If our brain has learned to have limited expectations we can also train our brain to have a life open to abundant expectations.

Expectations are a mindset; however, you can’t just sit back and expect something to happen. It does take work, it does take focus, it does take desire and determination, and it takes getting out of your normal routine and comfort zone. It does take ACTION.  It does take CHANGE. Maybe that means getting to practice earlier than anyone else and shooting extra free throws or having your quarterback throw you more passes before practice starts. Maybe that means setting up a coffee date with someone you just met, and you’d like to find out more about that person. Maybe that means letting go of limiting beliefs about yourself because someone once told you that you would never get a college education or that you’d never amount to anything.

Maria Shriver once said, “Life is messy and rarely goes the way we plan.  We often allow it to knock us down, depress us, make us feel that we’re not worthy which none of that is true.”  I would challenge you to think about your expectations when you go into any situation. Expect limitations and the negative and that it surely what you will get. OR expect abundance that ignites your heart and makes you better. Then follow up with the actions that will make that abundance happen. 

I wish you a week of thinking about what you are creating.  You create what you expect.  What do you expect?