“The
greatest battles you will ever fight are with yourself, and you must always be
your toughest opponent.”
Excuse. Exactly what is the definition of the word
excuse? According to the dictionary;
excuse is, “an attempt to lessen the blame, to seek to defend or justify; a
reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.” How often do we “battle” within ourselves
trying to justify or defend an action we took, a conversation we had that didn't go well, or a conflict etc. etc.? How
does that conversation go in your head?
I know, for me, my first tendency is to point the finger at someone or
something else – an excuse, a justification for my actions or words. But then again, Jim Rohn, says that for every
finger pointing outward there are three pointing back. Hmm. My
first “take” on my excuse or justification is I had a reason to react or
respond in a particular way. I don’t
want others to think I’m weak, I need to be able to stand up for myself or
people will take advantage of me, I should be better at getting my point across
etc. Sound familiar? Yes, a “battle” I
fight within myself.
Maybe its age, but I also think a lot of my thought
processing changes are due to personal development and learning more. As I've written about before, situations are
my own judgment and rather than putting a right/wrong or good/bad label on
things I need to learn to accept others as they are, but also accept and
celebrate ME for who I am. Does that mean
I give in and change my position?
Absolutely not. Instead I can
stand on my position and equally respect someone else’s position. I may try to understand where they are coming
from, but I don’t necessarily need to agree.
I did that for too many years. I
am naturally a people pleaser, and I did feel intimidated around some people
and situations. I am an intrinsic “feeler.” I “know” when something doesn't feel “right.” I don’t often have facts to back up my
perception. In the classroom, when I didn't think something was “right” with a student, but I couldn't identify the
specifics, I would call in an incredible special needs team, and they would
test or have another set of eyes. 99% of
the time, I was right on, something was amiss.
Then we could move forward with a plan to support the student.
It wasn't until I was out of the classroom and through
some self-development workshops did I come to realize my strengths and be
comfortable with them therefore, also becoming more comfortable with me. My strengths are intrinsically “knowing” how
people are feeling, I watch the nonverbal body language, I can “tell” when
things are right or something is wrong. No specifics just a feeling. However, I
grew up with a trial attorney father who relied on facts as that was his
profession. I was told my feelings didn't count, what were the facts? I remember
at age 16 telling him that I always felt like I was on the witness stand. It was a new revelation for him, but as he
said, that’s all he knew. I can
appreciate that now, but not at 16.
Later in life, I would experience situations where
people were quoting from a book or some documentation. The facts and quotes “rolled off their tongue,”
and all I had were my feelings on the subject.
I had also read and heard information but my strength was not to recall
those facts but to interpret them in my intrinsic way. I tried for many years to be like the others
who were fact oriented, but I eventually got to the place where I didn't feel
adequate, I couldn't “compete” on the same level, I wasn't smart enough,
(internal talk) so I just wouldn't participate in discussions. Here
was my need to be accepted coming out “in spades” as well as my conflict avoidance. At one point, I did think two people should be
able to agree to disagree, we could meet in the middle, respecting one another’s
opinions/views and move on. That may be the case for some people; however, for
me I was met with the “fact people” not “hearing” my thoughts and opinions. Their
focus was only to convince me to their way of thinking, through facts, and deny
my feelings.
So what has changed for me? First and foremost, I now embrace who I am,
what my skill set is, and celebrate other’s strengths that are different than
mine. I did use excuses before. I did try to justify my actions. But that was
without really understanding what the differences were and how I was and am a
valuable person in my own right. I
learned to listen, to acknowledge and celebrate someone else’s thoughts and
views different than my own, thank them for those thoughts and views, but now add,
I don’t happen to agree and that’s ok.”
I learned to use the “broken record” strategy with my adult
conversations just like I had used the “broken record” when talking with my
children or my students. I quit trying
to convince someone that my way was the right way. When I was doing that, I was essentially
doing what I complained others were doing to me. I am much better now at
accepting differences, letting those differences just “be” and avoid convincing
someone that I have all the answers. I
can share my experiences, hope there is something that will resonant with them,
but that’s all I have control over - me . I come away
with an even truer sense of who I am as a person and feel much more content
with myself and my life. Comparisons are
still difficult, self-judgment is still there, but the difference is I now
recognize those thoughts and can let them go.
(Thank you, once again, Jim Britt.)
So yes, “The greatest battles you will ever fight are with yourself, and you must always be your toughest opponent.” That's also called growth.
This blog began after reading an excerpt from Dr. Phil
about the “first steps to making meaningful change in your life.” That’s for next week. Thank you for reading my blogs, I hope I give
you something to think about and reflect on in your life, and always welcome
your feedback. It’s a beautiful fall
day, and I’m feeling extremely blessed.
Have a wonderful week.
No comments:
Post a Comment