Random Acts of Kindness

Have you ever thought about how frustrating it is that our Congress can’t work together, there seems to be so much violence in the world, there’s nothing positive on the news, our children and grandchildren have so much more to deal with than we did when we were their age.  Yes, all that is true, however, I go back to one of my beliefs…what you focus on expands.  So I choose to look for the good, I choose to not watch a lot of news, I choose to make a difference in my own corner of our planet, and I choose to focus on abundance and blessings. 

In the past week, I have learned about an organization called ARK, Acts of Random Kindness.  What’s interesting is how this organization began…one person can make a difference!

“In December of 2012, Alex Radelich was sitting in his dorm room at Purdue University after finishing an exhausting week of final exams. In an attempt to wind down after the long semester, he flipped on the television and began watching Evan Almighty, which is a movie starring Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman that gives a comedic Hollywood twist to the story of Noah’s Ark. There is a point in the film in which Steve Carell asks “How can we change the world?”, to which Morgan Freeman, who is playing the role of God, replies, “One act of random kindness at a time.” It was this cheesy, yet somewhat profound movie scene that inspired Alex to make a change.” What followed next was, “Alex then sold some personal belongings, ordered some ARK cards, and started a website aimed at creating a community of people dedicated to spreading kindness. As all of this was happening, a team began to form. A team of four close friends bent on impacting the world through kindness. And, just like that, ARK Project Now was born.”

How awesome is this? 

Their mission is “to inspire an epidemic of kindness in our society. In order to work towards accomplishing this goal, we want to get 6,000 pledges of kindness as part of our “Just Do One” campaign. The “Just Do One” campaign was launched as a way for people to commit to performing an Act of Random Kindness, either daily, weekly, or monthly. Since one Act of Random Kindness has the potential to change the world, just imagine what 6,000 could do.”  What an exciting way to make a difference in our world and so easy to do! 

”We truly believe that one act of kindness, no matter how small, has the potential to change the world. Because of this core belief, we have made it our mission to perform of Acts of Random Kindness and recruit others to do the same. Acts of Random Kindness, or “ARKs” can include anything from purchasing coffee for a stranger, providing meals for the homeless, or going out of your way to hold the door for someone. Even something as simple as a smile has the potential to make someone’s day better. After performing an Act of Random Kindness, we encourage “ARKers” to leave behind an ARK card, which urges the recipient to pay it forward. This sets off a chain reaction and creates a cycle of kindness that impacts people we may never even meet.”

You've heard about the people who pay for someone else’s coffee or the woman in line realizing the mother in front of her was having to put back diapers since she didn't have enough money.  That woman stepped up and bought the diapers.  How often do you see something that you could make a small difference if you did an act of random kindness?  What if we were teaching our children and grandchildren to do the same thing?   We can teach them to look around and see where they could make a difference in someone’s life.  What about including another child who’s by themselves on the playground to come play?  Or sit with someone at lunch who always seems to be alone?  We can model that behavior and encourage others to make a difference.  If you’re interested in reading more about this organization, click on the link below:

http://www.arkprojectnow.com/#welcomepage

Imagine our world with this mindset?  One young college student started this project and now there are people all around the world participating.  It’s the little things. It’s the things you do without expecting any recognition and often it’s done anonymously.  It’s making a difference in someone else’s life which has the potential of making a difference in our world.

What can you do this week to make a difference in someone else’s life?  Begin today.  I’d love to hear your story.  Email me with the details.  I wish you a wonderful last week of July!

Can You Be Your Own Hero?

Last week’s blog asked you about your hero.  Have you given some thought to that question?  Did you come up with anyone?  Or maybe there were several.  Interestingly enough, later in the week, I was reading the August issue of Success magazine.  Darren Hardy’s Publisher’s Letter’s  first paragraph began with, “As a society, we always seem to be searching for a hero.  We need someone to look up to.  We seek others to inspire, guide, and lead us.”  Later, he asks the question, “What if your hero was inside you?  What if the hero you’re looking for is the person you can be if you live up to your heroic potential?”

WOW!  I have to be honest, I never even included myself on my list of people I looked to as my heroes.  Now, I’m having reflections on exactly what that would mean to me – me being my own hero?  My first reaction was that that would be very egotistical of me, right?  Then I heard Mathew McConaughey’s acceptance speech at the Oscars.  He said he had three questions he asked on a daily basis:  (1) Who do I look up to?  (2)  What do I look forward to?  (3)  Who do I chase?  I would ask you the same three questions.  Who do YOU look up to?  What do YOU look forward to on a daily basis?  Who are YOU chasing?  Mathew thanked God, who he looks UP to, as the one who has given him skills and talents in addition to the message that when you’re grateful, gratitude will be reciprocated.  In looking FORWARD, Mathew thanked his mother for teaching him to respect himself which would in turn teach him to respect others.  His wife and children were the other important people in his life that kept him looking forward.  As to the final question, Mathew stated that he sees himself ten years ahead of his current age as his hero.  When he was 15, his hero was himself at age 25.  Upon reaching 25, he realized he wasn’t even close to being a hero.  No, now his hero was himself at 35.  I personally find this concept fascinating.  McConaughey’s further explanation was, “ You see, every day, every week, every month, and every year of my life my hero is always ten years away.”  “So to any of us, whatever those things are, whatever it is we look forward to, and whoever it is we’re CHASING, to that I say, ‘Amen.’ “

 My question for this week is…Do you think YOU can be your own hero?  A personal friend, Chris Misko, when asked his thoughts about being his own hero, he responded with this, “I Believe Reflection is the Better Part of a Champion.  Looking at what we truly want in our lives and what we are willing to do to attain this is in a way, being your own Hero.”  What have I been writing about for many weeks now?  It’s all been about Being the Best YOU that YOU can be. Is that then being your own hero?  Darren Hardy and Mathew McConaughey have at least opened up a discussion of you being your own hero.

Whether you use the word hero or not, doesn't it really come down to what we value, our priorities? If you don’t have priorities, how do you in turn prioritize what’s important to you and how you spend your time?  How do you evaluate the qualities of others which you admire if you don’t have your own values and priorities?  Instead of moving aimlessly from one day to the next, one week, or year to the next without a focus or purpose, how can we move forward “on purpose” to be the best we can be?  How can we become the hero we want to be for ourselves?  John Maxwell, a leadership expert, speaker, trainer, and best-selling author shares his thoughts on knowing your priorities in order to be able to have priorities in your life.  He personally has 12 pledges for his life which are the priorities that guide his day, his week, etc.   I've listed a few for you to think about:

1.    Attitude  - display the right outlook daily

2.    Health – follow healthy guidelines daily

3.    Family – communicate with and care for my loved ones daily

4.    Finances – properly manage dollars daily

5.    Faith – deepen and live my own faith daily

6.    Values – embrace good standards daily

7.    Growth – seek improvements daily

Too often we look at the past and wish we had done things differently.  What have we based our actions, thoughts, focus on all these years?  As Chris Misko said, we need to take time for reflection.  What is it we really want and what are we willing to do to move forward?  If we haven’t established our personal values and priorities what basis do we have for our reflections? John Maxwell says, “Don’t prioritize your whole life.  Just prioritize the day.”  If we have established our personal priorities, we lead each day guided by our priorities.  Aren't we then making a difference in our own lives and now our life takes on a more true meaning with purpose.

Darren Hardy ends his Publisher’s Letter with this, “Every awe-inspiring quality you’ve admired from a distance is within you.  Your admiration was really recognition: Your greater inner self sees itself reflected in the attributes you admire in others.  The greatest leader and hero you could ever come to know is the one you are capable of becoming.  And it’s in you, right now.  What if the hero you’re looking for is the person you can be if you live up to your heroic potential?”  

Are you living up to your heroic potential?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts. 

Who's Your Hero?

The Wikipedia definition of the word hero says, “a remarkably brave person: somebody who commits an act of remarkable bravery or who has shown an admirable quality such as great courage or strength of character.”  On a field trip to a senior citizens home with his first grade class, six-year-old, Carson Whisler was asked by one of the seniors who his hero was, and the answer from Carson was not what the senior expected.  Thinking Carson would say Super Man or maybe a pro athlete etc., he was taken by surprise when Carson said his hero was his Grandma Betts.  That of course prompts the obvious question, “Why is that?”  Carson relayed the story that his grandmother had suffered a stroke, and she had to learn to walk and talk all over again.  That took a lot of courage and bravery so that was why she was his hero.

“Out of the mouths of babes.”  It’s fascinating to me that a six-year-old will recognize heroic qualities in his grandmother and identify those qualities very specifically.  As adults, we often times make things more complicated and/or cerebral.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  I just find the answer from this first grader something that brought tears to my eyes and warmed my heart.  What Carson saw was his grandmother working hard, going through struggles, having setbacks, and being frustrated,  yet she didn't give up.  Though I don’t think Carson was able to identify all the specifics of what he was witnessing, but he did see his grandmother having to learn how to do things all over again.

Lynn Burianek Betts, is Jon’s younger sister.  She suffered a massive stroke five years ago and has had to redesign a new life for herself and her family.  Lynn has been married to Bill Betts for almost 40 years, has four married children, and seven grandchildren.  In addition, Lynn was a speech and language pathologist working in the Lynchburg, VA school system for over 20 years, was active in her church, PEO group, and many other organizations.  After her stroke, she found herself unable to continue working at a job she loved and needing to retire early.  That was not the original plan.  Now, instead of an independent and fully functioning wife, mother, grandmother, and teacher, Lynn found herself requiring constant care, unable to drive, and in general missing her independence.  She was now spending her days at rehab working to regain the basic physical skills she had lost – including walking and sitting upright.  Fortunately, Lynn still had the ability to talk and communicate verbally as she is a very verbal person.  J

“A stroke is an earthquake that shatters routines and relationships.  Lynn says that her husband went from a loving equal to being her caregiver. Her career came to an abrupt end.  She could no longer hold her grandchildren for fear of dropping them,” reported Sujata Gupta in her article “Ups and Downs.”   Five years later, Lynn needs assistance in most areas of her life, has moved from Lynchburg, VA to Durham NC to be closer to her oldest daughter, Aubrey, and is acclimating to a new area.  In true Lynn form, after some encouragement from her family, has become involved once again in her church, and in a PEO group, she has experienced the addition of two more grandchildren, and witnessed the marriage of her son, Weston. 

The article Sujata Gupta wrote, “Ups and downs,” can be read in its entirety in the June 2014 issue of Nature. It was well written, and a huge eye opener for me.  I remember sending Lynn notes about keeping up a positive attitude, and she was a strong person bringing value and happiness to those around her etc.  What I didn't know is all that surrounds stroke victims.  “Strokes can shatter a person’s identity and make it difficult to find the light.”  Lynn confesses, in the article, to admonishing herself when she felt like crying…’Why do I feel down in the dumps?  I've got my second chance to live.  I've got my loving family.  My church, my friends.”  She even admitted to her minister at one of his visits that she “felt like her soul died with her stroke.”  This article investigates and describes research surrounding the issue of depression that is prevalent in stroke victims.  “Despite all the research, the attitude persists that people who have had a stroke should be able to simply power through their depression, however, left unchecked, depression makes it harder for patients to face the rigors of rehabilitation or to stay connected to loved ones.”  In the recuperation process, Lynn was automatically allocated speech, occupational and physical therapy, however she had to ask to see a mental-health therapist.”  What we’re now paying closer attention to is “antidepressants really do protect against depression and enhance motor recovery.”  But as Lynn also states, “just a pill doesn't cut it, although she is grateful for the antidepressant, which she continues to take.”

In the conclusion of the article, and with Lynn reflecting back over the five years, she states that she can now “speak more positively about the experience that has left her unable to walk unaided.  She now has time, she says, to just ‘sit and listen to my grandchildren.”  As this article was coming out, Lynn emailed her children and other family members with a link to the article.  In her email,s she states, “I would rather be remembered as being resilient following my stroke, rather than ‘depressed.’ Although there was a grieving period that I went through, I like to think that I have moved on to a more positive response to my life change.”

Lynn is resilient!  She is also loving, tenacious, never gives up, is supportive of all those around her, and yes, like Carson, she is my hero!

Acceptance? Control? Or Both?

I have always thought “conversations” are interesting.  Is it a give and take?  One sided? Thought provoking?  Energizing? Of course, it depends on the situation and the people involved, but this week I would encourage you to listen to the conversations you have with others and pay attention to the voices going on in your head.  Are you really listening to what’s being said, or are you thinking about what you’re going to say next?  Do you find yourself asking questions to learn more, or do you have a similar story so the conversation once again comes back to you?

I have been in several larger social settings lately and have found it fascinating to pay attention to how others communicate as well as my own communication style.  With some people, I come away from the conversation feeling as though I’d learned so much about the person or a particular topic, I focused on asking more questions, and it was an interesting conversation.  I felt a renewed energy and appreciation for the person.  Then there were other “conversations” where it was definitely one sided.  Often times it was more of a “dumping baggage” session.  The “take away” for me was I was bored, I wanted to get away from what I perceived as a toxic environment, and I definitely wasn't energized.

In the past, I know I was guilty of having a comeback story of a similar situation, however, now I’m focused and present on NOT doing that unless it really is relevant.  I also know that when I was in a conversation with someone where our opinions were different, I either thought I had to change their mind to the “right” way of thinking or the opposite, I would be silent for “fear” of looking stupid as I didn't feel adequate in “arguing a point ”as eloquently as others.  After listening to Jim Britt again, he asks the question, “Is this my need for acceptance?  Maybe it’s my need for control?  Or, then again, maybe it’s both?  First and foremost, MY opinion or judgment – good, bad, right, wrong – is just that MINE.  No one else’s.  And that’s ok.  I don’t need to have other’s agree with me to be validated.  Second, the only person I can control is me. 

So how does this apply to the everyday conversation with family, friends, acquaintances, or even an occasional new person? Jim talks a lot about paying attention to our feelings when we’re in conversations.  If I find myself feeling defensive, feeling a lack of self esteem, or inadequate etc., I now pause to ask myself the three questions:  “Is this my need to be accepted?  Is this my need to be in control? Or is it both?”  Once I realize what’s going on internally, the conversation takes on a whole new focus.  I become more question oriented or I choose to just listen without feeling a need to respond. I’m also comfortable with giving my thoughts and opinions as just that – this is how I feel/think, and I am ok with how you feel/think.  It’s not even an “agree to disagree,” “meet in the middle” etc.   I now come away with a more peaceful mind and a true acceptance for who I am.  I am no longer “married” to one way, I am more willing to listen and learn, I’m more open to listening to others, taking in what works for me and what doesn't.  I’m also much more content with who I am without needing the acceptance of others or feeling as though I need to change someone else’s opinion, belief, or thought.  I am who I am, and they are who they are. 

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on how you communicate and your reflections.  Have a wonderful beginning of summer and enjoy the last few days of June.

Happy 4th of July 2014

Symbols.  The definition of a symbol is "something that stands for or represents something else.”  As we are a few days away from celebrating another 4^th of July, it’s interesting to think about this day of celebration through our symbols. “Symbols reflect a meaning and bring a vivid picture they represent to our minds.  They help connect our feelings to that object or an event.  This, is turn, gives us a constant reminder which is the purpose of symbols.  Every country in the world has symbols that give its citizens a sense of national pride.” 

One of those symbols is the flag.  ”Flags are symbols which give the citizens of a particular country a sense of national pride.”  With the World Cup going on now, you notice the flag of each of the participating countries being flown/waved with great enthusiasm!   “The United States Flag, also referred to as “Old Glory” and the “Star Spangled Banner,” symbolizes our freedom and liberties.  In addition, it stands for the foundation which our government is built.”

Over time, our flag’s design has evolved from the “Cambridge Flag” General George Washington raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts on January 1776 to the Stars and Stripes flag which had the thirteen alternating red and white stripes and a circle of white stars on a blue background.  The next flag was introduced when Vermont and Kentucky became the first two states added to the Union after the original thirteen.  “This was also the flag which inspired Francis Scott Key to write the poem, ‘The Defense of Fort McHenry’ which became the Star Spangled Banner, and later our national anthem.  This was our national flag from 1795-1818.  In 1818, Congress passed a law returning our flag to the original thirteen stripes and a star for each state.”

”Why stars and stripes?  Stars are considered a symbol of the heavens and the divine goal to which man has aspired from time immemorial; the stripe is symbolic of the rays of light emanating from the sun.”

Another symbol for the United States is that of the bald eagle.  Congress chose the American Bald Eagle to be our national bird in 1784 although there was much debate over the choice. “As a result of the debate, the bald eagle was chosen because it symbolizes strength, courage, freedom, bravery, and immortality.”  You will find the Bald Eagle on two coins; the quarter and the half dollar.  It is also on the President’s flag and on army and navy uniforms.

What about fireworks?  They always seem to be a part of every celebration across the country.  According to Kirsten Sorenson a contributor for ehow, “Fireworks and the Fourth of July are as American as apple pie, picnics and parades. However, the origin of fireworks stretches much further back than July 4, 1776. Fireworks have long been used in many cultures to celebrate, so their use in Independence Day celebrations was natural for American colonists accustomed to English celebrations highlighted and heightened by fireworks displays.”

The Statue of Liberty – yet another symbol.   According to Wikipedia, “The statue was dedicated on October 28, 1886, a gift to the United States from the people of France. The statue is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tablet evoking the law upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue is an icon of freedom and of the United States: a welcoming signal to immigrants arriving from abroad.”

A little American history which may be new information for some, a refresher for others, and always a reminder for all of us of what we have here in our country.  These symbols: the flag, the Bald Eagle, fireworks, and the Statue of Liberty are only a few of the symbols which reflect our democratic freedoms.  As you celebrate Friday, July 4^th 2014, I wish you safety, fun, good food, friendship, and most of all, I hope you look around at the beauty in our country and all that we have in our lives because we are a free country.