True Conversations

My challenge to you last week was to take an inventory of your life and then also come up with your own list of “stop doing” and “start doing.” Was this something that you did? What did you learn? If you didn’t do this, I would continue to urge you to do this as it will make a difference.

I spent this past weekend in Phoenix at a Momentum event for my company. It was an entire two days filled with inspiration, learning, tears from some of the personal stories shared, a tremendous pride for the giving back part of this company’s culture, and meeting people from all across the country. 

I think, however, THE deepest impact this weekend had on me was watching the people. I watched and participated in true conversations.  These conversations were face to face with eye contact, heartfelt listening to stories of other people’s lives, and their hopes and dreams. There were 14,000 people from across this country; baby boomers, Generation X, and millennials, blacks, whites, Hispanics, and people from a variety of economic backgrounds. Texting and cell phones were put away and total attention was given to being present.

During the lunch break with a friend, a young man came over and asked to join us. This black, 22 year old young man from New Jersey was also a part of the conference. It was an amazing 40 minute discussion between two Baby Boomers and a millennial; learning about and from one another, asking questions, sharing personal development book titles, and leaving with each other’s phone numbers. Once again, true conversation with no interruption of technology.

The message from the top people in the Corporation; the top income earners, and from each designated speaker was a common theme about the community which this company has created in 11 years. They shared skills which are not only good for business; but they were also all about helping each person to tap into their inner potential in all areas of their life. This company has a culture of positive people moving in a positive direction with a heartfelt desire to change lives.

Grabbing something to eat late one night and waiting for my to go order, I was watching the people in the restaurant. The only voices you heard were those of the employees taking orders and talking with one another. Sadly, there was a Dad with his son who looked maybe 9 or 10, and Dad was reading from his phone THE entire time. There was NO conversation going on between these two. How sad and what a missed opportunity. Two teenage boys, each with their cell phone, were busy texting. There was NO conversation. How sad and what a missed opportunity. A mom and her daughter were “doing their own thing.” The daughter had an iPad playing a game, and Mom was texting. How sad and what a missed opportunity. A direct contrast of what I had experienced all day.

My flight home didn’t land in Denver until 11:30 at night and it was closer to 12:30 am before we got home. I was still living in that bubble of people respecting one another, people truly relating to one another on a personal level, in an atmosphere that we may all be different in so many ways, but we are all human beings wanting to make a difference in our own lives as well as the lives of our family and friends.

It didn’t take long to realize I had “missed” all that was happening in the “outside world,” and I am glad I missed it! What I have come away with is that there are great things happening; there are people who are having true conversations, there are people of all ages sharing their lives, their hopes and dreams with one another, and there are people who are having respectful disagreements.

This past weekend, I didn’t hear off color language, I didn’t hear people denigrating someone else, I didn’t witness disrespectful behavior. On the contrary, I witnessed people with differing viewpoints having a true conversation with respect and dignity. What I did hear were a lot of thank you’s, I saw people smiling, I witnessed people sharing information even though they were on a different team, and people going out of their way to help even if it was just giving directions.

There are a lot of people making a difference in so many lives throughout our country. It’s the young athlete who cried when he was offered a scholarship to play football which meant he would get a college education. It’s the teacher who drove her student to be able to attend a recruiting meeting which had the potential to change the student’s life and future. It’s the young man working at the Safeway grocery store as a clerk, but has been recognized by management as someone who deserves to move into the management program and is now on a path of training.

I came away from this weekend with a mind full, a heart full, and with an affirmation that I will focus on the positive actions in my control. I will take a more conscious effort to stay away from toxic people, toxic environments, and whatever distractions taking me away from my purpose to help and serve others.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the toxic, negative media and other sources of social media such as Facebook, Twitter etc. I spent a weekend in a totally different environment.  Those two days raised my awareness level of how easy it is to get caught up in the negative. I have a much clearer picture of what is in my control and where I want to put my energy. 

I wish you a week of putting your phone down and taking time for true conversations with your spouse/significant other, your children, your co-workers, your friends etc. Don’t miss those opportunities for connection. BE PRESENT.  

Chase the Lion

I hope you were able to have a week of reflection and continued with a mindset of “got to” vs “have to.”

This past week I “got to” take quiet time to read a book that is probably THE most life changing book I think I’ve read in a very long time, Chase the Lion, by Mark Batterson. Maybe it’s because this book was recommended by my mentor who I highly respect. Maybe it’s because I’m looking to move ahead in my business without excuses. Maybe it’s because I made a personal commitment to reading with purpose and completing the tasks suggested in the book. Yes, timing is everything, and I was ready.

At the very beginning there is a “Lion Chaser’s Manifesto.” It is a list of about 15 powerful ideas, and I have committed to myself to read the Manifesto each day for the next 30 days. A couple of these include:

“Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.”

“Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention.” 

“Face your fears. Fight for your dreams.”

“Dare to fail. Dare to be different.”

As an understanding where I’m coming from, I am and have always been a faith based person vs. a religious person. This book has allowed me to learn and grow in so many different ways and at the same time validate me for who I am.

Early on in the book, there was a discussion about discovering one’s destiny by studying one’s history. “Seeds of dreams are often buried in memories.” Interesting. “Big, small, good, or bad, there are a handful of experiences which influence the way we see ourselves, the way we see life. It’s not until we inventory our inciting incidents that we begin to see why we do what we do.”

How many times have you read a book, read past those key “to do” steps, and didn’t get the full benefit from the book? That would be me on most occasions. However, this time was different. I decided it was time to take an inventory. I dedicated a couple hours and just started writing a list of as many events I could remember from when I was little until now. I recorded the good and the bad, some of the feelings I remember, and four pages later I began to see a common theme. For me, I have been able to understand why I react the way I do in certain situations, I realize why I have had challenges to move forward, as well as a variety of other observations. POWERFUL!

I know when you’re working full time and juggling many other aspects of your life it seems pretty far-fetched to think you could find a couple hours to sit in a quiet place to do your inventory. Instead of thinking you can’t do this, what about changing your mindset to…I “get to” sit down and do my inventory? It might only be 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there. I will say once I started, my thoughts kept coming and it was easy to continue.

I can attest to the fact that by doing the inventory, I have a much clearer picture as to my strengths and why I have had difficulty in certain situations. Each ah ha moment from the inventory is allowing me to move to the next level in my dreams and goals. POWERFUL!

“If you want God to do something new you can’t keep doing the same old thing.

What do you need to stop doing today?

What do you need to start doing today?”

Making this list was the next step after my inventory. It was quick. I knew right away what I needed to stop doing and what I needed to start doing. WRITE THEM DOWN. If it’s not written down, you haven’t made a commitment through action…it’s only a wish. POWERFUL!

I would venture to guess that each of us has something we want to change, improve on, do differently etc. in at least one area of our life. It’s still only January of this New Year. Do you want to make 2017 different?  “Until the pain of staying the same becomes more acute than the pain of change, nothing happens.” We maintain status quo. We convince ourselves that playing it safe is safe. But the greatest risk is taking no risks at all.”

You’ll never be ready for some of the changes in your life. The issue, however, isn’t about readiness; it’s about willingness. Think about that. What have you done in your life that you questioned whether you were ready or something was the right time…but you did it anyway?  You were willing. 

I would challenge you to take an inventory of your life and then come up with your own list of “stop doing” and “start doing.” I can guarantee that these will be powerful and life changing for you in many ways. What a gift to give yourself to begin this New Year.  

Got To's

Last week I wished you a week of Positive Energy with an emphasis on all that you “get to” do in order to move forward in 2017 Being the Best You that You Can Be! How did you do? A different mindset is definitely going to help you move forward.

This past week, Jon and I got to spend six days with two of our grandchildren; Bria, 7, and Zane,     3 ½, as Elsa and Garet were able to take advantage of a trip to Costa Rica planned by Garet’s company. It was definitely a new routine for us, and it brought back those memories of years ago  when we were trying to both work full time and raise a family. Bria and Zane did a great job with very few issues.

During our week, we got to work on some projects that Elsa has little extra time to do and when she does these projects are not at the top of the list. We got to go through all the clothes for both kids weeding out the too small sizes and putting the right size in their drawers. Now there are many wonderful things to pass along to another family.

We got to go through ALL their toys and books. I must say, that was definitely a job. Puzzles now have all their pieces and games now have all the cards. Jon got to get everything put into the right size tub, and Bria made cards labeling each bin. She was sweet as she decided she needed to draw pictures as well as the words so her brother could “read” what went where.

During our time with the grandkids, we got to read lots of books. We got to listen to first grade, Bria, read chapter books. She is blossoming as a reader and it’s exciting to listen to her. We also got to play games, work puzzles, sit down during meals and hear their many stories, jokes, and all that little minds think about. We got to be the audience in a dance show put on by both Bria and Zane. Hilarious! We got to go to Family Book Bingo where they won books each time they got a bingo. The joy and excitement for them was VERY special to watch! We also got to experience Bria being concerned about the ice storm coming, and she took control. It was her idea to get flashlights and batteries together in a tub just in case we lost power. She included band aids too…that was her decision. We decided that with the flashlights we could find blankets and food easily enough. There was an ice storm although not as bad in Ulysses as it was further east. We didn’t lose power, but we were definitely prepared because of Bria. We got to feel a great deal of pride for a caring 7 year old.

We all woke up Monday morning to about three inches of wet snow and a winter wonderland surrounding us. Icicles were hanging from the roof and the trees. First, on the agenda was the kids needed to get in a bath time since we thought we would have a 4H meeting right after dinner. In honor of Mom and Dad wearing bathing suits on their vacation, Bria and Zane decided they needed to play in the tub with their bathing suits on before it was time for a real bath.  Simple pleasures in life. Later in the day, we all got to go out and build two snowmen! It was perfect wet snow that stuck together easily. Of course once the snowman making was complete, we got to have a snowball fight. Then we got to come in for hot chocolate and marshmallows to warm up.

It’s now time for bed and we got to reminisce on all the “got to’s” for the past six days. It would have been easy to focus on all that wasn’t getting done at our house or the fact we were tired at the end of the day or that we were in constant demand of young ones needing something or that they wanted to play with us. We could have focused on not wanting to go play bingo or even go out in the cold to build a snowman. We could have focused on getting dinner faster rather than letting the kids help. But instead, we got to try two recipes from Bria’s cookbook that took time and planning. (I will say the lunch-on-a-stick was a big hit for two days in a row!) Zane got to be the one breaking the eggs for breakfast each morning and turning on the blender for the shake. Poppa got to take the kids for donuts Saturday morning, and we all got to watch a movie eating popcorn Sunday night.

I share these reflections for a couple reasons. One is that it’s a wonderful way for me to think back over the past few days and all that we did. Second, I believe the mindset of how we approach situations is key to whether we enjoy something different and out of our ordinary routine or we look at it as a burden to just get through. And last, often times the got to’s force us to slow down and really smell the roses. The got to’s put a whole new twist on moving forward with a positive mindset and attitude.

Thanks to a special friend and mentor who recommended the book, Chase the Lion by Mark Batterson, I got to begin reading it after the grandchildren were asleep. I’ll reflect on the book this next week, but I can already tell you that this is a life changing read…go get your own copy NOW and then let’s talk!

I wish you a week of reflection and a continued mindset of “got to” vs “have to.”

Tips for a Positive Year

Last week, I wished you a week of reflection on what you wanted to have happen in 2017. Did you make time for this reflection? What did you come up with?

I challenged you to make a monthly ACTION PLAN to make those things happen DAILY! Remember, Jim Rohn always said that unless something is written down it’s only a wish.

My author of choice lately is Jon Gordon. He has written such books as The Energy Bus, The Seed, The Positive Dog and several others. I came across a list that Jon had put out on “20 Tips for a Positive Year.”

Number one is to Stay Positive. He states that we can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible, or we can trust that with faith and optimistic attitude all things are possible. The only qualifier I would put on his statement is that it’s not just about success. Isn’t this statement true for everything in our lives?

In my opinion, we are surrounded by cynics, doubters, people who talk out of both sides of their mouths, and especially those who are not open to all schools of thought. We are bombarded with people who are fear mongering diatribes that you would think the world is coming to an end listening to them. With my antennae alert and more sensitive these days, I’m amazed at how prevalent this toxic environment is now. So to say “Stay Positive” that will take a conscious effort on my part and yours in order to have a positive year.

Number four, from Jon’s list, is Talk to Yourself. “Instead of listening to your complaints, fears, and doubts, talk to yourself and feed your mind with words of truth and encouragement.” It’s part of the gratitude walk that I begin and end each day with. We all get into our funks. We all have difficult days and times where we can only see the negative. If, however, we are conscious of this way of thinking, we can then turn ourselves around with a more a positive outlook.

Metacognition is thinking about our thinking. Unfortunately, many of us go through the day on autopilot and don’t pay attention to the details surrounding us let alone the constant stream of thought going on in our heads. Haven’t you been driving somewhere, reached your destination, and wondered how you got there? Your mind was off thinking about something else. That happens to us time and time again throughout the day. I’m going to challenge you to pay attention to your thinking. If you’re in that negative space, what do you need to do to turn it around?

Am I saying you need to ignore the crap or the negativity surrounding you? It depends. Are there situations, people etc. that you can ignore? Are there things or people you can distance yourself from? If so, then JUST DO IT. We absolutely DO NOT need to get caught up in much of the negativity.

On the other end, there are things or people in our lives we need to acknowledge that are negative, and we have little control. It may be a family member, a boss, etc. We can’t be sunshine and roses all the time and pretend the negative isn’t there. However, what I am saying is that we have a choice. How much time, energy and focus are we putting into that negativity? Is it something we can control by changing our TV channel or radio station? Is it something we can change by limiting the amount of time on social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.? Is it something we can change by meeting new people or spending more time with the friends who support us? Is it someone we can stay away from as much as possible who just tears us down and wants to steal our dreams? After all, we are in far more control of our attitudes than we’d like to accept. It’s easier to B, C, D (blame, complain, defend) than it is to accept WE are in control and the finger points to us.

Here’s another good one on Gordon’s positive list: Don’t Waste Your Energy. I love this one! “Don’t waste precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you can’t control.” There are 24 hours in a day and how much of that do we want to waste? Life goes by too quickly, time is precious, and if we want to live the life that God has planned for us, then there’s no time to waste.

Number 17 on the list of 20 is Focus On “Get To.” Focus on “get to” versus “have to.” Focus on what you get to do NOT what you have to do!! Life is a gift NOT an obligation. Think about that one. It’s renaming and changing your mindset. Because I have my health, I get to clean the house. Because I can see, I get to read the textbook for my class. Because I can, I get to volunteer my time in a classroom helping younger students read. Because I want to make a difference, I get to talk to young adults about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Because my aunt is struggling with her health, I get to spend time playing bingo with her. Just saying these sentences out loud, give a sense of power.

“We cannot become what we need by remaining what we are,” says John Maxwell.

I wish you a week of Positive Energy with an emphasis on all that you “get to” do in order to move forward in 2017 Being the Best You that You Can Be!

2017 Can Be THE Best Ever

It’s 2017! Another chance to make changes in your life and continue with what is working.

I have taken the past several weeks “off” in order to retool and get myself into a more encouraging and positive mindset. With the New Year beginning, I am not about resolutions; however, I am all about making this year, 2017, better than 2016.

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. That means the dreaded word “change” must to be a part of the solution. How committed are you to making 2017 a better year than last year? Are you willing to make changes to live the life you have always wanted? Are you willing to focus on gratitude’s versus all that is NOT going your way? Are you willing to TOTALLY avoid ANY BCD? (Blaming, complaining, and defending)

If you can answer YES to all the above questions the final question is, “How LONG are you willing to follow through with the changes?” That is THE number one question.

Right now we are all about getting into the gym, working off that extra weight gained during the holidays, and committing to getting in shape. Ask any fitness center owner, and they’ll tell you this focus and commitment lasts anywhere from 4-6 weeks and then the numbers drop off once again. Once the Christmas credit card bills start coming in, many will make the commitment to not overspend next year, or this next year they plan to set up a Christmas savings fund. Another wish but not followed through with any action.

When you’re back into your daily routine and the calendar is filled with all the meetings; kids’ activities, a busy time at work, and all the unexpected demands on your time, will your desire to make 2017 different be focused on why you CAN make changes or will you succumb to the BCD excuses?

I would assume the majority of people sitting down and realizing that it is now January 2017 have said something to the effect …Where did this year go?... The days are flying by…I can’t believe how quickly everything goes by these days. True? AND those were probably the same words you said at the end of 2016. Correct?

What were you promising yourself last year at this time? Did you follow through on anything? Maybe you were able to make a few changes and there are more things you want to do. Fantastic! If you can actually experience these changes so there’s less stress in your life, CONGRATULATIONS! If not, I would ask you if you’re willing to continue to make excuses and spend another year without anything being different?

There is ONLY the PRESENT!!! Do you find your day being spent on BCD about what happened last year? Guess what…that will NEVER make changes in your life as those days are gone forever. Did you get bigger, stronger, and faster for your sports team, did you do whatever it took to get that done? If you wanted to be more fiscally responsible, did you read books to give you suggestions on how to do that AND then did you follow through with specific ACTIONS? Did you want to change a relationship with a spouse, friend, family member? How did that work out for you? What did YOU do to make that happen, because as you well know, the only person you can change is YOU?

If you are truly living in the PRESENT then you will NOT be deterred by the negativity of a colleague, someone on Facebook saying nasty things, or a jealous friend/family member trying to sabotage your dreams and goals. You may experience a day or two feeling “down,” and you may ask yourself questions as to what you are doing. That’s called normal. BUT the person true to himself/herself and true to their passions and personal focus to be better each and every day will recognize that the jealousy, the people who really don’t know you, or the people who are just toxic no matter what the situation are there as blockers. They are NOT there for YOUR best interest.

I am personally a believer that God puts these people and the negative situations into your path for a reason.  HE wants to see if you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break through these walls, or you use them as another excuse to give up and wallow in BCD!

Is the person looking back at you in the mirror the person you respect, the person you’re proud of, the person who is moving forward because of a belief that he/she is in control of their own life? Are you a role model for what you want your spouse/significant other, children, grandchildren, colleagues etc. to do and follow in your shoes?

Do you find yourself saying things like; next time, next year, I can’t now but I will later, I’m too busy now, but I will once I get through this project, I’ll skip weight lifting over the holidays and get back into it after the holidays, I’ll eat whatever I want now, but I’ll start on my diet after the holidays, I tried those dating sites before but didn’t have any luck, so I’m not doing that again, etc. etc. 

You do realize that anytime there is a “but” in the conversation, then whatever is said before that is negated. You do realize that when you use the negative past situations to determine your actions for your future, you are using another excuse as to why you don’t do something versus why you need to continue until you get what you’re striving for. Your future has NOT happened yet. There is only the PRESENT. DO NOT allow the past or your fear of the future to determine where you want your life to be at the end of 2017.

I want to encourage you to take a good look at what 2017 will look like for you on December 31, 2017. Work backwards to determine what you need to do each and every day to make that “picture” come true.

ELIMINATE the excuses; the blaming! That means eliminate ANY rationale as to why something cannot happen. I’m too old to find the love of my life, I’ve always been disorganized so there’s no hope, my spouse/significant other is dysfunctional and I can’t change that, I’ve never been good with money, I’m too old to change.

ELIMINATE the excuses; complaining! I don’t have a job where I can meet anyone new, I don’t have the space in my house to get organized, I don’t feel valued by my spouse/significant other, I’m not paid enough and have so much debt at the end of the month, my life has flown by and I can’t do all that I want to do.

ELIMINATE the excuses; the defending! My coach is too tough on me, he doesn’t see how hard I’m working so why should I do what he says? My boss favors everyone but me so why should I work so hard? I’m too old, “fat,” “not good looking,” etc. to change my ways so why should I try to find someone special now? I’ve tried all different ways to budget my money and nothing works so I’ve quit trying. I’m too old to change now so why should I?

People who are moving forward in their lives have:

*a positive mindset

*they’re able to maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture

*they’re far more SOLUTION oriented versus focusing on problems

*they catch themselves every time they use B,C,D and flip around to a positive mindset followed by ACTION

I wish you a week of reflection on what you want to have happen in 2017! Make a monthly ACTION PLAN to make those things happen DAILY!