Who's in Your Circle?

Were you able to surround yourself with a “coach” this past week who was willing to support and encourage you on your quest to Being the Best You that You can be?  What area of your life did you decide you want to focus on improving?

I happened to pick up the book Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener to reread yet a third time. It’s a quick read but incredibly powerful for everyone! All the 12 pillars are life lessons told in story form and NOT preachy. I was smiling when I came to chapter 6 which is the pillar to “Surround Yourself with the Best People.” It included the following quote, “Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow.  Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.”  What a great quote!

We can feel positive about ourselves, but if we’re continuously surrounding ourselves with naysayers and people who are only there to point out our deficiencies, then how will we ever grow? The simple answer…we won’t. We need true friends, a supportive spouse/partner, trainers, mentors, coaches etc. who are there to help support, encourage, and yes, even challenge us.

How do YOU think you’re doing with this concept of surrounding yourself with the best people? I totally “get it” that some of you have bosses or co-workers who are NOT the people you would choose to surround yourself with, however, you have no choice.  I totally “get it” that some of you have family members who you would not choose to be around, but they are family. Some of you are even questioning your marriage to a spouse that isn’t supportive. In situations like those, I go back to the question, “What is in your control? The only thing you have control over is YOU, YOUR attitude, and how much YOU internalize the negatives.

On page 48 of the book, the authors elaborate on the “best people” and what that means.  “Surround yourself with winners, successful people who exhibit and live consistent to values and skills you WANT to acquire and develop.  People in your life have an amazing power to influence your destiny. They have a deep effect on you. 

YOU must constantly be asking yourself these questions: Who am I around? What effect are they having on me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? Most importantly, what do they have me becoming? THEN ask yourself the BIG QUESTION: Is that ok?” If your response is positive, GREAT!  Those are the people you want to continue to surround yourself with. 

Take time for a “gut check.”  Think about the last time you were in a meeting, you were out for a drink with your buddies/girlfriends after work, you had dinner with friends, you went to a social event of some kind etc.  When you left, did you feel inspired to be more and do more, to pursue your goals with a greater passion? Or did that situation/environment leave you feeling negative, dreading the next meeting or encounter, and dreading having to spend time with that boss, colleague, family member etc. that you don’t respect? 

Who are the friends you hang around with?  Are they goal oriented?  Are they challenging themselves to be better? Are they walking their talk to learn, grown, and move forward?  Or are they stagnant, complaining, blaming life on others without doing anything to make a change for themselves?  Or maybe they're just "going through life" without any thought of changing and becoming better.

Sometimes it’s the “old” friends that are negative influences in our lives.  “ Many of us have friends who are nice people, often who mean well, but if the effect they have on us is negative, then it is up to us to make those tough choices in an effort to protect ourselves from the wrong influences.” Both positive and negative influences are very subtle.

According to Jim Rohn’s teachings, “Every relationship you have is an association, and each association has either a positive, neutral, or negative effect on you.”  If you are someone who wants to succeed in the classroom, at your job, on the football field, on the basketball court, in your marriage, in your parenting, in living a healthy lifestyle, in your spiritual life etc. you must “constantly make a determination about what kind of relationship you have with this person and how you want to approach this relationship.”  I

In chapter 6, the character, Michael, is given the advice to “place every person you meet into one of three categories: disassociation, limited association, and expanded association.”

Hmmm…this can be a difficult situation when you’re looking at the friends you have. With some, you always look forward to your time together. You are both “on the same page” with what you want out of life, and you both are committing to growing and improving in all areas of your life  There are others, however, who seem, in your opinion, to be stuck and aren’t moving in the same direction as you. Do we “outgrow” certain friends? I tend to think we do. Your life is busy with work and children so there are limited opportunities to just hang out, you’ve taken opportunities to improve your health so you look and feel better, you are involved with organizations where you’ve taken on a leadership position etc. Some of those friends now seem to be critical of what you’re doing and aren’t embracing your “new look.”  

That’s where the three categories come into play…do you disassociate or limit your association? You are in control of which choice you make if you want to move forward.

Maybe it’s a co-worker that is making life difficult because you are getting opportunities to learn and grow, and they are still doing the “same old, same old” thinking. That’s ok for them, however, it’s not your place to be judgmental of their choices.  You can only do what YOU can do for yourself. What about that team member that didn’t want to listen to the coaches, wasn’t willing to put the work into learning new skills or perfecting their skills?  They are "out there" criticizing you, but they were the ones that quit the team.  Are you going to listen to them or are you going to surround yourself with your teammates who come each and every day, doing what it takes to get better? Are you a leader that embraces people on your staff who are more talented and skilled than you which adds another dimension and value to the group?  Or are you threatened by these people and try to “keep them in check?”

“Successful people look for relationships with other successful people who will push them, and encourage them to become better.”  The advice given in this chapter is, “To attract attractive people you must be attractive. (Attractive is BOTH inside AND outside.) To attract committed people, you must be committed. To attract leaders, coaches, other people of influence, YOU must be the first to ask questions, listen, and take action on what you’ve learned.  Go to work on yourself.”  YES!  This goes back to personal development, a positive mindset, and doing what is in your control.

99% of life is attitude!!  It isn’t that these friends, bosses, co-workers, family members etc. determine your attitude.  YOU determine your attitude.  However, “attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.” Until it’s brought to our attention, we may not even be aware of the negative influences.  In other words, who you hang around with will be a major determining factor in what your attitude becomes.  “If the people you spend time with don’t have attitudes that are positive, they will rub off on you and keep you from becoming all that you can be.” 

“Life is a journey, and we meet people all along the way.  Some of those people will go the whole journey with us. Some will only take portions of the journey with us.  Some will join us for a long time.  Others will come and go.  We have the freedom – and responsibility - to determine who we associate with and that will have a big impact on how well our journey goes.” 

Remember the words of Jim Rohn, “Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow.  Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.”

Are YOU surrounding yourself with the best people for you as a person?  Are these people supportive and encouraging?  Are they pushing you to do better, to be better in all that you do? Are you determining which of the three categories you would classify these people: disassociation, limited association, or expanded association?

Here’s to a week of reflection and many “ah ha” moments to help you move forward.