I hope
you had a week of reflection on how you are doing with YOUR self-discipline. Did
you find that you were more aware of following through on a task? Instead of putting off something that wasn’t
necessarily the most “fun” did you go ahead and do it anyway? Did you begin to
have more of a focus on what you needed to do and just do it?
I decided to repeat a
blog about conversations. This is still
an area of learning and growing for me, so in rereading it, I had more ah ha
moments. Enjoy…
I have always thought
“conversations” are interesting. Is it a
give and take? One sided? Thought provoking? Energizing? Of course, it depends on the
situation and the people involved, but this week I would encourage you to listen
to the conversations you have with others and pay attention to the voices going
on in your head. Are you really
listening to what’s being said, or are you thinking about what you’re going to
say next? Do you find yourself asking
questions to learn more, or do you have a similar story so the conversation
once again comes back to you?
I have been in several larger social settings lately and
have found it fascinating to pay attention to how others communicate as well as
my own communication style. With some
people, I come away from the conversation feeling as though I’d learned so much
about the person or a particular topic, I focused on asking more questions, and
it was an interesting conversation. I felt
a renewed energy and appreciation for the person. Then there were other “conversations” where
it was definitely one sided. Often times
it was more of a “dumping baggage” session.
The “take away” for me was I was bored, I wanted to get away from what I
perceived as a toxic environment, and I definitely wasn’t energized.
In the past, I know I was guilty of having a comeback story
of a similar situation, however, now I’m focused and present on NOT doing that
unless it really is relevant. I also
know that when I was in a conversation with someone where our opinions were
different, I either thought I had to change their mind to the “right” way of
thinking or the opposite. Or I would be
silent for “fear” of looking stupid as I didn’t feel adequate in “arguing a point”
as eloquently as others. After listening
to Jim Britt again, he asks the question, “Is this my need for acceptance? Maybe it’s my need for control? Or, then again, maybe it’s both? First and foremost, MY opinion or judgment –
good, bad, right, wrong – is just that MINE.
No one else’s. And that’s
ok. I don’t need to have other’s agree with
me to feel validated. Second, the only
person I can control is me.
So how does this apply to the everyday conversation with
family, friends, acquaintances, or even an occasional new person? Jim talks a
lot about paying attention to our feelings when we’re in conversations. If I find myself feeling defensive, feeling a
lack of self-esteem or inadequacy etc., I now pause to ask myself the three
questions: “Is this my need to be
accepted? Is this my need to be in
control? Or is it both?” Once I realize
what’s going on internally, the conversation takes on a whole new focus. I become more question oriented or I choose
to just listen without feeling a need to respond. I’m also comfortable with
giving my thoughts and opinions as just that – this is how I feel/think, and I
am ok with how you feel/think. It’s not
even an “agree to disagree,” “meet in the middle” etc. I now come
away with a more peaceful mind and a true acceptance for who I am. I am no longer “married” to one way, I am
more willing to listen and learn, I’m more open to listening to others, taking
in what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m
also much more content with whom I am without needing the acceptance of others
or feeling as though I need to change someone else’s opinion, belief, or
thought. I am who I am, and they are who
they are.
I have come to this thinking over time. I have found myself, even now, where I do get
caught up in trying to convince someone to think my way especially if I’m
passionate about the topic. These changes are definitely why we call life a
journey. We’re never too old to learn,
grow, and change. It takes a commitment, self-discipline, to want to learn and grow as an individual.
That means reading, listening to CD’s, or whatever way you learn the
best. This is another challenge to develop your self-discipline.
Here’s to a healthy mindset of acceptance and a daily
dose of learning and growing.
No comments:
Post a Comment