R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Last week, I wished you a week of putting your phone down and taking time for true conversations with your spouse/significant other, your children, your co-workers, your friends etc. How did that go? What did you learn about yourself, your connection to your phone, and the conversations you have each day?

My definition of a true conversation is one done with eye contact, with respect for the other person as a human being, with integrity and void of belittling. It’s a conversation that may include differing views, yet the conversation is also done in a respected way with respectful language, true listening, asking sincere questions to learn more, and without interruption. The ultimate goal with any conversation should be for understanding, clarification etc. NOT to convince the other person that you are right and they are wrong.

I find it interesting that what I think should be common sense when it comes to communication, doesn’t seem to be the case when you turn on the TV news or you read the paper. This goes both ways as far as the left and the right are concerned. I’m amazed at the vulgar language, the throwing out of condemnations such as racist, fascist, misogynist, xenophobic, homophobic toward anyone with a differing viewpoint. I’m amazed at the extreme liberty people take all in the name of “free speech.” I am amazed at the front page news that is one sided, or something taken out of context, or inaccurate reporting yet when actual facts are revealed the “apology” is on the back page and small print.

I was saddened to hear that a friend’s daughter was bullied at school because she wore jeans and flannel shirts. After all, she is a country girl at heart. Six girls were bullied by another group of girls by taking lunches on a regular basis, repeatedly stealing expensive art supplies, stealing other personal items, having water thrown on them when wearing a white shirt etc. When the parents approached the school administration of this private school, the parents were told the school couldn’t do anything. The administration didn’t want to offend the organization which brought these students to the school. WOW. By taking no action they were condoning the negative behavior and not keeping ALL their students safe physically and emotionally. I thought it was the job of ALL school administrators and teachers to keep ALL students safe. SAD!

With this same young lady who chose to leave the first high school, she went to a different school, a public high school. Once again she found bullying but a more subtle type - this time feeling more like an outcast. That is until she drove her truck to school with a Trump/Pence bumper sticker on it. A vengeful confrontation took place, with name calling, and belittling her support of Trump. To this young lady’s credit, she responded that their freedom of speech did not mean that her freedom of speech was any less valid. The ultimate “attack,” came when she was not present. A baseball bat was taken to the bumper of her truck. Once again, which is an embarrassment to me as a former teacher, the administration did nothing. Two separate occasions when the bat met the bumper of the truck and did damage, the surveillance cameras weren’t working. Really? SAD!

When did freedom of speech become something where there are no differences in viewpoints that there’s only one way to think? When did horrific name calling, screaming in someone’s face and demeaning that person become ok all in the name of freedom of speech? When did it become ok to spray mace in someone’s face who had a different point of view without consequences?

Let me be clear. I am all in favor of our right to PEACEFULLY protest. Unfortunately, the message that the people peacefully protesting on the Berkley campus was overshadowed. It was overshadowed by an organized group wearing black hoodies and masks whose sole intent was to do physical damage to the campus building and surrounding areas and STOP not only a speaker but the people going to hear the speaker. That, in my opinion, is NOT freedom of speech. It’s called vandalism. That’s a crime. It is fascinating to me, the number of people who are doing and saying exactly what they accuse others of doing and saying. Once again, it appears that we’re all supposed to participate in group think.

I may not agree with Milo or other speakers, and I may not agree with a particular bumper sticker, but I do have a choice. I have the choice of not attending the speech, or I have the choice of listening in a respectful manner to learn something. I DO NOT have the right to disrupt a talk, a class, a meeting etc. because I have a different opinion.

I have the choice of ignoring someone’s bumper sticker, or I have the choice of engaging in a respectful conversation about that person’s views. I DO NOT have the right to steal, to do physical damage to someone else’s property etc. because I disagree. Those are called crimes.

Violent acts of damaging public property, injuring someone, or damaging someone’s personal property IS NOT what freedom of speech is all about. These are selfish, self-centered acts with little thought and understanding. The rationale? It’s done in the name of freedom of speech. NO!

If I focus on all the hypocrisy and total lack of respecting others differing viewpoints, I would think our country is going to hell and a hand basket. Do we have problems in this country? Yes. Do I agree with everything Donald Trump is doing, not necessarily. Do I agree his focus is to help this country. Yes. Do I agree that he’s out for only his own ego and bank roll? Definitely NOT.  Is he eloquent when speaking? Definitely not, but we’re use to politicians who talk out of both sides of their mouths. Did he bring on people who have more experience and have differing viewpoints? Yes.

Listen to the people who have known Trump for 10, 20,30+ years. Listen to the people who meet with Trump, listen to the people who have never met him but came away from a meeting with a totally different opinion of who he is. “He really listened; he asked good questions, he is asking us for our opinions etc.” From the outside looking in, true conversations were taking place. Isn’t that what we want in all of our leaders? Yet, these people who met with then President Elect Trump were chastised for even setting foot in his office and speaking with him. What’s that about?  

Our lives are not black and white or right and wrong. My take on the news or a situation of any type is very much based on my own experiences. We ALL look at a situation, a painting, read the same news article, listen to the same speech and come away with a totally different take on what is being said or is happening because of what we “bring to the table.” The news of the day is rarely simple even though that’s what we’d like.

I would challenge each and every one of us to take a stand on foul language, name calling, destruction of property, and the total lack of respect for differences of opinion all in the name of freedom of speech. I continually go back to Urban Myers norms for his staff and players…no B,C,D which is blame, complain, defend one’s actions. That’s all below the line behavior. Love and respect are above the line behaviors.

(Ray, I guess you can tell what’s been on my mind this week.)

I love this country and what this country has allowed me, as a 65 year old white woman, to accomplish to date and to continue to accomplish. I also am well aware that who I was, what my views were, what my stupid actions were in my 20’s is a small part of who I am today. My views have changed on many topics, my gratitude for all that is going right is far more thought out. Thankfully the stupid things I did earlier in my life were there as lessons and not headlines in a newspaper, and my conscious effort to listen more than I speak is getting better.

There are so many things going right in this country. There are so many people working hard each day, parents working hard to bring up their children with respect and understanding of others who are different, teachers who are giving both sides to issues and teaching their students to have a mind of their own, coaches who are interested in winning but are even more interested in teaching their athletes the importance of getting a good education, people of all ages giving back to their communities in a variety of philanthropic ways plus much more.

I wish you a week of choosing to focus on making a difference, in a positive way, in a respectful way in your own corner of the world. I wish you a week of holding those around you to speaking with respect and not allow the degrading of anyone!