I hope you were able to experience a special holiday time
this past week, and I also hope
you took time to support your personal religious/faithful/spiritual mindset
whatever that looks like for you.
The events of this past
week have given me an opportunity to pause and reflect. Listening to the news
we hear of yet another terrible bombing this time in Brussels, a brutal suicidal
bomb attack on children hunting for eggs in Pakistan, parents diving over little
children to get to eggs for THEIR children first at the PEZ Easter egg hunt,
the latest movie of Batman vs. Superman – both super heroes but fighting one
another to be THE best, and then of course the political rhetoric and attacks
from both the Democrats and the Republicans. I must say it’s very difficult not
to fall into the abyss of negativity as we seem to be surrounded by it at every
turn.
Succumbing to the negative
is the easy way out. Going along with the crowd of negativity, cynicism, doom
and gloom, and the “this country is going to hell and a hand basket” mentality
only supports the problem. What are the solutions? What can I do as an
individual to NOT get caught up in this “group think?” What’s in my control? I
want to share a personal experience from this past week which I will tie into
what each of us can do to stay in the present and be in control of our own
mindset.
As a part of this week’s
journey, Jon and I experienced sadness yet also elation for our daughter
Amanda. As an adoptee, she has had few rights to her own birth certificate and
information about her birth parents – until recently. To make a long story
short, she has been able to find the name of her birth mother and birth father,
In January, she reached out to her birth father, Mike, wanting only to meet him
over a cup of coffee. He has enthusiastically opened his arms and his heart to
Amanda and her family. As it turns out, she is Mike’s only biological child
therefore Sophia and Ethan are his only biological grandchildren. He has been
married and adopted three children who were very young at the time. He has been
a wonderful father, a grandfather, a friend, a wrestling coach, a hunter, and a
contractor. These past two months have brought together step brothers and
sisters, uncles and aunts, and numerous family members all-embracing Mike’s
“long lost daughter” as he proudly introduced Amanda.
These past two months, for
Amanda, have given her an opportunity to understand the soul connection to her
biological father. It has affirmed for her that she really does look like
someone as she is repeatedly told she has her dad’s eyes. She’s never had that
before for herself. Unfortunately, this gift that was presented to her two
months ago ended early Sunday morning the 20th. She got a phone call
from the family telling her that her dad was being rushed to the hospital as a
congenital aortic aneurism had burst. In the brief time before the surgery, she
was able to tell him she loved him, however, he did not survive.
When Amanda called and
told us Mike had died, we were so sad for her. She had been thrilled with this
awakening of so many desires for knowing who she was and “where she came from.”
To her credit, however, she has chosen the path of gratitude. Despite the
sadness, Amanda reflects on their many times together; the stories Mike shared,
the truth about why she was given up as a baby, the pictures of him as a young
boy and his wrestling coaching days. He came down to meet her and the kids to
take them to lunch and then surprised them with tickets to the State Wrestling
Meet. He and his wife came to Sophia’s school project presentation, and he also
spent a Saturday helping Amanda fix various projects around the house. There
were plans for a zoo trip and a grandparents’ birthday celebration for Ethan on
the 26th - both of which would never take place.
The memorial service this past
Saturday was definitely a celebration of Mike’s life and an opportunity for
Amanda to learn more about her father. We were honored to be there to watch her
being embraced emotionally and physically by her new family and so many of
Mike’s close friends. To a person, she was told about how happy and proud Mike
was these past two months. She heard more stories, more opportunities to hear
what a man of integrity he was, a man who worked hard, and who loved his
family. She heard stories of how he influenced many young men’s lives through
his wrestling coaching days, and how he was always there to help someone else.
What a blessing these times have been for her.
I come back to the
question of what can each of us do when we’re confronted with negativity,
overwhelming sadness, frustration with the actions of others, disappointment in
others’ behaviors. I would challenge you to not take the easy road and join in
with the negativity. I would challenge you to take the high road. What does
that look like? That might mean NOT allowing CNN, Fox News, the nightly news to
have more of our time than sitting with our spouse, our children, our friends
and having conversations about what happened that day in their life. Our focus
needs to shift from the problems and move into solutions that are right in
front of us. That means to NOT get caught up into something we don’t personally
believe in because we aren’t able to say NO to “group think.”
As I have said before, I
am like everyone else needing time to vent, cry, or be angry. That’s also good
for the soul. However, that is NOT helpful in the long run. I CHOOSE to embrace
Amanda’s thinking which is to take the many blessings despite the sadness. I
CHOOSE to find the good versus focus on the bad. I also acknowledge that’s much harder to do especially when I think about the political climate of
today. However, I am a believer in Positive CHOICES and SOLUTIONS versus Negative
and problems.
Despite the snow on the
ground here in Colorado, it is SPRING time. As Jim Rohn says, “We need to learn
to look once again at life as we did as children, letting fascination and
curiosity give us welcome cause to look for the miraculous hidden among the
common.” Yes, even in today’s world that philosophy IS possible. It is a CHOICE.
I wish you a week of
reflection and reevaluation of your own mindset and as always, I enjoy reading
your thoughts and comments about my blogs.
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