Optimism Can Be a Game Changer

Optimism Can Be a Game Changer 

I hope you made time for reflection as a part of your week last week. It’s too easy to put time for ourselves on the back burner or even do something as simple as being grateful. My wish for you is that 2016 will be different than 2015.  The only way that will happen, however, is if you make a commitment to change.

After two funerals in the past 10 days, it brings me to a very humble place. Sammy, the 23 year old double heart transplant and our 69 year old friend from the Holstein Association who passed away suddenly from a rare pion disease were both people of influence. Their services were times of celebration though sadness was obviously evident. I found it interesting to hear so many stories of how both Sammy and Bill, in their own way, celebrated their families and friends. They both were people who made a difference in other people’s lives by their attitude and walking their talk. Though a great age difference between the two, I find it interesting that age has nothing to do with attitude. Both Sammy and Bill had their own disappointments and personal challenges, however, both chose the path of being upbeat and positive as well as simultaneously living a life of integrity and humility.

I came across two powerful quotes recently. I shared this one on my FB page:

“The mind is a powerful force.

It can enslave us or empower us.

It can plunge us into the depths of misery

   Or take us to the heights of ecstasy.

Learn to use the power wisely.”

Thanks to Chris Misko for sending this out:

“Protect yourself and limit the time you spend with “still people”

Still complaining,

Still hating,

Still pointing fingers at others, and

Still going nowhere.

Powerful words, don’t you think? What is it that pushes some people to a life of gratitude despite challenges and even dysfunctional childhoods? What is it that pushes them on despite the road blocks and closed doors? What is it about those who had no positive role models growing up to not use that as an excuse of why they are the way they are? Instead, they focus on why they can, and why they refuse to perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction.

Are we born with that mindset of positive, half-full mentality? Is it learned? I don’t know the answer to that question. My personal opinion, however, is God doesn’t create junk. God puts people and situations in our paths to help us see the good, the positive, and the blessings. It’s our choice whether we “see” these people and/or experiences. Some people would argue that being positive in negative and toxic situations and environments is denying reality. Hmmm…maybe so, but I would challenge back with the question, “So how is that negative and toxic mindset working for you?”  Is it changing your life? Is it helping you move forward? I would venture to say, “Probably NOT.”

I’m not talking about the times we’re sad, occasionally challenged by people and situations, or occasionally struggling in our job, with a spouse, our children etc. The key word is occasionally. We ALL have those situations since it’s a part of life. What I’m specifically referring to are the negative and toxic people, situations etc. that are ongoing.

I recently read an article I believe was from Maria Schriever. In parts of the article she states, “Optimism is an underestimated, powerful handy tool that can be pulled out of your pocket whenever you feel vulnerable to a certain situation or perhaps feel like something uncomfortable or distressing happened or is happening. It is a master key needed to open a lot of life’s doors that cannot be opened otherwise.”  She goes on to say that, “Learning to stay positive in unpleasing situations is priceless and adds value to your lifestyle. It is your CHOICE to be positive or negative when it comes to various situations.”

I can hear several of you saying, “So that’s all well and good, but you don’t know all the @#$@ I’m dealing with.” That is probably true, however, once again I would ask, “How is that working out for you?” The continual blame, pointing fingers, and using your dysfunctional home growing up as an excuse only perpetuates the negative. One solution to avoid “falling prey” to negativity is to look for solutions, for the root of the problem rather than thinking about the problem and blaming the cause of the problem.

Focusing on the problem itself will only drain your energy and keep you from looking forward to a better world, better work environment, better lifestyle, a better marriage, a better relationship with your family. When you think solution, your mind may be diverted to something more positive; the thought of coming out of that dark hole that seems impossible to climb out of right now.

What does all this mean? First and foremost, the mind is a powerful force. Choice is always a part of mindset, optimism is a game changer, and CHANGE is part of the equation. Funny how these words of mindset, choice, and change are constantly reoccurring. If you aren’t willing to believe that things can be different and you’re not willing to change, then to be blunt, you’re stuck.

If, however, you’re willing to take action to make a difference in your life here are a few suggestions:

One, create a support group or have a few people who know you well, they will “tell it like it is” to you, yet will also help you through unpleasant and difficult situations. This group needs to be a “positive” group and people who will be your advocate. These are people who can ask questions and help you think along a different line. Often times, we’re too close to the situation.

Two, train your mind!!  If you find yourself questioning your abilities, your commitment, who you are because of the negative comments others will say about you, and you find you are beating yourself up quite often, STOP and regroup. “Whether it’s tension and stress at work, bills, disappointments, a marriage that’s failing, or children with special needs etc. negativity is something present in life and is very hard to remove. Training your mind is a valuable exercise to better your life. STOP beating yourself up and make sure you feed yourself with positive thoughts. You may need to get professional help or find a professional group that has an expertise in the area of your difficulty. These are a only a few ways to train your mind.

Three, accept change. Haven’t you heard the saying, “The only constant in life is change?” People who use the excuse, “I am who I am, so you have to accept me for that,” are unwilling to change. If we surround ourselves with positive people, if we train our minds to think, learn, and grow then we realize we don’t want to be around people who are not changing who are not willing to do something different. I think of my life and thank goodness I’m different than when I was a teenager, or in college, or even in my 50’s. Life demands for us to be different in order to adjust to where we are in life. It’s different when you’re single then married, married with no children to married with children, etc.

Four, seek help.  Are you someone that is afraid or embarrassed to admit to the fact that you need help? Or have you been pushed to the point that you realize you need to accept help in order to get to a better place. Someone else’s experience, expertise or training may be a way to help move on. At times, we need someone to lend us a piece of their experience, and how they dealt with certain situations in an attempt to look at the alternatives that we wouldn’t have thought of on our own.

Remember we all have our good and bad moments in life and that you are not alone in this world. The above four ideas only touch the surface of what you can do. If you are willing to value yourself, train your mind to believe in yourself, you’re willing to accept help from others who are positive and supportive, and you’re willing to look at alternatives that will mean change THEN and ONLY THEN can your life be different .It’s your choice.

I wish you a week of looking at the power of your thinking, your mindset, and which voice you are listening to – the positive or the negative?