Pause and Reflect

I hope you were able to experience a special holiday time this past week, and I also hope you took time to support your personal religious/faithful/spiritual mindset whatever that looks like for you. 

The events of this past week have given me an opportunity to pause and reflect. Listening to the news we hear of yet another terrible bombing this time in Brussels, a brutal suicidal bomb attack on children hunting for eggs in Pakistan, parents diving over little children to get to eggs for THEIR children first at the PEZ Easter egg hunt, the latest movie of Batman vs. Superman – both super heroes but fighting one another to be THE best, and then of course the political rhetoric and attacks from both the Democrats and the Republicans. I must say it’s very difficult not to fall into the abyss of negativity as we seem to be surrounded by it at every turn.

Succumbing to the negative is the easy way out. Going along with the crowd of negativity, cynicism, doom and gloom, and the “this country is going to hell and a hand basket” mentality only supports the problem. What are the solutions? What can I do as an individual to NOT get caught up in this “group think?” What’s in my control? I want to share a personal experience from this past week which I will tie into what each of us can do to stay in the present and be in control of our own mindset.

As a part of this week’s journey, Jon and I experienced sadness yet also elation for our daughter Amanda. As an adoptee, she has had few rights to her own birth certificate and information about her birth parents – until recently. To make a long story short, she has been able to find the name of her birth mother and birth father, In January, she reached out to her birth father, Mike, wanting only to meet him over a cup of coffee. He has enthusiastically opened his arms and his heart to Amanda and her family. As it turns out, she is Mike’s only biological child therefore Sophia and Ethan are his only biological grandchildren. He has been married and adopted three children who were very young at the time. He has been a wonderful father, a grandfather, a friend, a wrestling coach, a hunter, and a contractor. These past two months have brought together step brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, and numerous family members all-embracing Mike’s “long lost daughter” as he proudly introduced Amanda.

These past two months, for Amanda, have given her an opportunity to understand the soul connection to her biological father. It has affirmed for her that she really does look like someone as she is repeatedly told she has her dad’s eyes. She’s never had that before for herself. Unfortunately, this gift that was presented to her two months ago ended early Sunday morning the 20^th. She got a phone call from the family telling her that her dad was being rushed to the hospital as a congenital aortic aneurism had burst. In the brief time before the surgery, she was able to tell him she loved him, however, he did not survive.

When Amanda called and told us Mike had died, we were so sad for her. She had been thrilled with this awakening of so many desires for knowing who she was and “where she came from.” To her credit, however, she has chosen the path of gratitude. Despite the sadness, Amanda reflects on their many times together; the stories Mike shared, the truth about why she was given up as a baby, the pictures of him as a young boy and his wrestling coaching days. He came down to meet her and the kids to take them to lunch and then surprised them with tickets to the State Wrestling Meet. He and his wife came to Sophia’s school project presentation, and he also spent a Saturday helping Amanda fix various projects around the house. There were plans for a zoo trip and a grandparents’ birthday celebration for Ethan on the 26^th - both of which would never take place.

The memorial service this past Saturday was definitely a celebration of Mike’s life and an opportunity for Amanda to learn more about her father. We were honored to be there to watch her being embraced emotionally and physically by her new family and so many of Mike’s close friends. To a person, she was told about how happy and proud Mike was these past two months. She heard more stories, more opportunities to hear what a man of integrity he was, a man who worked hard, and who loved his family. She heard stories of how he influenced many young men’s lives through his wrestling coaching days, and how he was always there to help someone else. What a blessing these times have been for her.

I come back to the question of what can each of us do when we’re confronted with negativity, overwhelming sadness, frustration with the actions of others, disappointment in others’ behaviors. I would challenge you to not take the easy road and join in with the negativity. I would challenge you to take the high road. What does that look like? That might mean NOT allowing CNN, Fox News, the nightly news to have more of our time than sitting with our spouse, our children, our friends and having conversations about what happened that day in their life. Our focus needs to shift from the problems and move into solutions that are right in front of us. That means to NOT get caught up into something we don’t personally believe in because we aren’t able to say NO to “group think.”

As I have said before, I am like everyone else needing time to vent, cry, or be angry. That’s also good for the soul. However, that is NOT helpful in the long run. I CHOOSE to embrace Amanda’s thinking which is to take the many blessings despite the sadness. I CHOOSE to find the good versus focus on the bad. I also acknowledge that’s much harder to do especially when I think about the political climate of today.  However, I am a believer in Positive CHOICES and SOLUTIONS versus Negative and problems.

Despite the snow on the ground here in Colorado, it is SPRING time. As Jim Rohn says, “We need to learn to look once again at life as we did as children, letting fascination and curiosity give us welcome cause to look for the miraculous hidden among the common.” Yes, even in today’s world that philosophy IS possible. It is a CHOICE.

I wish you a week of reflection and reevaluation of your own mindset and as always, I enjoy reading your thoughts and comments about my blogs.

It's Time for Easter and Passover

Did you take time, this week, to look at the power of your thinking, your mindset, and which voice you are listening to – the positive or the negative? What did you learn about yourself? Hopefully, you realize you are doing a great job with how you think and if not, this is something that you can focus on and learn to think differently.

For all of my Christian family and friends, I wish you a special Easter on Sunday the 27th, and for my Jewish friends that you have a special Passover which started on Friday, the 22nd.

As with most of my blogs, I hope to give you my perspective which may or may not be in alignment with yours, but at least thought provoking.  Past blogs have been about judgment which is all about our personal thoughts and beliefs.  For many of our conflicts personally, in relationships, with colleagues, and even in the world today the conversations tend toward arguments and attempting to sway others to our way of thinking versus a dialogue.  Listening, asking questions without judgment, allows for a safe environment for discussion.

According to Hebrews 11:1 the definition of faith is, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”  Also from Wikipedia, the definition of spirituality is, “people who speak of spirituality outside of religion often define themselves as spiritual not religious.  They generally believe in the existence of different spiritual paths. The emphasis is on the importance of finding one’s own individual path.”  Lisa Miller, Ph.D., director of clinical psychology and founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Columbia University, Teachers College and also the author of "The Spiritual Child," has spent over a decade researching the impact of religion and spirituality.  According to one of the studies, 77% of those surveyed felt there is a difference between being religious and being spiritual.  Are you one of the 77%?  If so, what are the differences for you? 

What about prayer?  Do you have a definition of prayer for yourself?  Is prayer the same thing or different than sending out words of gratitude?  There are mixed definitions of prayer, but my simplified version is having a personal relationship with a higher power.  What that looks like is very personal and once again not right, wrong good or bad.  For me, I know my prayers and words of gratitude are intermingled and ongoing throughout the day.  A young Islamic man says he prays five times a day.  Those times are “dictated.”  He stated that those are specific times when he is reminded of why he is “still here.”  Others have their rituals of saying prayers before meals, bedtime etc. Does it really matter that each of us has his/her/family rituals for praying which may or may not be the same as other family members, friends etc.?

Meditation is the “act or process of spending time in quiet thought.”  Being able to sit quietly, clear the mind, and be in deep thought is that personal time for many people.  As Carson Daily said, “It’s an opportunity to slow down and reflect.”  I would add to that, it’s also a “time out” to be present in what is going on around us.  Personally, I have a hard time “turning my mind off,” but I am learning to be “quiet” in my own mind though I may be surrounded by people.  I’m learning I can step back, observe, and find that inner peace.  As a grandparent, I am much more aware of the little ones as they explore their world, as they challenge Mom and Dad, as they learn life lessons as simple as sharing etc. 

Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Islamic etc., God has many names.  The power of having a relationship with God is what is exciting to me.  Personally, I will celebrate you and your beliefs whatever those beliefs may be.  If you are one that questions whether or not there is a God, that’s ok too, as this is your life and your journey. Isn’t it interesting that so many of our biggest wars and conflicts stem from different religious beliefs?  Isn’t it interesting that a topic many of us will avoid in group conversations is religion. 

Wouldn’t it be interesting if on a small scale in our own social communities that we could have a discussion about religion or spirituality?  What if we were comfortable to ask questions, LISTEN, and leave the conversation with a better sense of who that other person is on a whole new level?  Wouldn’t it be interesting if we could say to the other person, “I celebrate your beliefs and am glad that it is a deep journey for you.” 

Right now looking outside, I see a glorious day with blue skies, a few wispy clouds, majestic, snow-capped mountains, with temperatures predicted to be in the 70’s.  There’s beautiful music playing, and I’m looking forward to another day of abundance and blessings.  I am deeply grateful for my life. I wish you all a special time of celebration and reflection.

I wish you a week of a healthy religious/faithful/spiritual mindset. 

 

Optimism Can Be a Game Changer

Optimism Can Be a Game Changer 

I hope you made time for reflection as a part of your week last week. It’s too easy to put time for ourselves on the back burner or even do something as simple as being grateful. My wish for you is that 2016 will be different than 2015.  The only way that will happen, however, is if you make a commitment to change.

After two funerals in the past 10 days, it brings me to a very humble place. Sammy, the 23 year old double heart transplant and our 69 year old friend from the Holstein Association who passed away suddenly from a rare pion disease were both people of influence. Their services were times of celebration though sadness was obviously evident. I found it interesting to hear so many stories of how both Sammy and Bill, in their own way, celebrated their families and friends. They both were people who made a difference in other people’s lives by their attitude and walking their talk. Though a great age difference between the two, I find it interesting that age has nothing to do with attitude. Both Sammy and Bill had their own disappointments and personal challenges, however, both chose the path of being upbeat and positive as well as simultaneously living a life of integrity and humility.

I came across two powerful quotes recently. I shared this one on my FB page:

“The mind is a powerful force.

It can enslave us or empower us.

It can plunge us into the depths of misery

   Or take us to the heights of ecstasy.

Learn to use the power wisely.”

Thanks to Chris Misko for sending this out:

“Protect yourself and limit the time you spend with “still people”

Still complaining,

Still hating,

Still pointing fingers at others, and

Still going nowhere.

Powerful words, don’t you think? What is it that pushes some people to a life of gratitude despite challenges and even dysfunctional childhoods? What is it that pushes them on despite the road blocks and closed doors? What is it about those who had no positive role models growing up to not use that as an excuse of why they are the way they are? Instead, they focus on why they can, and why they refuse to perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction.

Are we born with that mindset of positive, half-full mentality? Is it learned? I don’t know the answer to that question. My personal opinion, however, is God doesn’t create junk. God puts people and situations in our paths to help us see the good, the positive, and the blessings. It’s our choice whether we “see” these people and/or experiences. Some people would argue that being positive in negative and toxic situations and environments is denying reality. Hmmm…maybe so, but I would challenge back with the question, “So how is that negative and toxic mindset working for you?”  Is it changing your life? Is it helping you move forward? I would venture to say, “Probably NOT.”

I’m not talking about the times we’re sad, occasionally challenged by people and situations, or occasionally struggling in our job, with a spouse, our children etc. The key word is occasionally. We ALL have those situations since it’s a part of life. What I’m specifically referring to are the negative and toxic people, situations etc. that are ongoing.

I recently read an article I believe was from Maria Schriever. In parts of the article she states, “Optimism is an underestimated, powerful handy tool that can be pulled out of your pocket whenever you feel vulnerable to a certain situation or perhaps feel like something uncomfortable or distressing happened or is happening. It is a master key needed to open a lot of life’s doors that cannot be opened otherwise.”  She goes on to say that, “Learning to stay positive in unpleasing situations is priceless and adds value to your lifestyle. It is your CHOICE to be positive or negative when it comes to various situations.”

I can hear several of you saying, “So that’s all well and good, but you don’t know all the @#$@ I’m dealing with.” That is probably true, however, once again I would ask, “How is that working out for you?” The continual blame, pointing fingers, and using your dysfunctional home growing up as an excuse only perpetuates the negative. One solution to avoid “falling prey” to negativity is to look for solutions, for the root of the problem rather than thinking about the problem and blaming the cause of the problem.

Focusing on the problem itself will only drain your energy and keep you from looking forward to a better world, better work environment, better lifestyle, a better marriage, a better relationship with your family. When you think solution, your mind may be diverted to something more positive; the thought of coming out of that dark hole that seems impossible to climb out of right now.

What does all this mean? First and foremost, the mind is a powerful force. Choice is always a part of mindset, optimism is a game changer, and CHANGE is part of the equation. Funny how these words of mindset, choice, and change are constantly reoccurring. If you aren’t willing to believe that things can be different and you’re not willing to change, then to be blunt, you’re stuck.

If, however, you’re willing to take action to make a difference in your life here are a few suggestions:

One, create a support group or have a few people who know you well, they will “tell it like it is” to you, yet will also help you through unpleasant and difficult situations. This group needs to be a “positive” group and people who will be your advocate. These are people who can ask questions and help you think along a different line. Often times, we’re too close to the situation.

Two, train your mind!!  If you find yourself questioning your abilities, your commitment, who you are because of the negative comments others will say about you, and you find you are beating yourself up quite often, STOP and regroup. “Whether it’s tension and stress at work, bills, disappointments, a marriage that’s failing, or children with special needs etc. negativity is something present in life and is very hard to remove. Training your mind is a valuable exercise to better your life. STOP beating yourself up and make sure you feed yourself with positive thoughts. You may need to get professional help or find a professional group that has an expertise in the area of your difficulty. These are a only a few ways to train your mind.

Three, accept change. Haven’t you heard the saying, “The only constant in life is change?” People who use the excuse, “I am who I am, so you have to accept me for that,” are unwilling to change. If we surround ourselves with positive people, if we train our minds to think, learn, and grow then we realize we don’t want to be around people who are not changing who are not willing to do something different. I think of my life and thank goodness I’m different than when I was a teenager, or in college, or even in my 50’s. Life demands for us to be different in order to adjust to where we are in life. It’s different when you’re single then married, married with no children to married with children, etc.

Four, seek help.  Are you someone that is afraid or embarrassed to admit to the fact that you need help? Or have you been pushed to the point that you realize you need to accept help in order to get to a better place. Someone else’s experience, expertise or training may be a way to help move on. At times, we need someone to lend us a piece of their experience, and how they dealt with certain situations in an attempt to look at the alternatives that we wouldn’t have thought of on our own.

Remember we all have our good and bad moments in life and that you are not alone in this world. The above four ideas only touch the surface of what you can do. If you are willing to value yourself, train your mind to believe in yourself, you’re willing to accept help from others who are positive and supportive, and you’re willing to look at alternatives that will mean change THEN and ONLY THEN can your life be different .It’s your choice.

I wish you a week of looking at the power of your thinking, your mindset, and which voice you are listening to – the positive or the negative?

Sammy's Celebration

Sammy’s Celebration

Did you take time last week reflecting on your many blessings? I hope that was a priority for you, and I hope you will continue to spend time each and every day reflecting on the blessings and gratitude that occur each day.

Last Saturday, Jon and I attended “A Service in Celebration of Samantha Remington.” I wrote about Sammy in last week’s blog, and I feel a need to share this experience of celebration. I don’t know how you do this when your heart is so heavy, but it was THE most beautiful celebration I think I have ever attended. From Barry to Brigitte to each of the siblings, they shared their daughter, their sister through videos, song, and prayer to a packed room. 

There was a touching written story, “Samantha and the Angel” written by “Papa” Paul Benedetti which I could only read through tears. He began, “At the first spark of life, the Angel came for Samantha and the spark dimmed and nearly died, but her heart pulsed – “not yet” – and was heard and Samantha lived.  He continued with his story of Sammy’s life and the times when the Angel watching over her decided “not yet”….His conclusion read, “But even heroes and the strongest warriors must fall when time runs out. The Angel laid gentle hands on Samantha, and she slipped away to dwell in peace in the lands where we will join her. Until then she is alive and in our hearts and her love will endure and sustain and nurture us all our days.”

As all of us were wrapped into this beautiful fold of love, support, humor, tenacity, faith, and yet also sadness, each member of the Remington family had not only written Sammy a personal letter, but they also each read their letter out loud. Barry read his letter to his daughter and then he read a “letter from Sammy.” 

This young 23 year old woman has touched so many lives whether it be family and friends or the doctors and nurses or the American Heart Association, or organ donors etc., She lived a life of being present, a life of smiles and gratitude, and a life watching over others. She is now an Angel watching over all those she loved. Sammy has made a difference in this world through her positive attitude despite her pain and frustrations, she lived a life of purpose and determination, and she blessed so many in her short time on earth.

Thank you, Remington family, for all you have each taught us about family, love, inner strength, and faith by sharing this painful time with all of us.

I wish all of you a week of reflection. Reflection about your purpose on this earth, reflection about your attitude whether it be positive or not, reflection about your relationships with your spouse, children, family, and even in the work place. I wish you a daily dose of reflection and gratitude!

   

Touched By An Angel

Last week I wished you a week to focus on what you needed to do to turn the negative in your life into something positive. How did that work for you? What strategies did you use? What actions did you take? The key take away for me was I needed to surround myself with positive whether it be people, music, what was on TV, and/or what I was reading. In addition, I had to get my mindset right. I found I was focusing on my negative interpretations of things going on rather than blocking out the negative and refocusing on my gratitude and the positive. That’s easier said than done, however, so next week’s blog will deal with more specifics.

I can’t dwell on my challenges as they seem so inconsequential to what others are facing. Our friends the Remingtons faced the death of their 23 year old daughter, Sammy, last Friday.

Jon and I first followed Barry, Sammy’s dad, when he played football at CU. Since that time, he married a beautiful woman, Brigitte, and they began to raise their family.In a wonderful video, Touched By an Angel - Samantha Remington, which you can find on YouTube, Sammy’s first 18 years are documented. The touching video shares the story of Sammy from her birth 23 years ago to her second heart transplant. As you watch and listen to Brigitte and Barry sharing their emotions about their first born child. They were told she had a “heart murmur,” was in the hospital for a month and then were told their baby girl needed a heart transplant. The video follows their journey, as parents, along with their daughter’s life journey. In the video, Sammy shared that “because of her parents she was able to live a normal life, she was happy, she was always smiling, and she felt her life was a gift.”

The video also allows us to listen to the other three Remington children explain their love for their older sister. “She was always watching out for the others and had such a loving spirit.” Once again, her smile was mentioned as something special. Sammy, herself, explains that she always was smiling.

In her junior year in high school, Sammy wasn’t feeling well and after taking a final exam she told her mom she thought they needed to go to the hospital as her heart was racing. That was then the turning point of needing her second heart transplant. Another match was found and after many months of recovery, Sammy was back on track to finish high school and go on to college.

Sammy and her family all exemplify the meaning of giving back and living life to its fullest despite all the challenges physically, emotionally, and financially. A foundation was established http://www.sammyangelheart.com/ to help not only Sammy but other transplant recipients.

The Samantha Remington Angel Heart Foundation has been established to provide help and support to Samantha and other transplant families with their medical debts and other counseling and support.  Organ transplantation is a very costly procedure with both before and after hospitalization, lifetime treatment and expensive medication. These costs can easily overwhelm even the most financially secure family.

The members of The Samantha Remington Angel Heart Foundation know and understand that Samantha will continue to deal with her ongoing health problems with the bravery and resiliency emblematic of her life.  Without the miracle of organ donation and the skill and dedication of doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals, no one would have ever known our beautiful Samantha.  This foundation is dedicated to assisting Sam and others like her fight the good fight.  All proceeds will go to payment of the medical expenses of these heroes.

If you go to the site today, you will read Brigitte and Barry’s emotional announcement of Sammy’s passing. What a horrible thing to lose your child, I can’t even imagine. However, what I also know about the Remington family, their friends, and other champions they surround themselves with, they will continue to make a difference in other’s lives in Sammy’s memory.

One thing we can all do is consider signing up to be an organ donor. If you are one already, congratulations! If not, you can learn more at http://organdonor.gov/index.html.  Sammy was able to live a life for 23 years because of people who made a commitment to be an organ donor.

Thank you for reading this. I want to close with a quote Sammy’s sister, Carly, wrote on Facebook,

 “It is with a shattered heart that I say goodbye to my sister Sammy. She was the happiest warrior anyone could have met. Battling two heart transplants and countless illnesses Sammy always had a smile on. She was an angel on Earth, always worrying about other people before even thinking of herself. She was my older sister, best friend, protector, and now my guardian angel. I love you Sammy. ❣

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to the Remington family and those touched by the loss of this beautiful soul.

I wish you a week of reflection on your many blessings.