What does REAL mean to you?

Last week, I wished you a week of SMILING and continuing to do the little things. I will be the first to admit that in light of yet another unthinkable massacre smiling is difficult to do. It’s amazing how quickly our sense of security can be challenged especially if you watch or listen to the media. We can get caught up in listening to the latest reports which then our bodies and minds have a physical response of depression and sadness. Until we were away for three days spending time playing with our grandchildren and only watching sports neither one of us was aware of how much better and “lighter” we felt driving home than we did a few days earlier. There’s definitely a balance between being aware and informed and being consumed. I would offer the suggestion to pay attention to the amount of time you are investing into listening and watching the news.

I keep coming back to the thought that although it may appear that life is unraveling right before our eyes, I am still the Polly Anna that believes we can make a difference in our own lives each and every day. So yes, smiling is important and yes, continuing to do the little things is important.

How many of you have ever read The Velveteen Rabbit by Margaret Williams and if so how long has it been since you read the book? I recently came across it in my special selections for the grand kids, so I decided to reread it. I must admit that I’m not always very good at pulling out all the messages the author wants the reader to interpret but the essence here is the pursuit of becoming real.  My first question then is, “So what exactly does real mean?”

The book The Velveteen Principles, A Guide to Becoming Real by Toni Raiten-D’Antonio suggests that real is kindness, empathy, and individuality. “Sadly, most of us lose touch with this spirit as we move through life and come under the influence of the Object culture. Society’s one-size-fits-all recipe for success is what disconnects us from what is Real.” I would suggest that each of us is on some kind of journey to find our true self and to be able to live the life we were meant to live. Isn’t that being real? The key word for me in the description above is the word individuality.

In a conversation with Amanda this weekend, she made the comment that she has never felt normal. Hmm…what does THAT mean? To me, normal means average, and I definitely DO NOT want to be average. Does not feeling normal mean we don’t fit in with others, we don’t follow the general consensus of what is “cool,” and/or we don’t abide by the practices of the majority? We all have our own perceptions of what we “should” do and what others think we should do. But what do our actions reflect? Do we value others and their thinking more than what we value as our own reality our own realness?

“We can make progress toward a more fulfilling life if we adopt a realistic point of view. In the way most people use that term, being realistic means ­settling for what you can get. But in Toni’s view, we are realistic when we honor our special abilities, interests and dreams. These all come from our deep Real selves.” That’s the definition I relate to for this blog.

In the process of our life’s journey, I would venture to guess that each and every one of us has gone through a period of time and may still be going through, that discovery of what being real means to each of us as an individual. The expectations we think others have of us, the “looking the part” of normalcy is a constant challenge, and the “I should…” mantra in our head clouds our true search. We don’t want people to think we aren’t under control of ourselves, our children, our family, our work etc. etc. all the time. Heaven forbid, that we have a dysfunctional marriage, or a special needs child that acts out, or a family member that has some type of addition problem, or that we are struggling with our finances and can barely afford to pay the mortgage let alone buy presents for everyone during this holiday season.

I believe a real life is possible for each one of us, however, we must be willing to face the fact that what is normal or real to us may or may not be normal or real to the next person and that’s ok. I would also suggest that each and every one of us is dealing with some kind of a struggle though we may “look” like nothing is wrong. We have to individually decide our own truth, our own reality. To be able to walk that truth and speak that truth is a freeing experience. When we are able to do that it takes us further down the path to discovering our own realness.

Before I go any further, I find myself fluctuating back and forth with some of my words because of all the craziness and extremism in this world today. I recognize there are those extremists. However, that is NOT my audience. I hope that in these blogs you are aware that my goal is to make each and every one of us the Best that we can be as a person on this earth.

Through examining our own beliefs, our own value, our own uniqueness, our own essence then I believe we all find our own definition to what is real for us individually. I wish you freedom to celebrate your virtues, your individuality, and what you have already brought to yourself, your family, and the people who mean the most to you.

For those around you who are judgmental, naysayers etc. all you need is a broken record response…”That’s what you think/feel, however, I don’t think/feel the same way.” This broken record response allows you to not get into arguments, and you don’t need to have any type of conversation trying to convince someone that you’re right. The people who truly know your spirit and your value will support you.

During this holiday season, I wish you gratitude for all you have learned about yourself to this point and gratitude for all that you know you can become each and every day.

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” (unknown author)

Here’s to a week of learning more about your own truth, learning who is the real YOU.