Wishing You a Blessed Christmas

Last week I wished for you a quiet reflection time of all that you’re grateful for before the holiday.  I hope you made a conscious effort to, first and foremost, take the time to be present and enjoy your spouse, significant other, your children, and friends.  As I talked about last week, it's so easy to get caught up with the "hoop la" and forget what this season is really all about whether you celebrate Hanukkah or Christmas.  We could focus on all the tragedies in our world today, or we can focus on what we do have control over and that's only ourselves.  What can I do each and every day to make a difference in my own life and to make a difference in others' lives? After all, it is a mindset.

Christmas is only a few days away now. Unfortunately, it seems we hear about so many more issues of domestic violence, assaults, suicides, drunk-driving etc. taking place during this time of year. Why is that?  Yes, there are people who aren't happy, are taking out their feelings of frustration and inadequacy on family members or on themselves. This time of year seems to exacerbate those stressors and challenges.  I would speculate that finances trigger many of these feelings both now and again when it comes time to pay off all the credit card bills.  

But what else?  Is it the reflection over the past year, and the realization that once again another year has passed and nothing is really any different?  Is it a focus on all the things that didn't happen and a poor pitiful me attitude?  Is it “looking around” comparing yourself to others that seem to “have it all together?”  In your mind, they don't seem to have any of the struggles that you have.  Or is it something else?  Does any of this ring true for you?  

I would suggest a couple ideas to think about.  One is that EVERYONE has struggles and challenges of some kind.  EVERYONE is dealing with some challenge whether it be physical, emotional, financial, with their relationships, or spiritual.  Even those that look like they have THE perfect life have some kind of struggle, but we each deal with those challenges and struggles in our own personal way.  The choice might be to ignore, or deny, or we choose not to focus on the challenge itself but the lessons being learned along the way.  Some “suffer” in silence while others “wear their struggle on their sleeve” and let everyone around them know they're suffering.  A second thought is if the same feelings are constantly reoccurring then why haven’t you done anything about them?  Is it easier to wallow in misery and discomfort blaming everyone but yourself, than it is to take action and make changes? 

Make this holiday season different than ever before.  Give gifts from your heart that you can afford, make a conscious effort to let go of a nit picking, exasperated mindset when with a difficult relative even if it’s your own spouse, parent, in-law, or sibling.  Let go of the judgment, criticism, and perfect expectations.   Come away, this season, with a feeling of resolve.  Maybe it’s watching the behavior of someone else and making the commitment  to never be that way yourself, maybe it’s looking at being grateful for whatever little things you can find, maybe it’s realizing that if you can be loving and compassionate, you get far more of the same in return.  Maybe the difference is to let go of that perfect Christmas card picture, sit back, and just enjoy.

We will be spending Christmas with our daughter and her family, and New Years with our son and his family.   I plan to take in each moment fully.

I wish for you a special holiday time that includes: reflection, quiet moments, and gratitude.

Holiday Time

Hanukkah has ended and Christmas is 10 days away.  There’s a flurry of parties, shopping, meal planning, travel plans, cards to send, baking to do, and the list goes on and on.  However, what does that list look like for our military families who will be without a loved one?  What does that list look like for a family barely getting by or someone who has recently lost a loved one?  There are so many different scenarios that get lost in that flurry, yet even when things are going well, what are our expectations for this holiday time?

Are you someone that needs to have everything perfect?  Maybe you feel all family members need to be present or it isn't a complete celebration.  Do you get stressed out with all that’s on your “to do” list, or maybe you’re already anticipating difficulty with a particular family member or members? With married children, you may need to “share” time with the in-laws or take turns with the various holidays.  That becomes another challenge when grandchildren are involved.  Any of this ringing true for you?  We all have our own ways to deal with the holidays and the various circumstances we face.  So what do we do?

The perfect scenario actually seems to only exist in one place:  a picture on a greeting card.  According to Dr. Phil, “In the real world, with our fast-paced lives, the holidays usually mean stress.  We’re scrambling to make that shopping list, fretting about our budget,” spending time with family members who are negative and always complaining.  “During the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, we pile expectations on ourselves and everyone around us.”  And because we’re feeling overwhelmed with all the things that “must get done" on that seemingly endless list,” we end up taking out our stress on those we love the most – our spouse, our small children, our adult children, parents, co-workers, clients etc. etc.  And we justify our behavior, to ourselves, because we’re trying to make this whole “holiday event” special for everyone.  Sounding a little contradictory?

“You can’t have a holiday with meaning until you decide what means the most to you, so ask yourself where your true priorities lie.  If you value time with your small children, or your kids who will be home from college, or your parents will be with you etc. why add more to your list?  If you want to enjoy your day off, don’t sign up for a shift as a cook and maid; make a reservation at an affordable restaurant instead.”  Maybe by taking a couple things off your list, you will actually decrease your stress level.  Maybe you want to focus on gratitude; if so, you might step out of the commercial frenzy by feeding homeless families at a community center.”  If your actions reflect what means the most to you then you’re “walking your talk.” 

After the holidays are over, are you looking back on the events with a smile?  Or are you slumped on the couch, exhausted, and just glad it’s all over?  You will be the one to determine that final feeling. “It doesn't matter if you've celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you and throw traditions that aren't working for you out the door,” according to Dr. Phil.

“Making the Holidays More Enjoyable” according to Dr. Phil:  (1)The first question he asks is whether or not the expectations we have are realistic.  People have a tendency to get upset with not what actually happens but that the expectations weren’t met.  So, are the expectations realistic?  Is this new or does the same stress and discomfort happen year after year?  You may need to re-examine your expectations and check to see they match your priorities.  (2) He also suggests lightening up and go with the flow.  Take a step back and relax.  (3) Remember that Christmas, or any holiday, is NOT the time for a problem-solving session.  Deal with family issues at another time. (Commit to making 2016 the year to get closure on unresolved issues with family.)  (4) Limit the time you spend with family.  It may be special for everyone to be together, but there’s no need to overdo it.  (Getting back to family routines is important for everyone especially our little ones.)  (5) If a meal is stressful, try making changes.  Simplify the menu, or serve buffet style, or make it a potluck.  (6)Give yourself permission to let go of the things that in the big picture don’t really matter and people won’t even remember.  That may mean all the vacuuming isn’t done, the piles are still there (hide the stuff) etc.  Would your children rather have your attention or see you focusing more on those other things?  If they’re old enough, let them be a part of the preparations –who cares if it isn’t just perfect or that you could do it much faster without their “help.”  It’s the time together that’s important.  (That is obviously one of my priorities – time together.)  (7) If the holidays make you feel empty and/or alone, give to others.  The best way to get is to give – even if you’re not feeling empty and alone.  

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve celebrated the same way forever.  This year you can create the experience you want that meshes with your priorities surrounding this time of year.  You just have to quit letting guilt control you or allowing others’ expectations control your actions.  Throw out, keep, or change traditions that either are or are not working for you.  Remember what the holidays are really about.  Family togetherness, spiritual enlightenment and camaraderie with friends are far more important than the details that we often focus on. 

I wish for you a quiet reflection time of all that you’re grateful for.  Here’s to this time, before the holiday, being days of less stress and more memory creating!  It’s in your control and it is a mindset.

What does REAL mean to you?

Last week, I wished you a week of SMILING and continuing to do the little things. I will be the first to admit that in light of yet another unthinkable massacre smiling is difficult to do. It’s amazing how quickly our sense of security can be challenged especially if you watch or listen to the media. We can get caught up in listening to the latest reports which then our bodies and minds have a physical response of depression and sadness. Until we were away for three days spending time playing with our grandchildren and only watching sports neither one of us was aware of how much better and “lighter” we felt driving home than we did a few days earlier. There’s definitely a balance between being aware and informed and being consumed. I would offer the suggestion to pay attention to the amount of time you are investing into listening and watching the news.

I keep coming back to the thought that although it may appear that life is unraveling right before our eyes, I am still the Polly Anna that believes we can make a difference in our own lives each and every day. So yes, smiling is important and yes, continuing to do the little things is important.

How many of you have ever read The Velveteen Rabbit by Margaret Williams and if so how long has it been since you read the book? I recently came across it in my special selections for the grand kids, so I decided to reread it. I must admit that I’m not always very good at pulling out all the messages the author wants the reader to interpret but the essence here is the pursuit of becoming real.  My first question then is, “So what exactly does real mean?”

The book The Velveteen Principles, A Guide to Becoming Real by Toni Raiten-D’Antonio suggests that real is kindness, empathy, and individuality. “Sadly, most of us lose touch with this spirit as we move through life and come under the influence of the Object culture. Society’s one-size-fits-all recipe for success is what disconnects us from what is Real.” I would suggest that each of us is on some kind of journey to find our true self and to be able to live the life we were meant to live. Isn’t that being real? The key word for me in the description above is the word individuality.

In a conversation with Amanda this weekend, she made the comment that she has never felt normal. Hmm…what does THAT mean? To me, normal means average, and I definitely DO NOT want to be average. Does not feeling normal mean we don’t fit in with others, we don’t follow the general consensus of what is “cool,” and/or we don’t abide by the practices of the majority? We all have our own perceptions of what we “should” do and what others think we should do. But what do our actions reflect? Do we value others and their thinking more than what we value as our own reality our own realness?

“We can make progress toward a more fulfilling life if we adopt a realistic point of view. In the way most people use that term, being realistic means ­settling for what you can get. But in Toni’s view, we are realistic when we honor our special abilities, interests and dreams. These all come from our deep Real selves.” That’s the definition I relate to for this blog.

In the process of our life’s journey, I would venture to guess that each and every one of us has gone through a period of time and may still be going through, that discovery of what being real means to each of us as an individual. The expectations we think others have of us, the “looking the part” of normalcy is a constant challenge, and the “I should…” mantra in our head clouds our true search. We don’t want people to think we aren’t under control of ourselves, our children, our family, our work etc. etc. all the time. Heaven forbid, that we have a dysfunctional marriage, or a special needs child that acts out, or a family member that has some type of addition problem, or that we are struggling with our finances and can barely afford to pay the mortgage let alone buy presents for everyone during this holiday season.

I believe a real life is possible for each one of us, however, we must be willing to face the fact that what is normal or real to us may or may not be normal or real to the next person and that’s ok. I would also suggest that each and every one of us is dealing with some kind of a struggle though we may “look” like nothing is wrong. We have to individually decide our own truth, our own reality. To be able to walk that truth and speak that truth is a freeing experience. When we are able to do that it takes us further down the path to discovering our own realness.

Before I go any further, I find myself fluctuating back and forth with some of my words because of all the craziness and extremism in this world today. I recognize there are those extremists. However, that is NOT my audience. I hope that in these blogs you are aware that my goal is to make each and every one of us the Best that we can be as a person on this earth.

Through examining our own beliefs, our own value, our own uniqueness, our own essence then I believe we all find our own definition to what is real for us individually. I wish you freedom to celebrate your virtues, your individuality, and what you have already brought to yourself, your family, and the people who mean the most to you.

For those around you who are judgmental, naysayers etc. all you need is a broken record response…”That’s what you think/feel, however, I don’t think/feel the same way.” This broken record response allows you to not get into arguments, and you don’t need to have any type of conversation trying to convince someone that you’re right. The people who truly know your spirit and your value will support you.

During this holiday season, I wish you gratitude for all you have learned about yourself to this point and gratitude for all that you know you can become each and every day.

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” (unknown author)

Here’s to a week of learning more about your own truth, learning who is the real YOU.

The Science of a Smile

What little things were you able to do to make it a great day for someone else this past week? I hope you discovered that it doesn’t take a lot to make someone else feel valued and appreciated.

To continue with the message from last week, Daryl R. Van Tongeren, an assistant professor of psychology at Hope College, states that if we want to feel better about ourselves and have purpose in our lives, we must do something for someone else. Isn’t that what those little things do for others but also gives back to the giver? He also states, “When people do the right thing-taking the moral high ground-they enjoy lasting sense of purpose, so daily moral actions translate to a meaning-filled life.” This week I hope to continue the idea of the little things that make a huge difference. One of those little things that is so easy to do yet also easy not to do… is to smile.

In a conversation Jon had with a current assistant track coach at CU, he told the young man that he was essentially lazy.  If you know Jon at all, you also know that the word “lazy” is NOT anywhere in his vocabulary.  He went on to tell the coach that he learned, a long time ago, that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, so he chooses to smile.

Coincidentally, an article in Success magazine, December issue, is titled “The Science of a Smile.”  Shawn Anchor writes that if you change your face, you will change your outcome. “When people complain, their facial expressions become scrunched and anxious. When we feel threatened by a negative family member or co-worker our faces usually reflect exactly what we are trying to reject.” That’s an interesting statement and something to pay attention to not only in others but also in ourselves.

Shawn continues, “Want people around you to be more positive? Check YOUR face first. Emotions are highly contagious; they spread through our nonverbal cues. When we interact with people who are in a good mood we subconsciously begin to copy their body language, tone of voice and facial expressions. Once we mimic these physical behaviors, research shows we actually begin to feel the emotion ourselves. When we smile, our mood elevates. Scientists refer to this as the “facial feedback hypothesis.” “Something as simple as smiling could transform your life.”

A tweet from #TweetsWeLike says, “Remember YOU are amazing! Make sure to tell others they are amazing as well!” It’s all about the little things. Now add to that, it’s also about a smile. “10% of conflict is due to a difference of opinion, and 90% is due to delivery and tone of voice.” I would speculate that a smile rather than a frown might have a different outcome in many conflicts. 

As the article says, there’s science behind the reason why we do feel better when we smile, we do feel more energized when we’re around positive, upbeat people, and we do feel energized when we can do the little things that make a difference in someone else’s life. So here's to more energy and a positive mindset...SMILE and do the little things!

As Thanksgiving approaches followed by the holidays; shopping lists are long, holiday parties pile up on the calendar, school programs are scheduled, and the “to do” list seems endless. I would suggest to  take time TODAY and make a promise to yourself that when you’re in the long checkout line – SMILE at those around you – when you finally get to the checkout SMILE at the busy clerk and never leave without looking them in the eye and say thank you. When you find yourself being overwhelmed, decide what is really important. Yes, holidays can be stressful, but we’re the ones in control of that. What’s your mindset? Be attentive to the little things and always take the lazy way out - SMILE.

If you haven’t seen the commercial with the little boy sitting on a bus/train, he mimics the frowns and furrowed brows of those around him. Then he changes and has an ear to ear SMILE. What happens next? To a person, they turn their frown into a SMILE. It’s the little things in life. “Change your face, change your outcome!”

I wish you a week of SMILING and continuing to do the little things.

Thanksgiving Blessings

What is in your control TODAY, TOMORROW, and in the future to make a difference? That was my question to you last week.  What did you decide to take action on NOW?

As a reminder…Let’s NOT be guilty of doing kind things only over the holidays, or only for a short time. Let’s commit to KINDNESS without judgment and blame each and EVERY day. Let’s commit to this daily life mindset.  THEN we can truly make a change for generations to come.

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to respond to my blog last week, in particular. My life goal is for you to stop and think about YOUR life. I don’t pretend to have all the answers as I am finding my own truth along life’s journey as well. I hope to bring ideas to the forefront and let YOU decide what works and what doesn’t work for YOU. I hope for you to become consciously conscious of each decision whether it’s business or personal, each interaction, each relationship, each friendship, and each action that you take. I hope that in this journey you also learn to apologize for a fit of anger, you take responsibility for things you did that hurt someone else, that you leave behind blame and judgement, and that you learn to forgive yourself. My hope is also for those of you in your 20’s and 30’s to step up and commit to continuously learning and growing and for those of us in our 60’s and 70’s to not be stagnant and think we can’t continue to learn and grow and yes, even CHANGE.

As the holiday season winds up with Thanksgiving only two days away, let’s remember WHY we have this holiday in the first place. Originally, it was a day set aside to remember and give thanks to God for what He had done in protecting the first men and women who came to America, fleeing religious persecution in Europe. It was a type of harvest celebration like the one that the Jews celebrated; a day to give thanks for the crops they were able to harvest. In my opinion, this may be one day on the calendar; however, our gratitude needs to be on a daily basis.

Let’s step out of our usual routine and maybe even our comfort zone a little this year. The reality is there are many hungry children, many families needing help with food on a daily basis let alone a feast for Thanksgiving. Feeling guilty for what we do have isn’t a resourceful feeling nor does it do anything to make a difference. My challenge is to do something that WILL make a difference.

 

It’s the little things…As you go to the grocery store to get what you need for YOUR Thanksgiving dinner, why not add a Bag Hunger grocery bag for a family to also have something on their table. Contribute to your local food bank with time or money, serve at a church supper for the homeless, maybe it’s including a student who’s not able to get home for this holiday, a single person, an elderly neighbor, or a young family without relatives close by to join you and your family for dinner. Look around you. What ACTIONS can you take to make a difference in someone else’s life?

In the book, Power of Being Thankful, by Joyce Meyer, the entry for November 26^th is titled, “Changing the World Around You.” Very appropriate for these times, right?! “One of the best ways to get your mind off a problem or a troubling situation is to go help someone else. When you display love to others, it not only blesses you, but it changes the world around you. Those are two great reasons to start living in love.” Sometimes love is just being friendly and compassionate.

“We’ve tried selfishness, discouragement, blame, judgement, self-pity etc.. Those are all non-resourceful and definitely DO NOT work! We’ve seen the horrific catastrophe of the Russian plane being bombed, the Paris attacks, and even the daily shootings in our own cities. The world has seen the results of these situations.

There is a better way to live our lives than focusing on problems. Choose TODAY to be an agent of change in your part of this world.

I wish you a special day of gratitude and blessings this Thanksgiving season! I also wish my husband, Happy 39^th Anniversary, as it happens to be on Thanksgiving this year. YOU are MY blessing and someone I am eternally grateful for having in my life.

Pray for Paris

Earlier, I wrote my blog for today and had it ready to go out this morning. However, in between that time, we were all confronted with the terrible tragedy in Paris. Therefore, this week I have written from my heart and how I’m feeling about the horrific attacks in Paris.

I will tell you, ahead of time, that my thoughts are my thoughts. They may offend some of you, however, hopefully what will happen is for you to look deep into your heart and see what it is that you believe and if your actions are reflecting your beliefs. If they are beliefs of hate, focusing on differences etc., I would encourage you to rethink those beliefs as they are NOT making a positive difference in the people around you or on this world in general. If they are beliefs of acceptance of all differences without judgment and your actions are actions of kindness, than I celebrate you and encourage you to continue.

Let me also say before continuing, that I have often times been accused of being a Pollyanna, a “goody two shoes,” and “Miss Positive.” I’m no longer going to be apologetic for being this way. But what I will be adamant about is that my positive approach DOES NOT mean I don’t have negative thoughts, it DOES NOT mean I don’t have fears, and it DOES NOT mean I ignore hatred and lack of respect for all lives. However, I CHOOSE to NOT be a part of it. I CHOOSE to make a positive difference in the lives of my spouse, my children, my grandchildren, my friends, my coworkers, and those I meet going through my daily routine.

My thoughts and my heart go out to all the people of Paris and around the world who had loved ones, friends, colleagues etc. massacred. My thoughts and heart go out to all the survivors who endured this horrific attack and are alive to see another day yet have stories and images which may never go away. This pain and grief is unimaginable to me. We are all in shock and disbelief. 

These were INNOCENT men, women, and children who were out on a Friday night planning to have an enjoyable dinner, celebrate a birthday, have a fun time dancing and listening to a concert etc. Instead they were gunned down without any regard to human life. And to realize this was PLANNED. It was calculated and PLANNED!

The world can be a scary place especially now. We all want to feel safe; however, tragedies like this make us question what we do and where we go. With further threats on Washington DC and the lack of morality or respect for life of any human being that doesn’t agree with the extremists, it is difficult to smile, it’s difficult not to only focus on the bad. I caught myself feeling anxious as we waited at the Denver airport on Friday getting ready to fly to St. Louis. Would WE be safe flying? Would WE encounter problems at the airport when we arrived?

It’s times like this that we realize how fragile life truly is. Despite the brief moments of anxiousness, I also felt a resolve NOT to be caught up in the negativity and the fear. That is not to say, I’m ignoring the reality that this is a grave time for the entire world. However, what I CHOOSE to focus on is that there is far more GOOD than bad. I CHOOSE to focus on tapping into the good and love that exists in all of us, and I choose to focus on DESTROYING this hate. I refuse to understand the belief system that killing is the way to their god. My God is a loving, compassionate God who embraces diversity.

I challenge all of us to find a way we can individually tap into the GOOD that is around us and NOT the fears. It starts with waking up each day giving thanks that we have another day on this earth, that may mean telling those we love that they are loved and important in our lives, that may mean not getting caught up in the trivia such as what cups Starbucks is using to serve their coffee, that may mean rather than listening to 8 hours of CNN, Fox etc which can only leave us with a negative, depressed mood, but rather hear enough to get information and then turn around and do something POSITIVE to counteract all this fear and violence.

Right now as you are reading this decide what YOU can control. There are those living in hate because of what happened generations ago but it’s not their personal reality, there are people who are pointing the finger blaming others. I would say that’s all #$#. Let’s STOP the blame, let’s STOP the finger pointing, let’s take ACTION that will change not only our own life but the lives of those around us. We CAN make a difference in our own little part of this world. 

Be KIND because none of us know what struggles others are living with in their lives. They may have a relationship with someone in Paris who was killed, is a survivor, or who lives in Paris. They may be living in a home of domestic abuse, alcoholism, other addictions, or they are homeless. That person you are rude to today or that person you cut off in traffic because they’re going too slow may be someone dealing with a life threatening illness, or they just lost their job right before the holidays. That person may be struggling with an autistic child or a failing marriage. YOU NEVER KNOW SOMEONE ELSE’S STRUGGLE.  

Life is fragile. It’s a gift as are ALL the people around you. There were people in the midst of the massacre who opened their homes to the wounded; a man took action to help the pregnant woman dangling from the window bringing her to safety, others took off their shirts to stop the bleeding of a stranger etc. etc etc. There are many more GOOD people in this world than bad. Did you also pay attention to the fact that after this horrific tragedy, there was NOT looting of the businesses in the streets of Paris, there were not fires intentionally set? There were instead flowers placed near the sites of the shootings and bombs, people were arm in arm singing songs of peace and the French anthem, there were signs of being strong.

What is in your control TODAY, TOMORROW, and in the future to make a difference? Let’s NOT be guilty of doing kind things only over the holidays, or only for a short time. Let’s commit to KINDNESS without judgment and blame EVERY day. Let’s commit to this daily life mindset.  THEN we can truly make a change for generations to come.

Good triumphs evil. Love conquers hate.

I wish you a week of reflection and ACTION.

It's the Little Things

Did you make time to reflect on Solomon’s words, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life?” In my time of reflection this past week, I am even more conscious of the “voices” in my head and how my heart “feels.” How much more powerful can we be as a human being if we can pay close attention to all our thoughts and feelings?

Sitting down and writing my thoughts for this week’s blog, I find my heart full and definitely reflecting back over the past four days. Tears of joy, pride, and love fill my eyes even now. Starting Wednesday, we picked up Jon’s sister, Lynn, at the airport and later that evening we had dinner with Lynn as well as Penny and Ray. The five of us don’t always get a chance to sit and talk, but we took advantage of this quiet time together. They were coming to help be a part of the celebration.

We had an incredible time continuing to welcome our family on Thursday all of whom came to help Jon celebrate. This was the night of the University of Colorado Athletics Hall of Fame induction ceremony, and Jon was one of 11 inductees. Jason, his wife, Michelle, and 3 year old Teagan flew in from St. Louis for just the Induction Ceremony. The three of them had an early Friday morning flight back since Jason had his football game on Saturday. Elsa drove the five and a half hours with her two children, and Garet flew in later in the afternoon as he had meetings in Oklahoma. My sister drove eight and a half hours with my mom from Wichita, and my brother, Jim, with his wife Becky also flew in for the celebration. Amanda, Rob, and our other two grandchildren came from Highlands Ranch as well as other relatives who live here in Colorado. We were surrounded by family – it’s the little things that made this weekend one to cherish.

Jon was inducted with 11 others making a total of 79 people who have been inducted into this Hall of Fame. All but three are either coaches or athletes. Fred Cassotti and Larry Zimmer are the only other two, besides Jon, who were administrators or media. The speech Jon gave centered on three themes that he tried to live by: one, he wouldn’t have had a job at all if it weren’t for the student athletes, two, he got paid to do what others paid to do, and three, surround yourself with good people. Since the call from Athletic Director Rick George several months ago telling him that he had been inducted into CU’s Hall of Fame, Jon has been humbled, amazed, and in awe of this great honor.

From the beginning of formulating his speech it was always about the people. Mark McIntosh in his weekly Pep Talk writing referenced Jon and his speech. “In the induction speech Jon thanked others and in the lofty moment of individual achievement, a man stayed focused on gratitude towards others.” Mark went on the say that we all should “never grow weary of doing good for others…it’s a powerful example to the truth that if we embrace such a philosophy, nobody reaps the harvest more than us.” AMEN!  To a person, Jon was told time and time again how powerful his message was and how heartfelt it was. They commented on how much they appreciated that he was always a man of integrity, honesty, and worked tirelessly behind the scenes himself for the betterment of the student athletes, coaches, and the entire athletic department. It’s the little things.

At the end of the speech, Jon asked anyone who had ever worked for or with him including part time and student employees to stand and be recognized. I can’t even describe the tears of pride I had as I looked around and saw so many familiar faces with SMILES on THEIR faces. It’s the little things.

In all my 40 years of knowing this man and 39 years of marriage, he has never wavered from who he is, what he believes in, and that he walks his talk. He has such a deep love of the Colorado Buffaloes that “bleeding black and gold” is not far from the truth. I remember Ceal Barry, women’s basketball coach for 20+ years and now administrator, saying numerous times, that she didn’t always like what Jon told her about budgets etc., but she knew he was always giving it to her straight. This past weekend, her reflections of her time working with Jon on the administrative side is how it was all about people. It was a close knit family environment. Though that word “family” is used quite often it was definitely a family. It’s the little things.

Jon was always an advocate for the staff that worked LONG hours behind the scenes, those that were on the front line selling tickets or answering the phone calls from disgruntled fans. During some of the darkest times for the department, Jon and his ticket/business office staff went around every Tuesday to other departments to cheer them up. He was also the guy on Friday home football games out with the crew putting up the gates. He felt that if he helped they wouldn’t have to stay quite as late. Jean Onaga, long time secretary in the football office, always remembers how it was Jon who got the secretaries on one away football game each year as a thank you for their work “behind the scenes.” It’s the little things.

Throughout the weekend, there were people coming up sharing stories of how Jon had helped them when they lost their tickets and needed a duplicate, they had stories of situations that happened years ago but were still in their memory. They remembered Jon as someone who took the time to help, or listen to a problem, someone who never needed the personal recognition, title, or attention. That was NOT who he was. So the fact that the induction speech was all about others is not out of character. It is who Jon is and his hope has always been that others will carry on the legacy of serving others, especially supporting those behind the scenes, for the betterment of all. It’s the little things.

I look at our children as young adults with their own careers, being a spouse and a parent, and building a strong foundation in all areas of their lives. Their words and their actions reflect the same mindset as their dad. It’s the little things that make a difference in the lives of the people around them, and now they are the ones showing others that it really is about the little things. They were a part of the athletic department from birth. They watched their dad on game days, at bowl games, tournaments, and in just the everyday running of the department. That legacy of serving others, remembering the ones that work tirelessly behind the scenes, and making a difference for the betterment of the whole is being carried on through our children.

It’s the little things.  Isn’t that what we remember most of all?  Isn’t it the kind word, the listening ear, the note of thanks and appreciation, the rolling up our sleeves and helping out when necessary, and having the focus on making a difference for someone else?  Isn’t it the attitude and mindset of Inclusive versus Exclusive? It’s NOT about power, control, and titles. It’s NOT about what am I going to get in return. It is truly about being a part of a team, a family, a community. It’s truly about doing the best we can do whether it be at our job, with our spouse, with our children/grandchildren, friends, neighbors, and those we meet.  It’s the little things.

As a last story of this weekend, a former track athlete and now track coach commented to Jon that he was always there with a smile and ready to help in whatever way he could. Jon’s response was he realized that he actually was lazy. (If you know Jon at all, you know that the word “lazy” isn’t in his vocabulary.) And then, with a smile, he told the young man that he had learned a long time ago that it took more muscles to frown than it did to smile so he decided it was better to smile.  It’s the little things.

After all the activities of the weekend have ended and people have gone home, Jon has continued to remain humble, honored, and in awe of this prestigious award. What he continuously shares with me is that he never saw himself the way people see him. He never thought his speech would touch so many. He never knew that some of the little things he had done along the way, things he did naturally, had meant so much to people.

  

Here’s to a week of reflection on what little things we can each do to make it a great day for someone else.

I would carry this one step further and have you begin to think about the holidays. What are the little things that will leave lasting memories? No one will remember a year from now whether the turkey was dry or the number of gifts they received. I would suggest, however, that a special, meaningful note, or a heartfelt thank you will be tucked away to be reread many times, or the gift with special significance will have a special “home.”

As always, I look forward to reading your thoughts and comments.

Guard Your Heart

What self-education did you commit to last week?  Are you listening to educational CD’s in your car? Have your purchased the book The Twelve Pillars or something else to begin reading?  What was your action plan?

A follow up to The Twelve Pillars is the book Above All Else by Chris Widener. After learning the twelve pillars and taking action, the main character, Michael, is now 72 years old as this book begins. Once again in an easy to read story format, Michael shares with his 18 year old grandson, who is working on his senior project, his life story.  In this story are life lessons for Josh, the grandson, and for ALL of us. Some of you are still learning and acting on the twelve pillars.  FANTASTIC! Some of you are now ready to take it to another level. That is where you’ll find, in my humble opinion, the book Above All Else to be the catalyst that you need.

“The single most important lesson for achieving, sustaining, and enjoying success comes from the richest man to ever live. His name is Solomon. The story goes that God gave him the choice of wealth or wisdom, and he chose wisdom.  Because of that choice, God gave him both.”  As the book goes on, Mathew shared that "when he read what Solomon said it was the most important aspect of success for him. He decided that he would live his life based on that principle.” 

What is that principle?  Solomon said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” I want to focus on this life principle in today’s blog.

If you’re like me, my first thought is what does that really mean? “Philosophers and theologians have talked and written for millennium about what the heart is. Not only do they refer to the physical heart, but they also talk about the inner part of us that controls who we are.” Once again, I ask, “What does that really mean?” Here’s an analogy that helped me, “The brain is the physical part, but the mind is the nonphysical part that exists and drives us. The physical heart sits at the core of our body, but then you have your heart, which, though not physical, is at the core of who we are and what we do.” That helped this concept begin to make sense to me and easier to wrap my head around Solomon’s advice.

I enjoy reading the explanation the grandfather is giving his grandson because it’s in simple, layman’s terms that I can understand and also relate to on many levels. “The mind, the will, the emotions, the soul, the heart are all wrapped up into one.”  I can agree with that.  It’s the “me” that isn’t physical. Ah, finally I’m wrapping all my questions and thoughts into a little neater package. It is our morals and values, our ethics.  It is our courage, our fear, it’s the spiritual part of who we are. It’s the intangibles, the internal force that drives each of us.

Re-reading this book, for at least the third time, it has also comes at a good time as some of my internal dialogue has been examining my own values and what does actually drive my thinking and actions. And before we get too far into this, I must remind you as the reader and myself most of all, that this is a journey. What I’m learning and doing at 63 is very different than when I was 35.  Do I wish I had had this information earlier? Of course. But the good news is I have had people come into my life as mentors, I’ve read books that I hadn’t read earlier, and now I have an even better understanding and appreciation for the importance of self-education/personal development.  It’s critical to ALL learning and moving ahead in any area of our lives. 

When I was in my 20’s and 30’s, my reading choices were primarily focused on my teaching.  Books I read were how to fine tune my craft, or I was reading the books I had my fifth graders read.  All the reading was great learning for me as a teacher and also great literature with life lessons for my 10-11 year olds. What I didn’t do then, however, was apply things to my personal life. Yes, I wish I had been open to another level of learning earlier, but the good news is I was eventually open. That openness and learning on a personal level has changed my life in all areas.  For those of you reading this; no matter what age, my hope for you is that YOU will make a decision NOW to follow Solomon’s wisdom, “Above all else, guard your heart as it’s the wellspring of life.” Maybe you’ve come to the realization that you have already been following this concept most or all of your life, you just didn’t have a term for it. If that’s the case, I congratulate you and urge you to pass this along to your children, grandchildren, and others.

Two words of Solomon’s quote intrigue me.  The first is wellspring. “Your heart is the wellspring of life.”  According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition, a wellspring is a source of continual supply. If we all have a wellspring then aren’t we the ones that determine if that well is dry or full? I would suggest then that our focus to be learning and growing each and every day in order to be the best we can be is what fills our wellspring. If we think we don’t have time, we already know how to do something, we’ve been doing something for all these years and it worked 10 years ago, we’re complacent with our life, we’re willing to accept we’re not in the kind of shape we should be for our age rather than change, we’re ignoring the health information about how sugar is harmful etc. etc. I believe those are the things that “dry up” our well. If the heart is the wellspring of life, how would you classify how full or how empty your wellspring is?

The second word that intrigues me is “guard” your heart. Guard my heart? That’s an interesting choice of words or is it? When I think about guarding something, I think about something that’s valuable and it could be stolen. Hmmm….Thinking along those lines, I realize there are all sorts of things that try to steal our hearts. As Chris Widener explains in the book, “The things that are at war against the proper care and feeding of our heart are the foes the enemies” then I believe there are lots of them.

In order to follow this line of thought, I’m looking at what my heart is focused on and are those things filling or emptying my wellspring? We’ve all heard/read about well-known news anchors, movie stars, and people of influence "falling apart." Why is that? I would venture to say that their success was bigger than their heart and it needed to be the other way around. What about the people around you?  Can you identify a boss, co-worker, friend, family member etc. whose success has been bigger than their heart? Their title, their status, their lack of honor and credibility has led them to be disrespectful, their words and actions don't match, and they seem to only be guided by what THEY want and what THEY think THEY can get out of a person, situation etc. Focusing only on personal power, control, and a lack of ethics are all "Foes to our heart."

If our heart, according to the words of Solomon, is at the core of who we are and what we do then it’s the foundation for our life.  It is our morals and values, our ethics.  It is our courage, our fear, it’s the spiritual part of who we are. Somewhere along the path our lives take us, we make choices. It’s not just the movie stars, politicians, CEO’s, business people, ministers who have fallen off because their foundation isn’t strong, it can happen to anyone. I would suggest that if you, me, or anyone is not paying attention to the “cultivation” of our hearts; we can fall off that path just like the others.  If, however, we’ve made mistakes along the way, we learn from them, and we realize that our foundation, the “wellspring of life,” has been compromised we can “go back” and rebuild.

So how do we foster our heart? One of the messages Mathew relays to his grandson is that we must “discipline our lives to make room for the heart to constantly grow.” What I have been writing about in most of my blogs, I now realize, comes down to taking the time to foster my heart. We all get caught up in our business, our job, and life in general which leads to a lack of attention to our heart, our soul. “Most of life just happens. But the good stuff doesn’t seem to just happen. You have to make it happen. You have to discipline yourself to make it happen.”

My challenge for you this week is to take time to be alone.  Yes, I said alone. That means no music, no social media, no cell phone, no distractions…totally alone. Be alone with your thoughts. We are surrounded by technology and many more distractions which tend to keep us outwardly focused rather than inwardly focused. ”When we take away all the chatter and distractions, we can finally actually connect with all that is inside of us.”

I wish you a week of reflection on Solomon’s words, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  As always, I enjoy hearing your thoughts and comments.

Successful People are Lifelong Learners

Last week I left you with these questions…Are YOU surrounding yourself with the best people for you as a person?  Are these people supportive and encouraging?  Are they pushing you to do better, to be better in all that you do? Are you determining which of the three categories you would classify these people: disassociation, limited association, or expanded association?  After looking at the people around you, what did you conclude?  How are you answering these questions?

I realize I have written about always learning and growing before.  That’s an underlying theme in all that I am and hope to be.  The world is constantly changing. New apps appear almost every day, new medical information or a re-evaluation of that information is reported in the news eg at what age should women begin getting a mammogram, even the food pyramid as we knew it 20 years ago has been re-evaluated. 

According to David Russell Schilling in an article for Industry Tap into news, “Buckminster Fuller created the “Knowledge Doubling Curve”; he noticed that until 1900 human knowledge doubled approximately every century. By the end of World War II knowledge was doubling every 25 years. Today things are not as simple as different types of knowledge have different rates of growth. For example, nanotechnology knowledge is doubling every two years and clinical knowledge every 18 months. But on average human knowledge is doubling every 13 months.  According to IBM, the build out of the “internet of things” will lead to the doubling of knowledge every 12 hours.

If nothing else, that rapid rate of information doubling makes a clear case to never just sit around. Yes, that does mean we also have to embrace change, change habits, and rather than complain about how everything is different and things use to be simpler etc. it’s time to move forward. After all, the past is the past.  The past has given us, in many cases, wonderful memories and stories for our children and grandchildren.  Rather than lamenting on the “way things used to be” I would encourage you to embrace what is happening now. 

Does that mean everything new is good. Of course not, but that was true for past information as well.  What I do encourage you to do is to learn what is the current research in medicine, learn the current best ways to keep your body and mind healthy etc. Then you can decide what part of that NEW information is what you can embrace and make a part of your life.  I, for one, cannot give up my enjoyment of eating red meat or drinking milk.  What I can do is reduce the number of times each week I eat red meat and balance that with more chicken and fish. 

Be sure to take into account YOUR particular body type, needs, and family history. The information about the timeline of starting mammograms is for a person without any family history.  However, there is also a lot of information about younger women getting breast cancer and 45 would be way too late. To me the “take away” is for women of ALL ages to do a monthly self-exam which should become a habit and routine early on. This also goes for men both young and old doing a monthly testicular self-exam. Both of these self-exams are critical and should be a part of the health classes in high school if they aren’t already.

Once again, in re-reading Jim Rohn and Chris Widener’s book The Twelve Pillars, one of those pillars is to be a lifelong learner.  “Formal education will make you a living.  Self-education will make you a fortune.” Whether you talk about success in terms of financial, spiritual, physical, emotional etc. “successful people are always lifelong learners. “Self-education is what you teach yourself. It’s what you learn along the way so that you are constantly improving and growing.” “Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning are where the miracle process all begins...all that is self-education.”

I look around and see the people I enjoy having conversations with as they are the ones who are always looking to learn more and will often times share those thoughts in our conversations.  They are ready to share ideas; however, they share these ideas as a conversation starter or to have a deeper level in that conversation. They are the ones who are open to differences of opinions without the intent to “throw up on others” as to the “right way” to do something or the “right way” way to view spirituality etc.etc.

On many past CU football games, my brother-in-law, Ray, and I would have some of the most interesting conversations with the focus to learn, grow, and question. Yes, we also watched the game, but leaving the stadium I always felt that I had learned something, or had another perspective to think about, and I felt a stronger connection with Ray.  He is a blessing in my life.  Ray is the ultimate questioner, listener, and is there to add his own opinions in a non-adversarial manner. For that, I am grateful.

According to Jim and Chris in their book, “There are a few mainstays to learning that anyone can use to improve their lives. The first is to read books. In this day and age, it may also be a book on tape as you’re driving to and from work. For those of you who already are saying things like, “I’m not a reader” or “I don’t have time to read,” GET OVER IT!  EVERYONE can find 10 minutes to read a few pages each day or listen to 10 minutes of a CD. It’s either a priority to learn and be the best you that you can be or it’s not. “Books have been, are, and will continue to be one of the greatest learning tools in human history. It isn’t what the book, CD costs. It’s what it will cost you if you DON”T read it.”

The second is to learn from successful people by observation. Who are those people you admire in your work and in all areas of your life? They may be a colleague, a boss, someone in a class that you’ve met and admire, or it may be someone who you have heard at a convention. It may be a trainer, a spiritual leader, a friend you admire as a parent, someone who has the kind of marriage you want to have etc. Watch how these people handle the day to day “issues” that come up, how do they handle conflicts, how do they treat people both publicly and in meetings or small groups, and watch how they walk their talk. These should be people who are already proven role models of what works. Listen and observe those people!

The third is to constantly reflect on your own experiences and learn what went right, what went wrong or at least what you would do differently the next time.” That also means there must be time, set aside, to actually reflect.  It will definitely save you time in the long run. The sooner you have that reflection time after a particular game, a sports season, after a class, after a seminar, after hearing a CD or reading a book the better, and the more impact it will have on your personal growth.

In addition, I would add to these mainstays with actions such as: attend a national conference, take a class on line, or even attend a workshop in person. There you will learn about the new information, the new ways people are approaching saving money, running a particular offense/defense, ways the banking industry has had to change their practices, the current fitness information, the best leadership practices as explained by current leaders and successful people in any industry. The motivational speeches, the keynote speeches, the small group sessions are all led by people who are successful in their field, who have the experience, but who also have the history of where things use to be and where they are now for comparison purposes.

All of these ways of learning will either add to your life’s journey or there is a “cost” if you don’t. “Reading is one of the most powerful ways to open yourself to vast new worlds. You open yourself to new ideas, new ideas are the seeds that grow in your heart and mind, and when applied, become your achievements and successes.” The key question is, “How will you ever grow and expand if you aren’t consistently and proactively pursuing knowledge and ideas that will move your life forward?”

Maybe you find yourself doing all the above in one area of your life. Maybe you have a “do whatever it takes” to learn and grow in your work. You will read anything that applies to your work; you make an effort to attend conferences, classes, you sign up for events where there are successful speakers in your line of work etc.  BUT are you as focused on doing those same things in your personal health and wellness? What about in your spiritual life? What about in your personal relationship with your spouse, children, grandchildren?  I would encourage you to add one more area of your life that you are not currently focusing on and apply some of the above mainstays.

If you really want to make a “deposit” into your “bank” of life skills, growth, and personal development in your job, at home, and in all areas of your life, I challenge you to read the book The Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener.  It’s only 103 pages, an easy read as it’s in a story format, and you will come away with an invigorated way to look at your life. If it’s a book you’ve already read, FANTASTIC, now read it again.  Here’s the Amazon link to make it that much easier to take action:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=The+Twelve+Pillars

Here’s to a week of self-education.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and your journey of learning, growing, and being the best YOU that YOU can be.