Happy Father's Day!!

Celebrating the dads in our lives is officially designated as the third Sunday in June.  As I think about my own dad, it’s apparent that the role of dad has evolved taking on many different “looks” today versus when I was growing up.  My personal experience at age 62 and the oldest of four siblings, was different than my youngest sister who was nine years younger.  My dad was at the beginning of his career as a lawyer and trying to establish himself.  In the 50’s, there were the stereotypical roles of dad as the “bread winner” and mom as the stay-at-home mom.  The regular family hour TV shows were ones like: Father Knows Best, Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriet, etc.  First of all, every show was with married couples, all white ethnicity, dad was the one who went off to work in the morning, he was the disciplinarian, mom cleaned in a dress and heels, and cooked meals which were always ready when Dad got home. My family was fairly typical although my mom didn’t wear the dress and heels.  J As a female growing up in that generation, the message was that the men took care of the women especially when it came to cars and finances. It was subtle yet definitely there and made life “interesting” when it came to being on my own. I knew my dad loved me more through his actions as he was not one to openly show his feelings.  Being more demonstrative with his feelings came in his later years which, I think, was typical of many fathers in that era.

The Today Show had a powerful two week series about dads.  Dads who were single parents, stay-at-home dads, the “traditional” dad who works a regular job, a dad who had recently lost his spouse and mother of their children now filling both roles, dads who themselves didn’t know their father or dads who lived with a father who had an addiction and dads from all ethnic backgrounds.  We often talk about the mothers who are single moms, stay-at-home moms, etc. etc., but how often do we think about those same situations with our dads?  A recurring complaint from the dads interviewed as well as the male anchors on the Today Show, was when they’re with their children, they’re asked if they’re babysitting.  Really?  What is the message about the role we think our dads play in the lives of our children?  There continue to be, in my opinion, mixed messages about the role of our dads and the impact they have in our children’s lives.

In 1980, Jon became a dad for the first time and then again in 1982.  At the ages of 35 and 38, he was in a different place in his career and in his life.  One thing was definitely true…he was not comfortable with babies and forget if changing diapers was involved.  The first time I left the house for a short time and he was taking care of Jason, I came home only to find that Jason looked like he’d been tarred and feathered.  Baby powder was poofing out of his diaper, and with further investigation, he was lathered in A&D ointment. When the truth came out, Jon had called a friend over to change the diaper!!  Yes, really!  But once those little ones start to move around more, smile, and are developing a personality, Jon is now in his comfort zone.  He has been an incredibly supportive, encouraging, teaching, sharing, and involved type of dad.  He coached baseball and basketball, sheered sheep, clipped cows, hauled animals to fairs, went to every possible event possible, was there for parent-teacher conferences, and was home for dinner.  The kids were a top priority.  He always said we only had them for 18 years and that that time would fly by - as it did.  What’s interesting, yet not surprising, is our “kids” continue to call their dad for advice, suggestions, feedback, and just to share what’s happening in their lives.  Now with grandchildren, being involved in their lives is a key priority as a grandparent.

Overall, dads today are much more involved in raising their children.  I’m impressed with what I see in my son and son-in-laws.  They are all “hands-on” dads and yes, change diapers, give a bottle, give baths, and are active in most aspects of their kids’ lives  These dads seem to be much more verbal and expressive with their emotions compared to previous generations.   I hear them saying, “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” on a regular basis. 

The men in our lives all have one thing in common no matter what generation.  They have all loved their children unconditionally and have made a difference in their children’s lives.  Thank you to my dad who is watching from above, my wonderful husband and father of our children, and to my son and son-in-laws.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!  

Click on the link below for a special tribute to dad!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALrJ17qKpHg

Congratulations, Graduates and Parents!

CONGRATULATIONS to all the recent graduates whether it be from high school or college.  It’s an exciting time with many new doors and opportunities waiting.  High school to college is a huge step as our children prepare to leave home and be “on their own.”  It’s not only a huge step for the graduate but a huge step for the parents!  Everyone’s “role” is about to change.

I remember a friend of mine telling me that the summer before that freshman year in college was a “friends frenzy” time.  There was an intensity to see everyone and do everything because everyone was going off in many different directions, and they may never see so and so again.  That translated into not being home a lot.   It was also a time where these new graduates don’t really fit anywhere.  They’re done with high school, and they already think they’re in college, but they’re not.  That translates into thinking they should have the same freedoms of college. 

As parents, it was an “interesting” time for us especially when it came to curfews and meals.  Throughout high school, our children would let us know when they expected to be home, if it wasn't realistic we discussed it, and we also needed to know where they were going to be.  Somehow, they thought it was all suppose to change now that they were “in college” – NOT.  Time coming home still needed to be negotiated, if not followed then, yes, there were consequences, and we still needed to know where they were planning to be.  In fact, that’s always been a consideration around our house even to this day.  We emphasized that it’s not only respectful but also a safe practice to let people know where you’re going and when you’ll be home whether it’s your roommate, a parent, or a spouse.  If one of us is going to be gone when the other returns, even after 37 years of marriage, we leave the other person a note.  It’s called being respectful, in my mind.   Another issue which had to be “ironed out” was letting Mom know meal plans.  Clarification was initially needed as letting me know five minutes before dinner was not my idea of “ahead of time” nor was it ok.  Since I cooked different amounts depending on the number of people, I needed to know by 2:00 if they weren't going to be home for dinner.  If I wasn't told ahead of time, they ate with us, and then went out with their friends.  Of course, it was always ok if a bunch ended up here for dinner, and I always seemed to have enough food.  J

I think the key word for us as parents is transition.  How flexible are we when it comes to honoring our children as they grow up, move on to college, and then as young adults?  I remember being sad when our first child went off to college as the realization that life as the family I knew for 18 years was never going to be the same.  The next transition was the first time home on a college break.  For us, we knew they were use to their own time schedule and not having any curfews. So we let them know there was no curfew, but it was still an expectation about letting us know when they thought they’d be home and at least an idea of where they might be.  I remember Jason saying that I didn't know when he got home when he was in college, so why did it matter?  My answer…because I’m a mother, you’re back under my roof, and consequently I worry until you’re home.  J  By the way, the same respect for letting me know, ahead of time, their dinner plans was still in place.   

Four years of college flew by, and we now had our first college graduate.  This time it was a different transition for all of us.  I remember a dinner we had with 6-8 young adults, all CU athletes,  that lasted for several hours.  All of them had been in the school mode:  sign up for classes in the spring and that determined the fall class schedule.  Now their fall schedule was “yet to be determined.”  They were also use to a summer filled with working out, “optional” scrimmages, running stairs, or whatever was “suggested” by the coaching staff to stay in shape.   Other than Tyler who was going pro in football, working out and the summer was now looking very different.  To a person, each student athlete had many stories, memories, and experiences that will stay with them a lifetime.  There was a mood of nostalgia, uncertainty, but also an air of excitement as they sat around the table sharing.  For the first time, these young people were now in charge of what they would do next.  They were in charge of their schedule, they were in control of where they lived, what career they would pursue etc. etc.  There wasn't going to be a coach, a teacher, or a parent telling them what they could or could not do.  Jon and I felt privileged to sit back, watch, and hear all the thoughts and emotions from our son as well as the other young adults who were a part of our extended family during their time in college. Our role was now also changing. What would that “look like” for us?

Reflecting back on these transition times for our children and ourselves, it has all been a wonderful journey of learning and growing.  Life is all about changing, adjusting, and being present to enjoy each moment.  In a university commencement address several years ago, Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola had this to say:

“Don’t set your goals by what people deem important.  Only you know what is best for you.”

“Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.  By living your life one day at a time, you will live ALL the days of your life.”

“Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.”

“Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.”

“Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”

These are great words for all our graduates and for all of us as parents. 

CONGRATULATIONS!

BLESSINGS!