CONGRATULATIONS to
all the recent graduates whether it be from high school or college. It’s an exciting time with many new doors and
opportunities waiting. High school to
college is a huge step as our children prepare to leave home and be “on their
own.” It’s not only a huge step for the
graduate but a huge step for the parents!
Everyone’s “role” is about to change.
I remember a friend of mine telling me that the summer
before that freshman year in college was a “friends frenzy” time. There was an intensity to see everyone and do
everything because everyone was going off in many different directions, and
they may never see so and so again. That
translated into not being home a lot. It was also a time where these new graduates
don’t really fit anywhere. They’re done
with high school, and they already think they’re in college, but they’re
not. That translates into thinking they
should have the same freedoms of college.
As parents, it was an “interesting” time for us
especially when it came to curfews and meals.
Throughout high school, our children would let us know when they
expected to be home, if it wasn't realistic we discussed it, and we also needed
to know where they were going to be.
Somehow, they thought it was all suppose to change now that they were
“in college” – NOT. Time coming home still
needed to be negotiated, if not followed then, yes, there were consequences,
and we still needed to know where they were planning to be. In fact, that’s always been a consideration
around our house even to this day. We
emphasized that it’s not only respectful but also a safe practice to let people
know where you’re going and when you’ll be home whether it’s your roommate, a
parent, or a spouse. If one of us is
going to be gone when the other returns, even after 37 years of marriage, we
leave the other person a note. It’s
called being respectful, in my mind. Another issue which had to be “ironed out” was
letting Mom know meal plans.
Clarification was initially needed as letting me know five minutes before
dinner was not my idea of “ahead of time” nor was it ok. Since I cooked different amounts depending on
the number of people, I needed to know by 2:00 if they weren't going to be home
for dinner. If I wasn't told ahead of time,
they ate with us, and then went out with their friends. Of course, it was always ok if a bunch ended
up here for dinner, and I always seemed to have enough food. J
I think the key word for us as parents is
transition. How flexible are we when it comes
to honoring our children as they grow up, move on to college, and then as young
adults? I remember being sad when our
first child went off to college as the realization that life as the family I
knew for 18 years was never going to be the same. The next transition was the first time home on
a college break. For us, we knew they
were use to their own time schedule and not having any curfews. So we let them
know there was no curfew, but it was still an expectation about letting us know
when they thought they’d be home and at least an idea of where they might be. I remember Jason saying that I didn't know
when he got home when he was in college, so why did it matter? My answer…because I’m a mother, you’re back
under my roof, and consequently I worry until you’re home. J By the way, the same respect for letting me
know, ahead of time, their dinner plans was still in place.
Four years of college flew by, and we now had our first
college graduate. This time it was a
different transition for all of us. I
remember a dinner we had with 6-8 young adults, all CU athletes, that lasted for several hours. All of them had been in the school mode: sign up for classes in the spring and that
determined the fall class schedule. Now
their fall schedule was “yet to be determined.” They were also use to a summer filled
with working out, “optional” scrimmages, running stairs, or whatever was
“suggested” by the coaching staff to stay in shape. Other
than Tyler who was going pro in football, working out and the summer was now
looking very different. To a person,
each student athlete had many stories, memories, and experiences that will stay
with them a lifetime. There was a mood
of nostalgia, uncertainty, but also an air of excitement as they sat around the
table sharing. For the first time, these
young people were now in charge of what they would do next. They were in charge of their schedule, they were
in control of where they lived, what career they would pursue etc. etc. There wasn't going to be a coach, a teacher,
or a parent telling them what they could or could not do. Jon and I felt privileged to sit back, watch,
and hear all the thoughts and emotions from our son as well as the other young
adults who were a part of our extended family during their time in college. Our
role was now also changing. What would that “look like” for us?
Reflecting back on these transition times for our
children and ourselves, it has all been a wonderful journey of learning and
growing. Life is all about changing,
adjusting, and being present to enjoy each moment. In a university commencement address several
years ago, Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola had this to say:
“Don’t set your goals by what people deem
important. Only you know what is best
for you.”
“Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living
in the past or for the future. By living
your life one day at a time, you will live ALL the days of your life.”
“Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only
where you've been, but also where you are going.”
“Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to
feel appreciated.”
“Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each
step of the way.”
These
are great words for all our graduates and for all of us as parents.
CONGRATULATIONS!
BLESSINGS!
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