JUST FOR A MINUTE

I hope you took time over this holiday to pause and think about all the gifts we do have in this country. I was proud to see people wearing the red, white, and blue colors, people waving US flags, and chants of USA!

It’s been very interesting to me to listen to conversations where people are blaming and complaining about all that’s wrong with their job, their relationships, their grade in a class, their lack of money, etc. and it goes on and on. There seems to be a “poor pitiful me” mentality where everything that goes wrong with their life has to do with what others are doing to them. It’s about how unfair something is, it’s about all the things they felt they deserved because of their length of time in a job, or their age, or the fact they grew up in a difficult situation.

I don’t deny any of those reasons. We all tend to blame and complain about things that aren’t going the way we want them to go. Maybe that’s human nature, but it’s also, to me, the easy way out. My frustration comes with the same people who are always complaining and pointing fingers are the same ones unable to move forward with solutions. They are not willing to look inward and reflect on what they are in control of and how they can change things for the future.

I am of the mindset that each of us, individually, must look inward for why we are or are not moving forward in our relationships, in our careers, in our financial status, in the classroom, on the field if you’re an athlete, and in our mental happiness.

I recently read a Richard Branson article on happiness. I assume most of you have at least heard his name, but to make sure he is an English business magnate, investor, philanthropist, and a billionaire. What caught my attention was early on his statement that, “happiness isn’t something just afforded to a special few.” He continued by saying, “I know I’m fortunate to live an extraordinary life, and that most people would assume my business success, and the wealth that comes with it, have brought me happiness. In fact, it’s the reverse. I am successful, wealthy and connected because I’m happy.”

I know that may sound a little trite, however, if you read anything about this man you see that he’s always been a person of action, has had his own failures and road blocks, but continues to learn, grow, and move forward. Life was not easy in the beginning but you don’t read about him blaming, complaining, and defending his actions. He took responsibility, he admitted his mistakes, apologized when necessary, but the key ingredient was he was happy with who he was at that point in time in his life.

To me, the key was he was happy and that happiness was what controlled his behavior and his actions. The happiness was internal. How many people do you know who are always looking for that pot at the end of the rainbow and yet if they ever found that pot they would be complaining that there wasn’t much money there?

There are those people who are the ones who are negative, toxic, and constantly complaining. Their conversations are mainly about all the things wrong with their job, with their spouse, with their children, with their colleagues, teachers or coaches, with their team mates and the list goes on and on. What you don’t hear them saying is how they may have a part in the difficulty, let alone any solutions for things to change.

Branson continues with, “So many people get caught up in doing what they think will make them happy, but, in my opinion, this is where they fail. Happiness is NOT about doing, it’s about being.” It’s about thinking consciously about happiness. “Don’t forget the “to-do” list, but remember to write a to-be list too.”

When we’re young, we make plans on what we want to do when we grow up, we make plans to go to college or a tech school, get married, have children etc. all with the attitude that that is what happiness looks like. Notice, however, those things are all on the “to-do” list. Will we have happiness when we get that degree or find our soulmate or have our children? Yes, but that joy or happiness is usually temporary. Life sets in, conflicts happen, our dreams and goals are either being met or not happening at the speed we thought, or we lose our focus on what’s important.

In the article, Richard addressed the fact that all the “to-do” things on our list are only part of the happiness equation. The other, and arguably more important part, is the “to-be” list. “If you allow yourself to be in the moment, and appreciate the moment, happiness will follow.” It’s the things on the “to-be” list that brings lasting happiness. Allowing ourselves just “to-be” puts things in perspective. It’s that time just sitting, being still, being present.

Our lives are filled with homework, projects, spending time with friends, working out, errands, kids, kid activities, job demands, meetings, civic responsibilities, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn etc. etc. etc. That “to-do” list can be endless and yet in the end do we feel fulfilled? Personally, I may feel good that I got things checked off my list, but it’s not a lasting happiness. Not for me, anyway.

“STOP and breathe. Be healthy. Be around family and friends. Be there for someone, and let someone be there for you. JUST FOR A MINUTE.”

JUST FOR A MINUTE. It’s when we find our stress level rising, our patience non-existent, our gut churning, tears are close by, or even just when there’s a feeling of sadness for no reason, we should recognize that we need to STOP! JUST FOR A MINUTE and breathe. As Branson says, “it’s those moments that I stop and just be, rather than do, that have given me true happiness. Why? Because allowing yourself just to be, puts things into perspective. Try it. Be still. Be present.”

For me those quiet moments are when I’m sitting on the porch looking at the mountain sunrises or sunsets. It’s the quiet time watching all my grandchildren playing or holding this newest little baby as he begins to explore his world. It’s hearing my mom’s voice on the other end of the phone telling me about her day or exercising with Jon each morning. 

I remember sitting in the back of my classroom, JUST FOR A MINUTE, watching my fifth graders focus on a project and making new discoveries. I love the smell of the rain, fresh mowed grass, and the flowers from the garden. I love watching the first snow fall, then the budding trees as spring is coming.

“There’s a reason we’re called human beings and not human doings. We have the ability to think, move, communicate. We have the ability to cooperate, understand, feel empathy, reconcile, and to love.”

Let’s not waste our human talents by stressing over the little things or those things wecannot change. What if instead we took JUST A MINUTE to stop, breathe, and appreciate something. Even if it’s only one thing. I know when I allow myself that minute, and just sit, the stresses begin to dissolve or at least not have as much of a hold on me.

As Branson says, “happiness should not be a goal, it should be a habit. Be loving, be grateful, be helpful, and be a spectator of your own thoughts.” What’s interesting, I have found, the more I can focus on my gratitude/happiness, the more I will consciously STOP JUST FOR A MINUTE.

When things seem overwhelming, when the list is so long I don’t know how it’s all going to get done by the deadline, when toxic people seem to be surrounding me or their blocking actions seem too much, this is when the time to just BE makes a difference. When I allow myself that quiet time just “to-be” is when I gather an inner peace and strength, and then I can move forward with more energy and purpose.

Our “to-do” lists are important. Being prepared for a meeting, the next film session, the next loan committee, the next class, the next herd check, the next interview all feel good. We do get a feeling of happiness with many things on our “to do” list. That’s all good too. I would just encourage you to not forget that there’s more…

The best days teaching, for me, were the times a student needed to talk about people picking on him/her. It took away from grading papers, but really, what’s important? The times when a teammate called needing encouragement were priceless. Not on my “to do” list but friendship was on my “to be” list.

I wish you a week of taking JUST A MINUTE, take out a piece of paper, and list 10 things that are what bring you happiness. Be specific. Put that paper somewhere that you can pull it out to read again when you need a reminder of what your life’s journey is really all about.