Accepting and Loving Unconditionally

Before I begin this week’s blog, I want to express my sadness and prayers of strength to the wife, children, and family of Robin Williams.  There has been an outpouring of love and reflections of a talented man who gave so much to all those around him.  He was a champion for military personnel making numerous trips to the “front” in many of our wars, he had a personal relationship with Christopher Reeves, his family, and his foundation especially after his accident, he made his way to those in the audience to shake hands and make people laugh.  And then there was the Mork and Mindy TV series, to so many of his movies; all making us laugh, cry, feel light-hearted and reflect.  What a gift he had and yet he was also a man struggling with addictions and depression.  Can we learn from this?  He wasn’t in a wheel chair, he didn’t limp, he didn’t use a cane, there were no physical disabilities that the general public could see, however, he had his own struggles. Yet, I would venture to guess, his close family and friends loved and accepted him unconditionally.

Accepting and Loving Unconditionally.    First of all, let’s get a definition of the words conditional and unconditional.  Conditional is defined as, “made or allowed on certain terms, one or more requirements needed to be met on specific terms.” The definition of unconditional, on the other hand, is “not limited by conditions or limitations.”  It’s interesting to me to hear the nightly news of our global conflicts, read American history or any country’s history for that matter, even listening to communication around us at both work and at home.  Race, religion, sexual preference, abortion, marijuana (since I’m here in Colorado I had to mention that one), political preference, male – female, economic status, and the list goes on and on.  We have our own opinions and judgment.  The question I’m contemplating this week and beyond is, Can we, individually, start accepting (or loving) unconditionally rather than judging?  If we did that, what would our world look like?

I’ve written about judgment and acceptance before.  Yes, it’s two of those traits that bears repeating yet maybe in another way.  I could take the approach that there’s nothing I can do about many of the religious conflicts currently going on, the political issues with Russia and the Ukraine, etc.  However, I choose to do what is in my control.  After all, that’s all I can do anyway, right?!  We all have our own experiences, our own opinions, our own styles, our own comfort zones, our own uniqueness.  With that brings all the reasons why we may have all the conflicts and “issues” that we have.  Yet, the one thing we all have in common is how we decide we will express and deal with those differences.  Doesn’t it come down to choice?  Back to an earlier blog, isn’t it really our need for acceptance or a need for control?  UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance is without limitations or conditions.

In Robin Williams words from the Dead Poets Society, “words and ideas can change the world.”  For me, that’s not just a line in a movie, it’s the way our lives can be!  It IS a choice.  The choice is to interact with all those around us whether they be family, an acquaintance, or even a brief encounter.  My belief is that our God is God of the whole world.  God is loving and pulls all people in.  God shows unconditional love and acceptance, in my opinion.  So what’s our job?  First, I can accept others even if I don’t agree with them. I can support and be available.   I may not like their choices, but everyone is on a journey and if I can give acceptance and love for them in all parts of their journey that’s what’s in my control.  Can I give my opinion, suggestions, another view point?  Of course, that’s my role as a parent, spouse, and friend.  But what’s NOT my role is to convince others they’re wrong and should do something MY way. It's NOT my role to deny their feelings.   I can pray that God give THEM the strength and understanding, but I need to let go of my need for acceptance or control.  Having heard from parents with children who have addictions, they have often said they love them unconditionally, however, they do not like or support the particular behavior.  In fact, you may want to click on this link from AA:  http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf  Personally, this list is something to live by for all of us.  What if our words were words of hope, encouragement, we asked reflecting questions all with the purpose to “sow seeds,” that may later grow?  

We often encounter situations which don’t fit into our personal philosophy. What if we decided to live our lives accepting and loving unconditionally, which means before judging we listen, learn why something is the way it is, we give everyone room to grow and change, and/or we accept differences despite our own belief system. God has the bigger plan for each of us.  We don’t have to understand to accept and love unconditionally.  We have choices to make.  Maybe that choice is to avoid a particular person, situation, environment because it’s toxic.  It is what it is.  So, can I live with not having things my way and on my timeline?  That’s a key question.

WOW.  This turned into a blog heavier than I originally intended.  I hope you have a few things to think about from this point forward.  I wish you unconditional acceptance and love for YOURSELF and then others.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” 
― Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare